


Love Like Lightning

by CaliKayeTylers, CancerianWastelandCat



Category: SCREW (Band), the GazettE
Genre: (just here and there i promise), Abuse, Age Difference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Byou, Bottom Kazuki, Bottom Ruki, Costume Kink, Daddy Kink, Developing Friendships, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub relationship, Domestic Bliss, Drama, Epic Love, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Infatuation, Light BDSM, Lingerie, Love at First Sight, M/M, Meant To Be, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Second Chances, Switch Uruha, Switch kai, Top Aoi, Top Reita, Unrequited Love, dom/sub dynamics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2019-11-07 06:10:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 102,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17955071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerianWastelandCat/pseuds/CancerianWastelandCat
Summary: When SCREW signs onto PSC and Aoi and Kazuki first lay eyes on each other, love hits them hard. Unexpected. Unreal. Follow along as they learn to deal with the sudden surge of emotions, fight their way through doubts and hardships, and watch as not onlytheirrelationship starts to bloom.New chapters every 15th and last day of the month! If you have a Pinterest account, you can check out the LLL board[right here].It's separated into general pins and sections for the ships (atm Aozuki's section is the biggest but we'll add more to the others over time).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is a collaboration between me and my wonderful friend Cali, who is just as crazy over Aozuki as I am <3 We both came to the conclusion that this ship is heavily underappreciated so we decided to put this story out into the world to show you its beauty. In the beginning we were trying to find our way into a mutual writing style so that's why the first couple chapters might sound ... wonky? Nevertheless, we've put hours of planning and plotting and sweating and crying into this story so we hope you will enjoy it as well. <3

“Aoi, you coming?”

He looked up, shaking his head in response.

“I’ll stay here playing for a bit,” he said and laughed at the shrug his friends were giving him. Clearly they all wanted to get out of here before the newbies arrived and admittedly, they had received the notice rather last minute, but he didn’t mind. Anything was better than sitting at home alone really. After an hour of stroking the chords he’d had in his head for a few days now over and over again (and considering showing them to Uruha perhaps), Aoi reached for his burning cigarette from the ashtray on the coffee table, but caught movement in the corner of his eye.

 _If he was being completely honest with himself, Kazuki had to admit he felt drastically out of place. When friends of his had spoken to him about visiting the PSC studios he had assumed they’d been exaggerating. They had to have been, right? No company had a whole floor for each of their bands. That was unfathomable. Hell, anything more than Byou’s parents’ garage was beyond his imagination. But now as he stood just inside the front door and stared up at the rows of floors above him, he was starting to believe the rumors. And their little band was going to be a part of all this?_ _His mind was completely blown._

_Still, as he climbed the stairs to where their studio was on the second level, he felt a bit self-conscious, and ducked his head just in case someone were to pass him. Unfortunately with his avoidance technique, he ended up on the fourth and top floor. A_ _bout to turn around and flee, he noticed there was someone else there. Beyond the clear glass front of the studio, a man was sitting on a big, old looking sofa, a beautiful black acoustic guitar in his obviously talented hands. The dark-haired man seemed lost in his music and Kazuki couldn’t help but watch him. Who was this man?_

_Kazuki felt like all the air in the building had suddenly disappeared. He even went so far as to push the heel of his hand against his chest in a vain attempt to force his lungs back into action. He was just so … beautiful. Kazuki watched like in a trance how his long, slim fingers moved effortlessly over the strings of the old guitar. Nothing in that moment could have made Kazuki look anywhere else. That was until the guitarist muted the strings and reached for a still burning cigarette._

With the cigarette between his lips, he looked up and for a moment Kazuki felt himself drowning, losing himself in dark eyes that bored straight into him. One well-manicured brow arched and that was the moment Kazuki had to turn away. Everything around him came crashing back down into reality, the lights, the carpet beneath his shoes, his own wildly beating heart. He gripped the railing of the staircase tight enough to turn his knuckles white and swallowed thickly. The man would ignore him, right?

“O … kay?” Aoi muttered to himself and put the guitar down beside him. He arose from the sofa, and took the cigarette from his lips before he walked over to the door and opened it with a frown. Was he one of the new ones possibly?

“Can I help you?” he asked the young man, or rather, his back.

Kazuki flinched inwardly as the door behind him opened, and the man asked a simple question. His voice was dark, mysterious even. Fuck.  
_  
_Oh get a grip on yourself Kazuki!_ _he berated himself.

He slowly turned around, deciding it was best not to look up at the slightly taller man.

“No, no. I’m on the wrong floor. Excuse me,” he said, willing himself to move, yet he seemed rooted to the floor.

Aoi’s frown grew tremendously. He really didn’t feel like dealing with a fan that snuck his way into the building. Didn’t they raise security measures just a week ago? He vaguely remembered Ruki talking about it. So how did this guy get in? Unless of course he wasn’t a fan, though the blush Aoi could see even from this distance seemed to tell him otherwise.

“Okay well… the elevator’s right behind you,” he stated with a lazy wave of his hand, allowing his eyes to scan the other up and down for a second. Or two. The way he was dressed reminded Aoi of their own younger days. When the band had still been taking its first steps. Oh, maybe that meant…

“Care to tell me who you even are?”

“M-Me?” Kazuki squeaked embarrassingly, “Oh, of course. My name is Kazuki,” he bowed to the man, “My band just signed on with PSC. We, uh, start rehearsals tomorrow but we couldn’t wait to come see the studio.  It’s so much more than I expected, and… and I’m talking too much.”

Kazuki felt the blush rising on his cheeks and wanted to look away, but he’d mistakenly looked up instead. Up close, those dark eyes had unimaginable depth, and Kazuki felt like he was under an interrogation light. His eyes locked onto the sleek, black ring in the other’s bottom lip and he unconsciously licked at his own. Hoping to give himself a bit more room to breathe, he took a step back only to hit the railing. Kazuki was stuck and the guy’s eyes were roaming down his body, lingering an uncomfortable amount of time.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your playing. I’m a guitarist, too. Definitely not as good as you, but uh, yeah, that’s my part in the band.”

“Huh, that’s what I thought,” Aoi answered with a nod, “That you’re in the band I mean.”

Brushing a hand through his hair, he gave Kazuki another look over. He was cute, kind of? His mouth already opened to introduce himself as well when there was a loud bang followed by roaring laughter coming from downstairs.

“Are you serious?” Aoi groaned, and stepped up to the railing, ignoring how Kazuki winced at their sudden proximity.

What the hell was going on downstairs? Kazuki knew Jin and Manabu had planned on meeting him here, but how could they possibly make so much noise upon just arriving? The dark-haired guitarist stepped closer and Kazuki had to grip onto the railing to keep himself from bolting. Wouldn’t you know it, this beautiful man even smelled good.

He wanted to tell him that his band mates weren’t usually so roudy, wanted to apologize for their ruckus, but all he could manage was a wince at how close they were now. Didn’t this man know what personal space was?!

“Tell your band mates to shut up or I’ll have to do it,” Aoi muttered, sounding a little meaner than intended, “There’s still recordings going on in the house.”

Then he turned away and headed back towards the studio door.

Kazuki finally managed to breathe again when the man turned around, but then found himself playing deer in the headlights when he heard his name being called. _His_ name coming from those perfect lips, and sending shivers all along his spine.

“Oh, and Kazuki?” Aoi had called after him before he could hurry down the stairs.

“Y-Yes?” he cleared his throat and met the other’s eyes because he was an adult, dammit!

The guitarist smirked a bit, “I’m Aoi.”

With those two words he disappeared back into the studio, letting the door fall closed behind him without so much as a goodbye.

Aoi? Why did he say that name like Kazuki was supposed to kn-

Oh. Holy shit.

Kazuki didn’t waste any time making his way back downstairs to their level. Sure enough his band mates were there, laughing like a couple of hyenas.

“Guys … guys, shut up!” he yelled, causing the other two to stare at him. “I was warned to lower the noise levels. Warned by Aoi. The GazettE’s Aoi.”

Jin’s eyes widened almost comically. “You met Aoi?”

Kazuki nodded, forcing down the blush threatening to overtake his face again. “I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He, uh, he’s intimidating, and not at all friendly. He’s just- ”

“Incredibly sexy?” Manabu cut in, fanning himself dramatically. Kazuki just rolled his eyes.

“I have no opinion. I wasn’t focused on his looks.” _Lies. All lies._

Fortunately for them both, Aoi didn’t hear any more disturbing noises for the next hours. At least that way he managed to finalize his chords and write them down, though from time to time he found his train of thought ghosting back to the young man he’d just met. Kazuki. It was a pretty name, he thought, an easy roll off his tongue. Huh, what was this about all of a sudden?

 

* * *

 

“But seriously, are you guys ready to head back to the house? It’s getting late and we’re supposed to be here early tomorrow.”

Jin and Manabu narrowed their eyes suspiciously at him before breaking into a sing-song of “Yes, Leader!” that made Kazuki want to strangle them. But he was glad the guys had brought their van to the studio so he wouldn’t have to walk back home this late at night. As they made their way to the parking lot, Kazuki noticed a sleek, black car parked next to their vehicle, and before he could reign in his thoughts, he started picturing Aoi in that car. It fit him far too well. But surely by now Aoi was long gone home.

“Oi, Byou just sent me a video. Someone recorded part of our last live. Look!” Jin exclaimed, holding out his phone for them to watch.

This was so cool. He’d never actually seen himself perform before, and the way they worked together on stage made Kazuki feel so lighthearted. They looked like a professional band already. He did look away for a second though when Byou had leaned over and kissed his cheek. The vocalist was doing that more and more lately, and he didn’t really understand why. He knew Byou wasn’t interested in him, or if he was, it wasn’t for anything more than a night. Byou was never interested in anyone longer than that, but Kazuki would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about what dating the vocalist for real would be like. Would it be as hot as it was on stage?

On his own way down to the parking lot, Aoi heard no noises coming from the second floor at all and it made him _tsk_ in dismissal. 

"Great working spirit," he muttered. It seemed the new band in the house had more of a fun spirit than a working one, given how, when he stepped out, he saw three of them gathered around a van that, very inconveniently, was parked right next to his own car. Initially, Aoi hadn't been able to stop himself from rolling his eyes inwardly as he'd watched them lean over one of the boys’ phones, music coming loudly from it. But if it hadn’t been for the cold breeze swishing around him, he would’ve almost felt his heart warming up a little at the sight. It made him wonder if they themselves had once looked like this to their elders.

Kazuki on his end felt something weird gurgle in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on. And as if thinking about Byou wasn’t enough to stress him out, a loud beeping sound suddenly reached his ears, like a car unlocking, and looked up to see Aoi placing his guitar in the trunk of the black Jaguar. He met his eyes for a moment that seemed like an eternity.

He was once again lost in his own thoughts when the video came to an end, and Manabu spoke up.

“Oi, there’s still some equipment in the van that we couldn’t get moved today,” he said, “It’s blocking the back seat…”

“What?” Kazuki hissed in disbelief at his bandmates. They wanted him to walk all the way back? At this hour?

It should have made him think twice that he was recognizing Kazuki by his voice already, but right now Aoi was too busy cursing this entire day. First those exhausting rehearsals, then a group of rowdy musicians, and now heaven wanted him to play taxi? Just great.

Uttering a heavy sigh, he yanked the door of his car open before turning to look at the group of men over his shoulder with lifted brows.

“Do you need a ride?”

Kazuki looked up at the sound of Aoi’s voice. The guitarist looked at him expectantly. Manabu and Jin were playing statues beside him. Kazuki looked from the open car door to Aoi’s face. Was he serious?

“I-” he shook his head, “I don’t want to inconvenience you. I can walk. No big deal.”

Jin elbowed him in the ribs. “Dude, it’s like a two hour walk…” he murmured too loudly for Aoi _not_ to have heard, and Kazuki had this strange urge to punch the drummer for being so oblivious to the situation.

Aoi’s glance wandered to Jin who, upon obviously feeling a little caught, quickly jumped back from Kazuki and cleared his throat as if nothing happened.

Now Aoi was really rolling his eyes. They were acting like teenagers for Christ’s sake. Huffing out a breath, he glanced at Kazuki once more before nodding towards the passenger’s door.

“Get in already,” he all but ordered before sinking into the driver’s seat and banging the door closed. Kazuki watched, mouth hanging open like a fish. _Seeeeeee?_ he wanted to yell at his band mates. _Not hot, okay very hot, but scary!_

“I don’t think that was a request, Kazi…” Manabu whispered from somewhere behind him, emphasized with a little shove to his back.

With a silent prayer that he would actually make it home without spontaneously combusting, Kazuki held the strap of the bag on his shoulder a little tighter, and left his friends to hurry towards the sleek car. The black beast came to life as he walked around the back, just about causing him to jump out of his skin.

With his hand already on the gear shift, Aoi’s eyes followed Kazuki through the rearview mirror until the door beside him opened.

Without a word, nor a glance to the driver, Kazuki slowly slipped into the passenger seat, feeling himself enveloped by the smell of all the black leather, and the scent of cigarette smoke that clung to the man beside him as well as an undertone of something sweet that he couldn’t quite place his finger on. Why was Aoi doing this? Just to punish him for his band making too much noise? Was the raven going to yell at him? Report them? _Murder him???_

 _I’m going to die, and I never even had the guts to kiss Byou back on stage… what a waste,_ he thought to himself as he quickly but quietly buckled his seatbelt.

Aoi waited for the soft click of the belt before he released the break and set the car into movement without so much as giving the other band members a glance.

Kazuki closed his eyes as Aoi finally had the car moving. He kept his arms tightened around his bag, his eyes on the floor board. Every rev of the engine left his heart trying to keep up in beats, and was it just him or was the heater on in here?

One thing was for sure, Aoi did not like him. That much was obvious in how the other basically sneered when he looked his way. Why had he offered a ride if he couldn’t even stand to be in his presence? Kazuki figured the best thing he could do for both of them was to make himself as small and quiet as possible. Maybe Aoi would just forget he was there.

As the big car lurched onto the main road and Aoi switched gears like the stick was simply an extension of his arm, the purr of the engine sent a familiar wave of calm down his back, and he allowed himself to relax a little (which he couldn’t say of his fellow passenger). God, he just wanted to be home.

“Could you relax please?” he spoke eventually, giving Kazuki a quick look before he had to focus back on the road before him. It made Kazuki finally look up, too. The lights of the city around them played across Aoi’s face, making him look even more mysterious and damn near breathtaking. This was unfamiliar territory. Kazuki had never felt this uncomfortable around someone. It wasn’t like he hadn’t met good-looking people before. That wasn't it. There was something more to this, and Kazuki didn’t understand it in the least. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t quiet, much less nervous. And he’d never been shy. He was the leader for fuck’s sake.

“I don’t bite, I promise.” _Unless you like it, of course._

Ah, Aoi better kept those thoughts to himself. He still found Kazuki rather cute to look at but God forbid, he was certainly not planning on hooking up with a brand new kouhai. Especially not one who looked like he could be ten years younger than him. Not that age made that much of a difference to him…

He frowned, gripping the steering wheel. Still. He really had other things to deal with at the moment.

“Where are we heading?”

Though it was a bit embarrassing, Kazuki told Aoi the address of a conbini that was about a three block walk from their apartment. Aoi didn’t need to see how poor they really were right now.

“You can drop me off there. It’s just down the street, but I have to grab something for dinner,” he answered honestly. He was starving so he knew the others had to be, too. After giving the address, Kazuki went silent again, keeping his gaze out the window like the city beyond was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen, when in fact he much rather would have been watching the guitarist next to him.

Aoi nodded silently in response. That wasn’t too much of a bad idea for himself either, now that he thought about it… his fridge was more or less empty if he remembered correctly.

The lights at the next intersection turned red just as they reached it so he stopped the car. Kazuki was being awfully quiet, and as Aoi briefly peeked over at him, he could see that the other’s gaze was strictly focused out the window. Huh, he had probably intimidated him a little there earlier…

Then he remembered.

“Oh fuck.”

Aoi cursed under his breath, running a hand over his face briefly before he reached for his phone that sat between the gear shift and the console. Kazuki couldn’t help but direct his attention to him but Aoi merely gave a shake of his head. It took a just few seconds until Ruki picked up his call.

“Hi, uh…” Aoi sucked his breath in between his teeth. “Um, I just realized I forgot… to call the designer.”

As expected, Ruki scolded the hell out of him.

“I know! I know, I’m sorry. I… I can still call tonight, right? Mh… yeah. I’m just getting someone home at the momen-”

Ruki whistled into his ear so loudly that Kazuki _must_ have heard it. Was that Reita in the background joining him? Great.

“Guys…” Aoi began, but then the lights turned green and he quickly had to clamp his phone between his shoulder and ear so he could get the car going. “I sure as hell don’t have time for that…  No. Yes. Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that I’m still going to do it. Okay. Bye.”

Huffing out a breath, Aoi hung up and tossed his phone back to where it had been, changing gears once more while he was at it. Today really wasn’t his day.

He felt another headache approaching as well and it didn’t exactly serve to lift his mood either, only making him utter a renewed sigh. He definitely had to get some pain relievers at the conbini, too.

Once Aoi had hung up the phone, Kazuki could tell he was stressed, and everything in his being wanted to reach out and comfort him. But he remained still.

“Um, Aoi-san? Did I cause you to forget to make that call?” he asked quietly. He had, after all, inserted himself into Aoi’s day, surely he had been the cause of this inconvenience.

“Huh?” Aoi made in surprise, looking over at the other guitarist, who looked at him in concern. Aoi scoffed, unable to keep his lips from curling just a bit. Kazuki had to refrain from smiling as Aoi’s small laugh reached his ears. It was such a wonderful sound. He was willing to bet money the guy had a smile to pair with that laugh that could light up the entirety of Tokyo.

“No, don’t worry,” Aoi shook his head and turned into the road of their destination. “We just have a lot to do recently and I’m not good with stress. Especially with someone like Ruki around,” he chuckled, “You guys don’t have to worry about anything yet so I’d rather not burden you with it.”

After glancing up briefly, Aoi spotted the conbini and swerved the car to the side of the road expertly, parking it and shutting off the engine. As expected, Kazuki looked rather confused so Aoi cut him off as he tried to inquire.

“Wha- ”  
  
“I need a few things myself,” he explained swiftly and grabbed his wallet and sunglasses before getting out of the car. _As if he needed help looking even sexier._ Kazuki was convinced Aoi was trying to kill him.

Aoi himself would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t use the shield before his eyes to check Kazuki out a little more… thoroughly. While the younger guitarist got out of his car, a slight breeze blew his loose hair into his eyes, he brushed it back behind his ear and Aoi couldn’t stop himself from noticing the piercings that adorned his ear, as well as his lips. They suited him well.

Soon enough though, just in time before his thoughts could slip into dangerous territory, Kazuki closed his door and Aoi locked the car, walking around the back of it.

Kazuki bowed his head to him, “Thank you for the ride. I really do appreciate it. I hope I didn’t inconvenience you too much,” he said, sure they would part ways now, but out of respect he would let Aoi go ahead of him.

Aoi lifted his hand, waving it dismissively.

“Don’t mention it,” he said, eyes scanning their surroundings. This was an unusually dark part of Tokyo, wasn’t it?

His frown appeared and quickly disappeared again before he entered the store. Kazuki followed behind him but they parted ways inside and even though Aoi _really_ wanted to get home, he had to admit he didn’t like the thought of letting Kazuki walk home all by himself. He might’ve been a dick earlier, admittedly, but he still cared for his kouhais nonetheless.

Kazuki didn’t waste any time, picking up a few cup noodles, and a couple of sodas they could share. Thankfully they’d become fairly used to sharing over the past year or so.  
Aoi reached the check-out just a bit before him and Kazuki glanced at the other’s choice in supplies: beer, sushi, and painkillers? That didn’t seem healthy. But that was none of his business, was it? He couldn’t scold Aoi, no matter how much he wanted to, and tell him to take care of himself.

Paying wordlessly, Aoi wondered  and wondered _and wondered_ what he should do. Was it gonna nag at his ego to show a bit of kindness? A little. Would he regret it if Kazuki ended up abducted and killed? Definitely.

He shook his head to himself all the way to his car where he tossed the paper bag on the passenger’s seat. Then he heard the doors open behind him and turned.

“Are you sure you want to go alone?”

Kazuki stopped, stalk still, and looked over at Aoi who scrutinized the area once again, deciding himself before Kazuki could even respond. There was one street light on here, and it was flickering. No, he didn’t like this.

The Jaguar’s central locking squeaked again. “I’ll walk you home.”

That got Kazuki moving. “What? Aoi-san, that’s not necessary. I’ve walked this a million times.”

Aoi completely ignored him though, and motioned of him to start walking. Kazuki sighed in defeat and started off towards his apartment building. He wanted to make conversation, but was still trepidatious. Aoi didn’t like him and he was being nice. Kazuki could at least stay quiet. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover the situation he was in. Was he walking too close? Too far away? Too fast? Was he just making things more awkward by not talking? Did Aoi even want him to talk? Conclusion: Kazuki wanted to rip his hair out.

Aoi didn’t know what to think, either. He wasn’t being obtrusive now, was he? Or annoying? Ugh, why was he even worrying?

The silence between them as they walked down the road soon turned uncomfortable, and as always when that happened, Aoi retrieved his cigarettes from his back pocket and quickly lit one up for himself. Ah, the nicotine definitely helped him relax. Though he should probably offer Kazuki one too, right? Did he even smoke? Aoi had no idea.

“Cigarette?” He asked still, and held the pack out to Kazuki who, again, winced when he was being spoken to. What was it with that?? Was Aoi really that intimidating? Kazuki just nodded in thanks and plucked a stick from the package, starting a search for his lighter through his pockets. He was already about to give up altogether when he found one held out in front of him.

“You guys really need to move to a better place once you can afford it,” Aoi added, stick between his lips, as if to lighten the mood. If the mood even needed it was a different question, but he just felt like it was only going to get worse between them. He couldn’t put his finger on the reason for it. He’d dropped many of his kouhais off at home in the past. Why was this so different?

Aoi’s hand was so close to his face, Kazuki could smell his cologne, and he tried hard not to focus on that as he let him light his cigarette, mumbling a small thank you. Kazuki let out a breath tainted with smoke and looked up towards the dark sky. He’d never noticed just how dark it was in this part of town.

“The place Byou and I lived in in Osaka was ten times worse. I slept with my backpack as a pillow just in case someone broke in. That’s what I get for leaving home at fifteen, I guess. We’ve been working so hard and getting signed on at PSC is like a dream… I want to be able to give back to my family. We may not be on the best terms, but I know they worry about me.”

He trailed off. Why had he said any of that? Aoi didn’t care. He was probably just offended by where Kazuki and his band picked to live.

Aoi inhaled deeply from his cigarette and hummed in thought at Kazuki’s words. He seemed to be a hard working guy, huh?

“A noble cause then,” he admitted, smiling to himself, and blowing out smoke, “It was similar for me when I came to Tokyo around eighteen. But PSC is a stepping stone, if you know how to use it. I’m sure you guys are going to do well if you work hard- ”

Kazuki wanted to hear the rest of what Aoi was about to say more than he wanted his heart to continue beating. As soon as he’d opened his mouth and spoken something so personal, he had been absorbing every word, every little nuance in the accented way Aoi spoke. But at that moment, a loud voice broke through the silence around them, calling Kazuki’s name and it was akin to a wake up call for Aoi. What was this sudden sappiness about? A frown carved into his forehead, though he tried to ease it as they looked up and saw one of Kazuki’s bandmates leaning out the window of a shabby looking, three story building.

“That took you awhile!” he was grinning and Aoi was very thankful for his sunglasses at the moment, as they allowed him to roll his eyes at the obvious ambiguity in the guy’s voice.

Kazuki wanted to curse at Byou. His bandmate had horrible timing and even more horrible jokes. The blond was resting on his forearms on the window seal, a smirk on his face.

“You’re hilarious B,” he called back before lifting the shopping bag for the vocalist to see. “I brought dinner!”

Byou’s eyes widened and he disappeared from the window. Kazuki sighed and turned towards the guitarist beside him.

“I’m sorry about that. He has absolutely no filter sometimes. So this is my building. I promise it’s not actually going to fall over, it just looks like it,” he joked, “Anyway, thank you for walking me here. I promise not to be bothersome for you in the future.”

Kazuki bowed his head again before trying to offer Aoi a smile.

“You weren’t bothersome, don’t worry,” he answered, taking one last drag off his cigarette before tossing it to the ground. He then lifted his sunglasses to the top of his head, why he had no idea. He just… wanted… to see Kazuki? He was a better view than the death glare the guy in the window had given him before running off.

Kazuki had to admit he was relieved when Aoi told him he wasn’t bothersome, but his breath completely voided his lungs as Aoi raised his sunglasses up on top of his head. He was so… _much._ Too much for his poor heart to take. No one should look that good.

“Tell them I said Hi,” Aoi nodded up at the window, “I’ll catch you tomorrow probably.”

And then he winked, before he left.

And Kazuki knew how true death felt. He knew his mouth was hanging open, too but couldn’t get two brain cells to knock together and tell him to shut it. _Aoi had winked at him!_

By the time Aoi had reached his car, he was still wondering why _on earth_ he had winked. There hadn’t been any particular reason, it was bad enough Kazuki had already been swooning as it was. When was the last time he had _winked_ at a guy? He couldn’t even remember. Damn. And even after he’d chugged down half a can of beer and a painkiller, it didn’t seem like this hell of a day was going to leave him alone. Just upon arriving at his apartment, already hearing his beloved couch call for him, Aoi saw something between his car seats that he knew definitely didn’t belong to him. He retrieved the paper bag from the passenger’s seat and while he was at it, fished out a smartphone.

“You have to be kidding me.”

He pressed the home button, just to be sure, and there were four young boys staring back at him from the screen, one of them clearly Kazuki. Half his face was covered by notifications though and Aoi really didn’t want to read them, he loved his own privacy, but with all of them so directly in front of him… His eyes scanned the words automatically.

 **Jin**  
_KAZ BRING DINNER OUR FRIDGE IS EMPTY!!_

 **Manabu**  
_I’m going to kill you if you make out with him._

Aoi’s grin changed into a wide-eyed frown. For real? Did they have nothing else in mind?

 **Byou**  
_You’re on your way home, right?_

 **Manabu**  
_Killing you because I’m jealous, let’s be honest…_

Now… that was flattering, and maybe it left Aoi grinning a little bit, too.

Kazuki, on the other hand, still hadn’t moved from his spot in front of his apartment complex. That… hadn’t been a dream, had it? Or maybe he should get his eyes checked? It wasn’t until the door opened behind him that his senses came back online.

“Kazi? What are you doing out here? Come in, we’re starving,” Byou told him, leaning out of the door frame. His voice was uncharacteristically soft.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry,” Kazuki responded, handing the bag to the vocalist and following him into the building. This was going to be a long night. The other two met up with them in the kitchen, bouncing on the balls of their feet like children.

“You’re so in looooove,” Jin sang right next to his ear.

“Kaz, you’re so selfish,” Manabu piped up too, arms crossed over his chest, “Why can’t you hand that gorgeous man over to me? You didn’t even know who he was!”

“Enough!”

Three heads snapped around to the sound of Byou’s loud voice. He looked annoyed for some reason but he was probably just hungry.

“Mm. Let’s eat guys. It’s been a long day,” Kazuki said, trying to be cheerful. Yet, in the back of his mind, he was wondering if he really would see Aoi again tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slow Burn? What's a slow burn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back for chapter 2! Thank you to everyone who gave kudos and feedback to the first chapter last month, it made us super happy <3 We hope you will enjoy this one as well because we're cutting right down to the action today ;)

“Oh no. No, no, no. Where the fuck is it?” Kazuki hissed, tossing things out of his bag and onto his futon.

“What are you looking for?”

He didn’t even look up when Byou crawled on his futon beside Kazuki’s own. “My phone isn’t here. I’ve looked everywhere. It was in my back pocket when I got into- Oh fuck.”

“Maybe you lost it while you were making goo-goo eyes at Aoi,” Byou replied, somehow managing to sound both uninterested and bitter.

“What if it fell out in his car?”

“Then you can ask him for it tomorrow. Stop stressing about it. I’m too exhausted for your stress.”

Kazuki frowned. That wasn’t like Byou at all… Maybe he was just tired.

“You’re right. Good night, B.”

* * *

Rehearsing at PSC studio was amazing. The sound quality was unlike any place they’d ever played before and Kazuki felt himself loosening up and unwinding along with the rhythm of the songs they played. As he launched into his solo, he closed his eyes and a smile slipped onto his lips. He just loved doing this so much. Really, he couldn’t imagine not doing just this every day of his life. 

When the last notes died out, a knock on the door caught their attention.

Kazuki’s eyes instantly shot up. Aoi stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the open door frame. After coming home yesterday and finding Kazuki's phone in his car, he had concluded he would just drop by Screw's floor today instead of having to drive all the way back and possibly having to deal with death-glare guy. It totally wasn’t an excuse to see Kazuki again. Because needing an excuse just to see someone he barely even knew was free of any logic. Or at least that was what Aoi had kept on telling himself until the band had decided to go for a drink during lunchtime. The noon heat was really getting to them. Aoi had excused himself, for no particular reason though because he wasn’t too keen on being asked questions he couldn’t answer himself.

Judging from the slight grin that tugged at Kazuki’s lips, Aoi figured he knew why he was here. Kazuki felt stupid nonetheless, and embarrassed when Aoi held up his phone between his thumb and index finger, arching a brow at him. He blushed as he stepped forward. When he reached out for the device though, Aoi snatched it back from him.

“You’ve been such an inconvenience, Kazuki,” he teased, eyes narrowing on him, “What do I get for returning this to you?”

Kazuki’s eyes widened as he stared up at the other man. “I- I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to be a bother to you. You told me I wasn’t being one!” he snapped back.

Aoi’s eyebrow shot up at Kazuki’s snappish tone, though he didn’t scold. In fact, he giggled.

“I was kidding,” he grinned, still not returning the phone, before he threw a glance at Kazuki’s bandmates behind him. Two of them were whispering together and the vocalist, death-glare-guy, seemed very busy doing anything but looking at him.

“Are you guys going anywhere for lunch?” he asked with his voice lifted and the singer turned, his mouth already opened but one of the other two, Aoi had no idea what his name was, quickly interrupted.

“Oh no no no, we’re not… No, we’re not going anywhere! You can take him!” he exclaimed with a big goofy grin, and it took all of Aoi’s might not to show the smirk he usually showed at remarks like these.

“Yeah, that’s not what I said…” he muttered to himself with his gaze lowered before clearing his throat and focusing back on Kazuki, who wasn’t very far away from fire-red anymore.

“What do you say?”

Only after he’d spoken those words did he realize that they weren’t exactly helping Kazuki’s state.

Putting his hands over his face and ducking his head, Kazuki was fairly sure his skin was in danger of melting off because of how hot he felt. Why was Aoi teasing him like this? He could obviously see he was in distress, so why make it worse?

“Uh…” He glanced back at his bandmates but they hadn’t heard Aoi’s words. He was speaking only to him now it seemed and Kazuki lowered his voice and tried his best to look innocent.

“I… may I please have my phone back, Aoi-san? An-And no, we aren’t going anywhere. We plan on just stopping at the store on the way home. Why are you asking?”

Aoi narrowed his eyes in amusement. Was that a flicker of challenge in Kazuki’s eyes? And here Aoi thought flirting in front of his bandmates was enough to make Kazuki blush like there was no tomorrow… Apparently he still had some fight to spare.

“Oh, I just…” he started, pretending to purse his lips in thought although he knew exactly what he was going to say, “You’ll get your phone back provided you show me your favorite place to eat.”

Kazuki’s eyes widened in bafflement. His last brain cell had just taken a hike _and_ left his heart in his throat. Was Aoi asking him to lunch? Was he serious? Part of him wanted to say no. Because he knew this man was just going to hurt him in one way or another, but another (dumb) part of him wanted to see where this was going. It was exactly the reaction Aoi had expected and he couldn’t help but smirk at it, seeing all the little cogs working inside Kazuki’s head. Did he really mean it? Was he just teasing? Who knew… Aoi didn’t even know himself.

“Kaz!” Their vocalist barked from behind them just as Kazuki had opened his mouth to give a reply, and Aoi’s eyes rose. There it was again, that glare. Clearly the guy had a problem with him. Did he happen to like Kazuki maybe? It almost wanted to make Aoi scoff, but he contained himself, instead looking back at Kazuki while taking a step back.

“I’ll wait outside,” he said, merely giving a last wave with Kazuki’s phone before he turned on his heels and made his way downstairs.

Kazuki took a deep breath and turned around to find Byou standing not too far away, arms folded over his chest.

“Byou, I- ”

“Kaz, we’ve been here less than a day and you’re already going to run off? Don’t you think staying with your band is important right now? What the hell would he even want anyway?”

Kazuki frowned. “I- I don’t know. But I need to get my phone back. I think it’s just as important for us to fit in here, and maybe support from Aoi-san could help us. I’ll be right back, B. I promise I won’t do anything stupid,” he said, reaching out to squeeze Byou’s arm and offering him a reassuring smile before leaving their studio.

True to his word, Aoi was waiting just outside the back door to the parking lot, a cigarette between his plush lips. He didn’t look the least bit surprised to see Kazuki coming through the door.

“Aoi-san… please may I have my phone? Byou thinks it would be best for me to keep my distance from you. We’re so new to the company and I don’t want to make mistakes so soon,” he said truthfully, but Aoi didn’t seem phased by his begging.

He took his cigarette in hand and exhaled the smoke. Byou. So that was his name. Barely two days had passed and _Byou_ already felt like making him his enemy, huh? Too bad Kazuki appeared not to give a shit.

“Your distance, huh?” Aoi repeated with a small snicker, “I see how that’s working out.”

Kazuki understood of course, but they both knew there was nothing he could’ve said to defend himself. Distance or not, he was still here, right? And what kind of mistakes was he referring to anyways?

“Byou,” Aoi continued with a lifted brow, “doesn’t like me very much to begin with, I think. It’s not like I’m going to kidnap you, Kazuki. I might be starting early, but it’s normal for us to go out with the new ones. It’s to show that we accept you and are here to support you in whatever matter. We don’t _have_ to do that, but we choose to because we care about all of you. If your vocalist doesn’t like that or feels like he’s up too high to accept such invitations, he might be in the wrong place, and I promise you he won’t get very far in this industry.”

Kazuki was staring. Not at him, but at the ground. Aoi could tell he was embarrassed by the little rebuke he’d just received, and he didn’t quite know himself what had gotten into him just now. It wasn’t like _Kazuki_ had done anything wrong other than joining the flirt. Maybe just that was Byou’s problem. Either way, Aoi didn’t have to deal with it. He was just trying to be nice on his end.

“I’m sorry,” he said, after uttering a frustrated huff of breath and pushing himself off the wall. Kazuki looked up at him again and Aoi made a small note on how well blushing suited him. “You didn’t need to hear this. You didn’t do anything wrong, after all.”

Finally, and he could see the relief wash over Kazuki’s face, Aoi extended his arm and held out the phone. Kazuki brushed his hair behind his ear, then took it sheepishly.

“You can go back if you like,” Aoi added, and managed to show a little smile, “or you can tell me where we’re gonna eat because I’m starving. Your decision.”

He almost, _almost_ , would have winked again, but he caught himself last second. Two winks in two days was definitely too much. So he only maintained his smile and glanced into Kazuki’s eyes for a second longer before he turned and began walking over to his car.

Kazuki held his phone to his chest, warring with himself for a moment. So that was what this was after all? Hearing the words of support from Aoi had left him relieved, albeit a little heartbroken. Aoi was only interested in making them feel welcomed. Byou couldn’t be mad once he knew that. 

Just as he was halfway to his car, Aoi heard footsteps behind him and he caused his lips to curl into a smirk. He always won.

Kazuki got into the passenger’s seat once again. 

“So, where are we going?”

Kazuki had to wreck his brain to think of a place to go. They’d only been in Tokyo for a few months now and they had mostly eaten conbini food. The only restaurant they’d been to was the one the manager had taken them to to sign the paperwork.

“I, uh, I don’t really know any good places. Some place cheap would be nice.”

Aoi looked his way again, frowning. _Of course he would be offended by that, come on, Kazuki!_

About the time he was beginning to feel like just getting out of the car, Aoi started the engine and put it in reverse. Kazuki released a sigh, letting himself relax a little. There was still a strange weight settled in his chest though, and he had a feeling he knew exactly what was causing it.  
  
“He’s not full of himself,” he heard himself talking before he’d thought it through. Aoi glanced at him so he continued, voice a bit stronger. “Byou is one of the most humble people I’ve ever met. I’m the leader but he takes such good care of all of us. I know for a fact he’s gone without for us before. If he’s worried then it’s only because he cares about me. I haven’t been back to see my family since I moved down to Osaka. Byou _is_ my family. So… I would appreciate it if you didn’t make accusations like that.”

Aoi listened to what Kazuki had to say silently, giving him a brief look as he turned his head back from gazing through the rear window, and changed gears. Kazuki’s eyes were lowered and it was obvious that this was bugging him more than Aoi had intended it to. Damn, had he gotten his point across wrongly? He had to give Kazuki some kudos though, at least he was being honest and sticking up for his bandmate.

“I didn’t mean to badmouth him,” he responded while directing the car onto the road and off the parking lot, “It wasn’t my intention. I was just trying to… I don’t know.”

Aoi couldn’t figure out what it was that was currently throwing him so off-guard. He automatically tightened his grip on the steering wheel, as if that was going to help. He just wasn’t used to getting backtalk… Or anyone questioning him for that matter.

“I know a place,” he said then, trying to divert the topic, though he honestly wasn’t sure if it was working. Casting a look over to his passenger, Aoi smiled.

“I’m treating you.”

Kazuki’s head snapped to the side, eyes wide and focused on the older guitarist.

“What? No, no. I- ”

He wanted to tell Aoi that he was the younger, that it was his responsibility as Aoi’s kouhai to pay, to treat him. But it had been a  while since he’d eaten a real meal and as much as he hated it, he couldn’t afford to treat anyone to anything.

“Just… just this once. And I’ll treat you next time! Um… I mean, not that I’m expecting a next time! I know this is a special circumstance. I just- I will pay you back somehow. When I can…”

He trailed off. His cheeks were burning as he turned to stare down at the floorboard. What the fuck was that? Attempting to act like he hadn’t just verbally flailed like a fish out of water, Kazuki pressed the home button of his phone, but of course it was dead. Why did he think life would throw him a bone and give him a way out of this embarrassing situation?

Aoi’s brows rose, unable to hide his amusement. God, he was adorable. A chuckle which showed that all too well escaped his lips and Kazuki huffed a breath at him.

“Stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry,” Aoi giggled, and pressed his lips together while risking another glance over. Kazuki’s cheeks were on fire and he was very stoically staring down at his phone. As much as he tried holding it in, Aoi couldn’t not laugh. It wasn’t like he hadn’t witnessed guys fawning over him before, but this… he felt weirdly relaxed next to Kazuki.

“You can treat me next time,” he reassured with a nod, and a gentler smile before he had to look back to the road where he was turning left.  
  
Kazuki just wanted the earth to swallow him whole. He’d never been so embarrassed in his life. The sound of Aoi’s laughter made his heart flutter, and he had a hard time concentrating on the fact that he should be angry that he was being laughed at. But the sound was too beautiful for him to care. He turned his head just enough to see the gentle smile on Aoi’s face and whatever defense he had left just melted away. He was _just_ falling, wasn’t he? Head over heels, unable to think straight. Aoi was going to break his heart and he _didn’t_ even care.

Still, the grin spreading his lips was plastered on his face before he could control it, scrunching his eyes at the corners.  _Next time. There would be a next time._

“I will take you somewhere nice! Just give me time and I promise I will!” he said as he turned to look at the building they had pulled up beside.

This tempura place was Aoi’s absolute favorite. It wasn’t particularly cheap as Kazuki had requested, but since the bill was going on him it wasn’t going to be a problem, right? It wasn’t exactly luxurious either, he noticed as they pulled up in front of it. It was just the outside that looked a little… old. The inside was a gem though, and that was part of the reason why Aoi loved coming here. Besides, the food was delicious.

Kazuki followed him to the door, and Aoi should’ve known he was doomed when he felt his fingertips prickle against Kazuki’s lower back. He led him inside. This wasn’t good. The way Kazuki was reacting, blushing mostly, to everything he did… it was doing something to him. Aware of how crazy that sounded inside his own head, Aoi tried to not let his confusion show on the outside.  
It worked out well until now for _him_ but that lingering hand on his lower back left Kazuki feeling like a human torch. He was never going to make it through lunch with his dignity intact.

Aoi waved his other hand around as a greeting to the young man standing behind the bar. He nodded back with a smile, but didn’t greet Aoi by his name as he usually did (Aoi did visit this place quite frequently now that he thought about it). He’d probably figured that Kazuki was new and didn’t need to know the older guitarist’s real name yet.

It was only shortly before they reached his chosen seat that Aoi dropped his hand from Kazuki’s back, and sent him a small smile before he slipped his sunglasses from the top of his head into the collar of his shirt and sat down. Kazuki sank into the seat opposite him and Aoi was pretty sure the only reason he grabbed the menu as quickly as he did was to distract himself. Aoi examined him for a couple seconds before he directed his attention to his own menu.

It didn’t take long until their waiter arrived and gave them, especially Aoi as he noticed with a bit of a frown, a blazing smile.

“What can I get you guys?” he asked, and Aoi looked up to find Kazuki still _thoroughly_ studying the menu. He grinned to himself.

“Just a beer and my usual, please,” he answered and the waiter scribbled it down, “Kazuki?”

Kazuki was hiding behind his menu like a child. But he couldn’t look at Aoi! He just couldn’t. Not when those sunglasses decorated that collar and pulled down the shirt just a little to reveal some chest and Aoi was smiling and touching him- No, if he looked he might just burst into flames right in his seat. How could Aoi be so calm and cool while Kazuki was seconds away from passing out? And why couldn’t he stop saying his name? It was driving him nuts!

“Uh, um… I’ll just have whatever Aoi-san is having,” he answered quietly, shifting uncomfortably under the gazes of the two men. The waiter kept smiling at Aoi like he knew a secret that Kazuki didn’t, but he just nodded and left them alone again.

“H-He seemed to know you. Do you come here often?” Kazuki asked, trying to will the blush on his cheeks to just fucking _go away._ Aoi just kind of half shrugged.

“Enough I guess. Are you… alright?” he said, using the tip of his finger to pull down the top of Kazuki’s menu. Kazuki swallowed hard, finally meeting Aoi’s beautiful eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just hungry I think, and it’s kind of hot in here,” he replied like an idiot.

Then it happened.

Kazuki moved his feet under the small table to try to get comfortable and he felt his leg brush _right_ against Aoi’s knee. Immediately pulling his feet back as far from Aoi as possible, he gasped. He was terrified to look up and see Aoi’s angry expression. Especially as images of their legs intertwined on a bed of black silk sheets managed to sneak into his mind, strong hands gripping his thighs…

 _Fuuuuuucking kill me!!!!!_ he screamed at those images mentally, closing his eyes tight.

Before his eyelids, Aoi’s smirk had grown full blown. He couldn’t hold it back. Kazuki was currently stroking his ego in the nicest way, and that served to toss the majority of Aoi’s cautiousness out the window. For now. Just for now. It had only been two days, and he was already so damn smitten by Kazuki, with still absolutely zero idea _why that was._ He definitely knew, however, that his brain was giving him all kinds of ideas of things he’d rather be doing right now. Like putting Kazuki on the menu instead.

 _Oh god Yuu stop it,_ he scolded himself, but showed no sign of actually doing so. Taking Kazuki’s menu in hand entirely, he put it aside. Aoi was all eyes for him and he  _couldn’t_ stop it.

“You really need to relax,” he spoke softly, and only looked up once he saw the waiter heading towards them with their drinks, allowing his hand to gently linger on top of Kazuki’s for the briefest of seconds, just enough to make him _feel_ it, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t relish in the light skin contact. He pulled back as soon as two glasses were put down onto the table.

Kazuki’s fingers twitched as though he wanted to take Aoi’s hand back in his, but… of course he didn’t pull through. Instead he gave a soft ‘thank you’ to the waiter.

“Your food’s on the way,” the guy said.

“Thanks,” Aoi replied with a friendly smile, but he was glad once they were on their own again. Why was he glad? _What_ even was going on with him?

Once their drinks had been sat down and the waiter had disappeared, Kazuki stayed quiet. He ground his molars and tried to think rationally. The lingering sensation of Aoi’s hand on his own was still tingling on his skin and driving him crazy, but he couldn't handle it anymore. What had started as kind of flattering had now turned into something… mean. Aoi could easily see that he was uncomfortable, yet he kept pushing, kept teasing, and Kazuki had come to the conclusion that that was all it was. Aoi had no interest in him, that much was plain to see. So the only rational explanation was that he simply enjoyed making him feel nervous and jittery.

He had enough of it.

“Excuse me,” Kazuki said softly, leaving the booth and making an impressively calm beeline for the bathroom in the back of the small restaurant. Aoi was left behind looking slightly confused, maybe even worried. But he didn’t question it any further, didn’t even have time to. Inhaling deeply, he sank back into his seat. Had he overdone it? Stepped beyond a limit? Fuck, he shouldn’t have touched him, right? The poor thing was probably terribly jazzed right now. Aoi groaned under his breath and halfheartedly facepalmed himself, “Well done, Yuu. Way to go.”

He sipped from his beer once more, checked his phone for non-existent messages, took a sip again, and all this while tried to come up with words of apology. He didn’t want to know what Kazuki must be thinking of him now… Why did he even care though? Another source of confusion that frustrated the hell out of him.

Hidden away in the bright little room, Kazuki planted his hands on either side of the sink and stared into the mirror before him. He didn’t even recognize the person looking back at him. This shy, blushing kid wasn’t him. Byou would have mocked him for acting like this. He had to get a grip. He had always liked a challenge, had always met them head on. This was no different. He just needed to figure out how to get the upper hand in this situation, and he was pretty sure he knew already. Aoi was so sure of himself, _so_ confident in how people would just fawn all over him and not question his actions. Kazuki was going to flip the tables on him. Taking a deep breath, he washed his hands, fluffed up his already unruly hair and turned on the charm. His lips played a coy smile as he walked back to the table and took his seat, much more relaxed this time.

The first thing Aoi saw was a hand landing on his forearm, then he heard his voice and oh, he didn’t miss that sudden, sultry look in Kazuki’s eyes. What… was going on?

“You’re so right, Aoi-san,” Kazuki said sweetly, “I just needed to clear my head and relax. I mean, I should make the most of this. After all, it’s not often someone like me gets taken out to a meal by someone like you.”

All while he kept talking, Kazuki let his fingers rest on Aoi’s arm, giving it a little squeeze and bumping their knees together under the table. Aoi’s eyes slowly wandered back and forth between Kazuki’s face and his hand and with every passing second, it seemed more and more like his apology wasn’t going to be needed. Apparently they were finally on the same page?

After washing off his surprised and confused expression, which he hadn’t really been able to hide, Aoi decided he might as well join the game. It was a dangerous one admittedly, not only because of their age difference, but their positions within the company as well. Problem was… Aoi had always loved a little danger.

His lips curled into a sly smirk as he lifted his free hand to nimbly peel Kazuki’s fingers off his arm, interlacing them loosely with his own as he leaned forward, looking straight into Kazuki’s eyes as he licked his lips.

“Aw, someone like me can do a lot of things with someone like you. People like you just need to ask,” he purred, trying to find something in Kazuki’s eyes that told him if he was serious.

The look of confusion and shock on Aoi’s face earlier had left Kazuki feeling mighty triumphant but unfortunately, the glorious feeling only lasted a moment or two. He tried to keep his face calm as he looked at their hands. He almost wanted to pull away; they were in public after all. But they did look pretty, laced together on the old tabletop like that...

But whether Aoi was just fucking with him or not was yet to be seen. So now the question was, did he push on or call him out?

Kazuki glanced to the side like Aoi’s comment had embarrassed him (and okay maybe it had a bit), then slid his eyes back to him. Why the hell not? If Aoi got pissed off and reported his behaviour then Kazuki would sure as shit let the managers know he had been harassed first. He wasn't going to give in this easily. So he slipped off one of his cheap boots and ran his socked foot up the backside of Aoi’s calf, an innocent little smile curving his mouth before he bit down on one of his lip rings.

“Someone as young as me may not know what questions to ask. Wouldn’t it be better to just… show me?”

By this point, Adrenaline was shooting through his veins, in amounts that were way too high and making him _far_ too bold, but Kazuki wouldn’t lose. He hated losing. Aoi would give up before long. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if the man sat across from him had any interest in men at all. Maybe he was just very comfortable with himself.

Across the table, Aoi’s blood was boiling in the best kind of way. What the fuck had Kazuki done in that bathroom? There was definitely a shiver running along his spine upon the touch to his leg and Kazuki’s bite to his lip made him feel like he was going to lose it.

“Don’t do that,” he said with his voice somewhere between a warning and smug whisper, and his gaze caught on Kazuki’s lips for an embarrassingly long time. It had to have been at least five seconds until he could tear his eyes away, though his grin, Aoi knew, was still clearly showcasing that he liked what Kazuki was doing. Especially with that foot of his.

But Kazuki was shaking. Aoi almost wouldn’t have noticed the light tremor of his shoulders but it was exactly what gave him away. Hm, of course that was it. Kazuki was playing. What the hell had Aoi even expected? Wasn’t he doing the same thing? Hadn’t he reminded himself that he didn’t hook up with his kouhais just a day ago? Hadn’t he _met_ Kazuki just _a day_ ago? Whatever it was that prickled between them in the air, it was insane. It had to be. It was there, he didn’t imagine it but Aoi honestly doubted that either of them were ready for it.

Just in time before their food arrived, he withdrew, a chuckle trilling from his mouth. Kazuki’s foot and hand disappeared from his touch instantly.

“Baby, you don’t want to try me,” Aoi spoke and leaned back so their bowls could be placed in front of them. He gave Kazuki a smile across the waiter’s moving arms, one that showed no signs whatsoever of what had just happened the past two minutes. “Yet.”

Kazuki straightened up, eyes narrowing. A hot shiver trickled up his spine at the little pet name.

“I don’t know what you're talking about, Aoi-san. I was just waiting for our food. We should probably eat quickly and get back to the studio,” he answered nonchalantly, picking up his chopsticks. He could feel Aoi’s eyes on him as he started to eat the shrimp that were making his stomach howl. Man, he was starving.

The rest of lunch was tense but Kazuki could tell despite his outward gestures, he’d put Aoi on edge. They ate in awkward silence and Aoi paid the bill before ushering him out of the building, with the same hand on his back. It was a dominance display and Kazuki was having none of it. Gently, he reached for Aoi’s hand and threaded their fingers once again.

Aoi was barely able to keep his countenance from falling and he hated it. He didn’t understand what this young guy was doing to him but he definitely didn’t like it. But he also sort of did. Either way, he had to keep his appearances up, despite the little electric spark he felt between their palms.

“Thank you for lunch. I really do appreciate it. I’ll have to pay you back… somehow,” Kazuki grinned, knowing he was probably pushing his luck. Since he wouldn’t release his hand, Aoi walked him to the passenger's side.

“You’ll find something, I’m sure,” he mused and opened the door, unlacing their fingers slowly, purposely. Kazuki merely smiled to himself and sunk into his seat. After shutting the door, Aoi, first of all, took a deep breath, then plucked his sunglasses from his collar and put them on. The ride back to the studio was as silent as their meal had been and it was aggravating Aoi to an extent he wasn’t used to. What was going on in Kazuki’s head? Was he going to keep playing or were they simply going to pretend like they hadn’t just been seconds away from jumping at each other? As much as he hated to admit it, Kazuki had caught him off guard more than once and he wasn’t so sure if he’d managed to play it off as well as he usually did. Agh, he was just so frustrating!

Equally frustrating was the realization that he had to get back to work. As Aoi steered the Jaguar back into the studio’s parking lot, it was sort of as if the magic between him and Kazuki broke. As if the entire lunch break had happened in another dimension.

After he had parked the car and shut the engine off, Aoi got out and headed around the front of it to open Kazuki’s door. He could at least still be a gentleman… kind of, right? The gorgeous blush returned to Kazuki’s cheeks and Aoi couldn’t help but stare a little while Kazuki got out and adjusted his clothes. They got walking and he again opened the door for Kazuki once they reached the building. Aoi couldn’t read anything from his face anymore but he gave him a small smirk nonetheless as he walked past him. He trusted Kazuki to get the hint.

“I hope you won’t let my reputation be ruined now when you go back in there.”

Kazuki scoffed, suddenly feeling almost melancholic. He didn’t quite want to leave Aoi’s presence and that confused him even more. He snapped before he could control it.

“Don’t worry. I know how badly you could ruin my chance here. I won’t say anything bad about you, if that’s what you’re referring to,” he said, arms crossed over his chest. Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden?

Aoi frowned at Kazuki’s sudden change in mood. Had he said the wrong thing?

“Hey, sorry, I was just kidding,” he said. Maybe he had teased too much today already.

“Here,” he took Kazuki’s hand and a pen from the reception desk, and scribbled his phone number on his palm. “Text me later if you want to talk.”

And just like that they went their separate ways. Kazuki just wanted to stand here in the middle of their studio building and scream his head off.

* * *

Tapping his foot along to whatever rhythm was playing in the background of his mind, Kazuki bit at his lip ring and stared at the number on his phone screen. Aoi had told him to text, right? With a final frustrated groan, he opened a new text.

 **Kazuki**  
_Are you busy?_

He didn’t have to wait very long for a beep to indicate a new message.

 **Aoi**  
_Kazuki? No, I’m not. What’s up?_

 **Kazuki  
** _I think… I need to talk to someone._

 **Aoi  
** _Where are you?_

 **Kazuki**  
_Tokyo Tower._

Aoi snorted to himself. Tokyo Tower? As if that wasn’t the most cliché thing ever. But he didn’t complain. He had found himself thinking back to Kazuki all the damn time throughout the remainder of the day, just barely able to hide his wandering mind from his bandmates. They didn’t have to know of his little… risky endeavour. Staring at his phone, Aoi tried to figure out what to do. Or at least he pretended that he was trying because really, the second his phone had beeped with Kazuki’s message he’d known he wanted to see him again. It was the kitschiest thing, but he couldn’t change it.

A brief glance at the clock told him it was only 8:30PM, early in the evening, for him at least. Maybe they could use the opportunity to clear up both their perceptions of what had happened earlier in the day.

 **Aoi**  
_I’m on my way._

He hit send and got up, grabbing his leather jacket from the coat rack in the hallway and his car keys before heading outside. The moment he stepped out of his apartment building, he cursed.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered as he set foot into the rain and jogged over to his car, getting in quickly. He hated rain. At least it was still kind of warm though, so it didn’t exactly freeze his ass off.

Aoi tried to use the twenty minutes it took him to get to Tokyo Tower to come up with words of excuse. He’d started this weird flirt after all, he had to take responsibility for it, right? He wondered what Kazuki was going to say as well, as he had been the one to ask him to come, basically. Urgh, Aoi wanted to rip at his hair. He’d thoroughly fucked up.

After he’d parked it, Aoi got out of his car with an overdramatic sigh and made his way inside, taking the elevator up to the first viewing platform. The more intensely he stared at the metal walls, the louder he could hear his heart thumping wildly inside his chest, and it didn’t help anything that, upon the doors opening, a stunning view lay to his feet. Tokyo really was beautiful, with its neon lights and packed streets, even beneath the heavy rain.

Ironically enough, there were barely any people up here so it didn’t take long until Aoi found Kazuki. He was standing by one of the large glass windows, looking outside, and Aoi was almost afraid to approach him. He stepped up beside him hesitantly.

“Hey,” he said softly and Kazuki looked up at him with a light smile. Yeah, the cocky, sultry looking guy seemed to be gone altogether.

“Hey,” he said back before lowering his gaze. Aoi instantly felt guilt nagging at his insides.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out before the tiny bit of courage he’d accumulated in the car decided to leave him, “For earlier today. I think I… went a little overboard. I’m usually not… that outgoing that soon. I don’t know what…” He shook his head to himself and directed his glimpse outside as well, “was up with me.”

Kazuki had started to feel bad the moment Aoi’s drenched appearance had walked up next to him. Aoi still looked so breathtaking though that his heart skipped an important beat. Part of him couldn’t believe that Aoi had come all this way to see him. And the other part was even more shocked when he’d started apologizing right away.

Kazuki smiled shyly, brushing his hair back behind his ear. “I think we’re even. Neither of us acted quite appropriate, hm?”

Aoi nodded, offering him a small, understanding smile. “That’s true. But- ” he cut himself off. Was he supposed to care so much? Aoi wanted to mentally slap himself. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t be standing here with water dripping down the back of his shirt in the middle of the evening. Trying to pretend he didn’t would just be a lie. “Are you okay, Kazuki? You said you needed to talk to someone. What’s wrong?”

Kazuki turned away but not before Aoi caught a glance of glossy eyes that made his stomach roll. If Kazuki cried, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

“It’s just… I haven’t been here long. And I’ve been taking care of myself, protecting myself, for so much longer than most kids my age. Everything here is just so much… more. And I’m tired. I feel like I have to be strong, and be happy for my band. I have to pretend I’m okay so they can have that comfort when really I’m scared to death. We gave up _everything_ to come here. If it doesn’t pan out, we’re fucked. And then I ran into you. And you were handsome and you started messing with me and all I could think was that it’s just one more thing I have to deal with. It’s just too much. I’m an adult. I know I shouldn’t be whining, especially to you, but I’m _exhausted_. I just… wanted things to go right for once. Fuck… I’m sorry.”

Kazuki’s voice was breaking as he gripped onto the railing. His skin felt hot once tears began to dribble down his cheeks. This was ridiculous. He’d come up here to let himself have a breather, not to break into a crying fit in front of one of his elders.

Aoi felt his heartstrings contract painfully, guilt eating away at them more aggressively than before. Kazuki had all those worries and he’d thought of nothing better to do than mess around with him. It was his fault, that Kazuki was crying right now. And it felt even worse that he had no idea how to deal with it. When was the last time someone had cried in front of him? He couldn’t even remember.

Aoi’s brows were creased together in concern as he spoke, “Kazuki, I… I’m sorry. I- I didn’t know… I mean, if I had known I never would’ve…”

He was still stumbling for words, that much was clear. Kazuki was shaking his head at him, and it frustrated Aoi to no end that he didn’t know what to say. Though maybe… he didn’t have to say anything. He reached out instead, and placed his hand atop Kazuki’s, gently prying his fingers lose from around the railing. Kazuki was letting it happen, sniffing as he turned towards him, which Aoi took as a sign that it was alright for him to do what he did next, lightly tugging at Kazuki’s hand until he had him pulled into an embrace against his chest. Earlier he’d hoped to get rid of his quick heartbeat and now he couldn’t hide it anymore.

“I think you’re good,” he spoke quietly. Was he imagining it or was Kazuki leaning into him?

“You wouldn’t be signed into the company if you weren’t, Kazuki. PSC is not going to drop you, they see something in you guys. I can only encourage you to believe in that.”

It was only then, when Kazuki had finally returned his hug, that Aoi felt how soaked his shirt really was. He hadn’t even noticed, but it made him chuckle as he gazed down to see Kazuki resting his cheek against it. “Excuse the wet shirt.”

Kazuki laughed weakly at Aoi’s words but the encouragement only left him crying harder. This was pathetic, but he just couldn’t stop. He’d held this in far too long. And he dared to move his arms, letting them slip around Aoi’s neck. The non-hysterical part of him was acutely aware of how well they fit together, with him just tall enough to lay his head on Aoi’s shoulder comfortably. He just wasn’t ready to let go, and he hoped that was understood.

Aoi tensed for a moment but soon relaxed. Kazuki was indeed allowing him to hold him, and he tightened his arms around his waist. It took awhile for Kazuki to calm down and though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, Aoi enjoyed the feeling of being so close to him. There was just something calming about it that he didn’t quite understand.

“Kazuki?” he whispered, finally registering the feel of warm breath against his neck.

“Please not yet. Not yet,” Kazuki mumbled, grip squeezing him again.

“Okay… it’s okay. It’s fine.”

Kazuki relaxed again, just clinging to him now, and Aoi wasn’t going to protest. Who knew when he’d have the chance to have him in his arms again, if ever. Dammit, he was such a sap!

It wasn’t the right thing to do, but Aoi still allowed himself to pull Kazuki closer, resting his temple against his hair. The breath that continued to fan out against his neck sent shiver after shiver down his back and it was the first time he got to inhale the scent of Kazuki’s hair. It was a mixture of rain and vanilla that reached his nose and he found it weirdly soothing.

He had no idea how long they’d been standing there, embracing each other wordlessly, until Kazuki eventually withdrew, but Aoi saw the hesitation in his movements; saw that Kazuki’s hands were still on his chest and if he was being honest, he didn’t quite want it to end either. So the little remnants of tears that still lingered at the corner of Kazuki’s eye were the perfect excuse not to let go _just yet._

“Do you feel better now?” Aoi asked, and accompanied his words with a gentle brush of his thumb that wiped the tear away. Kazuki’s lips trembled as he did so but he managed to nod.

“Thanks,” he whispered and sniffed again, but his eyes never left Aoi’s, just like Aoi’s didn’t leave his. He was way too captivated in the moment, and their proximity. Okay mostly with their proximity, he had to admit and with Kazuki blushing beneath his unmoving touch, it didn’t seem like he planned on … pulling back anytime soon.

Quite the contrary. And that was bad.

The moment Kazuki began to lean in ever so slowly was the moment that every alarm bell inside Aoi’s head began to ring at the loudest volume. He shouldn’t do this. He really, _really_ shouldn't be doing this. Not with him and not now.

 _Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it,_ he begged inwardly but his limbs were betraying him. His mouth didn't speak, his legs didn't move, but his arms tightened around Kazuki’s waist and he gulped. The lip bite should have told him it was too late.

“Kaz-” Aoi tried, he _tried_ but Kazuki knew of one very effective way to shut him up.

“Shh,” he made quickly before fingers dug into his leather collar, their lips met and Aoi’s everything felt like it was going up in flames. Kazuki knew just as much that this was not a good idea. In fact, it was probably the worst idea he’d _ever_ had. Logically he was aware, but emotionally he wanted this more than anything. When his lips found Aoi’s, he felt like his entire body would ignite. He waited a moment for Aoi to push him away, but the arms around him were unrelenting, gripping more firmly and pulling him impossibly closer.

With the softest wet sound, Kazuki pulled away for only a moment. Eyes fixed on Aoi’s darker ones, the air between them filled with harsh breaths. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe Aoi hadn’t wanted that at all. But all of his worries were alleviated when Aoi leaned down again, capturing his lips once more. Kazuki’s fingers slid up into his damp hair, holding Aoi in place as his hands took up residence just under the back of Kazuki's shirt. Aoi's fingertips were cold and damp from the rain and Kazuki's body shuddered in his arms. The kiss tasted like some kind of mint and salty from the tears that had ran down his face. And it was perfect. He’d thought the small kisses he had shared with Byou on stage had been breathtaking but this was beyond anything he’d ever felt. Aoi’s soft lips moved on their own, expertly so, and Kazuki tilted his head so they could maneuver even closer.

Yet all too soon it was over and they were left staring at each other. Aoi raised a hand, pressing it to his mouth like he couldn’t believe what he’d just done and all of Kazuki’s being was screaming for him not to break his heart right here and now. The look in those dark caramel eyes told him to prepare for the worst, though.

“I… Kazuki, I’m so sorry. This… I have to go,” Aoi managed to say before speeding around and getting away as fast as he could. Tears had already been forming in Kazuki’s eyes and he couldn’t watch. Kissing him had been a mistake. Good God, what a mistake. For both of them.

The rain outside hit him like a brick. The drops had turned into tiny needles, like icicles, but they didn’t help anything, in fact they only intensified the shock that paralyzed his body.

What the fuck had he just done? Why the hell had he-

“Fuck!” Aoi cursed aloud, uncaring whether anyone heard him but there was no one around anyway. His clothes were soaking wet within seconds and the inside of his car was going to suffer but he didn’t care. He needed to get away. If Kazuki came running after him, he couldn't guarantee for anything. No, he had to get home. The Jaguar roared angrily as Aoi kick-started the engine and fled from what he had just done. He could almost feel Kazuki’s eyes burning holes into his back. Fuck, he needed to talk to someone. Reita? He’d halfway reached towards his phone when he decided against it. Bad idea. Nobody should find out about this. Right? Yes. That was for the best.

It took him a scarily short amount of time to arrive at his apartment but Aoi was far away from finding anything near peace of mind in the familiar space. He almost destroyed his bathroom door with how hard he slammed it shut and _oooh no_ , the guy in the mirror definitely wasn’t him. No way he looked this rattled right now.

“Fuck Yuu, you fucked up.”

Ugh, he could even hear Reita’s voice saying it in his head. Aoi didn’t understand himself at this point. When had he become so incredibly dumb?

That night he didn’t find any sleep, constantly torn between tossing his phone away in fear of Kazuki calling him and just calling him himself; if only to explain that he _couldn’t_ explain why the hell he wanted him so much.

* * *

Kazuki had never felt so rattled in his life. Aoi had kissed him. Why would he run away? Had Kazuki done something wrong? His chest ached and all he wanted to do was go home. Although then he would have to face his bandmates. So maybe home wasn’t a good option either.

In the end, he decided to stay until the tower closed and the rain had died down a little. By the time he walked the hour home it was almost one in the morning and he was completely drenched from head to toe. Byou was waiting for him at the entrance to their apartment building.

“Kazi? What the hell man, we were worried about you. We called but your phone went straight to voicemail. Where have you been?” he asked, his voice higher with how worked up he was, and Kazuki felt guilty for worrying him.

“It… I was at the tower. I needed to clear my head, but don’t worry B, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’d like a shower though,” he tried to joke but the vocalist wasn’t having it.

“Get inside. Take a warm shower and eat something. Then to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Kazuki mumbled an okay and went straight for the bathroom. Standing under the hot spray, he let out whatever tears were left in his body. It was too hard to keep them at bay any longer. He was just so stupid. How could he have let himself fall for Aoi _so_ quickly? And what the hell had he been thinking _kissing_ him? Aoi hadn’t asked for it, nor initiated it; he had even tried to stop him.

 

_But then he kissed you back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you we don't know what slow burn means lol :P We hope you enjoyed <3 Kudos and comments are never obligatory but always appreciated :) Bear in mind the new upload schedule: New chapters every 15th and last day of the month! So see you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! A short chapter for today :) Hope you enjoy! <3

Three days had passed since he’d seen or heard from Aoi and honestly, Kazuki was feeling better. Rehearsals were going well and if he kept busy, he hardly thought about him at all. That fortunate circumstance changed though, when he heard Manabu let out another big sigh beside him. They’d been working on this same song for hours now without being able to put together a decent bridge melody.

“Why don’t one of you go ask Uruha-san? He texted me a little while ago to see how we were doing. They aren’t having practice today but he came in to go over some stuff so he’s free,” Jin told them.

Before he knew it, Kazuki had been elected to head upstairs. But he was groaning every step of the way. What if Aoi was there, too?

* * *

Aoi was _just_ starting to hope. Hope that maybe they could both just forget about it. He was still suffering from lack of sleep, but he found it an easy thing to avoid someone if he only came up with the right excuses. None of his bandmates seemed to suspect anything so far which was… good. It was a bit of a hassle though with having to arrive sooner and leaving later than everyone else, especially because he wasn’t usually the most hardworking guy in this group. It began to work eventually, and Aoi got his hopes up _high_ \- which was ridiculous to begin with - but they bursted like soap bubbles the second he heard the door behind him open. Kazuki’s voice was like a lightning bolt that shattered all of his avoidance techniques. Yeah, he hadn’t banked on him just _coming_ _upstairs._

“U-Uruha-san?” Aoi heard him say and Uruha, who was sat right next to him on the couch and fortunately hadn’t noticed him tensing up immediately, looked up.

“Um… I- I was told you could help me with a few things, uh… It’s about the bridge of this one… song.”

Oh God, Aoi could feel Kazuki’s eyes on him with every pause he set between his words. Could Uruha just… get him out of here? Please?

“Sure, you’re Kazuki, right?” Uruha answered and put his guitar aside. Oh no. This wasn’t good. “Come on in, take a seat.”

Aoi wanted to growl at him. This couldn’t be happening.

“A-Are you sure it’s okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, come in. Aoi doesn’t bite.”

This _could not_ be happening. Was this a punishment of sorts? For all the stupid things he’d ever done in his life?

Aoi heard footsteps behind him but before Kazuki could even think about entering his field of vision, he snatched his and Uruha’s mug from the large table and shot up from his seat.

“I’m getting coffee,” he muttered, and couldn’t disappear into the adjoining kitchen fast enough. 

Kazuki swallowed.

“Um, Kazuki-kun?”

He winced where he’d been glued to his spot, spacing off like an idiot. By all that was holy, he swore Aoi was even more beautiful than he had been three days ago, with half of his long hair tied up like that. Kazuki’s heart was beating all the way up inside his throat again, even though he couldn’t deny how obvious it was that Aoi didn’t want anything to do with him.

“Sorry,” he managed to apologize, “I was just thinking. So Manabu and I were wondering if maybe you could lend a fresh ear to this melody we’re trying to piece together.”

A few metres away, Aoi stared at the machine with gritted teeth, as if it was going to make the coffee dribble out any quicker. He didn’t want to believe this was happening to him, and he had no idea how to get out of it either, at least in a way that wasn’t being suspicious. Just walking out wasn’t an option, was it? The sound of a few guitar chords began wafting over as the first mug was done. Of course Uruha would do his best to help out, Aoi was sure of that, but he couldn’t stay hidden in the kitchen forever. It was probably best if he brought a drink for Kazuki too, wasn’t it? Just out of politeness or Uruha would possibly scold him or get behind it.

Aoi uttered a frustrated sigh and retrieved a bottle of Coke from the fridge, taking one mug into the same hand and the second mug into the other before he left the kitchen.

It was painfully obvious that Kazuki was trying not to look up instantly as Aoi stepped up to the table and put the drinks down.

“Thanks,” Uruha smiled at right away, but it took Kazuki a little moment until he could get the words out as well. Aoi had long dodged his gaze though. He didn’t want him to be here and it almost made him a little angry. This was _his_ place, _his_ studio. Who had told Kazuki he could just come up here and remind him of what had happened? It wasn’t fair. Aoi just wanted to forget but he was unable to. The images of Kazuki nestling into his chest or the feeling of his lips were carved deeply into that damn head of his. It wasn’t working at all.

Briefly then, Aoi’s eyes jumped over to the balcony. The top floor was the only one who had one and he’d always been grateful for it as it meant he didn’t have to leave the building entirely if he wanted a smoke. It didn’t seem like enough of an escape at the moment, though.

“I’m going for a smoke,” he said briefly, and grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the tabletop. Uruha’s frown was all too obvious in his voice and it stopped Aoi on his way to the door.

“Oi, don’t you wanna stay and have a look at this too?” he asked, and Aoi’s shoulders fell with a huff of breath.

“Nope,” he answered brusquely, and pulled the door open a little too enthusiastically. “He doesn’t need me.”

And with those words, he left altogether and didn’t stop walking until he was out of the building through the back door and plonked down on one of the small stone walls that separated the pathway from a little garden area. This was ridiculous.

Upstairs, Kazuki felt his battered heart break all over again as the scene of Aoi leaving him at the tower transposed itself over him walking out of the studio. Only this time the gentle guitarist that had held him and whispered reassurances in his ear was gone, replaced by someone who was angry at just the sight of him. And that was exactly what Aoi had been. Angry. Did he really dislike him so much?

“I’m sorry,” Uruha apologized on his friend’s behalf, “Aoi’s usually not… as grumpy as that. Maybe he had a bad start to the week.”

“No, Uruha-san, I am sorry. I’m sure me just barging in here and interrupting didn’t sit well with him,” Kazuki replied, fiddling with the bottle cap between his fingers. Didn’t need him? Kazuki was pretty sure he needed Aoi more than anything, even if he didn’t understand why.

Uruha pursed his lips, “Okay then, so I think I understand where you’re stuck. You’ve kind of played yourself into a corner with this chord change here…”

Kazuki paid attention by sheer willpower alone to get through the rest of the song. It wasn’t Uruha’s fault that he had fucked up so badly, so he still needed to be grateful for his help.

When they were done, Kazuki thanked Uruha again. He wished he could feel better about the song being finished, but all he could think about was the look on Aoi’s face as he’d left the studio. He took the stairs back down to his floor slowly, just needing time to think, but by the time he'd reached A9's floor, that plan … was thwarted.

Aoi wasn’t very keen on the confrontation but only because he knew he was going to be just as mean as he’d been earlier. A wave of relief was already approaching him as it seemed like Kazuki would just ignore him and head further downstairs but it died down again instantly. Kazuki came stalking back up to him, very determinedly at that, just as Aoi had finished picking the coins he needed for the vending machine he was standing in front of.

“Are we not going to talk about it?” Kazuki threw it right at him and Aoi barely managed not to wince. The hurt in Kazuki’s voice was so unmistakable.

“Would you keep your voice down?” he scolded first with a brief glance around. Whether any of the A9 guys were here today, he had no idea. “Talk about what?”

Pretending like he didn’t know was the worst idea, he was aware of that, and he saw in Kazuki’s eyes that he wasn’t buying it. Of course he wasn’t. His eyes were wide with disbelief upon how relaxed Aoi seemed as he pushed one coin after the other into the machine.

“You kissed me, Ao-”

“ _You,_ ” Aoi spat in response, interrupting Kazuki with a glance that was probably more hostile than intended, “kissed me first.”

Kazuki recoiled with a scoff. What the hell had he been thinking Aoi was going to say? That he’d magically fallen for him as well? _Tsk._

Aoi examined him briefly, contemplating how far he could go. He didn’t want to hurt Kazuki like this but… They couldn’t be together either.

“It was a mistake,” he stated eventually and as firmly as he could muster his voice to sound before pressing the button that let a can of beer clatter out of its confines. He took it and gave Kazuki one last look before he made a step aside and headed towards the steps again.

“That’s all I have to say.”

Kazuki wasn’t going to just lay down and take it, though. Not when he’d spent the last few days laying awake at night forcing himself not to text Aoi and apologize.

Before he could get too far, Kazuki reached out and grabbed Aoi’s wrist, pulling him all the way back down to his band’s floor and off into the little corridor where the elevator was. No one would see them here but Aoi groaned inwardly as Kazuki dragged him along. What the hell was he trying to accomplish? What if that overprotective vocalist of theirs was going to show up? Kazuki was only putting them in danger.

“That’s all you have to say? Really? I may have kissed you first but you could have pushed me away right then and there. No, instead you kissed me back. Are you really going to stand there and tell me you felt nothing from that kiss? Because I think that’s a lie. I felt it. I felt the way you held on to me. Please don’t lie to me. I’m sorry that I made you angry, and I’m sorry that I kissed you. But this avoiding me and being pissed at me isn’t working. You’re _hurting_ me by acting like this.”

Kazuki stopped, taking in a deep breath. He hadn’t meant for that to come out all at once but it felt necessary. Now he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders just saying the words out loud.

“Listen, I’m not having this, okay?” Aoi snapped, feeling himself get worked up as he yanked his wrist free from Kazuki’s grip. It took him the utmost of control to keep his voice down.

“What do you think you’re doing, huh? I told you that I was confused about what was going on, and yeah, I might’ve kissed you back but that doesn’t mean I’m going to declare my undying love for you, because it doesn’t exist. Okay? We barely know each other for fuck’s sake. It’s been… A week. Do you not realize how insane that sounds?”

Aoi roughed his hand through his hair and turned his eyes away with a refrustrated sigh. Somehow he had to make it clear to Kazuki that they didn’t have a future, that it was crazy to even think about it. And he hoped it wasn’t all too obvious that he’d dodged the actual question. Because he _had_ felt something, he just couldn’t admit it. When he looked back, he found Kazuki staring at him stubbornly but the tears that welled up in his eyes told Aoi otherwise.

“Oh please don’t look at me like that. You and I, we would’ve never worked out, believe me. You’re like ten years younger than me, and we both have images to uphold, for the bands’ sake. I don’t think you want to risk that. Because I surely don’t.”

Was he finally getting it? Aoi felt exhausted already. He couldn’t stand seeing Kazuki cry - he hated seeing people cry in general really - and God, he just wanted to hug him and kiss him and take him the fuck home and- And he couldn’t. What he’d done had been a stupid flirt gone wrong, a mistake, and if he kept repeating those words, he would maybe start to believe it himself.

Kazuki had to bite down on his lip to keep himself from tearing up again. He was so done crying in front of Aoi. Unfortunately, no matter how strong he tried to be, he was just too exhausted to hold it back. A single tear slid down his cheek as he stared defiantly up at Aoi’s angry expression. Aoi was right, despite the fact that Kazuki didn’t want him to be. They had to think about their respective bands first, but that hadn’t answered his question at all. He still felt so stupid. Had he really made up the fireworks that they’d shared in that kiss? Had he misjudged the way that Aoi had held him so close? Aoi really didn’t seem the type to comfort just anyone. Yet he had taken Kazuki into his arms without a second thought and held him like he’d been the most important thing in the world. How could he fake that?

Kazuki sniffed, glancing away for only a moment before turning on him again.

“I have no intention of ruining your image, Aoi,” he said quietly, dropping the honorific because frankly, he didn’t feel like being very respectful right now, and he saw Aoi’s eyes narrowing on him because of it, “I’ll drop it. I’ll pretend it never happened, and you’ll never have to deal with me again, but you have to be honest with me first. Unless you just enjoy watching me hurt. Is that it?”

Aoi scoffed, trying to keep his wits about him. Of course he didn’t want to see him hurting. In fact, just the thought pained him in a way he didn’t want to inspect too closely.

“No, Kazuki, I do not want to hurt you. That was never my intention.”

“Then tell me I’m not making it up. Tell me you felt something, too. Because I can’t think of a non-cruel reason why you would kiss me back unless it was because you felt that same spark that I did. I just don’t want to believe you could be that cruel. Please just tell me the truth and you won’t have to bother with me anymore.”

Kazuki’s eyes had him captured like an anchor and the intense plea in them was tearing at Aoi’s heart. Fuck. And he couldn’t even blame anyone but himself, and there was no way out of it, no matter how hard he tried to avoid the topic.

“It doesn’t matter if I felt someth- ” he began but Kazuki cut him off right away.

“Yes, it does! It does to me. Because I’ve never felt anything like what I felt when you kissed me, and if you need me to be honest, if it was similar for you I couldn’t care less about our age difference.”

At this point, Aoi wanted to rip his hair out. The more he hesitated to push Kazuki away, the quicker his doubts were getting the best of him. What if it did work out? What if this was something special and if they took their time and were just careful enough, extremely careful… they could try? He usually loved a bit of risk, why not this? What was he supposed to do?

“It’s just too much of a risk,” he sighed and before he could even realize that he’d said the words out loud, Kazuki’s eyes were lighting up and dancing across Aoi’s face in hopes or search of what he wanted to hear so desperately.

“What?” he asked urgingly, and Aoi knew that was the point he couldn’t hide it anymore. He had to be honest but god, he didn’t want to actually _say_ it. It was going to be his doom.

“Kazuki… listen,” he tried again and wasn’t interrupted this time as he fought to work his way around things, giving Kazuki a warning glance, “I can’t… promise you… anything. I can’t promise that it’s going to work out.”

“So you felt it.”

“Kaz- ”

“ _Did you?_ ”

“Yes! I can’t for the life of me explain it to anyone, but … yes.”

Kazuki shyed back, his eyes wide. The shock on his face appeared to be a positive one, seeing as it only took him a second before he made a step forward.

But Aoi stopped him. He didn’t touch Kazuki but took a step back himself, knowing that as they looked at each other, the fear of the risk they were both taking, and willing to ignore, was written all over his face.

That look gave Kazuki pause. Inside, his heart was swelling with hope but he wasn’t willing to let it overwhelm him. He didn’t want to force Aoi into anything. He’d promised to disappear once he got his answer. So he stopped and smiled weakly at him.

“Thank you, Aoi-san,” he said but tears were making it difficult to speak, “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry, for being an inconvenience to you once again.”

Aoi stared, expression shocked as Kazuki apologized, bowed to him and walked away. He’d been so sure that Kazuki would attempt to get near him again, but for him to just walk away like this was too strange. Not to mention it left Aoi with too many questions. He’d all but admitted he wanted to try and give them a chance, but instead of dignifying his confession with a response, Kazuki had just… left.

After standing in the hallway for what seemed like three hours, Aoi finally shook himself back to reality and went back to their studio. Uruha was still there, happy smile on his pretty face, but it fell when he saw Aoi’s expression.

“Yuu? What’s wrong? Why were you gone for so long?” he asked innocently. The poor guy had no idea what he had inadvertently become a part of.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get back to work, okay? It’s over anyway. I promise I’ll be fine.”

Kazuki, on the other hand, was not fine. Not at all. He tried to practice, but his every thought seemed to only be able to focus on Aoi’s words.

_I can’t promise it will work out._

Had that meant Aoi was willing to see _if_ it would? Or had it been another avoidance technique on his part? _Does it fucking matter, Kazuki? You made a promise, now keep it._

“Kazi? You okay over there? You’re just kind of staring off into space.”

Kazuki looked up to Byou and faked a smile. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind, you know? This song has been nerve-wracking.”

“Hmm. That’s true. Oh, and we’ve decided to celebrate our first week and go out to eat tonight. Nothing fancy, but still. You’re joining us, right?”

Kazuki thought about it for a moment, but really didn’t feel in the mood to celebrate. “Um, honestly B, I think I’m just going to go home and go to bed. You can go ahead without me. I’m sorry, it’s just been a long week.”

* * *

Once Aoi had finally gotten a grip on himself and his riled up emotions, he managed to go through the rest of the evening without letting anything slip. He didn’t even regret his decision as much as he’d thought he would. Yet. _And_ he even kind of understood why Kazuki had reacted the way he had. He probably needed some time to himself to think as well, right? It was only logical.

Around 9 PM, Uruha and him started packing up.

“Did you get something out of the song Kazuki brought?” Aoi asked casually as Uruha locked the studio door behind them.

“Hm? Oh yeah, they just had a little… knot in it. Y’know, but it was quite good actually, better than I expected, to be honest,” Uruha chuckled, and they made their way downstairs; though soon, upon the sight of a hunched figure sitting on the stairwell, their conversation over this and that came to an abrupt stop.

“Kazuki-kun?”

Kazuki felt hot. Like too hot, but he wanted to blame it on just being tired. The world was … spinning? His vision was swimming and he felt cold and hot all at the same time. Maybe walking home in that storm hadn’t been such a smart idea. Taking a couple deep breaths, he laid his head against the railing. As he closed his eyes he heard a voice from above him that sounded vaguely familiar but he was too far out of it to realize who it was.

“Kazuki-kun?” Uruha repeated, and approached Kazuki quickly, his forehead wrinkled in concern. The guy looked like he was about to fall asleep. Or over.

“You look like you caught a really bad cold, are you alright?” he asked, and Kazuki only nodded his head weakly. Aoi knew all too well what the reason for this was and he suddenly felt guilty. He contemplated saying something, explaining to Uruha that he already knew Kazuki and that he also knew that he lived too far away to walk, and that he should probably take him home himself and-

He decided to keep his mouth shut; until after Uruha had helped Kazuki up, down the remaining stairs and outside to the parking lot.

“It seems like you have a fever too,” Uruha stated worriedly, one hand on Kazuki’s upper arm to help him keep his balance. “Do you think you can take the train or a cab home or should I take you?”

“I-I’ll be fine,” Kazuki stuttered but Aoi wasn’t planning on letting him go alone like this. He couldn't. 

“I’m getting him home,” he finally spoke and could almost see Kazuki’s ears perking up, “You live in the wrong direction, Uru so… I’m taking him. Give me this.”

Gently, Aoi divested Kazuki of the bag he was carrying and began leading him towards his car. The heat radiating from his body really seemed like a sign of an oncoming fever, and all just because he’d walked home from Tokyo Tower that evening. After Aoi had left him. Damn.

Before Aoi even knew it, his hand was on Kazuki’s lower back, guiding him into the passenger’s seat, though he was shielding the view from Uruha with his body. He could do at least this one thing right.

Kazuki felt his head fall forward, heavy and beyond his control. The air around him was vibrating with heat and all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a looong while.

“I’m sorry, Aoi,” he mumbled incoherently as Aoi sat him down in the passenger's seat and buckled him in.

“I know baby, I know. Come on, let’s get you some place to rest.”

Kazuki felt soft fingertips brush against his cheek and he laid his head back, waiting for the car to start. Aoi actually appeared to be concerned which made him feel even guiltier. He tried his best to stay conscious on the ride to his apartment but it seemed to be taking longer than normal and he just couldn’t keep himself awake.

By the time the car finally came to a halt, Kazuki was breathing hard. His chest was heavy and he was faintly aware of Aoi lifting him out of the vehicle, but he didn’t have the strength to be able to hold on to him. He was carried up a few stairs, then there was… an elevator? When had they built an elevator into this shack? When they entered his apartment, it smelled differently, too… where the hell was he?

“Hey, Kazuki? Stay awake for me. I’m going to get you some medicine and water. Then you can sleep,” Aoi told him after managing to get Kazuki into the living room and on the sofa. He needed to get some water and fever reducers in him before putting him to bed. Kazuki was so pale, except for his burning cheeks, that Aoi was really starting to worry. He hurriedly fetched the pills and filled a glass with water before taking them back to him. Kazuki was barely coherent, slumped over on the sofa's arm. Aoi helped him sit up.

“Here we go,” he whispered, and Kazuki took the pills but wouldn’t drink enough water to make Aoi satisfied. He’d have to leave some by his bed…

Once the pills were down, Aoi took Kazuki into his arms again and carried him into the spare bedroom. Somehow with one hand he pulled back the covers and laid Kazuki down. He was shivering.

“D-Don’t leave. Please. Aoi, please…,” Kazuki suddenly said, his voice low but clear as he looked up at Aoi from wide, chocolate eyes.

What _the fuck_ was he supposed to do now? Deny him? Aoi’s lips parted for a small sigh and he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he spoke softly and adjusted the blanket on top of Kazuki before brushing a few strands of sweaty hair out of his forehead, “I’ll be right here until you’re asleep, okay?”

“Won’t take long,” Kazuki muttered in response and Aoi chuckled lightly. Sleep was best for now.

“The medicine will do its job and you’ll see, you’re already gonna feel a bit better tomorrow.”

Aoi couldn’t help it but he felt his heart swell at the sight of Kazuki. If only he hadn’t left him that evening, if only he’d gotten over himself, he could’ve driven him home and they wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Not that it was a bad situation… Aoi just felt himself falling deeper with every minute he spent watching Kazuki fall asleep. He wasn’t used to feeling like this anymore, and he was scared of what it was going to do to him.

For now though, he waited until Kazuki was asleep and then pressed a faint kiss to his forehead before he closed the curtains and the door behind himself. Sleep was no option for himself yet. There were too many things running through his head, so he decided to distract himself with some music as best he could.

While he took the few steps back down into his wide living room and past the piano towards his office space, the irony of it all slowly began to seep into his mind.

Just a few days ago he’d refused to even think about what it would be like to ‘date’ again. Now, he had agreed to do exactly that, with Kazuki already in his bed. Well, spare bed, but still.

“Well done,” Aoi laughed bitterly to himself, plonking down into the chair in front of his computers. Working on a few unfinished songs was a good way to keep his mind at ease for awhile, albeit never entirely, and before he even knew, the clock had reached past midnight.

From the kitchen, Aoi brought a second pair of pills and a fresh glass of cold water to Kazuki’s bedside table, stroking his cheek with the back of a finger. He really hoped he would feel better in the morning. Then he made his way back to his own bedroom, slipping into shorts he snatched from the floor. He seemed to have been pretty exhausted himself with how fast he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts if you like! Kudos are always appreciated but never obligatory :)


	4. Chapter 4

If he was being honest, Kazuki had tried to stay awake as long as he could, just to be near Aoi a little longer. He’d felt his fingers brush his hair back and the gesture had been so innocent and sweet compared to how he’d acted at the restaurant that even through his feverish haze, Kazuki had felt something unfamiliar bubbling up inside of him. Not too long after that, he’d drifted off to sleep far more peacefully than expected.

His dreams had been incredibly vivid and Kazuki assumed that was due to his fever, too. He’d dreamt of things far too impossible to have been reality; like scenes from movies running through his mind. Everything from Aoi telling his band, his fans, the whole world that Kazuki was his and only his, to them older, traveling the world together, sharing their lives together. Kazuki had woken up once with tears trailing down his cheeks. Why did his heart have to want something that was so far out of reach? Why did it have to be Aoi? It almost made him wish they’d never signed on with PSC.

Despite his rather listless sleep, Kazuki later woke up feeling ten times better than he had the night before. While he was still a bit light-headed and dizzy, it was better than not being able to see straight. He’d be fine. The room was still a bit dark, but the clock on the nightstand said it was a little after one in the afternoon. Fuuuuuuck! His band mates were going to kill him! He hurried to get up and going, but his eyes settled on a piece of paper under his phone that had been plugged in on the nightstand. Kazuki picked it up and scanned it in the dim light that came in through the curtains.

_Kazuki,_

_I hope you’re feeling better this morning. I left more painkillers on the kitchen island for you. Help yourself. Today is a short day so I should be back from the studio around 3-ish. I took the liberty of calling your friends and letting them know I’d have you home later today. Just take it easy and I’ll see you after awhile. Make yourself at home._

_Yuu_

Yuu? Was that Aoi’s real name? Kazuki smiled at the thought. It fit him. Well, if he was supposed to make himself at home then that was what he’d do. And the first thing on the list was a shower.

Once he’d finished it in the huge bathroom, right across from Aoi’s bedroom and the guest room he’d slept in, Kazuki quickly pulled a long black t-shirt from Aoi’s closet (he didn’t want to stay in here for too long) and pulled it over his head. His own ones were gross from sweating all night, which was a perfect excuse to wrap himself in the older guitarist’s scent. After taking the medicine left for him, Kazuki walked around the apartment (it was easily four times the size of his own), looking at photos and things that would tell him a bit more about his moody acquaintance. Pretty soon though it was the grand piano before the floor-to-ceiling windows that drew his attention and he sat on the bench, letting his eyes roam over Tokyo’s skyline outside.

* * *

 When Aoi turned his key in its lock and entered, random piano strumming was the first thing he heard. So he was up.

Aoi didn’t bother calling out for him consequently. Instead he just dropped his keys into the small bowl on the shoe cabinet and shrugged off his leather jacket before walking down the hallway. He stopped right in the doorway where the steps led down to the living area. Kazuki looked up at him sheepishly, withdrawing his fingers from the piano tiles and closing the lid carefully.

“Hi,” he smiled, and blushed. Aoi narrowed his eyes suspiciously upon noticing that Kazuki wasn’t wearing his own clothes anymore. Was that… his shirt? Was Kazuki wearing _his shirt_ right now? Aoi couldn’t believe him. It was as if he’d set a trap up for him. How the hell was he supposed to resist this?

“Hi,” he smiled back and came jogging down the stairs, trying to ignore that there was way too much skin exposed from Kazuki’s boxers downwards. Oh no, this wasn’t good. Aoi had to use all his might to keep his eyes were they belonged. In an attempt to distract himself, he headed straight into the open kitchen and pulled the fridge door open.

“Do you feel better? Have you eaten yet?”

_Can you just wear my clothes forever? Can I please devour you?_

_Good lord Yuu, pull yourself together._

Kazuki nodded. “I do feel much better. Still not one hundred percent, but better. I drank a bunch of water but haven’t eaten. I just don’t have much of an appetite,” he answered, turning sideways on the piano bench.

Aoi glanced around inside his fairly empty fridge. There was nothing here for him to actually make.

“Hmm. How do you feel about take-out? I’m not very well stocked,” he asked before closing the fridge and turning back towards Kazuki. The second he did, Aoi wished like hell that he had just walked right out of the damn _house_.

Kazuki sat straddling the bench, hands between his thighs to hold the shirt down. His hair was a mess from not being brushed after a shower and he still looked a bit out of it from being sick but he looked _so_ fucking gorgeous sitting there so sweetly in _his_ clothes nonetheless. Aoi was slowly losing control. Slowly? No, he was just about lost. He couldn’t have Kazuki here looking like a lost angel wearing _his_ clothes and playing _his_ piano. He was going to die, just lay down right here on the floor and expire. And as if this wasn’t all bad enough, Kazuki tilted his head to the side, strands of hair falling into his eyes. Aoi’s hand unconsciously came up to cover his heart that may or may not have just given up the ghost.

“Aoi? … Yuu?” Kazuki called to him, a worried look on his face, “Yuu, are you okay?”

Aoi rubbed at the center of his chest but nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m going to order us some food real quick. I’ll be right back,” he said and grabbed his phone out of his back pocket, heading for his bedroom. If Kazuki was going to keep looking like that then he needed to get into some less tight jeans.

Kazuki frowned as Aoi disappeared up the stairs. Was he angry with him? Had he done something wrong? There was only one way to find out. He counted to thirty before following him. Aoi was sitting on his bed, in just a pair of loose grey sweats now, phone held to his ear. Kazuki leaned against the door frame until the call was over.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, meeting Aoi’s eyes.

Aoi raised a brow at him. “No, of course not. What gave you that idea?”

Kazuki shrugged a little. “You just stared at me strangely and then bolted out of the room. I thought maybe I did something wrong.”

“No, no. I, uh,” Aoi paused. How honest was he supposed to be? This seemed like the most opportune moment to put it all out there and set the record straight.

“You just looked so adorable sitting there and it took a minute for my brain to catch up with my mouth.”

And _oh_ , he was rewarded. Kazuki blushed bright pink and looked away. He crossed his arms, causing the shirt to ride up and show a bit more of his tantalizing skin.

“I took a shower … and borrowed one of your shirts. I hope you don’t mind. Mine were gross from last night.”

Aoi smiled, “It’s fine, I don’t mind at all. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Kazuki stood still for a moment but his foot dug into the carpet nervously. Then that smile was back on his lips and he was walking towards the bed. Towards Aoi. Fuck him… if Kazuki touched him he was screwed in every sense of the word. Aoi watched Kazuki’s every step until he plonked down beside him on the bed, one leg tucked beneath the other. Oh god.

“Thank you,” he said right away with a shy smile, though Aoi was pretty sure half the reason for Kazuki’s shyness was the fact that he was topless, “for taking care of me. And for the note.”

Aoi chuckled, dropping his phone on his bedside table before the same hand came up to caress over Kazuki’s cheek. He wanted to kiss him, right then and there, but he wasn’t sure enough of how far he could go just yet. Whatever there was between them at the moment was in a fairly wonky state and if anything, they had to start slowly.

“Went without saying, really,” he said. To his own surprise, Kazuki didn’t initiate anything either. He simply took Aoi’s hand off his cheek and laced their fingers together. It reminded Aoi too much of the day all of this had started.

“Who did you call by the way?” Kazuki asked, suddenly seeming very interested in their joined hands. God, Aoi couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“Jin,” he answered instantly, “At least I think it was Jin. I had to come up with an excuse as to why I hadn’t taken you to your place but most of all, they were relieved to hear that you’re okay and that I’m getting you home later on.”

At those words, Kazuki perked up. Whatever excuse Aoi had used, he was grateful. With a theatrical sigh that had Aoi furrowing his brows in amusement, he let himself fall backwards onto the bed.

“I kinda don’t want to go home yet,” Kazuki sighed, staring at the ceiling. His legs were on full display now, just like the little bit of skin between the hem of his boxers and the rim of his shirt, and Aoi _really_ needed to get away.

“What is with you and not wanting to be with your band?” he chuckled, “Isn’t that kind of counterproductive?”

“Sort of. But why would I want to go home just to have Byou scold me if I could spend my time with you instead?”

He only noticed what he’d said after saying it. Aoi saw his eyes widen and his blush creep further up his cheeks as Kazuki looked up at him with an _oops_ kind of grin.

Aoi shook his head with a giggle. “You’re flattering me,” he said and rose to his feet, finally bringing some distance between himself and the temptation on his bed. He stepped up to his wardrobe. “But you really shouldn’t be putting anything before the band, you know?”

From behind him, he could hear Kazuki murmur an embarrassed ‘sorry.’ Then he changed the topic in a matter of seconds, his words coming quicker and louder.

“I didn’t know you played! The piano, I mean.”

Aoi laughed while he fished out a random black tank top and pulled it over his head. “For a few years, yeah. It’s never really come in handy for the band but… I prefer playing on my own anyway.”

He turned to give Kazuki a little smirk. “You wanna try?”

The question rang through Kazuki’s brain like a bomb as he followed Aoi back into the living room where the piano was still sitting closed. Aoi opened the lid, propping it up before gesturing for Kazuki to take a seat on the bench again. Admittedly, he only knew a few songs on the piano since he’d never used it much to write guitar music. They did it all on computers now.

Kazuki carefully sat down in front of the center of the piano and Aoi sat down next to him, legs on either side of the bench.

“Okay, put your hands here, and here,” he instructed gently, placing Kazuki’s hands and spreading his fingers out over the correct keys, “We’ll start with just the right hand. Here, follow what I do.”

Before too long, Kazuki found himself actually playing a little bit of a melody all while watching Aoi’s long fingers caress the ivory tiles. Man, he’d thought watching him play guitar was sexy but this was something different altogether.

“Yuu, could you play me something?” he asked, turning to look up at Aoi, “I just … want to watch you play. Please?”

How could Aoi possibly say no to that face? Hell, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to say no to Kazuki about anything ever. How had he so suddenly become wrapped around his finger? Was that possibly what falling in lo-  
_Oh no._ Fuck no, he was _not_ going to say that word.

“Sure, I’ll play something,” he answered with a smile and Kazuki moved towards the edge of the bench so Aoi could sit properly. Clearly, Kazuki had no intention of leaving his side. Aoi played the first thing that came to mind, a slower and melodic song that he could lose himself in. He closed his eyes, letting his fingers trail over the keys as if they knew the notes better than he did himself. Kazuki’s pulse was beating all over the place. Aoi had his eyes closed playing the beautiful music that swelled and dipped with the same intensity as his traitorous heart. By the end of the piece Aoi’s chest felt heavy. The chords hung in the air, leaving a melancholic feeling to it. He turned to the side to see Kazuki’s glossy eyes staring up at him, an expression that he was sure he knew but didn’t want to recognize.

The emotion in Aoi’s own eyes took Kazuki by complete surprise. He swallowed hard. Tentatively, he reached out with one hand to cup Aoi’s cheek. Instead of pulling away, Aoi turned to nuzzle his palm, perfect lips pressed to his flesh, and Kazuki felt a shiver trickle down his spine.

“Yuu… please kiss me again,” he begged quietly as the pad of his thumb traced full lips.

Aoi kept his glance down for a moment. Kazuki’s palm against his cheek felt unusually … good. What was that? Of course he couldn’t ignore Kazuki’s request, but the hesitation seemed to be written on his face. Kazuki didn’t hurry him though, he merely tilted his head to the side, like earlier, and caught Aoi’s gaze with his own.

“It’s not like anyone’s going to see us here, right?” he smiled encouragingly and it took just one look into his eyes for Aoi to be convinced. It was true. He could be scared of getting caught all he wanted, in the end his home was the safest spot they were going to have from now on. Lifting a hand, Aoi took the one that was still on his cheek and tugged at it so Kazuki leaned in and could meet his lips. Aoi felt him melting instantly. It wasn’t any different for him, admittedly. Kazuki tasted like desire and it was like the incentive Aoi needed to give in. When his fingers gripped at his shirt that Kazuki was wearing, Kazuki followed and shifted, sliding closer and closer until soon enough, he couldn’t be stopped from climbing atop Aoi’s lap anymore.

It was the first time that Aoi’s throat produced a low groan. Kazuki’s hands in his hair and his ass atop his thighs made it more and more difficult to keep his control intact. He just didn’t… want to go so far just yet… His body was betraying him though, and he couldn’t prevent it.

“Y-Yuu…,” Kazuki whimpered once Aoi’s fingertips were right where they had wanted to be all this damn time, digging into the bare flesh of Kazuki’s thighs as if to emphasize how eagerly his tongue was ravishing his mouth. They only pulled apart for air once they were both running out of it. Gasping for breath, Aoi glanced up at Kazuki whose breathing was equally as heavy, his hands coming down to rest upon Aoi’s shoulders. Fuck, this was intense.

“Satisfied now?” Aoi asked and stroked his palms along and around Kazuki’s hips to hold him securely on his lap, unable to hold back a smirk. Seeing Kazuki so breathless and with his cheeks flushed was a far more beautiful view than he’d expected, making him all the more impatient to take him to bed. But they couldn’t, and even if he’d wanted to, he was pretty sure Kazuki wasn’t going to be ready for _that_ yet.

Speaking of, seeing Kazuki bite down on his lip was what pulled him out of his thoughts eventually. Holy shit.

“If you always kiss like that I don’t think I’ll ever be, to be honest,” Kazuki grinned. No way in hell was he satisfied. Nor would he ever be. Not now that he knew just how fiery and passionate Aoi’s kisses could be. Not now that he’d felt that heat pouring off his body, felt how much Aoi _wanted_ him. Kazuki wouldn’t stop him. Even if it was just this once, he wouldn’t tell Aoi to stop.

Aoi felt his chest swell, as if his heart wasn’t already beating fast enough.

“I…,” He breathed and was already leaning in again (now that he’d started he really didn’t want to stop so soon), only to find Kazuki leaning back like the damn tease he was, “I do, in fact, always kiss like that.”

And right as he finished his phrase, Aoi dipped his head down quickly and caught Kazuki’s lips once again. Kazuki audibly gasped into their kiss in surprise and his hand shot behind him reflexively to find support. The only thing there was the piano and the tiles screeched loudly in protest as Kazuki’s palm hit them. Aoi’s smirk grew, relishing in the moment as his tongue fleetingly brushed over the ring that adorned Kazuki’s bottom lip and caused a small moan to fall between them. He was granted entrance easily and after his fingers had found the perfect hold on Kazuki’s hips, he lifted him up. The clang of even more mismatched notes from the piano filled the room as he set Kazuki on the precious instrument. Aoi’s mouth devoured him, tongue dipping in and out, forcing Kazuki to imagine him slipping into other parts of him. The images that flashed through his mind had him moaning under Aoi’s touch.

Although it was obvious, at least to him, that he was getting too invested in the situation, Aoi couldn’t stop his legs from moving. He made a step forward, pushing the bench away in the process. Propping both his hands on top of the piano and on either side of Kazuki’s trembling body, Aoi hovered above him, feeling and smelling and tasting that Kazuki wanted him just as much, and it almost made him think-

That the ringing door bell was exactly what he needed in order to stop.

Kazuki had just started yanking at the bottom of his thin tank top when they broke apart with a sloppy noise and Aoi hung his head in frustration. Or was it relief? He had no idea. He couldn’t think. All he knew was that he needed to get the door or some _other_ kind of hunger was going to get the better of him.

Left half sitting half standing against the piano, Kazuki could still feel the wet sensation of Aoi’s tongue along his lips. His breathing was harsh, his head spinning, as he made his way to the couch and sat down. Wow. He couldn’t figure out whether he was supposed to be annoyed at or thankful for the interruption. Thankful perhaps because of the risk but Kazuki would have lied had he said he wouldn’t have loved to spend another minute tugging that tank top off.

Aoi came in a few minutes later, setting the take-out boxes on the table. He was not quite looking at him, though.

“Are you going to avoid me again after this? Like you did before and pretend nothing happened?” Kazuki asked honestly, because he deserved to know where they stood.

“No, Kazuki, I won’t,” Aoi replied right away, sitting down next to him and handing him a pair of chopsticks, “But we need to set some ground rules. We have to be careful. For both our sakes. This- ” he gestured around the room, “is safe. We’re alone here and no one can tell us what we can and cannot do. But out in public… this kind of thing can’t happen. No one can know. You understand that, right?”

Kazuki nodded, picking up a little box of rice, “I do. I’m aware of all of that. I think I can handle just being with you here every once in awhile. We at least deserve to give this a try.”

A small smile curled Aoi’s lips as he reached for the second bowl of rice.

“You know it’s not going to be easy, right?” he said with a side glance before lifting a portion of food into his mouth. Kazuki hummed in response, his eyes thoughtful as he chewed. Aoi once again wondered if he was really aware of what he was getting himself into.

“I know,” Kazuki answered eventually, “It’s not like I… I mean, I know who you are. And I know the risk, especially for a band as established as yours.”

“It’s not just about me,” Aoi corrected instantly, and although he could see that Kazuki wasn’t fond of how serious their conversation had become, he knew it was necessary. For Kazuki to hear it, and for himself as well.

“If any word of this gets out too early… It’s going to ruin your career. They’re going to dish the entire range, my reputation, record sales only going well because you slept your way up, me seducing you or forcing you into things because I’m older, paparazzi- ”

“Okay, I get it.”

Kazuki huffed out a breath, and he pressed the back of his hand against his forehead. It was a lot to take in, Aoi hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him but… it was important.

“I got to say though, for someone who’s not sure if it’ll work out you’re looking pretty far into the future.”

Looking up from his food, Aoi found Kazuki narrowing his eyes at him, though with a light grin on his lips. Aoi rolled his eyes playfully, shoving another portion of rice and vegetables into his mouth.

“That’s not what I- ”

“I know,” Kazuki giggled and put his empty bowl down atop the glass coffee table that stood by the couch. He’d really been hungrier than expected.

“But… and I know it sounds crazy, but I meant what I said.”

He met Aoi’s eyes with a fond look. “I’ve never felt something like this before, Yuu. You said you felt it too and… We have all the time in the world, right? Twenty dates just to get to know each other if that’s what’s needed. I just… really want this, for some reason. I don’t understand how.”

By the end of his little confession, Kazuki’s cheeks were feeling hot again. Ugh, he hadn’t planned on this. But now he’d said it and he couldn’t gauge Aoi’s reaction at all.

Even though it was only half empty, Aoi put his bowl down too, uttering a sigh. What was he supposed to say? It was wrong for Kazuki to feel like he was supposed to justify himself, but Aoi couldn’t tell him that everything was going to be alright. He was so bad with feelings to begin with… Either way, he didn’t get a chance to continue his search for words of comfort. Kazuki was already scrambling to climb onto his lap again.

“Wha- wait… Kaz- Ugh.”

Aoi groaned in surprise, then in relish when their lips met. Kazuki pressed close to him eagerly. Holy hell, if this was how they started out already, they were never going to get anything done. Aoi’s hands couldn’t resist the body that was snuggling against him, right in front of him, and they began exploring upwards on Kazuki’s thighs while he returned the kiss.

“Kazuki, please…” Aoi begged once they withdrew from each other, feeling his self-control starting to tremor again, “If you keep doing this I’ll never get you home on time.”

“Well,” Kazuki grinned, allowing his hands to slide down until they were playing with the collar of Aoi’s shirt, “Like I said earlier…”

“No,” Aoi replied firmly and a light scold to his voice, “You have to go back and you know it. Byou’s probably already died a thousand deaths at this point.”

Kazuki bit down on his lip. Aoi looked at him like there was no room for debate, and if he was being honest to himself, he was right.  

“Fine.”

With a sigh of resignation Kazuki pulled away further, out of kissing reach but not off his lap. This was the only time they’d have together for who knew how long. He wanted to make the most of it. So instead of going in for another kiss, he just leaned down and laid his head on Aoi’s shoulder. Aoi didn’t seem to mind much, his arms loosely wrapped around his hips. A content sigh left his lips as his fingers trailed over Kazuki’s shoulder.

“Yuu? I’m sorry that I poked fun at you for talking about us in the long term. If life allows it, I would like long term to happen. I can’t explain it, but being near you makes me feel at peace. Like my worries just melt away and all I can focus on is you. I know that sounds so cheesy but it’s true,” Kazuki admitted, and he didn’t even fear how Aoi would react.

Aoi turned his head to nuzzle Kazuki’s soft skin, left bare by his oversized t-shirt, “I know what you mean. You calm me too. It’s… definitely not going to be easy, but if we can make it...”

They were quiet for a few moments, enjoying the closeness they both knew would be fleeting. To be honest, Aoi didn’t want Kazuki to go home but his excuse of last night, that he lived closer to the studio than Kazuki’s bandmates, was going to stop working if Kazuki took forever to come home. So he couldn’t stay here too long without his band getting suspicious. Aoi also had a feeling Uruha already had an inkling that there was something between the two of them and he needed to squash that as soon as possible.

A small cough brought him back to his senses as he felt Kazuki’s body jerk against his own. Fuck! He’d completely forgotten that he was still sick. He needed to get Kazuki home so he could rest more. Aoi patted the sides of his thighs.

“Kazi? Babe, I’ve got to take you home. You need to sleep more,” he said, standing up with Kazuki still clinging to him, then setting him down in his place. He finally realized how pink Kazuki’s cheeks had become again and worry filled his chest. “I’m going to get your things and change clothes. Just stay here, okay?”

Kazuki nodded, feeling hot all over again. It seemed like he must have fallen asleep because the next time he opened his eyes Aoi was there again, dressed and with a bag filled with his clothes. With some help keeping steady from Aoi, he managed to pull his jeans on but kept his shirt.

“You can keep it. I’m sure I won’t miss one. Plus, I think you want to, don’t you?” Aoi smirked, grabbing his shades from the table.

“I kinda do, yes,” was Kazuki’s answering giggle.

As they got into the black Jaguar, he couldn’t believe he was going back to his house now. It seemed unreal. The entire morning felt like a dream that he easily could’ve had last night during his fever, one that he didn’t want to wake up from. And yet as they pulled up in front of the conbini two blocks away from his apartment, reality came crashing down around him.

“Kazuki?”

He turned back to Aoi whose hand slipped around the back of his neck, a quick kiss placed to his lips.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out together. Get some rest and text me, alright?”

“Okay,” he replied, opening the car door, “See you around… boyfriend.”

Kazuki winked, shutting the door and hurrying into the building. Aoi stared after him a bit dumbfounded. B-Boyfriend?

* * *

 Once Kazuki unlocked the door to their apartment, all hell broke loose.

Or at least it felt like it. Jin and Manabu came bolting straight at him, yelling things so loudly Kazuki couldn’t even understand them properly.

“Guys- ”

“Oh my god, how was it?”

“You hooked up with him, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t- ”

“Is he a good kisser? I bet he’s amazing.”

“We- ”

“I knew it!!”

“ _Guys!!_ ”

Byou’s voice silenced them all. Kazuki’s bandmates ducked their heads and muttered words of apology.

“At least let him arrive properly, for God’s sake,” Byou said, and Kazuki was finally able to step away and toe off his shoes. The jacket though he didn’t take off, not wanting to risk that any of them recognized that it wasn’t his own shirt he was wearing. Jin and Manabu let him pass, yet they couldn’t suppress their curious glances, and he walked past Byou who stood in the doorway leading to their small kitchen.

“How are you? Do you feel better?” Byou asked and Kazuki only nodded, knowing fully well what it really was that Byou wanted to ask. He could hear it in his voice. Now he had to be careful.

“I feel better, really. Aoi-san allowed me to sleep in his guest bedroom and he gave me some medicine, too. It helped a lot but I’m probably going to take another nap anyway,” he explained while pouring himself a glass of cold tap water. At least that would help cool his body down because the mere thought of Aoi and the way they had kissed threatened to pull him into hyperdrive.

“And he didn’t … try to initiate anything. Did he?”

Kazuki frowned at Byou. There was an equally deep crease between the vocalist’s brows and he didn’t only seem concerned but … jealous, as well? Could it be?

“Initiate?” Kazuki repeated. “What would he initiate? No, he didn’t do anything. We didn’t speak much at all actually.”

Kazuki couldn’t be imagining it. Byou’s shoulders were falling with relief, right? It was definitely relief. What else?

“Okay, I just…”

“You were just concerned for me, B. I get it, and I appreciate it. I just wanna sleep some more now, alright?”

Byou nodded with another sigh and stepped aside, squeezing Kazuki’s shoulder briefly and with a smile that Kazuki could only return. He felt like he’d safely gotten past that first hurdle, still he already felt that he didn’t like denying what was going on.

Once he’d disappeared in the small bedroom he shared with the singer, he retrieved his phone, slipped out of his jacket, his socks and jeans, and cuddled up underneath his thin blanket. The grin spreading on his face once he unlocked his phone was ridiculous. Maybe it was a good idea to change Aoi’s name to Yuu? That way his bandmates wouldn’t know who he was texting if they ever lurked on his phone, which they liked to do. While he was at it, Kazuki texted Aoi as well like he’d asked.

 **Kazuki  
** _Hey, I’m back in bed. As ordered._

He quickly switched apps to check his Twitter feed but it didn’t take long until his phone was vibrating with a reply.

 **Yuu  
** _Well done. :P Now go to sleep or I’ll see myself forced to come over and make you._

 **Kazuki  
** _Not that I’d have anything against that…?_

 **Yuu  
** _No dates as long as you’re sick, baby._

Talk about talented, Aoi even managed to make him blush through a damn screen!

 **Kazuki  
** _Okay, okay. I’ll go! And thank you again. <3 _

**Yuu  
** _Don’t mention it. Stay home tomorrow if you don’t feel well yet. I’ll see you around._

And while Aoi took at least a minute to get over everything - being called boyfriend and a heart emoji in one day?! - Kazuki smiled himself to sleep.

* * *

  **Ki-kun  
** _I took your advice and stayed home today. Don’t miss me too much._

Aoi rolled his eyes at the text. Kazuki was so bold. Which made him pause when he realized he actually had no idea how old his now ‘boyfriend’ was.

 **Yuu  
** _I’m glad you did. You need to take it easy for awhile. By the way, how old are you?_

He felt so stupid asking, but considering how young Kazuki _looked,_ it was probably a good idea on his part. Part of him already felt like some kind of old pervert for falling for this kid anyway.

 **Ki-kun  
** _0.o Feeling like a dirty old man? I’m legal if that’s what you’re wondering. I’ll turn 22 in a few months. How old are you? 43? 44?_

Aoi snorted at that. Who exactly did he think he was? And ‘will turn 22’? Geez, he was still a child.

 **Yuu  
** _I’m 27 you little shit. And no, I do not feel like a dirty old man. If you’re my boyfriend then I have every right to picture you bent over my piano._

 **Ki-kun  
** _Yuu… stop. Go to practice!_

Ah, so Kazuki wasn’t so bold after all. Aoi imagined him snuggled up in bed under a mountain of covers with his phone, a blush on his pretty cheeks. It was enough to give an old man a heart attack.

“Oi, Yuu. What’s with that grin on your face?” Uruha asked, plopping his lanky body down on the sofa next to him.

“Just read something funny. Nothing important.”

Uruha arched a brow at him, resting his hands on his stomach and sliding down on the cushion. “Are you sure it didn’t have anything to do with Kazuki? You were pretty adamant about taking him home last night. Did he make it okay? How do you two even know each other?”

Aoi stiffened slightly, locking the phone screen and shoving it back into his pocket. He’d been expecting this conversation but not quite so soon.

“I met him the first day they were here. He got lost and we talked as I took him back to the studio. He’s very talkative even if you don’t respond,” he chuckled at his own stupid joke, “Anyway, he just happened to mention where he lived so I figured I should be responsible for once and get him home. It was fine. I told him to stay home just in case but that’s it. I think they’re good guys.”

Uruha’s already small eyes narrowed into tiny slits and Aoi had a feeling he wanted to push further on the subject but thankfully, the studio door opened before he could. Ruki and Reita strolled in, immediately grabbing each other’s hands as the door shut behind them. They were fairly safe in the studio.

A pang of jealousy went through Aoi’s chest. He was happy that the company had been so accepting of the two’s relationship, but he … he wanted to be like that with Kazuki. He had to get this under control or it was going to ruin what they did have.

“Yuu! Guess what Sakai just told us?” Ruki said excitedly, jumping onto Uruha’s open lap. The guitarist clearly was not approving but Ruki clearly wasn’t caring.

“PSC is going to throw a little party to welcome Screw into the company. So we get to take the day off and dress up a little. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

Aoi smiled, genuinely, at the vocalist’s excited tone. He adored Ruki and loved to see him happy, but no, he was not in the least bit excited about being in the same room as Kazuki and having to pretend he didn’t want to be kissing him.

“Yeah, of course. That sounds like fun. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Kou gets home,” he joked and Uruha flipped him off. “When is this dinner party, Taka?”

“This Saturday. So make sure your grumpy ass is out of bed and ready!”

Oh, how Aoi loved him. And wanted to choke the life out of him at the same time.

“Alright Taka, stop squishing Kou. Time to get back to practice.”

As they got up, Aoi sent one last text to his sick boyfriend.

 **Yuu  
** _In all seriousness, I hope you get some rest today. I want you to feel better very soon. Sleep well sweetheart. <3 _

How Kazuki was supposed to sleep well, he had no idea. Aoi was making his heart flutter with every message and that particular image he’d set in his mind… it didn’t seem to plan on leaving. If he would like it? Being bent over… Kazuki couldn’t help but wonder. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have any sexual experience at all but what Yuu had implied was something entirely different and it thrilled and frightened him at the same time. Now that he thought about it, he really was looking forward to exploring who Aoi really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts if you like! Kudos are always appreciated but never obligatory :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is a long one but we hope you enjoy! And not that we think you guys need one but) 
> 
> WARNING: SMUT AHEAD.

“Oi, Yuu, what’re you gonna wear for the party tonight?”

Three days had passed but not one where Ruki hadn’t asked him about his damn outfit. Why was it so important to him anyway? Aoi wasn’t really keen on having to act like he was interested in anyone else but Kazuki. Then again, that seemed a little unfair towards the other guys, he had to admit.

“Why do you care so much, Taka?” Aoi called in the direction of his phone that was on speaker lying on his bed behind him. “It’s not that special of an occasion.”

That was a lie and he knew it. It was kind of special, as it was an introduction of the new band to the company and Aoi could well imagine that the Screw boys were currently freaking out over it. Those three days had passed with nothing but text messages between Kazuki and him. Aoi wanted to think that it was a good thing that they were both busy and unable to just meet each other by chance in the hallways. God knew he would have dragged him into a bathroom every time.  Aoi was really looking forward to just seeing him again, healthy at that.

“I think I’m just going for a suit,” he eventually interrupted Ruki’s endless rambles about these and those outfits he apparently couldn’t choose from. Examining the content of his wardrobe, he raised an eyebrow.

“A suit? How boring,” Ruki fake-yawned from the other end of the line.

“I mean, we’re supposed to be their senpais, right? I can at least look like one.”

“Bo-ring.”

“Oh shush.”

And that was that. Ruki was free to dress up as glamorous as he wanted to but Aoi didn’t feel like it. Besides, he thought of himself to look pretty charming in a suit. Their phone call ended soon afterwards and it only took a minute, as if he’d waited for it, that Aoi’s phone vibrated with a message from Kazuki. Aoi dropped the tie he’d chosen and picked up the device.

 **Ki-kun  
** _Yuuuuuuuuuuu, I don’t know what to wear. I’m nervous :(_

Aoi grinned.

 **Handsome Man <3  
** _How about nothing at all?_

He took the three minutes of no reply that followed as stunned silence on Kazuki’s end, finding it immensely pleasing.

 **Ki-kun  
** _I mean, I can prolong that to when you’re taking me to your place after?_

He’d grinned too soon. Now it was a frown that spread on Aoi’s forehead. Kazuki wasn’t wasting any time now, was he? And that use of ‘when’... very confident.

 **Handsome Man <3  
** _Wishful thinking._

 **Ki-kun  
** _Ouch. :(_

 **Handsome Man <3  
** _You know how I meant it, babe. We’ll get to it._

He hadn’t been too direct, right? Or mean? Aoi was starting to worry when there was no response after five minutes. Damn. He’d hurt his feelings, hadn’t he? That had been too direct of a rejection. Ugh. He had to do some catching up concerning dating.

When his phone finally vibrated fifteen - fifteen! - minutes later, Aoi was almost too afraid to look but he did it anyway.

 **Ki-kun  
** _Sorry for the delay. I had to keep an eye on the other idiots. They’re way too excited. But yeah, I understand. Either way, I can’t wait to see you._

He allowed a relieved sigh to leave him. Kazuki having to look after his hyped bandmates seemed more logical so he kept it at that. His words made Aoi smile.

 **Handsome Man <3  
** _Likewise, baby._

Before he knew it, Aoi had wasted three hours of his work-free day working on songs and it was time to leave. After looking himself up and down in the hallway mirror again, he was glad he’d decided on a whim to omit the tie. It did look a bit too formal. A nice shirt and suit jacket would make do for the evening.

* * *

This was far too frustrating. It was just a welcome dinner after all, not some sort of art gallery opening or something. Kazuki threw yet another set of clothes onto his futon. Nothing was good enough. He wanted to wear something that would make sure Aoi was going to want to take him home. It had only been a few days but Kazuki needed to be back in his arms, needed to feel him close again. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Aoi denied him.

Hands on his hips, Kazuki stared at the makeshift closet that consisted of plastic milk crates he’d stolen from outside a grocery store. His gaze fell upon something. With a grin on his face, Kazuki pulled out a pair of tight black jeans and slipped into them. They were perfectly ripped up, but all the way up the top, leaving a good portion of his thighs on display. Aoi had definitely appreciated that part of him. The shirt he found was equally torn up, part t-shirt part fishnet, and the neckline was wide, showing off his collarbones. He paired it all with his tattered black boots and finished the look with an o-ring collar around his neck. Fluffing out his hair a bit and lining his eyes with eyeliner, even he had to admit he looked good like this. Hopefully Aoi would think so too.

Happy with his decision, Kazuki grabbed his wallet and met with the rest of his band to leave for the party.

* * *

“I still think just a suit is super boring, Yuu. Couldn’t you have at least tried to look a little like you put effort into it?”

Aoi rolled his eyes. He looked _fine_ . And it didn’t matter what Ruki thought. Kazuki’s opinion was the only one that mattered to him anymore (he was _so_ damn whipped).  
While he tried to ignore Ruki’s rambling over the rim of some overly fruity cocktail, Aoi downed his own rum and coke just as the doors to the banquet hall opened again. His breath voided his lungs. The members of Screw walked through the door, looking nervous beneath the confetti raining down on them and the combined congratulations everyone around was yelling. Kazuki’s eyes were scanning the room and when those beautiful eyes landed on him, the smile grew even wider. Kazuki looked absolutely stunning and Aoi would be lying if he said he didn’t want to immediately scoop him up and take him home. Wait… was that a collar around his neck? Holy fuck. This kid was going to be the death of him many times over.

“Aoi-san, good evening,” Kazuki said sweetly, bowing his head slightly once he’d stepped through the crowd and up to them. “Ruki-san, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Ruki smirked, holding a hand out to the younger. “You’re the guitarist prodigy that Uruha and Aoi keep talking about. It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m going to go find Reita. You two have a good time,” he said, leaving the two guitarists alone. Kazuki waited until he was sure Ruki was out of hearing range.

“Does he know?” he whispered.

Aoi shook his head. “No, but he thinks he’s a matchmaker and he’s already a bit drunk. Don’t worry. You, uh, you look very sexy by the way.”

Kazuki blushed at the compliment, turning his eyes away. “Enough to earn a night at my boyfriend’s house I hope.”

“We’ll see, baby, I can’t make any promises. You should go talk to more people, though. We don’t want this to look suspicious. Come find me after awhile, okay? Congrats by the way. I’m going to go say hi to everyone else.”

Aoi risked giving him a quick kiss to his cheek before leaving him again reluctantly. He spent the whole night talking with others from the company and keeping an eye on Kazuki. Byou stayed near him, too which Aoi wasn’t too pleased with. One way or another he _was_ taking Kazuki home as soon as the party was over. He was feeling possessive and wasn’t exactly proud of it.

Though he tried to be appropriate and act accordingly while meeting other musicians and members of management, Kazuki couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Aoi every chance he got. He looked so _good_ in that open black suit, all manly and professional. All Kazuki wanted to do was go home with him. At one point he saw Byou and Uruha engaged in a conversation halfway across the room and Kazuki caught himself hoping that maybe Byou would stay distracted enough like this. They did seem to enjoy whatever they were talking about, Uruha was describing some sort of shape with his hands and Byou was... laughing. 

Kazuki smiled to himself, but it was about an hour later that he really felt like he needed some fresh air. He'd been so excited and nervous for this evening, but as much as he'd enjoyed getting to know so many other people who had the same passions as him, the heat in the room and his own nerves were getting to him a little. He grabbed another drink and quickly retreated out the back exit where only a few other men were standing together smoking. The night was clear and fresh. Kazuki instantly felt better as soon as he sucked in a deep breath. 

“You’re not being very inconspicuous, you know?”

Kazuki’s head snapped up. Uruha was leaning against the wall next to him, a glass of wine in his hand.

“I’m not being inconspicuous about what exactly, Uruha-san?” he asked nonchalantly, taking a sip of his champagne.

“About Aoi, and neither is he.”

Oh. Kazuki swallowed.

“You two keep eye-fucking each other from across the room. Don’t worry, I think I’m the only one that’s caught on and I’m not going to say a word. Honestly, I’m happy. Aoi isn’t great at meeting people and spends so much time by himself. I think someone like you would be good for him. In fact, I encourage this completely. You know, from one lead guitarist to another, why don’t we get together after the party tonight and hang out? Then we could go to my favorite music shop tomorrow?”

Unsure of what Uruha was trying to do, Kazuki frowned _heavily_. He’d said he was supporting of him and Aoi but then invited him over alone?

“Uruha-san, I’m not sure I’m following. You want to hang out later tonight, then again tomorrow?”

“Hmm. Or if we have a few drinks you could just spend the night. I mean, it’s fine because we’re just talking music, right? No one would think anything of it. I’m getting a taxi home, but I’m sure Aoi could give you a ride to mine,” he finished with a wink, and Kazuki finally understood. Uruha was giving him an excuse to tell his band so he could be with Aoi. A dumb grin spread on his face.

“Ah, yes. I’ll have to ask him. Thank you for being so supportive, Uruha-san. Then I’ll see you later?”

The lead guitarist smirked and gave him a little nod, nudging him with his shoulder. Kazuki took the hint and found Aoi getting another drink from the bar. He had to be a bit less conspicuous.

“Aoi-san?” he spoke up and waited for Aoi to end his conversation with the woman next to him. “Would it be possible for you to give me a ride to Uruha-san’s after the party?” he asked then, hoping Aoi was less dense than he was, and that he wouldn’t be mad that Uruha had figured them out. “He’s invited me over to talk guitars since we’re both leads, but he wants me to get a ride.”

Aoi’s hand stopped mid-air on the way to his mouth. Wait, what? Give Kazuki … a ride? To Uruha’s place? That sounded all kinds of wrong to him. What the…

“Talk guitars?” He repeated with obvious confusion on his face. Kazuki nodded with a polite smile and stepped closer to the bar to prop an arm on it. This wasn’t good. Aoi couldn’t stop his eyes from scanning Kazuki top to bottom and that collar was doing things to him. This wasn’t good at all. And why was Kazuki looking at him so pointedly? Was he missing something?

“Yes, he said we could look into some songs or maybe come up with something…,” Kazuki explained further. “But since he knows that I’m still short on money, he thought that _surely_ you could _give me a ride_ to his place. After the party.”

Aoi blinked. This was a hidden message, wasn’t it? He looked around. Byou stood about five meters away from them, seeming a little tense but he was clearly keeping an eye on them. Had been the entire evening in fact. Aoi’s eyes roamed further and on the wall to his far right, they met Uruha’s. Was he watching them, too? Looking back at Kazuki, then back at Uruha, over to Byou and back at Kazuki again, the scales slowly began to fall from Aoi’s eyes. Oh good lord.

“Oh,” he made dumbly and Kazuki appeared relieved that he had finally understood. He had to play along now.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure I can do that. No problem,” he nodded quickly and downed his drink. Goddamn Uruha. He knew? How the hell had he figured it out? Had Aoi been so obvious?

“Okay, great!” Kazuki smiled and already took a step away. “I’ll see you in a bit then.”

With that, he was gone. Aoi felt more than just a little dumbfounded but he knew he couldn’t let it show. From the corner of his eyes he saw Uruha giving him a brief smirk and Aoi groaned inwardly. Great. Uruha was never going to let him live this down, was he? _Can’t keep your fingers off the younger ones, can you, Yuu?_

True to his word though, when they had all spent another hour mingling and conversing and the crowd was slowly scattering apart, Uruha took good care that it wasn’t going to be suspicious why Kazuki was going with him. Aoi somehow wanted to thank him but seeing as there was always someone coming up to him to say goodbye, he didn’t get the chance. Maybe it was best this way, he was only going to embarrass himself. All he could do at the moment was throw his bandmate a thankful glance and he thought Uruha understood.

Aoi watched dismissively how Kazuki tried to convince his bandmates into letting him go. They were still worrying? Even after Uruha had done such a good job of setting up this excuse for them? His impatience was getting the better of him. Aoi wanted to get home with Kazuki as soon as possible. He cleared his throat in ambiguity, earning a few looks from Kazuki’s bandmates. Aoi exchanged a glance with Kazuki himself before he headed towards his car and got inside. Kazuki had to deal with this on his own, if he helped it would only be suspicious, right?

It took another three minutes until the passenger’s door opened and a very dashing looking Kazuki joined him. Aoi’s lips were already curled into a grin as he started the engine and set the car in reverse, maneuvering it out of the parking lot.

“So,” he began after five seconds. “He knows. Uruha.”

“Yup.”

Aoi groaned. “Great. That worked out great.”

“I didn’t tell him!” Kazuki exclaimed right away and turned towards Aoi in his seat. Surely he wasn’t thinking that of him, was he? “He literally just … came up to me and said that we were being too obvious. I didn’t say anything, I- ”

“Kazuki,” Aoi interrupted his torrent of words and reached over to place his palm atop the younger guitarist’s thigh with a soft smile. “I know that you didn’t say anything. Uruha is just … really good at observing people. But he’s my best friend, I know he won’t say a word. And to be honest,” he looked up briefly to see that the traffic light ahead of them had conveniently just switched to red. “I was being a little obvious with staring at you indeed.”

When the car stopped, Aoi’s hand lifted only for his fingertip to curl through the ring that dangled off Kazuki’s collar. He looked into his eyes for a short moment.

“I like this.”

He caressed Kazuki’s cheek fleetingly, grinning at the blush that spread beneath his touch, before sliding his palm back down to Kazuki’s thigh.

“All of this.”

Kazuki seemed stunned into silence once more. Aoi could almost feel the heat radiating from him and the little tremor that shook his body every time his thumb brushed over one of the exposed patches of skin. Kazuki didn’t say anything for the rest of their drive. It made Aoi frown a little as he realized it but as soon as Kazuki grabbed his hand from his thigh, he knew he didn’t have to worry. What was he thinking?

The Jaguar turned into the parking lot of his apartment building a while later and Aoi got out so he could open Kazuki’s door as well. Offering a hand, he tugged Kazuki straight against his chest and into a kiss. Kazuki gasped in surprise and stumbled back towards the car but Aoi's arms quickly trapped him against it safely. Aoi’s eyes fell close and he thoroughly enjoyed how Kazuki instantly pressed closer to him.

“I lied,” he whispered as they pulled apart. “I don’t just like it. I love it.”

Pink heat shot higher into Kazuki’s cheeks and it fed Aoi’s ego in the nicest way. He already knew he lived for making Kazuki blush and stumble and stutter beneath his advances. And he wasn’t done just yet either. After a glance down along Kazuki’s body, Aoi’s voice dropped another octave and his words were accompanied by a small, incredulous head shake.

“You look so fucking hot.”

He kissed him again, harshly, and Kazuki outright moaned into Aoi’s mouth. He could taste how much Aoi wanted him and it made arousal begin to course through his body. A little voice in the back of his head told him to calm down, though. He had known Aoi for hardly two weeks. Yes, he wanted him, it wasn’t as if he was a virgin or anything, but something about this seemed different. Or maybe he just wanted it to _be_ different.

“Yuu… Yuu, we should go inside before someone catches us,” he giggled when Aoi’s lips started trailing along his jawline.

Aoi sighed but knew he was right.

“Ah, look at me being too eager. You just look too good for me to control myself,” he laughed, twining his fingers with Kazuki’s and leading him upstairs. However, when they entered, Kazuki distanced himself from him and Aoi sensed anxiousness crawling up his spine.

“Kazuki? Babe, are you alright?” he asked before moving to the kitchen to pour two glasses of wine.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. It just…” Kazuki followed, biting his lip. “It kind of hit me that we haven’t known each other very long. I mean, I know why I’m here but maybe this was a mistake? I don’t know if I’m ready to go further yet but I feel bad because Uruha-san set this night up for us so nicely.”

Aoi frowned, putting his glass down after taking a sip (a big sip). This wasn’t something Kazuki needed to be worrying about. Ever.

“It doesn’t matter what Uruha did, Kazuki. You aren’t under any pressure. And you never will be. Just because we’re here doesn’t mean we have to _do_ anything. I’d be happy just to enjoy your company. But I’ll admit I’d love to fall asleep with you tonight. _Just_ sleep.”

Kazuki blushed all the way up to his ears.

“Th-Thank you, Yuu. I would be happy to share a bed with you tonight. But I wouldn’t mind kissing you a little more either,” he said cheekily.

Aoi hummed, taking Kazuki’s glass away before his mouth came even close to it. It didn’t take him very long to have Kazuki back in his arms and their lips locked together. When Kazuki’s hands came delving into his hair, Aoi grabbed his gorgeous thighs and lifted him up. Kazuki’s legs wrapped around his waist, locking together securely like they had never even belonged anywhere else. Their tongues fought for dominance but Aoi knew he was still very much in charge of the nervous guitarist in his arms. He figured moving to the bedroom this soon was only going to spook Kazuki so he took steps towards the sofa, sitting back and letting Kazuki sit on top of him.

“Did you wear this just to tease me, hm?” Aoi asked, hooking a finger through the o-ring on his collar and giving it a slight tug. Kazuki let loose a low moan before he could control it.

“I thought you might like it,” he replied, nipping at Aoi’s lip ring. Through his jeans, Kazuki could feel just how much Aoi wanted him and he hesitantly rolled his hips, watching his face as he did. The look of bliss in Aoi’s expression made it all worth it; big hands gripped his hips tightly.

“Oh God, don’t go there,” Aoi cursed under his breath, biting down on his lip briefly before Kazuki’s own pried them open again.

“Don’t go where?” Kazuki muttered into his mouth and Aoi’s fingers only dug harder into Kazuki’s skin. There honestly was no sense in hiding his hard-on anyway, his self-control was faltering and he was pretty positive Kazuki was going to tell him if he went too far. Aoi pressed Kazuki closer into his groin.

“Here,” he groaned, allowing his tongue to dance along Kazuki’s jaw and the shiver that he felt running over Kazuki’s skin only mimicked the one he felt on his own. Aoi kissed down his neck and his hands began sliding up, around to Kazuki’s lower back and under his shirt. A stuttered breath escaped the mouth above him and the hands that soon found their way back into his hair forced a little hum from Aoi’s throat.

“Mm … you have no idea how badly I want to rip these clothes off you,” he murmured against the throat he was kissing, running his lips down towards Kazuki’s exposed collarbone. He had to remind himself not to leave hickeys, which was … difficult. Possessiveness lay in his nature and the notion of seeing his own marks on Kazuki was … beyond exciting.

However, a light pull to the hair at the back of his neck reminded him that it really wasn’t a good idea at all.

“Yuu- ”

“I know,” he said quickly, withdrawing and looking up at Kazuki’s flushed face. His lips were parted, his breathing heavy and his body was shaking slightly beneath the endless wandering of Aoi’s fingertips on his back. “God knows I know, but I really hate it already.”

Kazuki giggled at that and kissed him once more, though this time it was more gentle and Aoi felt like the heat that had developed between them so surprisingly rapid was starting to cool down now. They were both aware it was best not to rush things.

“You wanna go to bed?” Aoi asked softly after a glance at the clock on his living room wall. He let one hand come up to brush a loose strand of hair out of Kazuki’s forehead. Kazuki nodded and swung his legs off Aoi’s lap. With their fingers twined again, Aoi led them upstairs and down the hallway but Kazuki made a full-stop right in front of the bedroom door.

“Kaz?” Aoi asked with a light frown upon seeing Kazuki chewing on his lip. “You okay? You know you’ve seen this room before.”

“Well yeah, but…” Kazuki hesitated, keeping his gaze focused on their joined hands. “That was like five minutes to get a shirt, and I’ve never … slept in it.”

“How about you start doing so tonight then?”

Kazuki’s eyes flicked up and Aoi could only chuckle at his shy countenance. God, he was adorable.

“Now come on in, will you?” he grinned and opened the door, stepping aside to let Kazuki enter, which he did with an expression almost like reverence on his face. Had he never slept in another man’s bed before? Aoi couldn’t believe that.

 _Probably not one as luxurious,_ his mind added automatically and that made a whole lot more sense.

“Do you want one of my shirts to sleep?” Aoi asked casually after he’d lightened up the bedside lamps and activated the switch that darkened the glass windows. He stepped up in front of his wardrobe but before searching through it, opened the buttons of his shirt.

“Um, sure, yes. Thank you,” Kazuki said and turned around. Aoi had _just_ let his button-up shirt brush off his shoulders and Kazuki was, well… left speechless. His eyes were glued to Aoi’s strong, wide shoulders and his slightly tanned skin like a leaf stuck in honey, and when the shirt slid off Aoi’s arms and his long hair swished against his back, his mouth _literally_ started watering. Kazuki moved on autopilot. His heart was starting to beat faster. Stepping up behind Aoi, he snaked his arms around his waist so he could lean his cheek against all that naked back. Aoi was warm and soft beneath his touch.

“You’re beautiful, Yuu. So incredibly beautiful,” he whispered, turning his head to kiss along Aoi’s spine. Aoi didn’t stop Kazuki as he turned him around and latched his lips onto his sternum. He trailed wet kisses downwards, ran his tongue around a hardened nipple and tugged at it slightly with his teeth. The light groan falling from Aoi’s lips only urged him on.

Aoi couldn’t close his eyes even if he’d wanted to. The sight of Kazuki’s rosy lips sucking at his chest was too much. He usually wasn’t the type to make a ton of noise but when teeth nipped at his sensitive skin, he had to moan.  
And when Kazuki dropped to his knees, lapping open kisses all the way down to the top of his dress pants, Aoi definitely had to swallow a groan at just the sight of it.

“Kazi… babe, what are you doing?” he asked, voice hoarse from how dry his mouth was.

“Nothing that I don’t want to do,” Kazuki responded and went on to popping the button, pulling down the zipper and nuzzling the skin above Aoi’s tight boxers. Big brown eyes looked up at him questioningly and Aoi nodded. If Kazuki wanted to go further then who was he to deny him?

Kazuki took a deep breath and pushed Aoi’s pants from his hips. Aoi shoved them away with a foot and tangled his fingers in Kazuki’s silky hair. At the sight of how hard Aoi was, even through his underwear, Kazuki’s eyes widened slightly. He hadn’t really expected Aoi to be so big but he leaned in anyway, amazed at how hot he was.

Aoi was holding his breath without even realizing it. Kazuki looked so damn sexy, and when he tugged down Aoi’s boxers, his cock springing free right into his face, Aoi was sure he was going to pass out. Kazuki didn’t even hesitate to stick his tongue out, licking gently at his erection.

“Holy fuck Kazuki, you … y-you don’t have to do this.”

Kazuki smirked wordlessly. He opened his mouth and let Aoi’s cock slide in. Aoi definitely hadn’t been ready. He _honestly_ hadn’t planned on anything big to happen between them tonight but … he sure as hell wasn’t complaining either. He just wanted to make sure that Kazuki was comfortable. Aoi gave him a moment to adjust to the size in his mouth before he used the next opportunity to easy Kazuki off him again completely.

“Babe,” he said once again as he looked down at the younger guitarist licking his lips, “You don’t have to feel obligated to do this just because you got me hard earlier, okay? You feeling forced is the last thing I want.”

Kazuki smiled and he leaned his head up to place a kiss against the palm that was on his hair. He’d only just gotten the first taste and it had him certain he was going to love doing this.

“I don’t feel obligated,” he replied confidently. “I just really feel like doing it. So don’t worry, okay? You should sit down though.”

Aoi sighed, but it was more in relief than anything else, and he nodded to show that he understood. Admittedly, now that he’d felt Kazuki’s mouth, even just so shortly, he was already intrigued. He wanted to feel more of it, no doubt. He moved back and made the few steps to his bed where he sat down on the edge. Kazuki came crawling up to him and Aoi's entire entity got a little closer to passing out.

“Feline vibes, I like that,” he chuckled, parting his legs so Kazuki could kneel between them. His eyes had gotten an impish glint to them and his hand came up to wrap around the base of Aoi’s length. Kazuki’s lips were back around him in no time, engulfing him in an enticing, wet heat that had Aoi groaning under his breath. He just … really loved blowjobs, he couldn’t deny that, but with Kazuki’s mouth it looked ten times more delicious. He couldn’t look away, carding his fingers through his hair and watching his every move instead; albeit the pleasure this was bringing him slowly but surely got to him. Kazuki was blushing hard all while he worked his way up and down and sucked gently, the cool metal of his piercing rubbing against Aoi’s skin and sending electrifying shivers down his arms and back.

“Fuck… Kaz…” Aoi cursed and allowed his eyes to fall close and his head to loll back. With one hand supporting him on the bed behind him and the other tangled in Kazuki’s locks, he cautiously started to push his hips upwards. Kazuki got the hint immediately, slowing down his movements a bit so Aoi could set the pace.

Kazuki couldn’t help but watch Aoi as best as he could from his position. He looked absolutely breathtaking. His adam’s apple exposed, his lips parted with quiet moans and the fine muscles of his abdomen flexed with every stuttered breath he took. Kazuki somehow felt so lucky to have a man as fine as Aoi be equally interested in him. He also just really liked giving head. And Aoi seemed to like receiving it, at least he wasn’t very ashamed of showing it. Kazuki could only imagine what Aoi would be like in bed... He honestly couldn’t wait for that day to come, though he knew they had to take their time.

_Says the guy giving him a blowjob after barely two weeks._

In any case, Aoi’s grip suddenly tightened in his hair and Kazuki’s mind returned to what he was currently doing, swirling his tongue around the head where he sucked a little harder and earned an appreciative moan from above him.

“Ughn… Holy shit…” Aoi sighed with relish and blinked his eyes open, thrusting his hips up a tiny bit more urgently. Kazuki’s mouth was too good to him. It was leaving him breathless and feeling hot all over.

“Fuck, Kazuki… you’re so good,” he praised with a scratchy voice and seeing Kazuki smile in response only made him smile as much. Still, his mind wasn’t coherent for long. Too soon did he feel the familiar heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and that Kazuki was starting to stroke him additionally didn’t help anything. Like magnets set on each other, they began moving a little quicker and Kazuki’s own little sounds of pleasure fueled the lust bubbling through Aoi’s body. His muscles tensed in anticipation.

“Uhn… yeah, just like that... Can you take it?”

Oh boy, could he ever. Fuck. Kazuki couldn’t think of anything in the world he wanted more than to see Aoi like this, writhing and moaning all because of him. He took only a second to slightly nod his head, and already felt Aoi thrust harder up into his mouth. Every time the head brushed at the back of his throat, Kazuki could sense himself getting impossibly closer to orgasm. He hadn’t even touched himself! Was that even possible? It didn’t matter either way. Kazuki couldn’t keep his attention anywhere other than the beautiful man before him. He could even see the way Aoi’s muscles tightened just before his back arched, and his grip in Kazuki’s hair grew painful for the blink of an eye. Kazuki swallowed as best he could, eyes locking with Aoi’s and watching him shiver as his hips lost their rhythm.

“Kazi- ”

“Shh,” he whispered after pulling back, licking at his lips. His throat was fucked, both literally and figuratively. His voice was deeper and gravely. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Aoi was having a hard enough time just breathing so not having to speak was a blessing. His boyfriend looked so debauched though licking his red lips like that, and his hair all ruffled up from Aoi’s own hands. The sight alone would have been enough to get him hard again had he not just released so vigorously. He reached down and helped Kazuki up onto his lap. He kissed him slowly, tasting himself on his tongue, and Kazuki responded eagerly. He was throbbing against Aoi’s stomach, even through his heavy jeans. Ah damn, Aoi hadn’t even taken a moment to think about that.

“Kazuki, baby, stand up for a moment. Please?”

Kazuki’s brow creased in confusion but he did as asked, standing between Aoi’s knees. Aoi took no time in relieving Kazuki of his shirt and marveling in the flawless skin beneath. Kazuki shivered a bit but otherwise stayed still as Aoi stripped him out of those impossibly tight pants. With his fingers on the hem of Kazuki’s briefs, Aoi hesitated.

“It’s okay, Yuu. I don’t mind. Not if it’s you,” Kazuki whispered, and Aoi leaned in to kiss the shiny ring in his navel while he removed the last of his clothing.

“Come here,” he purred, pulling a completely naked Kazuki back onto his lap. He couldn’t get his mouth on enough of that skin, rolling him over onto the bed. Aoi wanted to taste every bit of him. Kazuki yelped but whether it was from surprise or because Aoi took no time in attacking every inch of his body he could possibly reach, Kazuki didn’t know. He did know he was making too much noise though, but Aoi didn’t seem to care. When teeth tugged at his belly button ring and caused Kazuki to arch up, the whine leaving him had Aoi grinning like the devil.

“Yuu, please,” Kazuki murmured and Aoi complied. His mouth engulfed him and Kazuki instantly felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. His body felt so hot, like his mind was starting to slip from him. He gripped on to Aoi’s offered hand like a lifeline, squeezing it all while Aoi expertly brought him to his peak. A tongue poking at the head of his erection was all it took for Kazuki to come undone, and he cried out the older guitarist’s name softly.

Aoi licked his lips clean. He honestly couldn’t remember when he’d last been on the giving end but he couldn’t really say he disliked it now. The sight before him was too beautiful to dislike anything about it. Kazuki’s hair was a mess, his thighs were shaking and his eyes half closed as he gazed down to where Aoi was distributing kisses across his groin.

Opening his legs was probably just going to freak Kazuki out - even after what they had just done - so Aoi relinquished attacking the inside of his thighs, although it was something he generally loved doing. He kissed his way upwards instead, delving his tongue into Kazuki’s belly button and brushing it over a nipple before their lips met. Kazuki tasted like him, and like desire and exhaustion too, judging from how lazy their making-out turned out to be. A low hum came from Aoi’s throat once fingertips began to wander over his sides and shoulders, and around until Kazuki was cupping his face in his hands.

“That was so good,” Kazuki murmured and he still looked like he was in somewhat of a daze. Aoi couldn’t blame him, his entire body was still buzzing with the aftermath of his orgasm.

“Very good,” he replied, and pressed their lips together once more before he finally let himself sink down into the pillows next to Kazuki, who instantly turned onto his side and came snuggling up against him. Aoi felt weirdly at ease after they had both gotten underneath the silky blanket, with his arm around Kazuki’s shoulder, Kazuki’s head and arm resting on his chest and their legs intertwined. It had been awhile since he’d last laid with someone like this who hadn’t been a one-night stand. Maybe that was it. Maybe, as kitschy as it sounded, Aoi’s heart had long decided that this was bound to become something bigger, for both of them.

“What are you thinking?”

Kazuki’s voice cut through the silence, a comfortable one at that, and Aoi glanced down to a fond look directed his way. _God,_ he was gorgeous. Aoi smiled reassuringly. “Nothing much,” he said and leaned in, kissing his way from Kazuki’s forehead to his lips. Beneath the blanket, his free hand slipped over to grab at Kazuki’s thigh, pulling him closer until his leg was across his hip. Tangling his tongue with Kazuki’s in just the unhurried way he was doing now was something Aoi felt like he’d choose to do if he only had five minutes left to live. It was _crazy._

Kazuki moaned softly into his mouth and Aoi allowed his hand to keep moving, his palm caressing upwards ever so slowly, cautiously. It slid further up across the back of Kazuki’s thigh and to his ass, which he groped gently in his palm.

Kazuki closed his eyes, relishing in the sensation of Aoi’s hand on his skin. Those fingers were dancing dangerously close to where he wasn’t sure he was ready for them to go, but Kazuki didn’t try to stop him. Granted, he did tend to be a bit shy and bashful when it came to sex. He wasn’t inexperienced, but he hadn’t done enough to be sure of himself the way Aoi seemed to be either. So he expected to flinch away from the touch, but he didn’t. It felt natural; like Aoi had been touching him for years.

“I feel like this isn’t new at all,” he admitted without hesitation, “I feel like we’ve been this way for years. Like I’ve known you for years. I’m … comfortable with you more than I ever have been with anyone else. A-And I already hate the idea of being away from you.”

There was a pleasant silence between them for awhile in which Kazuki nuzzled deeper into Aoi’s chest and Aoi racked his brain for the right words to say. He wanted to tell Kazuki that he felt the same way, that his mind was already spinning this whole scenario long term, but he wasn’t sure how Kazuki would react to it. In the end, he decided to just take the plunge off the proverbial deep end.

“I understand what you’re saying, Kazuki. And … I want you to know that I feel the same way. I feel as if the two of us meeting means something. I can’t keep myself from thinking about us years from now in an apartment of our own. Happy and not having to hide from anyone. I want that. I want you that much and I’m honestly … not sure how to deal with it. This is all new to me, like I’m sure it is for you, but I am determined to make it work. That is, if you want to do the same.”

Silence. Complete and utter _scare the shit out of him_ silence this time around. Fuuuuck. Aoi knew better than to open his heart like that. It had never gotten him anywhere in the past and it sure as hell wasn’t going to do him any good now. Maybe he could blame it on exhaustion. Tell Kazuki he was out of his mind or some-

Kazuki pushed up on his elbows, staring down at him. The emotion held in those chocolate pools terrified and thrilled Aoi at the same time. He hadn’t seen that emotion before, directed at himself. Plenty of times he’d seen Reita’s puppy dog look when he caught sight of Ruki, head over heels in love, but no one had ever looked at him this way. At least … not until now. And it was far too soon but that was what it was, wasn’t it? It was love in Kazuki’s eyes, unexpected and scary, and Aoi was sure his own reflected the same emotions that neither of them had the guts to speak out loud. It was just too soon.

“I want to try, Yuu. I know how crazy all of this is, and how irrational. I know we’re going to hit rough patches and things aren’t going to be easy, but … I want this. Because I- Because you’re so important to me already.”

And that was honestly better than any confession Aoi had ever heard. If only they’d known then just how difficult those rough patches were going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well... How did we enjoy this, everyone? Leave your thoughts if you like! Kudos are always appreciated but never obligatory :) Until next month!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter for you guys! Posted very early in the day because I'm on my way to Cologne for the show on Sunday <3 Also: Smut ahead, lol. Hope you enjoy :)

When Kazuki woke up the next morning, Aoi was still dead asleep. It was almost noon already but he knew Aoi didn’t have practice today so he decided it would be fine to let him sleep (and to stare at his sleeping ethereal-ness for an hour or so). Upon sitting up and looking around, Kazuki couldn’t help but wonder whether this was what groupies felt like. Waking up in an unfamiliar bedroom, in a king-sized bed next to a rockstar they had done forbidden things with; he grinned and found himself sort of… liking that feeling.

He left a little note on the bedside table, just like Aoi had done for him, and gathered his things. It would be better if he took a taxi home anyway. Then they wouldn’t have to deal with the hour long goodbye that neither of them wanted to say. Now he just had to come up with a good plan to tell the rest of his band…

* * *

 “And I’m telling you there’s something going on,” Manabu stated with as much confidence as possible, slamming his juice box down onto the table. Jin groaned and gave him an eye-roll in response.

“Please don’t start this again,” he said and slurped from his own coke. Why did he keep bringing this up? Kazuki had already denied it himself, hadn’t he?

“Oh come on, did you not look at him once last night? He was swooning over Aoi the entire time!”

“Manabu, I need more limbs than I have to count all the people that swooned over Aoi last night, myself included. He looked fine as hell. Literally everyone swoons over him.”

Jin lifted his eyebrows challengingly. He knew he was right. There was nothing about GazettE’s rhythm guitarist that wasn’t mouth-watering. If it hadn’t been for their position in their company, he probably would’ve long advanced on him… But he couldn’t of course, which was a shame, but he was sure Kazuki knew that just as much. And Jin trusted him, they were best friends. Kazuki would tell them if he fell in love.

“Byou doesn’t,” Manabu countered at that moment and Jin snorted.

“Yeah, that’s because Byou is swooning over Kazi.”

His words earned him a short but painful blow over the head, delivered by Byou’s cooking spoon.

“Ouch!” he complained and rubbed his head, giving Byou a glare. Their vocalist had been standing at the stove for an hour now and he’d turned right back around again. He seemed very sensitive to the topic but Jin was pretty sure they all knew why that was. He’d just proven it.

“You know it’s true,” he whined, though with his voice less persistent and before Byou could scold him again, an entirely different voice had their heads snapping up.

“What’s true?” Kazuki little short of chirped as he entered the kitchen and as soon as he was there, as if it was a miracle, Byou’s vocal cords were working again.

“Nothing,” he answered immediately and put his damn spoon down in order to head over to Kazuki and hug him Hello.

“You’re home late,” he said. “I just made lunch.”

Kazuki tensed slightly as Byou embraced him. He was in his own clothes yes, but what if he still … smelled different? Byou knew him so well, the cigarettes he smoked, the perfumes he wore… He would notice, right?  He didn’t seem to, though, seeing as he withdrew like normal and with a smile. Kazuki smiled back but inwardly, and it almost made him cringe himself, he felt like crying. He was missing Aoi so much already.

“Did you have a good time with Uruha-san last night? I was surprised that he asked you to just stay over. Although … he does seem rather … humble? And definitely not as intimidating as Aoi-san. Nor does he talk as much as Kai-san. I’ve never met someone who could out-talk Jin though. I wasn’t able to meet Ruki-san or Reita-san. I didn’t really see much of them actually. I heard a rumor that the two of them are actually dating? Anyway, sorry I’m rambling, you’ve just been gone forever.”

Kazuki tilted his head to the side for a moment. Byou sure looked fairly found of Uruha… Did he maybe have a soft spot for the blond guitarist? They would definitely look good together.

Wait. Had he just thought of Byou with someone else without the normal pang of jealousy he usually felt? Kazuki gulped, walking up behind Byou and wrapping his arms around his waist. Whatever he was cooking smelled wonderful and Kazuki hoped like hell it was chili. Byou’s mother had been born in the United States so she had given her son a taste for foreign food. Chili was one that Kazuki didn’t complain about. Especially if it was spicy. He’d grown quite accustomed to western cuisine but the spicy stuff was his favorite, as long as it wasn’t too salty.

“I was only gone overnight, B, not forever. I did have a good time with Uruha-san, though. He is very easy to talk to and get along with. A bit … weird though. I think you would get along with him very well,” he said, giving the vocalist a little nudge with his forehead. “I know how you feel about dating, but you could definitely do a whole lot worse than him. He’s a good guy.”

Byou stirred the chili without saying a word. Kazuki glanced over to his bandmates. Jin and Manabu pointedly raised their eyebrows at him.

“B… do you like Uruha-san?”

A sigh so heavy one would think he had the entire world on his shoulders left Byou’s lips.

“I don’t know. I did really enjoy talking to him last night. He’s very attentive when you actually get his attention. I think we ended up talking for almost an hour before he left. And he’s pretty handsome- I mean… But it’s not worth thinking about. It’s not like I could actually pursue him. How would that look for us as a band? I don’t want to be successful because I’m Uruha-san’s boyfriend. I want this to be us. _We_ deserve this. I’m not saying I won’t be friendly with him. Maybe even flirt a little. No one said I couldn’t have a one-night stand, right?”

Byou laughed but Kazuki had a feeling he was only trying to cover up being hurt with a joke. He’d never seen Byou be interested in someone enough to be hurt.

“Hmm, just be careful. That’s all I care about. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I care about you more than I care about the welfare of the band. Anyway, you’re not mad at me for spending time with him, are you? I mean we literally just talked about guitars. There’s nothing between us more than that,” Kazuki reassured him. “What were the guys talking about when I came in, though? What were they saying was true?”

Byou chuckled. “They think I’m in love with you. It’s ridiculous. You’re my best friend, of course I love you, but not like that. Don’t worry.”

Kazuki let go of his friend. “I wouldn’t have believed that anyway, B. I know better. I’m going to go take a shower then come back for lunch. It smells amazing by the way.”

As he left the kitchen, Kazuki heard Byou mumbling something about him always being hungry and he snickered to himself. How could the others think that Byou was in love with him? That was just insane. But he did kind of hope that Byou didn’t completely write Uruha off. Maybe it would make the impact of him being with Aoi a little less of a shock down the road.

* * *

 “So? How was your night? You owe me details at least, you know?”

Aoi turned the pegs on one of the guitars he didn’t use very often, trying to ignore the silhouette that blocked the door frame of his home studio.

“Yuu, come on. I did good, didn’t I? Didn’t Kazuki-kun spend the night with you? Or did you take him home after?” Uruha asked, cigarette hanging between his lips.

“He did stay. I’m not giving you any details though, Kou. I hate the fact that you even know about him and me. How did you find out anyway? And why did you set that up last night? Do you want anything?” Aoi asked, finally looking up.

Uruha exhaled a long cloud of smoke towards the opened window. “I don’t want anything, Yuu. It just makes me happy to see you happy for once. It wasn’t too difficult to figure out with the way you two looked at each other. And I’m fairly observant. I spend a lot of time people watching, you know that. But seriously, I think Kazuki could be good for you. You spend too much time alone, and believe me I know that makes me a hypocrite. I’m going to work on that.”

“It doesn’t matter, Kouyou.”

The tall guitarist narrowed his eyes at him. Leave it to Uruha to get way too personal. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? You like him, don’t you?”

“Of course I like him. Why else would I risk bringing him to my place for the night? But no matter how much I like him, or how many times I tell myself that things will work out, I remain scared that they won’t. It’s impossible. We would have to constantly hide and that’s not how a relationship should be. Especially when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs that I want him to be mine,” Aoi told him honestly. He guessed if he had to open up to someone it might as well be Uruha. At least he knew that he could keep a secret. It was weird really, and immensely exasperating. During the times Kazuki was around, Aoi felt like he was on some sort of cloud sailing into a cotton-candy-pink sky but whenever he was left alone again, reality came crashing down. The risk came crashing down, the need for rationality. It made for a perfect cocktail of confusion.

“I don’t know what to do, Kou. I’m so far gone already. I’m a hundred percent whipped. We didn’t even have sex and I still want him to come back even if we never do. But I know if we keep going like this that someone is going to find out sooner or later. It’s not like with Taka and Akira. They’re in the same band, they’re equals. To everyone else, Kazuki is my kouhai. He’s six years younger than me, barely 21 years. For fuck’s sake. If any of our managers find out he’s going to be in trouble and so will I because I know better. I don’t want it to reflect badly on Screw as a whole either. I know all of this but I still can’t bring myself to stay away from him. What should I do?"

Uruha remained quiet for so long that Aoi was starting to believe he was going to completely ignore him.

“Can I ask you a question?” he said eventually as he came walking over and plonked down on the small armchair next to Aoi’s working space. “And your answer will tell you if it’s worth pursuing.”

It was with a frown that Aoi looked up from his guitar. What the hell was that supposed to mean? He lifted both of his eyebrows which Uruha took as enough of a sign to continue. Sitting at the front edge of the armchair, he propped his lower arms on his thighs and gave Aoi a serious look.

“Was it love at first sight?”

Aoi blinked. Was it… what? He’d expected anything but that. The question was ridiculously simple but Aoi couldn’t get himself to reply. He knew the answer but…  With a gulp, he averted his gaze and Uruha gave a low chuckle, leaning back in his seat.  
  
“There you have it,” he stated nonchalantly. “You don’t have to give _me_ the answer, Yuu. Because I know, I can see it in your face. It changes when you think about him. And it’s been a very long time since I last saw that happen. You know what that means?”

Uruha leaned forward again, his gaze less stern this time around as Aoi returned it.

“The bands don’t matter at this point- No, it’s true!” he added quickly when Aoi opened his mouth to oppose. What did he mean the bands didn’t matter? His band was _all_ that mattered.

“Listen, what I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter that you met at this particular moment. You could’ve been a butcher and he could’ve been… I don’t know, a paperboy. It doesn’t matter because you would’ve fallen for him anyway. It just so happened to happen while you’re both in bands.”

That was a good point. Actually, Uruha had a lot of good points. Ones that Aoi was inclined to take to heart.

“I think we’re meant to be, Kou, him and I,” he blurted out before his mind could stop him. It was the truth though, as much as he didn’t understand it himself. “I really do, and it’s scaring the hell out of me.”

Uruha sighed and he finally reached out to squeeze Aoi’s lower arm encouragingly.

“If you’re so sure about it… Then you are. And I’m fairly positive that Kazuki feels the same,” Uruha chuckled as he pulled back. “I think you should give it a shot. Fuck what anyone else says. He makes you happy, Yuu. Let him make you happy for as long as you can. If something happens later down the road then deal with it then. It’s not going to destroy either band. I’ll keep your secret and help when I can, just be careful and stop eye-fucking each other.”

Aoi chuckled, but it had a bitter tone to it.

“We were a little obvious with that, weren’t we?”

Uruha laughed out loud. “Just a little.”

The smile that curled Aoi’s lips next was a genuine one again. Just what would he do without this guy? He couldn’t count all the occasions Uruha had helped him out, even if it was just with advice. Uruha was always there for him, he was proving it just now, and honest with him; and Aoi appreciated it a lot more than he probably understood.

And even hours after Uruha had left, his words continued to ring inside Aoi’s head, as if on an endless loop.

_If you’re so sure that you’re meant to be, then you are._

Uruha was right, wasn’t he? God, Aoi wanted to cry. Not that he really did, but it was all just so frustrating! Why did it have to be so difficult? Aoi wanted it to be true, everything his friend had said. Their conversation gave him a little more confidence and he found himself clinging to it for the following days.

* * *

Three days after their conversation, Aoi pulled open the door to the company building, determined to at least thank Uruha properly for his help and advice. He did owe him after all. The elevator was just on its way down when he pressed the button but as the doors opened and Aoi looked up from his phone, he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing. Was this fate? It fucking had to be.

“Oh hello there,” Kazuki grinned at him from where he was leaning against the wall of the cabin.

The corners of Aoi’s mouth twitched, tempted to draw a smirk.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh back up.”

Aoi’s eyes narrowed as he stepped inside but it was more in amusement than anything else.

“Didn’t you just come down though?”

Kazuki was watching his every move. His steps, the way he pushed the button, the way his fingers hovered over the emergency stop for a few dangerous seconds and how he slipped his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. Aoi had a vague feeling he needed both hands free at this very moment. Kazuki grinned impishly.

“Yup, but now I’m going back up.”

Kazuki held his breath once the elevator started to move; only for Aoi to flip the emergency switch and they came to a sudden stop. He hadn’t expected Aoi to actually do it! They were supposed to be professional after all…

“Yuu- ”

He didn’t have time to speak before Aoi was _on_ him, devouring his mouth and forcing a moan from his throat. Kazuki wrapped his arms around Aoi’s neck as he was lifted up and pressed against the cool metal in his back. Lips and teeth traveled along his neck and he half worried Aoi would forget and leave marks but Kazuki didn’t care. He wanted Aoi to mark him up.

“Fuck, I missed you so much. What’s it been? A month? A year? Nnngh- Yuu…”

Aoi pulled away for a moment, one hand that wasn’t on Kazuki’s ass combing his hair back.

“I missed you, too,” he whispered, moving back in to kiss him. It was hot and heavy and so, so good. Kazuki never wanted to let that elevator move again.

“Yuu, I think… I think I’m ready,” he gasped between loud kisses. “I’m ready to have all of you.”

Aoi froze for a second, or two, staring up at him. This meant … what he thought it meant, right?

“Babe, that isn’t necessary. I’m not going anywhere. We can wait. I promise I’m okay just being able to kiss you and touch you.”

“I know, but I think _I_ want more. I want all of you for myself. I want to know you’re all mine.”

Aoi smiled. “We don’t have to have sex for you to know that. I am all for you. Trust me. I. Am. All. Yours,” he said, kissing a different part of Kazuki’s face with each word and making him giggle like an idiot.

“I’m never letting you go. No matter how much you whine and beg. You are mine forever, Shiroyama Yuu,” Kazuki declared, and watched Aoi’s eyes widen.

“Someone’s done research, I’m impressed. Maybe someday we could share that name, hm?”

Aaand there went Kazuki’s insides, melting out of his body into a mushy puddle on the floor at Aoi’s words. He knew in Japan that couldn’t happen, but simply the thought was especially nice.

“Yuu, listen. In two weeks… my bandmates are gone to visit their families for the beginning of spring. I’m supposed to be doing the same, but my family doesn’t care. So I think I’m going to stay home. Alone. For the whole weekend. Friday night. Saturday night. All alone. Maybe- ”

“I’ll be there,” Aoi confirmed before Kazuki could even get the words out. “I’m so there. Just me and you for two days. Sounds like heaven.”

Kazuki couldn’t help but grin. “I can’t wait. Maybe I’ll wear that collar again,” he teased, tapping Aoi on the nose.

“Mmm, you’re such a little vixen,” Aoi half-growled before he was setting Kazuki back on his feet. “Two weeks is such a long time. I may have to catch you in the elevator more often.”

Despite what they’d been talking about, Kazuki blushed at Aoi’s words.

“Hmm. Maybe I’ll have to try on that skirt outfit Jin’s trying to put me in. You wouldn’t mind, right?”

Aoi looked like he was about to faint. “Baby, you start wearing skirts around me and we’re going to be playing out that piano scene sooner than you think.”

Okay, now… Now Kazuki just had to turn away to hide how hard he was reddening. How was he supposed to wait two weeks for this man? He reached out to switch the elevator back on before pegging his boyfriend’s mouth with a glare.

“I guess we’ll just have to see how much control you actually have, huh?” he smirked, the bell above the door going off as the elevator opened.

Aoi threw one quick glance out into the hallway of his band’s floor before turning back to Kazuki, lifting his chin up with a finger and placing a short, gentle kiss on his lips.

“I don’t think I ever had any,” he whispered with a smirk before quickly leaving Kazuki alone. They didn’t have to risk anything after all. He was still incapable of getting rid of his grin, though. Aoi tried everything, pressing his lips together, biting down on it, breathing calmly but by the time he opened the door into the studio… He still looked very much like an overly excited school boy.

And of course Ruki didn’t miss it.

"Why are _you_ grinning like a complete idiot?"

Aoi cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders as nonchalantly as humanly possible.

“I’m just in a good mood today,” he smiled, which wasn’t even a lie. But he didn’t dare exchange a glance with Uruha at the other end of the room. His grin would explode if he did. “I think I’ve come up with something nice.”

Ruki was all ears instantly and scrambled off where he’d been lying half across Reita’s lap on the couch. “For real?? Can you show me?”

Aoi nodded with a chuckle as he shrugged out of his jacket. “Sure, just let me get a coffee,” he said and headed for the kitchen, feeling his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

 **Ki-kun  
** _You’re not mad at me, are you?_

Aoi frowned. Where the hell did that come from now?

 **Rockstar <3  
** _What? Why would I be?_

There was no response for the entire three minutes it took Aoi to insert a capsule into the machine. The coffee dribbled into his mug.

 **Ki-kun  
** _Because I said I want to sleep with you._

Aoi almost dropped his coffee. That… was direct. But it also made his heart feel all warm and fuzzy. Ugh.

 **Rockstar <3  
** _Oh God no, of course not. Why would I be mad at you for that? It’s not like I don’t want it either. You have no idea how bad I want it._

 **Ki-kun  
** 🙈 _Okay then.. So the weekend’s set? You’ll come?_

 **Rockstar <3  
** _Pretty sure I will, yes ;)_

 **Ki-kun  
** _OH MY GOD STOP IT_

Aoi giggled and he put his mug back down on the counter so he could type his reply quicker.

 **Rockstar <3  
** _Don’t ask things like that, what did you expect? :P Either way. Are you sure, I mean, do you think you’ll be able to enjoy it if we... plan it like this? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in the end because you think I’m expecting anything. Which I’m not._

 **Ki-kun  
** _I’ll be fine, Yuu. And if it doesn’t happen, then I’ll still be happy. I just want to spend more time with you, that’s all._

Kazuki’s reply had come way too quickly. He was either very confident or the exact opposite. There was only one way he could find out, Aoi figured. For now though, he’d let Kazuki practice in peace. Neither of them needed more sexual tension than there already was whenever they saw each other.

 **Rockstar <3  
** _Alright, I’ll call you tonight once I’m home._ 😘

They ended their conversation with that and Aoi could finally concentrate on what the hell of a song he was supposed to show Ruki. A re-formatted version of something he’d worked on prior would have to make do.

His mind kept drifting off, wondering how on earth he was supposed to fill the void that was the next two weeks.

* * *

The door of the restroom closed behind Byou and his feet stopped dead.

“Oh, Uruha-san. Good afternoon.”

He bowed his head to the guitarist who was bent over trying to fish something out of the vending machine. He looked so focused, way too cute with how his tongue was poking out of his plush lips. His hazelnut eyes lit up when he saw Byou. Byou’s heart stumbled as he saw Uruha’s lopsided grin directed at himself.

“Ah, Byou-kun! Bring your skinny arms over here and help me get this candy before I die of starvation,” Uruha said, putting the back of his hand dramatically to his forehead.

Byou rolled his eyes, squatting down next to Uruha and putting his arm into the door of the machine. It took him a minute of squirming, especially when Uruha’s hand touched his back, but he finally got ahold of the candy bar and pulled it out with a victorious exclaim.

Uruha took it from him, sat back against the vending machine and opened the wrapper.

“I’ll share half with you?” he offered, holding the bar out to him, but Byou shook his head.

“No thank you, we just got back from lunch. But thank you. Besides, I’d hate for you to starve on my watch,” he teased. “Will you pay me back for saving your life, though?”

Uruha’s brows raised in surprise. “You did save me, didn’t you?” he grinned. “Hm. What are you doing this evening? There is a new Marvel movie showing that I’d like to see. If you would like to accompany me?”

Byou’s eyes widened. Wait, this… He hadn’t planned on his flirt actually working out. Was Uruha asking him on a date? Or was he just reading too much into it? Without invading the other man’s space, Byou leaned in closer.

“Uruha-san, as much as I would like to go with you, don’t you think people will get the wrong idea?” he asked quietly.

Uruha full out smirked at him, all teeth and shiny eyes; _dangerous_. “Aw, I won’t let anyone see when I kiss you good night, how about that?”

Byou felt red heat spread all the way up to the tips of his ears. This wasn’t- Wait- Was he being serious? Uruha was a strange guy, that much Byou did remember from their conversation at the welcome party. But he also remembered just how much he’d enjoyed having Uruha’s warm gaze on him, seeing that he had genuinely been interested in their conversation, and his smile…

“You- I- Uruha-san… I-I’ll need to give you my phone number then…” he managed to get out and was rewarded with an iPhone being held his way. Byou quickly entered his name and number and handed it back.

“I have to get back to practice. Um, text me if you’re serious. I’ll see you around,” he said before bowing his head again and dashing back to their own studio. What the hell was he thinking? Going on a date with Uruha? Was that even legal? And why did he feel so damn giddy about it? It wasn’t like he was starting to _like_ him…

After mulling over the idea for the rest of the day, Byou decided he wanted to trust him. If Uruha was so openly interested, and even if it was just for a night, Byou wanted to be, too. And so when Uruha texted him later that evening and told him they should meet at a theater not far from the studio, Byou let himself be excited about it.

“I’m so ready to go home! Byou, are you cooking tonight?” Manabu asked, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

“No, actually, I… uh, I have a date tonight. So I may not be home until late. I’m sorry,” he answered and watched his friends’ eyes go big.

“A date?!” Manabu and Kazuki exclaimed in unison.

“Yes, and I don’t want you guys telling me I shouldn’t go. This band is still most important to me and so are you. But Uruha-san asked me to a movie and I really want to go.”

Manabu starting talking a million miles an hour, albeit happily, but Kazuki’s expression fell before he could control it. What was that about?

* * *

“Night night Kazi. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

Kazuki nodded from where he was slouched down on the sofa and Jin ruffled his hair before he disappeared down the hallway. They had parted with Byou hardly an hour ago, it wasn’t even 9pm yet, but Jin had clearly decided to opt for a good night’s sleep instead of staying up for their usual Wednesday gaming adventures. It left Kazuki on the couch, alone with his phone and his thoughts. Both the drummer and Manabu had taken the news of Byou’s date quite well. Maybe neither of them were thinking of the consequences. Maybe Uruha wasn’t either because why would he promise to keep his and Aoi’s secret but then so openly ask Byou out? It didn’t make sense and honestly, Kazuki was having a hard time being happy for his friend which only served to confuse him. Hadn’t he been convinced it would be a good idea for the two of them to go out just a while ago? Yet here he was sulking over it _actually_ happening. His phone ringing brought him out of his melancholic thoughts. He did smile when he saw Aoi’s name on the screen (he kept changing it because nothing felt right) and quickly answered.

“Yuu? Did Uruha-san tell you?” he asked without even giving the man time to speak.

“Yeah, he did. He said the decision ‘wasn’t made lightly’ but knowing him I think it was quite the opposite. Unfortunately, until we see what comes of it, I can’t change anything between the two of us, Kazi. I’m sorry.”

Kazuki pulled his knees up to his chest, cradling the phone to his ear. “I know. I wasn’t expecting anything to change. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how this turns out.”

“Exactly. But it doesn’t change anything for now. I’m still coming over that weekend and I’m still texting you. So don’t let it bother you too much right now. Instead, tell me what you’re planning for dinner tomorrow night? I know for a fact Byou and Jin have an interview out of town and Manabu sure as hell won’t say anything so I think we should have a proper date.”

Kazuki grinned, getting up from the couch to retreat to the small bedroom he shared with Byou. Laying down, he pressed the phone back to his ear. “I would really like that, Yuu. I could take you somewhere like a fir- ”

“What? No way, Kazuki. You’re not my kouhai to me anymore. You don’t get to treat me. I’m your boyfriend, I get to take you out. But I think I’d like to make dinner for you instead,” Aoi said plainly like it was no big deal. Kazuki pursed his lips.  
  
“How about we compromise and I can _help_ make dinner? Then we could spend the extra time together? And don’t think I didn’t notice that you’re keeping track of my bandmates now just so you can see me. I appreciate that,” Kazuki answered honestly.

“Well, you can’t say I’m not romantic. And I can handle that compromise. I miss you already.”

Kazuki felt his heart drop when their conversation turned serious. “I miss you too, Yuu. I really do. Texting only goes so far.”

Aoi sighed (they were so sappy, honestly) and Kazuki heard a rustle that sounded like bed sheets. Aoi must have already been in bed? Kazuki grinned to himself as an idea struck his mind.

“Yuu … are you in bed already?” he asked coyly. “I am. And I’m a little cold. Do you think you could warm me up somehow?”

Aoi stopped mid-motion, frozen for a second in which he tried to figure out if Kazuki was serious, but the tension he could feel from the other end of the line spoke for it.

He rolled over, placing his free arm behind his head with a grin on his lips. Phone sex? He hadn’t expected Kazuki to be this bold.

“I sure can,” he purred and decided it was going to be easier if he just put his phone on speaker. He pressed the button and placed the device next tohis head.

“You’ll have to keep quiet, though. We don’t want your bandmates to wake up because you’re touching yourself to the sound of my voice, now do we?”

Kazuki gulped and he tried to keep his head clear but Aoi’s voice had dropped considerably, trickling down his spine.

“I’ll do my best,” he murmured in response, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks as his free hand made its way beneath his blanket. He couldn’t remember when he’d last done something like this… Had he ever?

“Yuu, tell me… Tell me how you do it.”

With how his body heated up, it definitely felt like he had never done it before. Jesus. He felt a little lewd asking and Aoi’s answering chuckle only made it worse.

“Kazuki...” Aoi scolded lightly and with a grin, rolling over to his side to prop his temple on his palm. “Wouldn’t you want to experience it first hand?”

“No- I mean, y-yes but… I was just wondering… Do you- Do you like it rough?”

“Sometimes. Depends on how much you can take.”

Kazuki whimpered before he could hold it back. Slowly, as more steamy images started to seep into his mind, he began stroking himself, running his tongue across his bottom lip.

“Would you grab my hair?” he asked and he couldn’t deny that he was hoping for Aoi to confirm it. Kazuki just wanted him to an extent he couldn’t explain. He wanted to know how he liked it, the things they would do…

“Mm, very likely,” Aoi mused and licked his lips. This was getting him hot and bothered quicker than expected. “I’d probably tug at it a little when I take you from behind.”

Kazuki hissed a curse and the sound went straight to his groin. Holy shit.

“I … want you to be rough with me, Yuu.”

Kazuki tried to keep quiet all he wanted but he could already _feel_ Aoi’s fingers biting into his hips and he had to dig his teeth deep into his lip to keep from groaning. What would it feel like to let Aoi have his way with him? To completely give himself over to his skilled hands and his torturing mouth?

“Tell me, baby. Tell me what you’re doing right now and what you’re thinking about,” Aoi’s low voice came through the speaker harshly. Was this effecting him, too?

“T-Touching myself, and imagining it’s your mouth again,” Kazuki answered breathlessly.

“Where else do you want me, Kazuki? You have to tell me or I won’t know.”

Could he really say it out loud? Was it really okay? Or would Aoi make fun of him for being so needy?

“I… want you inside, Yuu.”

Kazuki could hear the smirk in Aoi’s tone when he replied and god damn, did it light off fireworks in his body.

“You may have to open yourself for me a little. Could you do that? Get your fingers wet first. Let me hear it.”

And against his better judgement, Kazuki licked at his own fingers, sucking on them. If only it was Aoi in his mouth instead…

“Good boy. Now put them where you want me.”

“Yuu, I’ve never done this to mys- ”

“You can do it. I know you can. Just for me,” Aoi reassured before he finally caved in and reached below the covers himself. He had to squeeze his eyes shut tightly as he heard Kazuki’s whimpers. Aoi knew exactly what he was doing and he couldn’t help but imagine what those fingers were feeling right now. He had _never_ wanted someone so badly in his life. It felt as if scorching hot flames were licking across his skin. Those noises Kazuki was making were the sexiest things he’d heard in a long, long time and he just wanted to be there in person to feed off them in a passionate kiss… How frustrating.

“I wish you were here, Y-Yuu…”

So he wasn’t alone with that. Aoi wrapped his hand around his cock and caressed it up and down, listening to Kazuki’s moans in the background.

“I’ll be right there in two weeks time if that’s what you want, baby,” he said, his voice turning hoarse and laced with pleasure. “Just imagine it for now. Go deeper.”

“Yuu, I can- ”

“I’ll fill you right up Kazi, it’s gonna be so good.”

“Nngh- Y-Yuu- !”

Aoi groaned audibly, unable to hold it in any longer, and he flopped down on his back, speeding up his movements. He was so eager to _take_ Kazuki and tire him out, to see him breathless underneath him and make him his in all ways possible. He couldn’t wait.

Kazuki was all little moans and feeble whines as he did as Aoi told him, thrusting his fingers deeper and listening to his boyfriend’s raspy breaths. Two weeks… in two weeks he’d have the real thing. He’d have all of Aoi and in return Aoi would have all of him.

“Yuu… I’m so hot. I can’t wait to have you here. I won’t let you out of my bed all night. Fuck, you’re going to feel so good. Ngh… I can’t go any deeper Yuu, I need you to do it,” he groaned out. His inhibitions were … weakening.

“I will, baby, trust me, I will. Pretend for now. Pretend it’s me. Move them slow, in and out. Curl the tips a bit.”

Kazuki did just that, knowing exactly what Aoi wanted him to find and the moment he did, a loud moan left his mouth, shooting through the speakers.

“Fuck Kazuki, you sound so sexy. Do it again. I bet you look so beautiful right now. I wish I could see you. I  can’t wait to see you underneath me. I want to watch you moan and whimper like that just because of me. I want you to scream my name when you c- ”

Kazuki dropped the phone, his hand shot up to cover his mouth as a cry tore from his throat, his release spilling onto his sheets. When he grabbed the phone again, he was panting.

“Yuu, fuck. I just… What if you can’t have what you want? Maybe I want to be on top. Maybe I want to ride you. Can you picture that? Hmm?”

Fuck, this kid was going to end him. Aoi’s hand didn’t need to move any more as he imagined how perfect Kazuki would look on top of him, lips parted and hair falling over his shoulders. He came hard despite being alone, and Kazuki’s name fell like a prayer from his lips.

“Kazuki, you’re such a fucking tease. I’ll let you have me however you want, okay?”

Kazuki giggled, albeit tiredly, as he settled back down, calmed by Aoi’s voice alone.

“Go to sleep, Yuu. And I’ll see you tomorrow night. Don’t wear yourself out. You’re going to need the energy to keep up, old man.”

Aoi chuckled, rolling his eyes despite nobody being there to see it. “Good night, you little shit. Remember, I… care about you, too.”

As the line went dead and he tossed his phone on the bedside table, Kazuki grinned. He couldn’t wait to see his stupid boyfriend the next night, that was for sure.

* * *

 On the other end of the city, Byou was dying inside.

He couldn’t figure Uruha out and it frustrated him to no end. Was this a date? Just a night-out between two soon-to-be friends?

_I won’t let anyone see when I kiss you good night._

What the hell was that supposed to mean? ‘When’ sounded too damn confident. Byou was nervous and giddy as he climbed up the stairs out of the subway station. He couldn’t get his hopes up, _shouldn’t_ really because there was no way this was going to work out. It was only going to end up in bad press for both their bands and Byou was sure Uruha knew this. He had to, right?

All logic aside, his heart still skipped a beat as he found Uruha waiting for him in front of the cinema, a cigarette dangling between his lips. Ugh, why did he look so good? Fucking illegal.

“Uruha-san,” he greeted with a smile and bowed before the guitarist. “Thanks for waiting. And for the invitation.”

Uruha gave him a smile in return and Byou was this close to fainting already. The way Uruha took the cigarette off his lips, his clothes, his make-up adorned face. It was too much to handle.

“I’m glad you came,” he said, a deep rumble in his voice. What _was_ this? Byou felt like a damn teenager. He couldn’t tell Kazuki not to fawn over Aoi when he was right here blushing when Uruha just so much as looked at him.

“You want to go inside?” Uruha asked and Byou nodded quickly, following him inside the rather luxurious looking cinema. Oh God, he definitely couldn’t afford this.

“I’m treating you by the way,” Uruha said at that moment as they stepped up at the ticket point. “I’m still the senpai here after all, right?”

A small giggle came over Byou’s lips and he bowed his head again. “Thank you so much, I appreciate it.”

_I also appreciate you looking so fucking handsome and buying just one bag of popcorn so I can totally not shake while I try to not touch your hand by accident._

Byou’s mind was yelling. He needed God’s help if he wanted to get out of this alive.

Uruha knew damn well himself that Byou wasn’t stupid, that this was bound to be a disaster. Uruha had talked enough with him to know that he would be suspicious of him. Especially since they both knew this was a horrible idea. It wasn’t like they would be allowed to date any more than Aoi and Kazuki were, but here he was with Byou avoiding his eye contact like a school girl and Uruha found it charming for some stupid reason. This was just a distraction, he kept telling himself. He just had to get Byou to focus on something else so Aoi could spend as much time with Kazuki as he could before they got caught.

So why was his own gaze lingering on Byou just a little longer than it needed to? Fuck. They took their seats just as the lights of the theater went down and Uruha reached into the popcorn. He did love himself some buttery popcorn.

The movie wasn’t even a quarter of the way through before his arm was around Byou’s shoulders, and their fingers were grazing one another’s as they snacked. It was strangely comfortable for the two of them, and Uruha didn’t really mind that he’d picked a longer movie.

“Hey, Byou? Do you want to come back to mine after the movie?” Uruha leaned in to whisper against his ear.

Byou seemed shocked for a moment but then smiled up at him like he knew exactly where this was going and didn’t care about it one bit. “Sure. Do you live far from here? Maybe we could stop at a bar on the way?”

Uruha smiled and shook his head. “Trust me, I’ve got the whole bar at my apartment.”

“Then maybe we should just skip the rest of the movie.”

Was he serious?! Maybe distracting this guy wouldn’t be so boring after all! Hm. It wasn’t like they were going to date or anything, was it? Uruha knew Byou had a reputation for very ‘short’ relationships. So if the vocalist wanted to go for a little romp in the hay then who was he to deny him? Byou _was_ hot, why not go for it?

“That sounds like a good idea. Let’s get out of here,” Uruha took Byou’s hand and led him from the theater. It took a whole fifteen minutes for them to walk back to his apartment and another twenty or so to get a few heavy-handed drinks into the singer. Byou was a giggly little drunk, not to mention flirty and _very_ touchy. Which all seemed to be working in Uruha’s favor, he just had to make sure Byou wasn’t too tipsy. While Uruha was fine with casual sex, he wasn’t if Byou couldn’t consent knowingly.

“It’s so warm in here, Uruha-kun…” came a whine from behind him and Uruha turned around just in time to get hit in the face with Byou’s shirt. Oh yeah. This was going to be fun.

Byou groaned inwardly. This wasn’t going to end well. He could feel it coming, with those glances that Uruha was throwing him, yet he couldn’t bring himself to set an end to it. Quite the contrary, considering he’d just blatantly thrown his shirt at the guitarist’s face. Uruha gave him an intense look but Byou couldn’t return it for longer than a second. If he did, he was pretty sure he’d just drop to his knees right away.  

He pushed himself off the stool he’d been sitting on and danced over to the bar, pouring another shot and carrying it over to where Uruha was still standing.

“Drink,” he grinned and held the glass out to him. “You look like you’re completely sober and I’m going to embarrass myself if you don’t at least start to slur a bit.”

Uruha chuckled, taking the glass in hand, and Byou shivered at just the sound of it. Good God, he was so terribly horny.

“I’m not sober actually, I can just take a little more. And you’re not embarrassing, don’t worry,” Uruha said and downed the vodka as if it was water.

“I just threw my shirt at your face,” Byou stated dumbly, his eyes following as Uruha turned with a giggle and set the glass down on the nearby table. At least neither of them were swaying yet, that was a good sign. However, Byou’s mind was intoxicated enough for him to do what he did next.

His hand reached out, hooking into the hole between two buttons on Uruha’s shirt. He just couldn’t stop himself. His mind and body were both sizzling with desire.

“You should take this off,” he purred and tugged a little, lifting his gaze to find Uruha smirking at him.

“And why should I do that?” he spoke softly and the sweet promise that was already in his voice made Byou shiver and blush deeply at the same time.

“Because it’s warm…”

“Are you sure it’s just that?”

Oh God. Byou couldn’t believe this was happening. This was bad. Both of them knew this was _so_ bad and Byou’s lips _still_ moved and Uruha _still_ came a step closer.

“N-No, I’m- ”

Uruha didn’t even let him finish. Hooking his fingers through the belt loops on his jeans, he yanked Byou closer and crashed their lips together. Byou gave up instantly. Uruha’s lips were so much softer than he’d thought them to be and he didn’t hesitate to poke his tongue out. Byou stumbled but Uruha followed, hands on his hips, guiding him until Byou’s legs bumped against the couch and he had no other choice but to let his legs give in.

A loud gasp left him, all air pushed out of his lungs and Uruha crawled on top of him like a feline hungry for its prey.

“Oh God, this is bad,” Byou groaned but leaned up to sneak his hand to Uruha’s nape and meet his mouth halfway. “So bad… Mm…”

Their kiss was taking all his breath away in the nicest way. Uruha knew very well how to tilt his head and use his tongue and Byou could finally taste the alcohol on it. At least he wasn’t the only one intoxicated. Not that that made anything better, it didn’t, it just made it worse, but it also meant they were going to pay for this together.  
  
Right now though, he couldn’t bring himself to care, no matter how much he tried. Not when Uruha whispered into his ear to _screw what they say,_ not when Uruha kicked his legs apart to settle between them and press into his body and grab at his thigh, when he was licking at his lips and nipping at his jaw, tickling moan after moan out of his throat. With a bite to his lip, Byou bared his neck willingly and tangled his fingers into the hair at the back of Uruha’s head. He was going to regret this but it felt too good not to get lost in it.

Byou didn’t remember exactly how he had ended up naked. Nor did he remember where his clothes had disappeared to. All he knew was that Uruha was warm, a solid entity for him to cling to that kept him in reality even as his mind swam in a river of lust and vodka.

A part of Uruha still knew this wasn’t right. But whenever that thought shot through his brain, it slipped away with every moan that left Byou’s lips. Their limbs were moving hurriedly but the moments themselves were slow. Uruha’s head fell on Byou’s shoulder with a relishing moan as he buried himself inside him. It’d been too long since he’d been with someone, the pressure building too quickly, but Byou was right there with him. Uruha pulled him up onto his lap, letting Byou set the pace for a bit, and Byou’s arms wrapped around his neck tightly. He bounced up and down, losing his sense of time and place and pain way too soon, just as he did his rhythm. With his back arching into Uruha’s chest as he came, even through his alcohol induced haze, Uruha couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Byou looked, the way his body shook when he filled him, and they both collapsed back onto the sofa. They were going to be a mess in the morning but Uruha couldn’t bring himself to care. He simply pulled a blanket over them both and let his eyes slip shut.

The steady heartbeat against his own lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Byou was trying to get dressed as quietly as possible. He was trying, but the pain in his hips sooner or later had him tumbling into the white leather chair opposite the couch. He moaned painfully and Uruha woke up to the noise with a start. It took a short moment until his unfocused eyes finally landed on Byou.

“You’re still here?” he said with his voice drowsy and rough with sleep, chin perched on the armrest. “I thought you would have tried to escape.”

Byou shook his head. “I thought maybe we should… talk about this before I left.”

Uruha nodded and sat up straighter, only to let out a rather undignified snort.

“I am naked.”

“Yes, you very much are. Uruha-san, this was a mistake. And… and I don’t think we should let anyone know this happened. Can we just keep it between us? Or just forget about it altogether?”

Uruha glanced down at himself. His chest still wore the evidence of what they’d done, and he knew what Byou was saying was the right way to deal with the situation. A small part of him didn’t want to forget about it and that confused him more than anything. He was just supposed to be helping Aoi, not falling for anyone in the process. Byou was right. The sooner they parted ways, the better. Uruha didn’t need to feel heartbroken over some random one-night stand.

“Yeah, let’s just pretend this didn’t happen. I’m sorry about all of this, Byou. It wasn’t my intention,” he lied.

Byou thankfully smiled back. “I know it wasn’t. This is just as much my fault as it is yours. I’m going to catch a cab home. Maybe you should sleep a little longer. It’s still early.” Byou stood up, carefully this time, and kissed the top of Uruha’s head before leaving the apartment. He hated lying, especially to his band, but there was no other choice this time.

That he dreaded coming home to his bandmates was a first. The pain in his lower back had fortunately subsided on his way home so at least he wouldn’t be limping or giving himself away with the occasional wince. God, he needed a shower. He felt sweaty and sticky and everything about his own body reminded him of what Uruha had done with him. His kisses, his large hands, his expert movements… Byou needed to forget about it. Quickly.

He fumbled with his keys for at least two minutes until he’d found the right one and entered their small rooms. Everyone still seemed very much asleep and his chest was just about to fall with relief when the sound of gurgling water reached his ears. Oh no. The bathroom door opened and Jin came out, rubbing at his eyes. He looked quite out of it.

“Oh hey, you’re back,” he muttered and lazily waved his hand around. “How was it?”

Byou slipped out of his jacket and shoes and gave a brief shrug in response.

“Fun,” he said. “The movie was nice and we ended up eating at his place. But they have a recording today so he had to get up early.”

He ushered Jin back towards the room he shared with Manabu. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up in a bit, okay?”

Jin yawned widely and nodded, already shuffling down the hallway.

“Sounds great,” he said before disappearing.  
  
_Now_ Byou could sigh in relief. He was happy he hadn’t had to come up with a bigger story, for now, but at the same time he missed Uruha already. Or at least he thought he did? He didn’t know how to feel. Clearly it’d just been a one-night stand, drunk at that, and if they kept their mouths shut nobody was ever going to find out but… He couldn’t deny that he liked Uruha beyond the connection of their respective bands.

Still, he had to chuckle as he silently entered his shared bedroom. Kazuki had, as so often lately, fallen asleep with his phone on his face, sprawled out far across the borders of his futon. He looked like he had zero worries and Byou felt envy rising up inside him. Ugh, this was ridiculous. He shook his head to himself and tiptoed past his sleeping bandmate, deciding he might as well try to get another round of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... our characters do like to make mistakes. How did you guys like it? Leave your thoughts! Comments and kudos are always appreciated but never obligatory :) 'Till next month!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is suuuuuper long so grab a snack or two! ALSO: *whispers* This is the daddy-kink chapter so please skip the scene if you don't like that! Otherwise we hope everyone enjoys!

Aoi had been ridiculously excited the entire day and surprisingly good at hiding it. His bandmate however… looked like he was hungover. What had this guy done last night? One last round of booze before their song selection meeting? That didn’t sound very helpful to Aoi but who was he to judge. Uruha had always liked a nice drop of alcohol and if it helped him to function better… 

In any case, time couldn’t fly fast enough for him. He kept checking the clock on the wall behind the huge table they were all sitting around. The meeting went well and it wasn’t as if he wasn’t listening or participating, his anticipation of being with Kazuki again, alone, in his home where they were safe, just got the better of him. He couldn’t help but wonder if things were going to feel different between them after the happenings the other day… Or night, rather. 

Once the clock struck 7:30pm, Ruki put his pencil down and everybody sighed in somewhat aggravated relief. Song selecting was never easy. Aoi retrieved his phone and quickly typed in a message to his boyfriend. 

 **Dreamguy *-*  
** _I’m out in 10 minutes. Meet me at the conbini 2 blocks down 😘 I don’t want to risk anyone watching you get into my car. I can’t wait to see you._  

Kazuki giggled to himself as he read over Aoi’s text. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _You make it sound like I’m a prostitute you’re picking up. Yes daddy, I’ll be waiting for you 😂_

 **Dreamguy *-*  
** _Kazuki. Don’t even go there. And you know I don’t like this. I hate hiding._

Kazuki sighed. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _I know, Yuu. I don’t like it either but I understand why we need to. I won’t tease anymore. Just come get me._

 **Dreamguy *-*  
** _I’ll be there in five._  

Kazuki grabbed his bag and headed for the door, but he was stopped in his tracks when one of his bandmates stuck his head out of the kitchen.

"Are you staying the night or just going to be home late?" Manabu asked. Kazuki blinked a few times. Was he staying the night? What did he- Wait, did Manabu… ? His brows creased. Before he could open his mouth though, Manabu shook his head, his lips curled into a knowing smile.

"I’m not going to tell Kazi, I just want to make sure I know where you are. Just in case."

Kazuki was stunned. Manabu knew. How had he figured him out? It wasn’t like he interacted much with Aoi in front of everyone or even talked about him a lot. Or did he? Maybe he was grinning at his phone too much… Either way, he didn’t have the time to wonder. Moving forward, Kazuki hugged Manabu tightly. 

"I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be staying at his place. But I’ll text you and let you know, Mani. Thank you, for everything," he replied, pulling away. Manabu looked at him, an unusually serious expression on his face. 

"I know you wouldn’t take this risk if it wasn’t serious for you. And I think Aoi-san is a good guy. So just be careful."

Kazuki nodded and turned to leave the apartment before he got all emotional. It felt sort of nice to have someone who knew and Manabu was right. He wouldn’t risk this for something superfluous. When Manabu called after him to _use a condom!_ he snorted. Like he had to be told. 

Aoi’s Jaguar was already sitting in the conbini parking lot when Kazuki slowed down to a walk. He looked around a bit and made sure the coast was clear before opening the door and slipping into the soft leather seat. Aoi was wearing dark jeans and a tight white T-shirt that made Kazuki want to climb on top of him right then and there. But he had to settle for a bit less for now, leaning over across the center console to kiss him lightly. 

"I missed you," he whispered, sitting back in his seat and buckling the seatbelt. 

Aoi smiled, reaching out to cup his cheek. "I missed you, too. I’ve been so excited all day about this. I actually went grocery shopping for us this morning." 

Shifting the car into gear, he sped out of the parking lot. Maybe he was a bit too eager, but fuck if he cared. He just wanted to get Kazuki home and never let him leave.

"What are you planning on cooking for dinner then?"

"Hm, I have some different options for us. I, uh, figured we may not want to spend too much time cooking so there’s always spaghetti."

Kazuki grinned. "I love spaghetti. I can teach you how to make them even better! We’ll figure it out. But… first I get to kiss you some more," he mused, reaching over to grope at Aoi’s thigh only to feel the muscles tense beneath his palm. 

"Kazuki… you’re pushing your luck, kid," Aoi rose his eyebrows at him pointedly. Oh, was he? Kazuki smiled sweetly before he withdrew. He knew he was being a tease and that it only made it more difficult to stick to the _don’t-rush-things-_ plan but he honestly couldn’t help himself. After looking forward to this evening the whole day, Kazuki insisted on kissing Aoi a bit more than just for the Hellos. And he succeeded in the end, after they had reached the apartment building, Aoi had put the car in park and led him upstairs. He gave in to Kazuki’s advances and let him kiss him for a while, pushing him gently against the corridor wall and letting their tongues tangle, before they needed to separate to cool down again. 

Once down in the kitchen, they started taking ingredients out of the bags Aoi put on the counter. They chose in favor of the spaghetti but decided to pair it with shrimp and salad instead. The salad really wasn’t Aoi’s idea but Kazuki insisted he needed something green to go with it, so Aoi let him chop up the vegetables. 

"Yuu? What’s your favorite color?" Kazuki asked out of the blue five minutes later. Aoi turned to give him a confused look. 

"Uh, silver probably. Maybe red?"

"What’s your favorite type of food? And your favorite movie?" 

Aoi had to think about that for a moment. "I like sweets. And any movie that isn’t horror."

"What about your favorite thing to do during the summer?"

"I go surfing during the summer. Kaz, what’s with the twenty questions?"

Kazuki opened his mouth but went all quiet and shy instead of letting the words come out. He glanced down at the leek he was cutting, wondering if he was being too annoying, too clingy. Aoi worked silently right next to him, so silent in fact that Kazuki figured he couldn’t play it off and had no other choice but to respond. 

"I just … wanted to know more about you."

Oh. Aoi inwardly slapped himself. Dammit, he was such an ass. 

"Ah, well, you have to answer too then, yeah? I mean, I want to know all your deep dark secrets, too."

Relief washed over Kazuki, and he chuckled. "My deep dark secrets, huh? Sometimes I wear girls’ underwear because they’re more comfortable under skinny jeans and I do like to wear skirts."

Aoi just about chopped his own finger off. Images of Kazuki in lacy lingerie filtered through his head. Nope. He most definitely did not need to think about that right now. 

"I like skirts, too. Longer ones anyway. They’re comfortable. I do own a kilt, too. Bought it for Halloween one year."

Aoi laughed at the look on his boyfriend’s face. "And I’m a giant chicken. Any kind of scary things. I just can’t handle it at all."

Kazuki outright laughed at that. "No way! Not Mr. Dark and Mysterious! Hmm, you for sure look good in skirts. I’ve looked at some of your photoshoots. Damn sexy."

"Oh, I’ll wear the skirts for you if you wear some lace for me."

At that, Kazuki turned bright red and refocused back on what he was doing. Aoi narrowed his eyes at him and, as he reached around him to grab the pack of shrimp from the kitchen island, lifted his lips to Kazuki’s ear.

"Don’t tell me you’re wearing any right now," he spoke in a low voice and Kazuki shivered beneath it. Aoi grinned as he turned to set the shrimp down in the sink. But Kazuki still wasn’t answering. Instead he was chewing on his bottom lip while he chopped the last paprika into slices. What was that supposed to mean? Was he possibly...?

Oh good lord. Aoi didn’t think he could handle any _more_ of the cinema that was already playing inside his head. Now though, he found himself intrigued and stepping up behind Kazuki, wrapping his arms around his waist loosely. 

Kazuki tensed as soon as Aoi’s lips latched to the back of his neck. Damn, he shouldn’t have brought the underwear topic up. 

"Are you?" Aoi asked once again, drawing a line of kisses from Kazuki’s nape across his shoulder, his hand sliding down to caress teasingly over his ass. Skinny jeans. 

"Are you going to tell me or do you want me to check right here right now?" 

"N-No!" Kazuki finally found his voice again and his head snapped up, blushing fiercely, even as Aoi withdrew his hands and lips. "I mean… No, you don’t have to… ch-check." 

That was exactly what Aoi had not wanted to hear. It’d been difficult enough for him to keep his hands to himself so far but now… With the image of Kazuki in lace taking up all space in his head… He really hoped he would survive until after their dinner.  

After a giggle, a whisper of _I can’t wait to see it_ and a light kiss to Kazuki’s cheek, he turned back to the task at hand. It was his turn to ask questions now, right?

"So what’s your favorite color then?" he asked and Kazuki seemed glad they were returning to less dangerous topics.

"Blue," he said, dropped the vegetables into the salad bowl and began to prepare the tempura batter. 

"Favorite season?" 

"Fall. Perfect for cuddles." 

Aoi giggled. 

"Favorite summer activity?"

"Hm… I don’t think I have any. Biking maybe? Or swimming."

"Sounds good." 

And they went on, and on and on. And Aoi understood why Kazuki had brought this up in the first place. It _was_ the perfect opportunity to get to know more about each other. They fell into a rhythm, working alongside each other while throwing questions back and forth, though Aoi would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy their occasional making-out breaks a little too much. Okay, he enjoyed them more than the cooking. 

But by the end of it, as they had all their meals ready on the glass table in front of the couch, he felt kind of proud as well. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d properly cooked for himself. Kazuki was beaming brightly at what they had achieved as well and it warmed Aoi’s heart to see him so excited. 

"Let’s eat!" Kazuki exclaimed as he flopped down on the couch with a big bowl of _everything_ and Aoi soon joined him after switching the TV on.

"Oh," he made after his first bite. "This is good." 

"Yuu! You ‘on’t speak with ‘ur mouth full!" 

"Says the one speaking with his mouth full."

They laughed simultaneously and Aoi couldn’t help but smile to himself. He felt as relaxed around Kazuki as he hadn’t in a very long time. He felt like himself and it both excited and frightened him. 

Considering how much effort they had put into making their dinner, it was almost a shame how quick they were at devouring it until nothing was left. Kazuki kept praising him but Aoi only shook his head. It wasn’t as if he’d done all the work by himself and he didn’t understand much of cooking anyway, other than the basics. 

"It wouldn’t have turned out half as good if it weren’t for you," he said, finally putting his empty bowl and chopsticks down on the table. 

"But still!" Kazuki insisted, mimicked his actions and then sat back onto the couch with a very satisfied sounding sigh. "Ah, I’m full. That was so delicious, we have to do this more often." 

He sniffed and Aoi watched how he pouted for a second and gave him a measuring glance. Aoi frowned but before he could even ask what the matter was, Kazuki already came scrambling up to him. 

"Need cuddles," he announced with a whine and Aoi groaned as Kazuki’s entire weight dropped right on top of him. Kazuki snuggled against his side and rested his cheek upon his chest, tangling their legs and stretching his arm out over him. He looked like he was ready to go to sleep! But Aoi couldn’t blame him, after a meal like this…

He decided to let Kazuki rest for a while to relish in the silence of their togetherness, wrapping his arm around him before he switched from TV channel to TV channel until he found one that showed the news. He managed to focus on it for the first two minutes but he knew Kazuki wasn’t actually asleep. The younger guitarist shifted too much, if just slightly every time, and once he began drawing patterns on Aoi’s chest, Aoi knew there was something bugging him. 

However, he didn’t push him. Aoi could vaguely imagine what his question was going to be, he’d thought about it all day after sending that damn message, so he gave Kazuki the time to at least try and find the right words. 

"Yuu?" 

"Hm?" Aoi hummed in response, letting his gaze rest on the TV for now but his arm was already tightening lightly over Kazuki’s waist. 

"Can I … ask you something?" 

"You’ve been asking me things all evening, Kazuki." 

"Well, yeah but they weren’t… " 

Yup, now Aoi was definitely sure he knew what this was about.

"Sex related," he finished. "Go ahead."

Kazuki pushed himself up at that, looking up at him with a bite to his lip and Aoi groaned inwardly. 

"Earlier, when I sent you that message… and you told me not… to go there." 

"Mhm." 

Now Kazuki started blushing and God, Aoi just wanted to squish him and kiss him and tell him it was _okay_ to ask those things. He wanted them to be comfortable talking about their desires outside the realm of just phone sex. 

"I was just wondering, if it’s something… that you like?" 

Aoi licked his lips and he swallowed. Seeing Kazuki so shy was really doing things to him and it almost made him feel like the dirty old man that Kazuki had called him in the beginning. Almost. His hand slipping beneath Kazuki’s shirt and caressing his back and the smirk that curled his lips proved otherwise. 

"How about I’ll tell you provided you show me that lace we talked about?" 

"Yuu! I thought we’d dropped that conversation!" Kazuki hissed immediately and slapped at his chest. 

Aoi just laughed, grabbing that moving hand and kissing over the knuckles. "Well we had, but Kazi, if you did wear something sexy then I’m hoping it was for me?"

Kazuki looked away as his blush crept further up his cheeks. He _had_ worn something specifically for Aoi but he hadn’t been sure if he would be into it or not so really, the whole situation made him nervous.

"I did, Yuu… but what if you don’t like it? I mean, I’m not a girl obviously, so what if it doesn’t look good?"

Aoi rolled his eyes, gripping Kazuki’s waist to lift him so he could sit up. "Trust me baby, I’m going to like it. Let me see what you’ve got for me," Aoi gave him a reassuring smile.

Kazuki stood up slowly, eyes focused on Aoi’s face. Now that he was doing it, he wasn’t so sure if this was really a good idea, almost shaking a little when he grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. Aoi’s tongue poked out to lick his lips as Kazuki’s creamy skin came into view. He wanted nothing more than to get his mouth on every inch of him.  

"Keep going. Show me everything,” he said slowly, eyes lingering up and down Kazuki’s torso. Aoi couldn’t see any of what Kazuki had hinted at yet but at this point he didn’t care at all. Kazuki could wear a trash bag and he’d still want to devour him whole. He had to admit though, he was a bit concerned how he could see Kazuki’s ribs when he breathed in upon fumbling with the button of his jeans. Maybe he should cook for him more often. But that was a problem to deal with later. He had other things to handle right now.

"Let me help,” he said and extended his hands to unbutton Kazuki’s jeans and lower the zipper. Sure enough, black lace met his eyes and a tiny moan fell from his lips. Kazuki turned around then, bending over slightly to push his tight jeans down over his hips and thighs.

And Aoi was about to pass out. His eyes roamed over the lace that barely covered Kazuki’s ass, and trailed along the tight garters that ran down his thighs to the silky black stockings that covered his mile-long legs. He had to take a couple deep breaths to get oxygen to his brain. Still, when Kazuki turned around, a blush on his cheeks as his hands came down to try to cover himself, all the blood in Aoi’s body rushed south.  

"Oh no, you don’t." 

Aoi took Kazuki’s hands, placing them instead on his own shoulders and forcing him between his knees. "I’ve seen you naked Kazi, no need to be shy. You look so damn sexy. My beautiful prince."

Kazuki’s eyes rolled back, lips parting with a pant as those words sent shivers up and down all along his nerve endings, and he had a feeling he was about to get his answer. What if he pushed just a bit...?

Kazuki moved forward, sitting himself atop Aoi’s thighs. 

"I’m happy that you like it,” he whispered, looking sweetly at his boyfriend. "Because I definitely want daddy’s approval."

Aaaaand Aoi was this close to losing it. Why was Kazuki doing this to him?! 

"Fuck, don’t go kinky on me like that so suddenly," he cursed. As if he was complaining though, his hands had long began roaming up along the sides of Kazuki’s thighs. The younger guitarist shivered beneath his touch and a coy smile curled his lips.  

"So you really like it?" he said, sliding his palm down Aoi’s chest only to feel his heart beat wildly under it. Aoi was excited for him and it made a strange feeling of pride rise up in Kazuki’s chest. 

"I love it," Aoi replied without hesitating, licking his lips once more. There was no sense in hiding it anyway, his eyes were devouring every inch of Kazuki’s skin that was exposed to him (which was a lot). Aoi’s grip on his hips was firmer than before as he leaned up to capture Kazuki’s lips.  

"Ughn," Kazuki moaned softly into Aoi’s mouth, allowing his tongue to enter while he wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed closer. It honestly wasn’t too much of a surprise that Aoi was into this… And quite convenient for himself, too. Kazuki couldn’t deny that the notion of big hands holding him, hungry kisses, weight on top of him and dominant eyes staring him down was all too exciting. And he had a feeling Aoi was going to give him all of that and more. He at least seemed like an expert at hungry kisses already, what with how greedily he was devouring his mouth at the moment. 

"I’ll admit I have my phases," Aoi whispered breathlessly as they pulled away from each other for a brief second and his hands moved to cup Kazuki’s ass, kneading the supple skin in his palms. Kazuki whimpered at that and the sound made Aoi grin devilishly against his neck. 

"And this is absolutely one of them." 

He bit down, deliberately, not caring if it left a mark. Not now. Aoi could feel his possessive nature taking over, only fueled by the fingers that tangled in his hair and the noises Kazuki was giving him in response.

He moved up and they kissed again, his hand coming to rest on the small of Kazuki’s back which made him arch in the most perfect way. Aoi honestly thought he’d die if Kazuki wouldn’t remain his forever, and only his. 

As they broke apart again, Kazuki moaned softly but remained close, their panting breaths mingling in the tiny space between their mouths. 

"Yuu…," he whispered with his voice somewhere between a whine and… a challenge? 

"Please show me… " 

What exactly it was that he wanted was left hanging in the air but oh, Aoi found it between the lines for sure. If it hadn’t been for his damn pants and the fact that he’d promised himself to take it slow, he would’ve taken him right then and there. Even though he was desperately holding on to the single ounce of self-control he had left and he wanted it more than anything, it wasn’t the right place to be going all the way yet. 

Aoi smirked and brushed his hands down, grabbing at Kazuki’s thighs so he would stay put as he arose from the couch. Kazuki understood instantly and locked his legs around his waist. He felt arousal starting to seep through his veins, quicker and hotter with every second he spent in Aoi’s strong grip on the way to the bedroom. 

As soon as they stepped inside, and his bedroom was frankly put the place he felt the safest, Aoi let his switch flick. 

He kicked the door close with a foot and dumped Kazuki onto the bed once he’d reached it. Kazuki gasped and his eyes widened, understandably so at the sudden roughness. Oh, he was in for a treat. The voice at the back of his head that told him to keep it down had shrunk considerably. Aoi had to trust Kazuki to stop him. 

_You sound so dramatic, old man._

Aoi chuckled at his own thought. Kazuki was giving him a curious look but Aoi spotted the desire in his eyes way too easily. After yanking his shirt over his head, Aoi secured his place on top of Kazuki, snatching his wrists and shoving them into the pillows above his head. 

"This is just between you and me, Kazuki," he murmured against his lips before kissing them longingly. Kazuki didn’t struggle nor did he try to free himself, squirming instead and whimpering beneath him. Aoi’s free right hand soon found the cause for the squirming, palming Kazuki’s erection through the fabric as he gently eased himself off of their hungry liplock. 

"Do you want daddy to take care of this?" he whispered.

Never in his life had Kazuki believed someone would handle him like this. It was too taboo. Too kinky. Yet here he was, writhing like some kind of virgin underneath Aoi. He understood the implications of what was happening, understood the fact that this was their time, and their thing. No one else needed to know about this and Kazuki was sure as hell not telling anyone. But he also knew what Aoi meant without him having to voice it. This was for both of them. They both needed to be comfortable and they both had the right to stop it. Kazuki was safe here and he hoped Aoi felt that, too. 

Kazuki’s hips bucked up against the rough touch of Aoi’s calloused fingers, the lace making him twice as sensitive. _And_ twice as willing to give Aoi whatever he wanted. 

"Please daddy," he whimpered. "Please, I’m so hot."   
  
Granted, Kazuki whined a bit more than necessary. He wanted Aoi to touch him, but he wouldn’t mind a little punishment thrown in. It took himself by surprise a little but he _wanted_ Aoi to get rough with him. Aoi let those words soak into his mind and breathed before he could completely lose it. 

"Be patient, baby. I’m going to take care of you," he assured as his free hand moved down Kazuki’s side, tickling him just a bit. Kazuki’s legs were rubbing together beneath him and Aoi couldn’t help but be a bit surprised at how turned on he was. This was a dream. It had to be. There was no way this gorgeous young man was enjoying this _that_ much. 

"Keep your hands above your head. No touching," Aoi commanded then. He was going to keep it fairly light though since he didn’t have a clue how much Kazuki had experience in. Aoi didn’t want to overwhelm him.

Kazuki did as he was told, grabbing his own fingers above his head. Aoi was moving down his body, hands gripping on to the side of his thighs and next thing he knew, he was flipped over onto his stomach. 

"Yuu- "

"You don’t question me. Don’t make me gag you. Don’t make daddy do that."  
  
It took everything in Kazuki’s power not to moan at Aoi’s words because fuck, that was such a hot idea. But he wouldn’t push it. Not when Aoi’s hands were already yanking the lacy panties down his thighs and popped his hips off the mattress and he felt supple lips kiss down his back, rough fingers kneading his ass possessively.

God, Aoi was going crazy. He had yet to take the time to see all of Kazuki with his clothes all off and now all he wanted was to bury himself inside him. The straps hooked onto the garter belt were tight against Kazuki’s skin and Aoi smirked as he pulled one away to let it smack back into place. He was rewarded with a quiet whimper. Aoi yearned to touch him a bit more but he had to make sure Kazuki was okay with it first. 

"Kazi? Are you doing okay?" he asked, bending over to run his tongue along the little bumps of his spine. 

"Yes Yuu, I’m fine."

"Is it okay if I touch you a little more … intimately?"

Kazuki tensed under his touch for just a second. "I- Yes. It’s okay. I trust you."

Aoi breathed out in relief. "I won’t go too far. I’ll make you feel good."

Kazuki turned his head enough to look back at him but Aoi only smirked, reaching between his legs to stroke him teasingly. With a small cry, Kazuki laid his head back down and Aoi inconspicuously sucked on his middle finger, until he had Kazuki squirming underneath him again. 

"I’ve been waiting to do this all damn day. Hearing you on the phone was so damn hot but I want to feel for myself." 

For a very short moment there Kazuki was confused but then… Then his legs were being spread farther apart and a warm, wet feeling prodded at his entrance. He’d wanted to- oh fuck… oh yes! 

"Oh please! Please put it- !" 

Aoi frowned at Kazuki’s begging. Moving his finger away, he slapped the pale skin of Kazuki’s ass and watched it turn pink as he yelped. 

"What did I say to you?"

"I’m sorry daddy, I’m sor- " 

Kazuki had turned to mumbling before he could even get all the words out entirely. Aoi gave him a little break, pushing in just the tip of his finger. Kazuki was tighter than he’d imagined, squeezing around him like a vice. 

"You have to relax baby or this isn’t going to feel good," he whispered, starting to move his other hand along Kazuki’s length again. This was just too hot to be real; if only he had taken his own damn jeans off beforehand! Although maybe it was good that he hadn’t because the noises Kazuki was producing were the sweetest music to Aoi’s ears; sweet, and aiming straight at his groin. It was wonderful indeed. He would have to have Kazuki take care of this though once they were done here… 

"Do you feel good now?" Aoi asked as he kissed his way upwards again on Kazuki’s spine, allowing his finger to slowly prod deeper. Kazuki merely managed to whimper in response, feeling like he was too far gone already. If this was just foreplay to Aoi, he couldn’t wait to see what the real deal was going to be like.

Aoi chuckled and his lips parted for his tongue to dart out, the flat of it dragging a line up Kazuki’s back just before he wriggled the tip of his finger around - Kazuki winced and whined - and delivered the first hit against his sweet spot. 

There was no way Kazuki could keep quiet. He moaned out lustfully, his hips bucking up in reflex to push against Aoi’s finger. How was it even long enough… to hit right there… Oh God, Kazuki couldn’t even think. 

"Nnh… Oh God, Yuu… D-Daddy- Mm… " 

His mumbling was nonsensical and his breath hitched every two seconds; every time Aoi’s finger slid into him. 

"Are you always this vocal in bed?" Aoi asked, snickering as he kissed across a tremoring shoulder blade. The lack of a proper answer conjured a frown on his forehead and he shoved his finger inside mercilessly, missing Kazuki’s prostate on complete purpose. 

"Answer me," he growled and Kazuki mewled and his hands dug deeper into the pillows above him. He was definitely losing himself. He started to believe that he wasn’t actually ready for what was to come in two weeks. Not because he was uncomfortable but rather because this already felt too good to be outdone. And it was just one finger! How on earth Aoi was reducing him to the mess he was, he had no idea. His dirty talk played a big role though.

"I-I think so, yes," Kazuki forced out as a reply, his eyes shut tightly while Aoi’s hands pushed him further and further towards his release. 

"Yes what?" 

Kazuki gulped, half expecting another blow to his ass but it didn’t come. Instead, he felt the tip of Aoi’s nose caress his heated cheek and it was so gentle of a gesture that it immediately helped Kazuki to relax his tensed body. 

"Yes daddy," he breathed out and Aoi’s kiss to his cheek followed right away. Like a reward. It made Kazuki’s heart flutter. 

"Good boy," Aoi mused proudly before speeding up his movements. Kazuki shouldn’t think that this was all slow and romantic _all_ the time. Because it really wasn’t, at least not the way Aoi did it. His pants were getting really damn tight at this point, too. But before he finished this off… He had to get something off his chest. 

"I promise you we’ll take it slow in two weeks," he spoke softly, watching briefly how Kazuki bit his lip at the thought and arched his back towards his ever moving hands. Aoi grinned. "But you better believe I’m going to wreck you once you’ve gotten used to me."

Kazuki’s reaction was exactly how he liked it; whimpering at the sound of that, writhing and mewling at the promise that lay hidden behind it. Kazuki’s hips thrust up and Aoi tsked. 

"So impatient," he scolded and delivered a sharp slap to Kazuki’s ass, though he did not care to soothe it. He wasn’t much for soothing, at least not during the act. 

"Usually I’d choke you for that," he said with a mock sigh. "But… It’s your first time so I’m going to be nice." 

Or at least as nice as he could be in his current state. Holy shit, he needed to get off and _quickly_. After gathering a few fingertips of saliva, Aoi spread it around his finger so it would glide easier. Kazuki’s skin was reddened which made the lingerie look even more beautiful on it, his thighs were shaking and it only got worse with every thrust Aoi set into him as he picked up the pace once more, with every turn of his wrist on Kazuki’s length. 

"Ughn… Nnh, Daddyyy!" 

"You wanna cum?" 

"Yes! Oh God Yuu- " 

"Say please." 

Ah, Aoi was maybe enjoying this a little too much. Kazuki groaned into the bed sheets, somewhere between frustrated and truly desperate.

"P-Please! Oh God, please… "

Aoi chuckled. They were going to have a lot of fun together, kinky or not, he could just tell. He could tell that Kazuki trusted him, the way he bared himself to him like this. It meant a lot.   
All it took, eventually, was a push against his prostate, a thumb swipe across the head of his cock and expert repetition until Kazuki came undone beneath him, moaning his older boyfriend’s name shamelessly.

Aoi helped him ride it out, gently withdrawing his finger. 

"Oh my god," Kazuki was panting, allowing his limbs to slacken in relief. "That was so go- " 

"Kazuki," Aoi interrupted him mid-sentence and Kazuki had to focus surprisingly hard to get his head to turn and look back over his shoulder. His eyes widened as they fell upon where Aoi’s hands were on the buckle of his belt. Aoi was so hard he could plainly see the outline through his jeans and it made Kazuki’s mouth water like crazy. With a light shake of his head, Aoi smirked as their gazes met.

"You’re not done yet."

Holy mother of Jesus, this wasn’t happening to him. Kazuki quickly turned around on his knees, immediately feeling a little pinch of pain in his ass. Oh, how he hoped Aoi was the type to take care of his partner once the sex part was over because he could definitely use the aftercare. Breathing heavily, Kazuki crawled towards Aoi who was undoing his belt and jeans to release his heavy erection.

Kazuki obeyed the inviting hand extended towards him, and he whimpered when a strong palm met the back of his head, forcing him forward. His lips parted and he was choked almost immediately. He looked absolutely debauched, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth and tears leaking down his cheeks. Aoi was aware that maybe this was a bit much for their first time and relented after only a few thrusts into the hot cavern of his mouth. As much as he wanted to come all over that pretty face, there were even more enticing places he wanted to be. So he dug his fingers into Kazuki’s soft hair and tugged him off his cock.

"Turn around on your hands and knees. Now," he demanded, reaching down to pinch a tempting nipple between his fingers. Kazuki yelped, turning around as fast as he could, and Aoi rewarded him with a soft caress to his still quite pink ass. As soon as the enticing sight of Kazuki’s backside was presented to him, Aoi moved behind him. 

"Wait, Yuu I thought- "

Aoi didn’t even hesitate this time, delivering a sharp slap to Kazuki’s ass. 

"Don’t even begin to think I’m going to fuck you, Kazuki. This is about my pleasure, not yours," he all but growled, and he could tell that just the way he was talking was turning his young boyfriend on even more. Which in turn made his blood boil. 

"What a naughty little boy I’ve found. Daddy’s going to have to teach you how to behave, won’t he?"

Kazuki all out moaned, his hips moving back to try to rub against Aoi’s cock and suddenly Aoi knew exactly what he wanted to do. Squeezing his fingers in beneath the side of the black panties, he slid them aside just enough to push his cock up under the material, right along Kazuki’s so thoroughly fingerfucked ass. The contrast of hot, soft, skin and scratchy lace against his most sensitive parts left Aoi all but panting. Fuck, he was basically just dry humping the poor boy. What was he, a horny teenager? Aoi mentally chuckled at that thought.

"Give me your hands, face down." 

Kazuki leaned forward until his face met the pillows and Aoi grabbed his joined hands behind his back. He’d been slightly concerned that Aoi had forgotten about their deal about waiting until their weekend together but his words had reassured him, in the best possible way and now he was fairly sure what Aoi was going to do. He’d never made someone so hot they could get off like this and beneath the certainty that, if Aoi came like this he would again too, a feeling of pride settled within him. Warm liquid that he was sure was saliva dripped onto his heated skin just before Aoi started thrusting against him. Before long his hands were released again, though he kept them in place, and the sides of his garter belt were gripped, pulled tight across his groin. 

Aoi was admittedly too wound up not to get off like this. The sensations and Kazuki’s mewling brought him so close to the edge that all it took was the sight of Kazuki’s quivering thighs for him to come. Hot streaks shot up Kazuki’s back, the body beneath him spasming again and despite how he’d tried to be quiet, Kazuki moaned, coming untouched, all over the inside of his pretty black panties. Fuck, this was way too hot to be legal.

When he’d finally come back to his senses, Aoi withdrew.

"Stay up for just a moment, baby doll. Let me clean you up," he murmured, kissing Kazuki’s cheek before moving into the bathroom across the hallway. He may have had his kinks and his rough side but he couldn’t stay like that always. Not when it was over. He’d always thought that people would probably be surprised to find out how much he loved to take care of his lovers after a session. And he’d never cared about someone as much as the young guitarist currently in his bed.

Aoi retrieved both a wet cloth and one of the small softer towels before he returned to the bedroom, only to find that Kazuki had flopped down onto his side. 

"Ugh, I’m so done," he rasped but there was a smile in his voice that made Aoi chuckle as he climbed back onto the bed. 

"In a good way I hope," he said, guiding Kazuki to lie on his stomach so he could clean the mess he’d left along his spine. Kazuki groaned but Aoi did notice that he wasn’t panting as heavily anymore, his body starting to cool down already. 

"Only in a good way," he muttered and Aoi smiled at both the reassurance and the exhaustion in Kazuki’s voice. He’d successfully tired him out, huh? After wiping his skin clean, Aoi dabbed the spots dry with the towel and proceeded to open up the garters that stretched across Kazuki’s thighs. He didn’t exactly want to let him sleep in soiled underwear. 

"I might get used to these phases of yours," Kazuki told him while moving his legs to help remove the belt and stockings. Aoi tossed them to the floor, caressing his palms up the back of the other’s thighs. 

"Don’t get too used to it," he snickered before turning Kazuki over on his back again. He still looked pretty messed up with those specks of cum on his stomach, but Aoi only saw the beauty in it.

"It’s not like I’m always like this, you know." 

Kazuki wanted to answer but Aoi’s lips took away any possibility. This kiss was so different from what they had just done. Kazuki couldn’t help but feel like it was as though Aoi had flicked a switch that separated his polar opposites. 

"I understand," he whispered in response as Aoi pulled back and began to distribute little kisses along his jawline. Was he starting to feel guilty of what he’d put him through?

"Yuu, I really liked this," Kazuki spoke consequently. "You know that, right? You felt it?"

"I mean you came twice so I’d assume you- " 

"I mean it. Don’t feel bad now, okay? I loved it." 

Aoi sighed. How had Kazuki seen right through him so quickly? He couldn’t wash off the relief that showed on his face, closing his eyes as he placed a kiss to Kazuki’s forehead. 

"I’m glad," he said truthfully. So he hadn’t overstepped his limits just yet. 

"Still, it’s nothing I’ll just randomly bring up while we’re at it. I want you to know that." 

With those words, he finally laid down beside Kazuki and spread the silken blanket over their bodies. When Kazuki came snuggling up to him instantly, Aoi opened his arm for him and pulled him closer. Instinct or not, Kazuki was searching for his warmth and Aoi understood too well. It was a part of aftercare just as much. 

"How do I know then if... you’re in the mood?" Kazuki wondered aloud, resting half his body atop Aoi’s, who chuckled.

"I’ll tell you. I have to tell you in fact because I want and need you to be both physically and mentally ready for a session like this."

"Oh." 

Kazuki felt a light blush returning to his cheeks. What did Aoi mean by mentally ready?

Aoi could tell Kazuki was back into shy mode, despite the questions he obviously had. 

"Kazi, this is something we need to talk about," Aoi initiated, pushing himself up to sit against the headboard. He needed to be able to see Kazuki’s face, to make sure he understood

"About what?" he asked, shifting so he could still keep his arm over Aoi’s waist. 

"About communication. I’m very big on having an open dialogue with my… partners. And I consider you more than that so I need you to be able to talk to me about whatever is on your mind. There is nothing you could ask about that isn’t important. I need you to understand that," Aoi told him, tipping his chin up so their eyes could meet. 

Kazuki understood. He really did. But he’d never been so good at talking about things that were embarrassing by nature. Though he wanted to do what Aoi was asking. It was time to grow up a bit, right? He wanted this relationship to work so he needed to be an adult.

"What do you mean I need to be mentally prepared for a session like this?" he managed to get out. After what they’d just done, Kazuki had no reason to feel embarrassed and he knew that. 

Aoi leaned down to deliver a small rewarding kiss to Kazuki’s lips.   
  
"You, and me too, need to be in the right headspace for this type of play. I’m not always the nicest person during sessions. My mouth runs away from me and sometimes I enjoy degrading the other person. And there are always punishments. Sometimes they can be very rough. I can’t say that I won’t treat you like an object at times. And that’s why you need to be prepared. I need you to know that when we play, that’s not how I actually see you. While yes, you’re younger and I’ve been in this business longer than you, I see us as equals, Kazuki. I respect you probably more than you’ll ever know. I care about your well-being to an extent that I don’t even understand myself. You have to remember that at all times. You need to know that you are still in control even in play. The moment you want it to stop, you say the word and everything will stop. I will not force you to do anything, and I will _never_ be angry or disappointed in you for using your safeword. Does that make sense?"

Kazuki’s chest felt tight from realizing how much Aoi actually did care about him. He nodded.

"I understand. And on my part, because I liked that you said it wasn’t an all-the-time thing, I will not tease you into it like I did today. I’ll talk to you about it, too." 

Kazuki paused, unsure of how he wanted to say the next thing he needed to get out. He chewed on his lip a bit and was thankful that Aoi was patient with him. 

"What you said about two weeks from now… about taking it slow. Thank you for telling me that. I, um, I am nervous about it."

Aoi genuinely smiled, nuzzling his hair. "To be honest, I’m nervous as well. But like I said, I will be happy even if we decide not to do it. As long as we talk about it and everything is out in the open."

"Of course. I think communication is important too, Yuu. And as… unattractive as this sounds, it makes me feel more confident when I can talk about things with you first," Kazuki admitted, reaching up to run his fingers through Aoi’s hair. 

"That is not unattractive at all, baby. I feel the same way. I think we’re going to be perfectly fine."

Kazuki sighed, a little smile curving his lips. "Me too. By the way, my safeword is going to be _bubblegum._ "

The following laugh bubbling past Aoi’s lips rang in his ears and made his heart swell. 

"Bubblegum? How is even your safeword adorable? God, you’re too damn cute. Come here." 

Kazuki was going to argue that he was in fact _not_ cute, but before he could protest Aoi’s lips were on his again, moving so sweetly that he forgot what he wanted to argue about. He was fairly sure he could kiss this man for the rest of his life and it would never be enough. He just lo- 

"-ove you."

 

Silence. 

A momentary pause where Aoi pulled away just enough to look down into his eyes. 

Kazuki was confused by the shock he saw in his expression. What was going on? It wasn’t like Aoi could read his thoughts. 

A tongue poked out to lick suddenly dry lips and Aoi’s hands framed his face. "What did you just say?"

Oh no. 

He hadn’t said it out loud. 

He hadn’t! 

Kazuki could see himself reflected in Aoi’s wide dark eyes and his bottom lip started trembling. Upon the realization of what he had done, there were tears stinging behind his lashes almost immediately, threatening to spill over at any moment. How could he have been so careless? How could he have been so  _ stupid? _ It was too soon. Way too soon and Aoi obviously wasn’t ready. 

Kazuki smiled weakly. He climbed out of bed. Fuck, his clothes were down in the living room. Aoi looked too stunned to make a move, so he grabbed up a pillow to cover himself and fled the room. He had his jeans on but open and was fighting his shirt, unable to see through the veil before his eyes when he felt arms wrap around his waist and he was pulled back against a hard chest. 

"Please Yuu, just let me go. Let me go!" he said through sniffs and coughs, but Aoi didn’t release him. He only tightened his embrace, unable to believe how rapidly the situation had changed. And the harder he tried not to think back to it, the louder Kazuki’s words rang in his ears.  He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked. He was. It was way too soon for them to be saying these kind of things. That was the reason Kazuki was flat out freaking out right now.

"Let me go!" he exclaimed over and over again, trying to break free and the despair in his voice broke Aoi’s heart into pieces. 

"I’m not letting you go anywhere," he said as firmly as he could manage without having to yell. "Calm down, please, it’s oka- " 

"Don’t tell me it’s okay!" Kazuki interrupted him mid-sentence but Aoi could already tell that he wasn’t going to resist for long. Tears were dripping down his cheeks and a heart-wrenching sob fell from his lips. 

"I ruined it, Yuu," he cried and Aoi felt his heart contract painfully. "I-I ruined everything! I shouldn’t have s-said it." 

"Kazuki, baby… Shh," Aoi made reassuringly and turned him around once he was sure he wasn’t going to run away again. Cupping Kazuki’s face in his palm, he tilted it upward and wiped the tears away from the corners of his eyes.

"It’s okay, it’s fine. Sshhh, it’s all good. You said what you felt, Kazi. There’s nothing wrong with that at all." 

Kazuki sniffed as he blinked up at Aoi through his blurry vision, wiping a palm over his runny nose. 

"I wanted it to be special, Yuu," he hiccuped. "I-it should’ve been something s-special." 

"It is. Kazuki, it is. If it’s really what you feel, it doesn’t matter to me under what circumstances you tell me. All that matters is that we feel the same."

Aoi gulped. This was the closest he could get to those words. His wildly palpitating heart was proof enough of how he really felt, that it was too soon for him to say it word by word. But that didn’t mean Kazuki’s feelings were less legitimate. They were more than that, Aoi could tell by how easily they had left him. How naturally. 

Kazuki snivelled again and Aoi allowed himself to take a step back and reach down for his hand, lacing their fingers. 

"Come back to bed, okay?" he asked, gulping, and it was the first time he was scared of how insecure his own voice was sounding. "Don’t leave me tonight."

Kazuki finally lifted his head up. How could Aoi be so understanding when he himself was freaking out? Aoi may have believed his words had been ignored but Kazuki had heard them loud and clear. It was important that they felt the same way... So although Aoi wasn’t ready to say it, he did feel something towards him? That was enough for Kazuki right now. 

"I’m… sorry that I can’t say it back, Kazuki. I just can’t yet be- "

"It’s okay, Yuu. I didn’t expect you to. Hell, I didn’t even expect to say it myself. I can… feel it though. I can feel how much you care about me. That’s all I need. I’m sorry for running off. Please take me back to bed."

Aoi smiled, kissing his temple sweetly before slipping one arm beneath his knees and the other around his back, lifting him off the ground. Kazuki’s arms circled his neck, holding on all the way until he was placed on the bed and Aoi removed his jeans again. 

"I’m going to make a new rule for my apartment. All inhabitants named Kazuki are no longer allowed to wear clothes," he teased, leaning down to tickle along Kazuki’s sides. Kazuki yelped and giggled, the sadness in his expression vanished as he squirmed away from him. The entire thing made Aoi grin so wide his cheeks hurt. Despite the protests, Kazuki  _ was _ adorable and Aoi wouldn’t believe any different. 

"Yuu! Stop it! Stop! Nooo!" Kazuki squealed, scrambling further away to hide under the covers. Aoi didn’t hesitate and crawled in with him, pulling the thin sheets up over them to hide from the world outside. Yeah, it was like a scene from one of those horrible romance movies Reita liked to watch, but Aoi was willing to ignore that for now. He drowned in the moment. Kazuki’s long legs lazily wrapped around his waist as they kissed with no hurry, enjoying being with one another until neither could keep their eyes open anymore. They fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and warm sheets, happier than Aoi had been in a long time.

* * *

Kazuki stretched his arms above his head. Warm sunlight was caressing his skin and it left him smiling. He did love lazy mornings. But what he loved even more was the mess of raven hair spread over his chest. Aoi was using him as a pillow, snoring softly. Hmm, looked like Aoi wasn’t so dominant in his sleep, huh? Kazuki spent a good amount of time just happily laying there, combing his hands through Aoi’s long hair and stroking his fingertips gently across his shoulders. Unfortunately it didn’t take long for Aoi to wake up, his lashes fluttering before a sleepy smile curled his lips. 

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

Kazuki nodded, "I did. Thank you for bringing me back to bed."

"Any time," Aoi offered with a wink. 

Kazuki snorted. Since he’d met Aoi, he had (obsessively) looked through every magazine and article he could find, every photo. His boyfriend was… alluring to say the least. No wonder everyone was swooning over him. But that was Aoi. The man before him was so different. Kazuki loved the way he looked in the morning, his face devoid of makeup and his soft hair falling all around him. This was Yuu. 

"I… have a question. After what we talked about last night, do you ever… let someone else be in control?" 

A frown furrowed Aoi’s brow before he broke into a grin. "Kazuki, are you asking if I’ll let you top me?"

Kazuki sputtered, eyes going wide. "Wh-What?! No, of course not. I just- "

"Maybe someday when we’re safe together we’ll give it a try, hm?" Aoi answered, planting a kiss to Kazuki’s collarbone. 

Damn. Would Aoi really do that? No, Kazuki didn’t need to think about  _ that  _ right now. After all, he needed to get back to his apartment fairly soon before Jin and Byou could beat him home. 

"Don’t even think about it," Aoi grumbled  _ right on fucking cue _ , stretching his arm across Kazuki’s torso to hold him close. "You’re not leaving yet." 

"Yuuuuuuuuuu," Kazuki whined above him. Why did Aoi have to be so damn adorable… It was such a stark contrast to who he had met last night. That man would probably never allow him to caress through his hair like he did now…  

He threw a quick glance at the bedside table and the clock standing on it. If Jin and Byou were already home, surely they worrying, weren’t they? Or had Manabu managed to come up with an excuse for him? Speaking of, it was best to let Aoi know that there was a second person now who knew about them, right? 

"Yuu, it’s 10:30 already and I- " 

_ "What?!"  _

Kazuki winced as Aoi jerked up from atop him, staring wide-eyed at the time only to groan and flop face-first back into the pillow. 

"Fuck," he cursed, his voice muffled, before he rolled over onto his back.

Kazuki frowned.

"What is it?" he asked in concern, though he could not not let his eyes roam that exposed abdomen. Ugh, Aoi was so hot. Why was he so hot? It almost made Kazuki never want to leave his bed again. But surprisingly, it was Aoi himself who made the decision for them. 

"I’m supposed to be in a meeting that started 15 minutes ago," he explained as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. Reaching for his pants from the floor, Aoi fished out his phone to check the angry messages he was definitely sure he’d gotten by now. 

**Kou  
** _ Dude. You better latch your fingers off loverboy and move your ass over here right now. _

**Ru-chan  
** _ Shiroyama, I’m going to kill you.  _

Aoi groaned in defeat before typing a reply. 

"Yeah, I’m as good as dead."

**Aoi  
** _ I’m on my way!!  _

Behind him, Kazuki dared to giggle. It was an unusual thing to see the older guitarist so... He didn’t know how to describe it;  normal? That wasn’t the right word. Either way, Kazuki had to get them going. 

"Okay then come on," he encouraged and untangled his limbs from the blanket around them before getting out of bed. Aoi made a sound that clearly said he wasn’t keen on moving and now Kazuki was really amused. Who of them was the kid here? 

After gathering his clothes from the floor, including the lingerie the sight of which sent his cheeks burning hot, he crouched in front of Aoi who still had one arm hanging over the edge of the bed. Someone was looking mighty comfortable.

"Move your butt, old man," Kazuki giggled and Aoi instantly sent him a glare. It only served to make him grin even wider though. 

"Careful, kid," Aoi teased just before his facial features softened. "Kiss me first."  

Kazuki blushed but he couldn’t refuse it. After their lips met gently for a couple of seconds, Aoi seemed ready to move. It was with a satisfied hum that he withdrew and they could finally get dressed. 

"Sometimes I hate being in a band," Aoi sighed theatrically while pulling a fresh shirt over his head.

"Don’t say that too loud."

Fifteen minutes and countless kisses and complaints later, they were seated in the Jaguar. Aoi stopped by a café to get breakfast for Kazuki before dropping him off at their usual spot. 

"I’ll see you around, okay?" he smiled after Kazuki gave him a goodbye kiss. 

"You will. In an elevator maybe. Or the men’s room." 

"Oh God,  _ leave _ before I drag you back home." 

Kazuki snickered, pressing their lips together one more time before he got out of the car properly and slammed the door shut.

Aoi had a grin plastered across his face all the way to the studio, where, as expected, it slid right off his face. It wasn’t like him to be late and now he felt like he was going to step into the lion’s den. Especially because Uruha knew the exact reason for it.

 

"Was it worth it?"

Ten minutes later, Aoi turned away from the coffee machine to find Uruha leaning against the doorframe of the small kitchen area. The lead guitarist looked tired, like he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. 

"Getting my ass chewed by Ruki? Oh yeah. Not even Ruki can ruin my mood today. But what’s up with you? Have you been sleeping?"

Uruha cocked an eyebrow at him. "I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Well, maybe you should be more careful next time. You can’t let this get in the way of the band."

Aoi pursed his lips. "Just a few days ago you told me not to worry about the band if I really cared about him. Seriously, what is up with you? I know something’s going on. Why don’t you talk to me about it?"

Uruha’s usually bright eyes gave him a dull look. "Because there’s nothing you can do. Just leave it alone, Yuu," was all he said before disappearing out the room. 

What … the fuck? Uruha had never spoken to him like this before. He was in pain, that Aoi could tell, but if he wouldn’t talk there was no way to force him. Aoi stopped with his mug of coffee halfway to his mouth. Actually, maybe there was.

It looked like luck was with him today after all. Kai was sitting alone behind his drums, scrolling through something on his phone when Aoi made it back to the rehearsal room. 

"Oi Yuta, do you have a minute?"

Kai looked up at him, all friendly-sweet-eyes. 

"Sure,” he answered, coming around the set to join Aoi on the sofa. "What’s up?"

Aoi took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure whether or not Kai knew that he was privy to the private times the drummer had spent with Uruha. 

"I need you to  _ talk _ to Kouyou. Something is up with him but he won’t tell me and I’m worried. I know you’ve noticed it. And- " Aoi cut off. Just how much did he want to reveal that he knew? 

"And?"

"And I know you care about him more than you let on. But you’re the only one that may be able to make him talk."

Kai was quiet then, his molars grinding together while he was thinking. Aoi knew how he felt about Uruha, and he’d thought that maybe the guitarist had felt the same way, but if that was true then why wasn’t he asking Kai for help for whatever was going on himself?

"I think it has something to do with the new band’s vocalist," Kai finally caved. "He went to a movie with him the other day and has been weird ever since. At this point Yuu, I’m not sure he’ll let me touch him but I’ll try my best. I’ll take him home tonight and see what I can work out of him." 

Aoi was thankful that Kai left the details out of that. He knew what kind of stuff Kai was into and didn’t want any part of it. He may have loved dominating Kazuki and he wasn’t opposed to spanks or handcuffs but any physical pain beyond that wasn’t his thing. Uruha, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy it.

"Thank you. That’s, um, that’s all I wanted."

Kai smiled that damn smile in response, the one that lit up entire rooms, and headed back to his drum set. Aoi shook his head. Who would have known the cutest was also the most twisted... 

* * *

In the evening, Kazuki sat in the living room where his band had sprawled out to eat pizza and watch a few movies, curled up on one end of the couch. While usually he loved movies, this time around he was far too focused on what he wanted to get done before Aoi came over. Yes, it was still two weeks away but he wanted to be ready. He’d already decided to clean the apartment and make dinner. Something simple but hopefully Aoi wouldn’t mind. But he needed some way to make it special. He wanted their first time together to be perfect, as cliché as it sounded. 

To his list he added bringing out the fairy lights that Byou hadn’t let him put up in their room, maybe that could set the mood a bit. What was he supposed to wear? Would Aoi even care what he was wearing? Why was this making him so damn nervous right now? A  _ ding  _ next to him stirred him from fantasy land and he grabbed his phone up. 

**Dreamguy*-*  
** _ I miss you. Are you having a good night off? _

Kazuki smiled to himself. Aoi was in a late meeting about a new line of goods right now but apparently he was rather distracting himself.

**Ki-kun  
** _ Shouldn’t you be paying close attention to your meeting, Mister? But I miss you too. I wish you were here :( but you will be soon enough. _

**Dreamguy*-*  
** _ I will. And you’re far more interesting than this meeting, if I’m being honest. Ruki’s plans are making my head fume. I’d rather talk to you. _

That was how Kazuki spent the rest of the evening, secretly texting his boyfriend and enjoying the time off with his band. It was nice. But felt a bit like a bomb was about to drop.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

When Byou woke up the next day, the same thoughts were running through his head. He couldn't get Uruha out of it. How could he, after what they had done? 

They were back to rehearsal today and Byou honestly dreaded having to go. He wanted to avoid Uruha, knowing that all the memories would only come bubbling back to the surface but at the same time… He sort of missed him and that only made it worse. Why did he even feel this way? It wasn't like he'd _talked_ a lot to the guy, let alone about personal things. But then Uruha had asked him out for whatever reason and he'd just decided on a whim. And now he was smitten and couldn't reverse it. 

On their way to the studio, Byou sighed approximately three thousand times. Kazuki was giving him concerned looks but didn't ask, fortunately. None of them did actually and it made Byou realize how annoying he must've been himself the countless times he'd asked questions, and too many of them. 

Once they arrived and he saw right away that Uruha's car was parked before the building, he swallowed. God, they really should talk about it though, shouldn't they? Or was he the only one who couldn't stop thinking about the night they'd spent together? Maybe Uruha really didn't care. As much as he didn't want to admit it, that was what Byou was most afraid of. He followed his bandmates inside and when Uruha was nowhere to be seen, Byou already opened his mouth to let out a sigh of relief but then Jin called the elevator and it was all shattered.

Uruha looked terrible. Terribly handsome, yes, but also as if he hadn't slept for the past three days. Was it possible that this was affecting him as well? Byou didn't want to allow himself to hope just yet. 

"Um, guys, I forgot, uh… I'm gonna go get something to eat from the conbini around the corner."

It wasn't the best excuse he could've come up with but it seemed that his friends were buying it. Jin and Manabu definitely, they immediately started yelling orders at him, Kazuki though... Not so much. But again, he remained silent. 

Byou waved after them, trying not to wince when Uruha walked past him without giving him so much as a glance. It felt like half an eternity until the elevator doors closed but the second that they were, Byou twirled around and hurried after the guitarist. He burst through the door but stopped dead after a few meters. Walking out too far was only going to risk others seeing him from the windows above.

"Uruha!" he called out and Uruha's movements ceased in the middle of the parking lot as though lightning had hit him. He turned and gazed at Byou but there was no way Byou could read his feelings from it. He did feel his own chest tighten, though. 

"C-Can we talk?" he managed to get out after a second or two. "Please." 

Byou didn't know what it was that made Uruha comply. He seemed to be weighing the pros and cons for a pretty long time but ultimately came stalking up to him, snatching his wrist and dragging him along around the building, out of sight.  His grip was firm and anger was contorting his features. Or was it really anger? Was that how Uruha felt? Angry that he had let himself go? Angry at Byou for advancing on him in the first place?

"What do you want?" he snapped and Byou recoiled. 

"I just… I…" 

He gulped. It was now or never.

"I-I wanted to know if you regret what we did."

Damn, this was the last thing Uruha needed today. After last night all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a few days straight. Luckily they'd been granted a short meeting with the rest of the day off, and Uruha had wanted to use it to recuperate. He'd known it was coming, what happened last night, so he hadn't even put up a fight. When Kai had offered him a ride home, Uruha had known exactly what was going to happen. He just hadn't known why at the time. Kai had let him know, though. Boy had he ever. Once he'd been cuffed to the headboard and bruises marred the skin of his thighs from the hard wooden cane, the guilt of what he'd done with Byou had melted away for the moment, letting him wash the mistake away with pain. In all honesty, he'd thought being with Kai again would make him forget about Byou and the night they'd spent together but then Kai's words had echoed, broken into the dark world behind the blindfold. 

_Why not me, Kou? I have given you everything you've asked for. I've always been there. Why can't you choose me?_

It was at that point Uruha knew for certain he was in trouble. This was the exact reason he'd stopped going to Kai. Uruha knew his feelings had evolved past just the occasional fuck, and as much as he did love Kai as a friend and a bandmate, that was all there was for him. He had trusted Kai to hurt him the way he needed it and to never step over those lines. And he never had, until last night. 

And now in the light of mid-day, Uruha could feel every furious bruise Kai had left and he couldn't even be angry with his friend. He'd felt deceived and it was Uruha's fault for not being honest with him from the beginning. But somewhere during their session Byou's name had released itself from his lips and whatever the context, Kai knew what it meant. 

Uruha hadn't been able to stop thinking about Byou after he'd left his apartment the morning after their bender. And he didn't want to either, really. But he knew it was better to let it go, so he'd started drinking more to drown it out. That lead to less sleep and less healthy pastimes. Hell, he hadn't picked up a guitar at home ever since! And that wasn't him. He'd hoped avoiding the vocalist altogether would eventually make the wanting fade, but now that he was standing in front of him again all Uruha wanted to do was _kiss_ him. 

He'd seen the expression on Byou's face. Shock, then concern for the way he currently looked, but he couldn't tell him that it wasn't what he thought. Yes, he was exhausted but that was how he always looked (though much more mildly) after his sessions with Kai. Byou didn't need to hear that. 

So now he had to make a decision. Pull away from him or give in? He was just so tired… 

"I regret that we were so drunk, Byou. I regret _how_ it happened but no, I don't regret what happened."

Byou released the breath he'd held. Slowly as if questioning the action, he raised his hand Uruha's cheek. 

"I was afraid when you wouldn't look at me that I had fucked up. I'm sorry for the way things happened. Are you alright? You look so tired."

Uruha tried to do the right thing and nod. But instead he ducked his head, hiding behind his hair and reaching out for Byou. 

"No, I'm not. I can't- I can't stop thinking about you, Byou. And I've tried. Believe me I've tried because I don't want to cause problems, but I just can't."

Byou's eyes widened upon hearing those words but he had no possibility to answer. In the next moment, Uruha was tugging at his wrist, pulling him into an embrace. One that Byou could feel was too firm to mean nothing. 

When the guitarist buried his face against his shoulder, Byou's heart was just about to stop. He couldn't believe Uruha was doing this so out in the open. Yes, they were behind the building but that didn't mean that anybody else walking by wouldn't see them. Byou understood what Uruha meant with not wanting to cause problems, he really did, but he found himself caring less and less the longer Uruha was holding him in his arms. 

"U-Uruha... san…"

It was the only thing he managed to utter, lifting his arms but letting them hang in the air like he didn't know what he was supposed to with them. Could he… hug back? It sounded like a good idea, at least in his head, so Byou slowly dropped his hands to rest upon Uruha's shoulders and that was when Uruha seemed to relax a little more. Maybe he'd been just as afraid that Byou wouldn't reciprocate whatever it was that he felt? 

Byou didn't know how long they remained frozen in each other's arms like that but he did know that with every moment that passed, he longed for Uruha to at least kiss him more and more. When Uruha pulled back eventually and Byou only did so much in bringing distance between them, which was nothing really, he could see that Uruha was fighting with himself. 

Byou could feel his breath on his lips, smelled his cologne and all it did was remind him of the passion Uruha had treated him with that night. 

His fingers dug into the fabric of Uruha's shirt as they looked into each other's eyes but there was something in Uruha's… Something was still holding him back. 

"We don't have a future. And you know that." 

Byou's heart sunk. That wasn't what he had wanted to hear. Disappointment showed clearly on his face, he couldn’t prevent it. He'd been rejected before but this… This was direct and hurt more than anything. He hung his head with a sad sigh and took a step back. Uruha didn't really want him after all, did he?

Uruha gulped. The look in Byou's eyes was breaking his heart and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to recover from it. He had to say it, though. They both needed to hear it out loud to make it real. Even though Uruha didn't want it to be true, for Byou's sake, he had to believe it. 

"I'm sorry, Byou. I need to go."

Byou didn't look up at him. He stood staring at the ground, with nothing he could do. This just had to run its course. With a heavy heart, Uruha left him and headed back to the parking lot for his car. He reached out for the door handle but then something hard crashed against his back and tightly wrapped around his waist. Uruha's breath was knocked right out of his lungs and he swayed but he almost … laughed. It appeared Byou was not going to heed his warning. 

"No. Uruha-san, you… You don't get to hug me like that and look at me like that and then say something so … so mean. I would have walked away had you said it first, but it's not what you really wanted to say, was it? You don't believe it yourself. I think what we did impacted you just as much as it did me and I have never been one to give up. I'm not going to give up. You can force me away and ignore me but I'm not going to stop." 

The arms holding him released him and Uruha looked back only to find determination in a pair of very pretty eyes. Holy hell, Byou was a little spitfire. Uruha had definitely not expected this. 

"Byou… I- "

Byou held a hand up in front of him. "Don't. Don't say anything. Go home and sleep. You need it. I will call and check on you later."

And with that and a bounce of dirty blond hair, Byou was gone; leaving Uruha completely stunned. What the hell had he gotten himself into? Uruha was smiling as he slid into his car. Surely he wouldn't have been had he seen the look of pain on Kai's face where he sat in his own.

* * *

To be completely honest, Byou was shaking as he put the phone to his ear. Strolling down their hallway, away from the studio, he wondered, what if he'd been too direct? What if he'd misinterpreted Uruha's actions? 

No. No, if he wanted to get ahold of a guy like Uruha he had to be bold. Maybe it had been because of the alcohol (though he suspected not), but Uruha did seem to have a fancy for bold actions. He didn't seem like the type of person to deal with weak personalities. And Byou was by no means a bitch. Oh no, he hadn't made it this far to lay down and let what he wanted be so easily taken away from him. He pushed the call button.

"Hello?"

Uruha sounded sleepy. Had he woken him up? 

"Hello Uruha-san, were you asleep?"

A deep chuckle reached his ears. "No, I've been awake for awhile. I did what you said and slept for a bit. But Byou?"

Oh, that didn't sound good. "Y-Yeah?"

"If you're going to order me around and demand to be my boyfriend, you should call me Kouyou."

Byou just about had a heart attack. Had Uruha really just called him out so easily??

"O-Okay… Kouyou. I didn't mean to… order you around, though," Byou stammered and Uruha's answering laugh sent his heart into a frenzy. 

"It's fine, don't worry," he said. "You're demanding, I like that." 

"Wha- I'm not! I just didn't want to give up on you!" 

The words left him before he'd even realized and now it felt like he'd stunned Uruha - _Kouyou_ \- into silence. But he couldn't tell whether it was a good kind of silence or a bad one. Chewing on his lip, Byou waited and it took at least another ten seconds until he heard from Uruha again. The noise of what sounded like dishes being moved around reached his ears. 

"Byou?" 

He gulped. "Y-Yes?" 

"Where are you?" 

Oh good God. Why was he asking? He wasn't mad, was he? No, he'd just said he liked... 

"I'm still in the studio," he answered hesitantly. "We've been practicing all day." 

Uruha hummed in response and he seemed to contemplate his decision for a moment that Byou spent with all of his body in tension. What did he want? 

"Do you wanna come over after practice?" 

Byou felt like his legs were going to give in. He had to sit down. He had to sit down _quickly_ and fortunately his legs reacted and already carried him into the men’s room. He felt like a school girl hiding in one of the cubicles like this but it was the only possibility he had at the moment. Was this really happening, though? Uruha was inviting him _again_? What was it with him and his constant change of mind?

"I-I… I mean, are you sure that's a good idea?" 

Because what if… What if they ended up doing it again? Not that Byou was opposed to the idea, the thought alone made him feel hot all over, but… It was only going to make matters worse. Then again, Uruha had called him his boyfriend already so he didn't quite care now, did he? 

Another one of those deep chuckles came from the other end of the line. 

"Why not? Nobody's going to see us and if I'm already screwing the risk I might as well indulge in it." 

Byou's heart fluttered dangerously. So Uruha did… want him. This was too good to be true.

"Of course we don't have to… do anything, I mean, we can just- if you're tired from practice we can just … lie on the couch and order food... or something. Byou? Are you still there?" 

"Wh-What? Oh! Oh yes yes, I was just..." 

Byou cleared his throat. He would have to come up with another excuse, wouldn't he? But his bandmates basically already knew and he trusted them not to spill the beans to anybody. It was going to be okay for them, right? 

"Um, I… I'd love to come over, yes," he replied. "I don't know how long we're still gonna be here… Maybe an hour?" 

"That's fine with me. Just drop me a message once you're off. You remember where I live?" 

Byou giggled, nodding to nobody in particular other than himself.

"Yes yes, I remember," he said and they hung up shortly after. Ugh. He was so fucked. He was fucked and he _knew_ but he couldn't change it. Or at least didn't want to. For the rest of the day, Byou was unable to ban his smile off his lips.

Meanwhile, Uruha's thumb was hovering over Byou's contact in his phone. It was unprofessional but he couldn't help but think Byou might like to be called something special in his phone. And maybe the thought made Uruha feel a bit giddy, too. This was so dumb. They were bound to get in trouble for messing around like this but… why did management get to decide who they fell for? That just didn't seem fair to him at all. Not that he'd fallen for Byou. It was just sex, right? Byou was only feeling clingy because of the fact that they'd been intimate, Uruha understood that. It would wear off and Byou, like everyone else, would come to realize that Uruha wasn't relationship material. 

Sigh.

At least he could pretend for the time being that he could handle a healthy relationship without fucking something up. Uruha snorted at that, releasing a puff of smoke from his lungs.   
  
"Yeah, maybe Byou will be my savior," he said bitterly and changed the contact to _Little Blond_.

 

 

Once practice was over, they began packing things together and Byou was freaking out. How was he supposed to explain this to his bandmates?  

"Hey guys? Can I talk to you real quick?" he asked nervously, watching as the other three looked at him with curious expressions.

"Go for it, B. I'm starving," Jin answered while Kazuki and Manabu nodded in agreement.

"Okay, so I'm going… to Uruha-san's for a while tonight. I don't know if I'll be home later or not," Byou told them honestly. "I want to be upfront with you guys about this. You're my family and I don't want to hide anything from you."

Kazuki's expression turned to something Byou could have sworn was anger, then maybe jealousy, before he gained control again. Jin didn't look surprised and Manabu just looked tired.

"Byou, are you sure that's a good idea?" the drummer finally asked after an uncomfortable handful of seconds.

Byou could only shrug. "I don't know. But that's why I have to go. I need to know what's going on between the two of us and if Uruha-san is serious, then I'm going to ask him to come talk to management with me. I'm hoping that if we are upfront about our relationship from the beginning then maybe it won't be such a huge deal. I mean, they can't keep people from dating and falling in love, right? That's not a choice anyone gets to make so they can't punish us for it. But I think I deserve to know what all of this is. I want to know."

Jin was grinning again like the idiot he was. "Then go get him, tiger!"

Byou rolled his eyes but his smile dissipated once he looked back at Kazuki, who had been uncharastically silent this entire time. "Kazi? Are you okay with this?"

Kazuki raised his head again, expression now solemn. 

"Of course. I mean, if things go south it'll ruin the band but as long as you're happy," he said, his voie monotone, then turned and headed for the exit. Had he gotten angry all of a sudden? A deep frown carved into Byou's forehead.

"Kazuki!" he yelled after him, stopped by Manabu's hand on his arm.

"Just let him go. He's not mad at you, trust me."

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

 **Little Blond**  
_We just got done with practice. I'll be over soon. My band knows where I'll be. Kazuki is pretty upset about it but he won't talk to me._

 **Kouyou  
** _I'm sure he'll be okay. Just give him some space._

Byou continued to frown as he read over Uruha's text. Why did it sound like both Manabu and Uruha knew something about Kazuki that he didn't?

 **Little Blond  
** _Yeah, maybe. I'll see you soon._

* * *

Kazuki was _livid_ . Who the fuck did Byou think he was? First, he scolded him for something as miniscule as going out for lunch with Aoi and now he acted like it was no big deal for him to fuck guitarist number two?! And what _the hell_ was Uruha doing? Hadn't he _promised_ not to put them in danger? Now he was risking everything! 

Storming out of the studio, it took Kazuki all his might to suppress the tears that welled up in his eyes. This was unfair. It was nothing but unfair. 

His feet carried him forward unconsciously until he reached the subway station closest to the studio. But he didn't go inside. He flopped down on one of the benches in front of it. He didn't even want to go home. He only wanted one thing and his hand moved before he'd even finished the thought. Dialling took him ages because his fingers were shaking but he managed eventually, and his call was picked up after just a few seconds. 

"Hey Baby," Aoi greeted with a smile in his voice and Kazuki wanted to cry. Aoi didn't deserve this. Uruha didn't deserve to be all out with his weird, sudden infatuation with Byou (because it sure as hell wasn't love) while Aoi had to hide how truly genuine he was about his feelings. 

"Y-Yuu," Kazuki stuttered. "Can you- Do you have time, can you talk?" 

Aoi’s hesitation was almost palpable, if only because his tone changed instantly. It just made Kazuki's heart hurt even more. 

"Kazuki? Are you okay? What happened?" 

"I'm so… I'm so upset," Kazuki answered, biting down on his lip. No, he didn't want to cry, let alone while on the phone with his boyfriend. 

"Kazuki, what happened? Where are you?" Aoi asked again and Kazuki sniffed. 

"I-I left the studio, Byou, he… He just revealed to us that he's... seeing Uruha tonight and h-he said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world! A-And if I told him I was with you he would rip my head off, I don't understand what's going on, why is Uruha doing this? Why… What did they do that Byou is so serious about it that he wants to go talk to management, I thought he… I… " 

"Wait wait wait wait, _what?_ " Aoi interrupted him and even though his voice was still calm Kazuki could hear the slight strain in it already. "Byou said that?" 

Kazuki snivelled again and wiped angrily at the tears that had ended up falling. 

"Y-Yes. It's so unfair! Why does he think… I don't get it!" 

"Okay Baby, listen… I'm going to talk to him, okay? I'm gonna call him right away. Do you want me to pick you up?" 

Kazuki thought for a moment. He was in no condition to see Aoi, really. His eye makeup was probably smudged all over the place, too. 

"N-No, I'm fine. I don't have an excuse not to come home but… I just don't wanna go yet." 

Aoi sighed at the other end of the line. "Okay. But call me if there's anything. Alright?" 

After giving a hum of confirmation, Kazuki hung up. Why was this happening to him… 

* * *

Aoi honestly couldn't put into words how heavily he was boiling on the inside. What was Uruha thinking? It was a miracle that his phone screen didn't break with how hard he hammered the number into it. 

"Hi Yuu, what's up?" 

Aoi's jaw tensed. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

"Uh… Currently, making dinner, wh- " 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. What the hell is it with you and Screw's vocalist, huh? You promised me you'll keep Kazuki and me a secret, then you fuck his bandmate- " 

"I didn't- "

"Of course you did, you fucking idiot. And then you tell _me_ to keep it low only to go ahead and get Byou's hopes up _so_ high that he wants to go talk to our management? Are you out of your fucking mind, Kouyou?" 

"What? I never told him I was that serious! We met like twice!" 

Aoi scoffed dismissively. "Clearly that's one too much." 

He heard Uruha breathe in to retort something but then the sound of a doorbell ringing reached his ears and the blond "excused himself." Aoi couldn't believe him. That was definitely Byou's voice he could hear in the background. It only made Aoi so much angrier. Uruha was risking everything for what? A one-night stand? 

Uruha returned to the phone but Aoi wasn't having it. 

"I'm telling you one thing, Kouyou. You better talk sense into him or I promise you I will," he snapped before shoving his thumb into the red button and tossing his phone on the couch. This was a goddamn mess.

* * *

Upon ringing the bell, Byou's heart was beating wildly inside his chest. Why had Uruha invited him over? He wasn’t possibly going to confirm Byou’s hopes, was he? Though as the door opened, there was a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows and that wasn't exactly what Byou had expected. 

The blond motioned him to come inside with his free hand, the other one holding his phone which seemed of greater interest at the moment. Once the door was closed, Uruha immediately took a few steps away from him so Byou was left alone while he toed off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket. 

When he stepped into the kitchen, Uruha sighed heavily. He hung up and Byou bit his lip.

"Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly. 

Uruha looked up to meet Byou's eyes and the strangest mix of emotions trailed through him. He had invited Byou over thinking they could talk things over and work something out, something to get them started _slowly,_ but now? After finding out just how bad Byou had blown things out of proportion? Uruha felt like a brick had hit him and its sole purpose was to open his goddamn eyes.

"Why did you- Why did you tell your bandmates that we were going to talk to our management about our relationship?" he demanded to know, aware that his voice was way harsher than intended. Uruha crossed his arms and shook his head incredulously.

"Byou, we don't _have_ a relationship. We've hung out twice, tonight included, and the first time I drunkenly fucked you into my couch. Does that sound like a healthy beginning of a relationship to you?"

Byou’s everything had tensed up the second Uruha had started talking. How the hell did he know? None of his bandmates would have- Unless…  But Byou couldn’t dwell on it deeper, he was stammering, his lips unable to form any words under Uruha’s angry tone.

"I'll admit, I feel something for you. Something that might or might not grow. But Byou, you have to understand how risky this whole thing was to begin with. And now you've already decided _for me_ that we're going to talk to the very people that _will_ fire us both about a relationship that doesn't even exist. Do you understand how wrong that was of you?" 

"I… "

Uruha sighed again when he caught the barely visible tremble of Byou's bottom lip. He moved forward to take his hands. 

"You just moved here less than half a year ago. I understand it's a big city and that it has the ability to make you feel lonely. But what happened between us was wrong. I never should have allowed it to go that way. I'm not your security blanket, Byou. You can't latch yourself onto the first person who shows you affection. I don't love you. I had sex with you. That's all it was. I want to say that under different circumstances maybe we would have worked, but I don't think so. I don't do relationships. I am truly sorry for putting you through this, I am. But I think you need to go. Go home and move on."  
  
Byou didn’t answer. He stared at how their fingers unlaced and then he stared at the ground for a solid five seconds. Somehow he had to have made it back to the door and into his shoes and jacket, but it was all a blur in his memory. Somehow he ended up in a taxi too, tears streaming down his cheeks as he watched Uruha become a distant image in the rearview. Part of him was angry that Uruha had done this without even giving them a chance. Yet the rational part knew this was his fault. He always rushed into things and pushed people into what _he_ needed. This time it had backfired.

* * *

 **Yuu💘  
** _I talked to Uruha. Where are you?_

Kazuki sniffed. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _The park beside the station._

 **Yuu** 💘  
_Stay there._

"Yes Sir," Kazuki muttered sarcastically. He didn't have any more tears to cry. Laying back on the end of the slide, the evening breeze wisped his hair into his eyes but he didn’t care. Thank goodness he wasn't famous because this would have been tabloid worthy. Him laying on a children's slide with a bottle of vodka cradled to his chest? Fantastic. It just hurt so damn much. And he felt horrible but for a moment he actually wished that Byou wouldn’t be happy. It wasn't fair. Didn't _he_ deserve to be happy for once? 

Cars passed, neon lights flickered from red to blue and time slipped through his fingers. Before he knew it, footsteps were approaching. 

"Kazi? Baby, what are you still doing out here? Is th- are you drinking?" Aoi asked as he got closer.

Kazuki lifted the bottle up for Aoi to take but didn't make any move to get up. This stupid cheap vodka was getting to him and he was afraid the world would spin too much. 

"It hur’s. My heart. It jus’ aches. A-All I want is to be near you all the time and I kno’ I can't. I’m-I'm not blaming you, I know it's the right thing to do, but it hurts so bad, Yuu," he hiccuped, fighting back tearless cries. 

Aoi felt like he was going to shatter apart at any moment. 

"I know, baby. Trust me I know. How do you think I feel about you?" he asked, taking the bottle from Kazuki's hand and setting it on the ground. Crawling up onto the slide above Kazuki, Aoi coaxed him to sit up enough until he could lay down beside him. Fortunately both of them were fairly thin or this wouldn't have worked. Kazuki plastered himself to Aoi's front instantly and buried his face into his chest. Aoi held onto him like he was afraid he would disappear if he let go. 

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like this, how long he whispered reassurances against Kazuki's hair until Kazuki finally sighed and pulled away.

"What are we going to do, Yuu? What if they expose us? I can't lose you. Not now that I know I lov- "

Kazuki cut off, wiping at his eyes after averting them. "Sorry."

Aoi chuckled softly and leaned in, pressing his lips to his forehead. "Don't hold it back, Kazuki. If it's the truth then don't hold it in. We're going to deal with this. Somehow we will. Uruha didn't know about Byou’s plans so I'm hoping he can get him to chill a bit. We just have to be patient and then we’ll manage. Just trust me, okay?"

Kazuki smiled then, though it didn't really reach his eyes. "I do trust you. I can't believe you came to this random park for me, though."

Aoi couldn't help but laugh at that. "I would go anywhere for you, Kazuki. Anywhere."

And just like that Kazuki relaxed into his arms, leaning up for a kiss that was like feathers against his lips. Aoi knew he had to send Kazuki home but he allowed himself to bask in the moment for just a few more minutes. 

"You have to go back home," he spoke up after they had passed. Even though, of course, he didn't exactly want to leave Kazuki with Byou. The risk that they were going to fight and Kazuki blurted out things he was going to regret … was there. 

"I don't want to," Kazuki grumbled in response but he didn't resist when Aoi pulled him up and on his feet. "Can't you take me with you?" 

Aoi huffed a sigh. Oh, how he would love to. But every night Kazuki spent away without a good excuse meant more danger for them. 

"You know I can't," he smiled softly and reached for Kazuki's hand to lead him out of the park and to his car, opening the door for him. Kazuki got inside only while puffing his breath and Aoi really wished there was more he could tell him, to cheer him up at least. 

"What if he asks me about you?" 

The question came unexpectedly after a couple minutes of silence and Aoi frowned as he switched gears to round a corner. 

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he'd figure that I'm responsible for you calling Uruha. I'm the only other person who has connections to your band. He's going to ask me why I told you." 

Aoi chewed on his lip. 

"Then tell him I forced you."

"Huh?"

"Tell him I talked to you demanding to know what's up with Uruha. Because somehow I've figured out that they went to the cinema and I wanted to know why Uruha's been acting weird ever since. So you told me what Byou told you guys today." 

Kazuki frowned. That sounded logical but… He wasn't so sure if it was going to work out in reality. On the other hand, it was really the only choice he had and the realization that Aoi was willingly taking the blame made him want to cry. Honestly, how had he deserved a man like him? 

When they reached the apartment building—Aoi clearly didn't care seeing how he parked right in front of it—Kazuki was getting nervous. He couldn't hide it either, not through a smile or kissing Aoi goodbye. If this went wrong, they were doomed. 

"Text me, okay?" Aoi whispered against his lips, concern obvious in his voice, and Kazuki merely nodded before he got out of the car and headed inside. He really didn't want to do this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a bit of jumping around happening in this chapter but hopefully everyone could follow along well and enjoy! Leave your thoughts if you like :) 'Till the end of the month!


	9. Chapter 9

"I swear man, this band means trouble."

It was the first thing Kazuki heard as he stepped inside their small apartment and he wanted to just turn around and straight away walk out again. Now his bandmates were talking about him while he wasn't there? Just great. 

He shoved his shoes off his feet, tossed them against the little shoe cabinet and shrugged out of his jacket. Jin and Manabu were standing by the work top as he entered the kitchen, each a can of coke in their hands. Kazuki could feel them watching him as he stalked over to the fridge, as if they were afraid he was going to explode. Kazuki wanted to honestly, but he had to hold back. 

"Did you- " Manabu began but he was cut off by another voice coming from behind him. 

"Oi. You told Aoi, didn't you? Why did you do that?" 

Kazuki tensed as Byou's words reached him. How dare him ask as if _he_ was the one who'd acted stupidly. Swallowing down a snarky remark, Kazuki reached for a bottle of water. 

_Just stick to the story, Kazuki._

"He asked," he stated matter-of-factly. Byou scoffed audibly. 

"So? He didn't have to know!" 

He didn't … have to know? That was it. Kazuki grabbed the bottle and banged the fridge door closed so hard that its contents clinked dangerously. 

"He's our senpai, you goddamn idiot! I wasn't going to lie straight into his face, okay?"

His voice was louder and more hostile than planned. But Kazuki didn't care, not about Byou's aghast face or the other guys looking like they were going to flee the kitchen any second. Kazuki never yelled, or even raised his voice at anybody. It wasn’t in his nature to get that mad at people. It was ironic, considering Kazuki was lying straight into Byou's face at this very moment.

The shock slid off of Byou's face, replaced by a look of disgust and … betrayal?

"You could have fibbed a bit, Kazuki. You didn't have to throw us under the bus just because you've got goo-goo-eyes for a man who doesn't give a shit about you. You think this is how you're going to win brownie points with him? Do you really care more about throwing yourself at Aoi than you do about me? Do you just want to see me unhappy? What happened to caring about me?"

Kazuki's mouth dropped open. He stared at his best friend. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard the bottle in his hand hit the ground with a soft _thump._ It rolled to the side and against the cabinet. Had Byou really just accused him of not caring? _Him?_ Oh no. He couldn't deal with this. Not from Byou. And was he really thinking Kazuki was _throwing_ himself at Aoi, like some sort of slut? As if all he wanted was Aoi’s attention or his money?

"Is that really what you think I’m doing?"

"What?"

"Whoring around. Because that’s what it sounds like."

Byou’s mouth opened but he lacked a decent answer. Was he caught off-guard? Good. Kazuki felt his nasal wings billow with how much he was trying to keep his anger at bay. Because it really was anger. And disappointment, too. Byou’s gaze jumped up to their bandmates and Kazuki almost snorted. He wasn’t really hoping they would come to his rescue in this matter, did he? Jin was way too peace-loving and Manabu, from the looks of it, was actually suffering with him right now. He knew after all. 

"Well," Byou pressed out eventually after shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "You've been weirdly all over him ever since you met."

Kazuki’s face was dead-pan. 

"Weird, huh? _You_ were the one who wanted to go to our management after having _one_ date with a guy."

Byou’s eyes narrowed to slits and Kazuki swallowed heavily. He didn’t want to _be_ like this with Byou. This hostility _hurt_ but the things Byou had said couldn’t be swept under the rug so easily. The mere notion that Byou would ever think he would behave that way cut deep into Kazuki’s heart. By the time the air in the kitchen was really starting to get thick with their awkward silence, Kazuki huffed out a sigh. He shrugged.

"You know what, Byou? Maybe I am throwing myself at him. Maybe I’m just in it for his fame. Whatever you want to believe," he said, bending down to pick up the water bottle. “But I really thought you knew me better than that.”

And that was all he said. Kazuki slammed the bottle down on the worktop before he stalked back out of the kitchen, grabbed his bag from where he'd dropped it and slipped his shoes back on. 

"Kazi, where are you going?" Manabu rushed to ask, almost falling out into the hallway. 

"Out. I'll text you later. I just can't stay here right now," he explained and his fellow guitarist seemed to understand, because he didn't argue when Kazuki walked out the door. 

Despite the hour long walk, Kazuki decided he was far too upset to take a taxi. But he was exhausted both mentally and physically by the time he rang Aoi's doorbell. 

* * *

Aoi had just finished running a bath when the doorbell rang out through the apartment. Was this Uruha coming to let him have it then? With a frustrated sigh, he made his way to the door. What he found on the other side though broke any shred of his heart that was left. Kazuki looked absolutely horrible. Smeared make-up stained his cheeks and his hair was messed up from being rouughed through one too many times. His hands were shaking where he held onto his bag and his lips trembled as he looked up at Aoi with glossy eyes. 

"I didn’t- know where else to go…" he whispered, followed by a sob that couldn't be controlled. 

Aoi didn't hesitate and he didn't ask questions. Pulling Kazuki inside, he tugged him into his arms and held him tightly. He knew letting Kazuki go home had been a bad idea but there hadn't been any other choice. Now they were in for a long night. Though Aoi was going to do everything in his might to make it better.

"Let me help you, okay?" 

Gently, after getting down on his knee, Aoi untied Kazuki’s shoes and helped him slip out of them, as well as out of his jacket. Once that was done, he scooped him up into his arms and carried him down the hallway. Maybe the bath had been a good idea after all. 

Kazuki was silent as Aoi stripped him of the rest of his clothes and left him sitting on the marble counter. He realized what Aoi was trying to do and he was grateful but he simply couldn't do anything much by himself. With a weak smile, he took the glass of cold water Aoi handed him, sipping on it while Aoi got naked himself and stepped into the tub. He extended his hand for Kazuki to take. 

"Come on, baby. It's warm." 

The next thing Kazuki knew, he was laying on top of him in the steaming water, his head resting on a strong shoulder. His body shook and he relaxed against the older man. Yes, this was exactly where he needed to be. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Kazuki sniffled a few times, hand curling on Aoi’s chest. 

"Byou… he yelled at me. He told me I care more about throwing myself at you than about my band. Accused me of not caring about his happiness. I just couldn't stay there. Yuu, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have come here. What if someone saw me- "

"Shh shh. Don't even worry about it, Kazi. I'll take care of it," Aoi murmured to him, petting his damp hair. And that was the truth. He was going to have to talk to Byou himself. 

 

As soon as the water started to get cold, Aoi took Kazuki into the shower and rinsed them both off. It was scaring him that Kazuki was still so out of it. Byou had hurt him more than he knew, hadn’t he? 

Aoi made sure that Kazuki was safely curled up in bed before he took his phone and went back downstairs, dialing in Byou's number as he went. It was late but he didn't care. Apparently Byou was still awake too because it didn't take him long to answer.

"Hello?"

"It’s me. Byou, you're going to listen to me for a minute and keep your mouth shut. Got it?" Aoi spat out harshly.

Suddenly Byou’s voice was small when he spoke and there was a pause before he answered. "I-I understand."

"Good. First off, I don't know what happened between you and Uruha but I'm sorry. Uruha is a piece of work and I know he probably wasn't honest with you. Believe me you're better off without him." 

"How would you know he- " Byou tried to get a word in and Aoi could already see his own head fuming. Who did this guy think he was? 

"I’m not done yet," he snapped and his voice shook with anger. "I _know_ because I’ve known Uruha for most of my life and I advise you not to think the same of yourself just because he fucked you once." 

He took a deep breath. "Secondly: Kazuki did _not_ throw himself at me. It was much the other way around. And I care about him greatly. We know it's impossible because we have to put our bands first but we're doing what we can. That's why he was so mad at you flaunting whatever it was you thought you had with Uruha. Because we have to keep our relationship secret and it's hard. We have such a limited amount of time together already and I don't want any more of it wasted with him crying over you. He doesn't care about you? Are you fucking kidding me? We could be out in the open and spend every moment together but we won't because it would mean the ruin of your band. He's trying, Byou. We both are and the situation is delicate. So you can either run to management and fuck this up for us or you can be the friend he thinks you are and support him. What's it going to be?"

For a while, there was only stunned silence on the other end of the line. Then, Byou gulped audibly and Aoi felt an inappropriate amount of glee rise in him when Byou’s voice reached him, thick with incoming tears. 

"I'm… I’m so sorry. I didn't know, I… I honestly didn’t expect you would get so serious, really. I'll support him, Aoi-san. I will. Please tell him I’m sorry."

Aoi's eyes narrowed at nothing in particular. That had been easy. Almost too easy but he didn't feel like pressing it. He wasn't going to act nice either. He'd never liked Byou and he wouldn't start liking him now. 

"You can tell him yourself," he answered coldly. "I'll get him home tomorrow." 

He hung up before giving Byou any possibility to reply. It was just fine if the vocalist felt a little guilty now. Carelessly, Aoi tossed his phone onto the couch and headed back upstairs. Kazuki was still hidden beneath the blanket on Aoi's side of the bed and the sight almost made Aoi chuckle if it hadn't been for the seriousness of the situation. 

When he darkened the windows, Kazuki stirred and turned around, sending him a smile. He tried but Aoi could still see the sadness in his face. 

"What did he say?" Kazuki asked but Aoi shook his head. He didn't have to bother him with it now. 

"Not so important. I settled it," was all he said while he slipped beneath the blanket, cuddling up to Kazuki. He pulled him his back against his chest and placed a kiss against the juncture between his neck and shoulders. 

"Sleep now. I’ll be right here," he whispered and Kazuki hummed in response, pressing into Aoi's embrace and tangling their legs. Aoi's warmth was so comforting, like a safe cocoon where no harm could reach him. It was so easy to just drift off into sleep and not think about what he would have to face the next day. 

* * *

But it was the first thing popping up in his mind when he woke up in the morning. The space next to him was empty but before he could panic, the scent of coffee reached his nostrils and told him Aoi was right downstairs. 

Kazuki rubbed his eyes after fighting his way out of bed and he toddled down the hallway until Aoi's soft smile was greeting him. As soon as he saw Kazuki appear at the top of the stairs, he put the two coffee mugs he'd been holding down on the kitchen island. A light frown appeared on Kazuki's forehead as he watched Aoi come towards him but he moved downstairs anyway. Why was Aoi grinning like that? The yawn Kazuki had felt approaching was cut off by big hands reaching out, encompassing his waist and lifting him up. 

"Good morning, my angel," Aoi whispered before their lips met. 

Was this ... a dream? Kazuki was sure he was still dreaming. Had Aoi just called him his angel? Nooooo no no no. No way his boyfriend was _that_ sweet. Yet, as he was set down on his feet and opened his eyes again, Aoi was still there with his warm palms on his waist and his mouth smothering his face with soft kisses. Kazuki blinked and eventually a giggle fell from his lips. 

"Yuu... Yuu, stop!" he laughed and Aoi chuckled but pulled back as requested. He reached for Kazuki's hand instead, leading him towards the kitchen isle where a small breakfast had been set up. Was this some kind of alternate dimension? Kazuki couldn't believe Aoi was doing this all for him. Then again, he'd had a real go at Byou just for him the night before so... 

"Hungry?" Aoi asked casually and sat down beside him, sliding a bowl of rice and vegetables over to him. 

Kazuki hummed in agreement and his stomach grumbled right on cue. He wasn't exactly sure why Aoi was doing this, if he was just feeling like it or maybe wanted to take his mind off things. Whatever it was, Kazuki didn't question it at all. It had a wonderfully domestic feeling to it and he intended to enjoy it as much as he could. 

Just two hours later, after a shower which was more making out than showering, and a spontaneous guitar-playing session, Kazuki was already seated in Aoi's car on his way home. Honestly, he very much dreaded having to speak with Byou, because he knew it was going to happen, but by the time they reached his apartment Kazuki had mildly succeeded in convincing himself that it was necessary. Aoi had only told him the rough summary of their seemingly short conversation. The most important information was that Byou _knew._  

"Don't think about it too much, baby," Aoi tried to encourage him after parking the Jaguar by the roadside. "Tell him what you told me." 

It took a moment until Kazuki understood what he was saying. The thought made him smile. 

_Tell him you love me._

Kazuki would. He was pretty sure he would because it was nothing but the truth. He nodded and leaned in to kiss Aoi goodbye, shivering at the caress given to his cheek. 

"I'll see you next weekend?" Aoi asked next and suddenly the mood changed. Aoi's glance was more piercing and there was a lingering tension in it that sent heat into Kazuki's skin. Right, that was... going to happen. 

"Yup," he said and quickly pressed his lips to Aoi's again. The smirk he felt on them only made him blush harder. Ugh, why did he feel so embarrassed by it? They'd talked about it before! He withdrew from the kiss and looked down shyly.

"I can't wait," he murmured and Aoi grinned. 

"Me neither." 

That was it, Kazuki really needed to get out of here. He felt Aoi's gaze on his back as he climbed out of the passenger's seat and all the way until he was at the door. Kazuki could even hear the Jaguar's engine roar from inside and he couldn't help but chuckle. Aoi _was_ a bit of a macho after all, wasn't he? 

"Hey." 

Reality came crashing down on him. Byou stood right in front of him as he entered the apartment and Kazuki's smile vanished. It wasn't like he wasn't angry anymore. He was. But the fact that Byou's countenance clearly showed remorse told him that whatever Aoi had told him had worked. 

"Hi," Kazuki answered, getting out of his shoes and jackets. Were Jin and Manabu not here? Great, now they were letting him deal with this alone? Wonderful. Or maybe it was better this way?

"Kazuki, I'm sorry," Byou blurted out before Kazuki could even say anything, let alone step further into the apartment. "I'm really sorry. I, Aoi called, I'm sure you know, and I... I didn't know that you were already..."

The vocalist was hemming and hawing, stumbling for words. It was good this way. Kazuki wasn't going to back down. Byou needed to apologize and he didn't care how long it took. 

Byou followed him as he headed for their shared bedroom, intimidated as Kazuki didn't respond. 

"I mean, I... I didn't know that you guys were already serious. I'm sorry for the things I said to you yesterday. He seems to care a lot about you and I did him wrong." 

"He does." 

Kazuki gulped, plonking down on his futon. 

"He would do anything for me, Byou. It's crazy how- " 

"-much you love him?" Byou finished his phrase and it was the first time that he genuinely smiled. Kazuki's lips twitched. He felt like his friend really meant it and nodded. 

"Mm. I really do, Byou. I can't put it any other way. I love him." 

He looked up but Byou was already walking up to him, only to drop on his knees and yank him into a strong hug. 

"I'm so sorry Kazi," he repeated again. "I almost ruined it, I'm sorry." 

Kazuki was caught by surprise for a moment before his brain caught up with the situation and he hesitantly hugged Byou back. 

"It's okay. I mean, it's not, but it will be. I didn't ask for this to happen, Byou. I really didn't. I don't want to screw up our chances as a band and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt you. So when you said I didn't care… I just couldn't take that."

The vocalist nodded, pulling away from him. "I know, Kaz. I know you care. I was just stupid. I guess I still believed that once we made it here and I proved myself worthy, that you and I would end up together. Maybe I was hanging on to that hope too much. And then seeing the way you and Aoi-san looked at each other at the party hurt. And then Uruha-san asked me out and I thought maybe that was my chance but it was wrong. I knew it was."

Byou scoffed, a sad smile on his lips. "I thought you were the one, and I was right. Just not the one for me. So… I'm going to focus on the band for now and on you. Anything you need to make what you have with Aoi-san work. Just leave it to me."

Kazuki wanted to cry. His heart felt so many mixed emotions. He'd finally gotten the confession he'd wanted a year ago but now it didn't mean so much, and that hurt too. But seeing his best friend actually happy for him was what brought on the tears in the end. 

"Ne-Next weekend I invited Aoi over. It's one of our few chances to spend some time alone. I wouldn't mind some help cleaning up the apartment a little before you guys leave." 

His bandmate raised a brow at him. 

"Ooh Kazi," he sang annoyingly. "Don't you dare do anything on my bed, okay? I don't mind helping but wouldn't you rather go to his place? I'm sure it's nicer."

"No. I'm not embarrassed of our apartment. We've made it until this point and I'm proud of us. If he doesn't love me just because I don't have an actual bed then I don't want him. You know? I don't think Aoi is that way. He won't care. And I want him to come here because I want him to be a part of my life, not just me a part of his."

The look on Byou's face was something he'd never seen before. It was love, adoration even, and Kazuki felt his heart clench painfully. The truth was that, even though they had never put it out into the open, there had been a time where they had made each other’s hearts flutter. There had been something real behind the jokes, a tiny bit. Somehow a tiny bit of love had tangled its knot into their friendship, into chasing the same dream and fearing the next steps together. Kazuki wondered when exactly it had begun to wear off on his side. A year ago he would have been over the moon if his friend had looked at him like this. But now things were different and the expression was tinged with sadness because Byou _knew_. He knew Kazuki's heart belonged to another man now; that it beat stronger for Aoi than it ever had for anyone else.

"I hope he makes you happy, Kaz. I really do. You deserve it. I'm just going to sit back and relax until I find mine. In the meantime, I'm going to apologize to Uruha-san because despite my stupidity, I really did enjoy spending time with him. Hopefully he'll allow me to still be friends."

Kazuki smiled proudly and gave Byou a little nudge with his elbow. "I'm sure he will let you, Byou. Just be yourself and no one can resist you."

The rest of the evening was spent lounging around and talking like they hadn't done in a while, at least alone. Kazuki decided not to mention his own feelings that he used to harbor. It would do the vocalist no good to know he'd been so close to what he’d wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, though only to prepare you guys for the major happenings of upcoming chapter 10. Oh yes, you know what's coming next ;) Hopefully everyone enjoyed this and is looking forward to next time!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's happening!! Everybody stay calm!! Everybody stay fucking calm!!

Kazuki was a horrid mess. Twelve terribly long days had passed since his reconciliation with Byou and because both their bands had been busy, he hadn’t seen or talked to Aoi at all since then, apart from texting, accidental meetings in the hallway and the occasional elevator ride. At least they had managed to talk on the phone. Though the closer they had gotten to today, the more Kazuki realized that he hadn't expected Aoi coming over would stress him out quite this much. Byou had helped him clean last night, like crazy since Manabu and Jin had left earlier in the day, and he knew the apartment didn't look bad; he was just being paranoid. 

With a heavy sigh, Kazuki wiped his hands on the blue apron he wore (frilly, thanks to Jin) and set the bowl of rice in the microwave to stay warm. He was not a great cook but he had spent a bit of his savings to buy them a couple of good steaks. And because Aoi had put so many tempura veggies to go with their breakfast last time, he’d made up some of those as well. This was probably the most effort he'd ever put into anything that wasn't music. Hopefully Aoi would recognize that he'd tried.

The knock on the door startled him right as he was shutting the door to their bedroom. The futons were still spread out in the small room but at least it was clean. It wasn't like he could move stuff anyway. Great. Now he was feeling self-conscious about it. Fuuuuuck.

"I'm coming!" he called, hurrying through the living room to the door. He opened it, and all air voided his lungs. Aoi looked _stunning,_ as always, dressed in black jeans and a black T-shirt covered with a dark grey vest. His long hair fell over his shoulders and Kazuki felt a little like he’d stepped into a dream realm. This was _his_ boyfriend? How had he gotten this lucky?

"You look … fucking perfect." 

The words fell from his lips before he could hold them in and Aoi just laughed, stepping up to him to kiss his forehead. Did he even know how those little gestures made Kazuki’s heart explode?

"Mmm, thank you. You look quite delectable yourself. Do you always cook shirtless in a frilly apron?" Aoi asked as he moved inside to toe off his boots.

Kazuki's eyes widened and he looked down at himself. How the hell had he forgotten _to change?_  

"Oh fuck. Let me go change." 

He twirled around but didn't get far. Aoi nabbed him around the waist and pulled him back against his chest, fingers sliding into the sides of the apron. Featherlight touches lingered over his chest. 

"Unnecessary. I'm kind of enjoying this look. Although once we live together you can wear even less under that if you'd like," he murmured, kissing a line across his shoulder that left Kazuki shivering in his hold.

"Y-Yuu, we're supposed to have dinner first. I worked hard on it for you..." he pouted in protest yet, obviously, didn't move away. Not with Aoi nuzzling behind his ear like a cat.

"I know a different hard thing that you're going to be working on, Kazuki," he whispered, voice low and purposely seductive, but then he released his hold and took a step back. "But I’ll wait. I wouldn’t want your work to go to waste when you’re just taking care of me."

Aoi bowed his head to him in thanks and Kazuki’s cheeks heated up like there was _no_ tomorrow. This guy really needed to stop switching from pervert to gentleman so quickly, it got Kazuki all fussed! He liked the idea of being able to take care of Aoi in some way though. After excusing himself finally, Kazuki hurried into his room and slipped into a soft cream-colored sweater that fell almost past the shorts he'd put on earlier. He rejoined Aoi in the little kitchen area where he had already popped the cork on a bottle of cheap wine. Byou had bought it for them as a sort of apology. 

"Byou bought that. He wanted it to be an apology to you for what he almost did but he couldn't afford much more. So just… pretend to like it, okay? I know he put a lot of thought into it."

Aoi, bottle in one hand, half filled glass in the other, frowned. "Kazuki, do you take me for a snob?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Then why do you keep treating me like I am? I come from a middle-class family and until a little while ago I was in the same place you all are. Byou could have bought me a Coke as an apology and it would have meant just as much as an expensive bottle of wine. You don't have to prove to me in any way that you're better than what you have. Because trust me, I believe you deserve the world, but I admire and respect you for surviving. At your age I was sharing a couch with Uruha in an apartment twice as small as this. He and I went so far as to play guitars down in Shibuya terminal for change to eat dinner sometimes. I will never look down on you for anything. Do you understand?"

Kazuki looked up at him then, his eyes shiny. Had he really been thinking like that of himself and his band all this time?

"Yuu..." he breathed before he walked up to Aoi and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I love you."

Aoi sighed. Putting the bottle and glass down, he hugged Kazuki back tightly, trying to convey how he felt through his embrace. This was the first time Kazuki had said those words out right and against his better judgement, Aoi wanted to say them back. Instead he pressed kisses into his soft hair and held him until Kazuki pulled away on his own. 

"We should eat before things get cold," he sniffed, rubbing at his eyes, and Aoi smiled at the sight. Sometimes Kazuki’s age did show through, didn’t it? But it wasn’t like that changed anything. Aoi helped him serve up two plates before sitting down at the little island to eat. Surprisingly, Kazuki was a fairly good cook, though Aoi could tell from the way he kept staring at him that he was anxious over it.

"It's very good, Kazi," he nodded right after the first bite. "I don't remember the last time I had an actual steak. You did well."

Just as he expected Kazuki blushed at his praise and then started eating himself. What was he ever going to do with this boy? He was just too much for Aoi's old heart. But he really did hope that Kazuki would feel a little better about himself now. Aoi didn't like to hear him putting himself down. He did enjoy the food a lot and relished at the taste until the very last mouthful. 

"Oh my God, this is so good," he hummed as he leaned back and licked his lips. "Mhm. Very good." 

He took a sip from the red wine as well and was pleasantly surprised. "This is good, too! It doesn't taste cheap at all." 

Kazuki was obviously relieved that he liked everything. He'd put a lot of effort into it after all. Aoi wasn't just here for the sex, Kazuki knew with full certainty, so he wanted their evening - their entire weekend really - to be perfect all around. 

"I'm glad you like it," Kazuki smiled after they were all done with the main dish and he got up to collect their plates. Aoi gazed at him with pride in his eyes and it made his heart flutter in the best way, especially as Aoi leaned up to ask for a small kiss. 

"I loved it, baby," he spoke softly and Kazuki giggled. He still wasn't used to hearing these kind of endearing terms directed at him. 

"I have dessert as well."

"Sounds great." 

Aoi bit his lip as he watched Kazuki turn around to put their dishes away. Kazuki looked dashing, to say the least. His shorts barely reached mid-thigh and that créme colour of his shirt flattered his skin tone, the fabric hugging nicely around his waist and hips. It took a lot of Aoi's already weak self-control not to devour him right then and there. But he had to stick to the plan and he didn't want to overwhelm Kazuki either. They'd been intimate before of course but Aoi couldn't help but think that once it came to the real deal... Kazuki was still rather shy. Which wasn't bad, Aoi even quite liked it. Still, he _had_ to get up; he was unable not to when his boyfriend pranced around before him like this. He caught him on the way to the fridge, embracing him from behind once again so he could press a kiss to the back of his neck. 

"Have I already mentioned you look absolutely delicious?" he purred and felt Kazuki shiver against him. 

"You did, I think... But you can say it again if you like."

"I'll wait until you're naked." 

"Yuu!" 

Red heat shot into Kazuki's cheeks as he stuttered and stammered, and Aoi giggled devilishly. Kazuki pouted at him over his shoulder. 

"You're looking forward to this way too much," he muttered. Aoi lifted one finely plucked eyebrow in amusement. 

"Are you not?" 

Kazuki blinked but he didn't get a word out. Great, now he was stuck and Aoi clearly enjoyed teasing him like that. But he seemed to notice that he was struggling for words so he let go of him and Kazuki all but fled towards the fridge. At least it was cold over here... 

With his arms crossed in front of his chest, Aoi leaned against the work top. He couldn't shake his concern off altogether. 

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Kazuki? I told you it doesn't _have_ to happen. I can see that you're nervous because we've been planning it like this." 

Kazuki swallowed. His grip tightened around the ice cream box he'd retrieved. Aoi was right, he _was_ nervous. But it was a good kind of nervous; excitement, anticipation. How could he explain? He put the box down firmly on the worktop, taking a deep breath before looking up to see that Aoi was inspecting him closely. Ugh, he looked so handsome. Kazuki didn't want this to fail. 

"You're right," he said eventually. "I am nervous. But... It's not because I'm unsure or anything." 

He walked over to Aoi with a smile, standing between his legs as he brushed his palms over his strong chest. Uugghhh. It wasn't easy but Kazuki wanted to be as open as possible about how he felt. 

"I want... I want to share a bed with you- " 

"That's a cute way to put it."

"Let me finish! Yuu, I... The only reason I'm nervous is that... It's been a while for me and I'm scared you won't enjoy it. Which I know is ridiculous! So I just... I want to do this with you, I want... to give myself to you and I want you to guide me and- " 

Aoi dipped his head and captured his lips before he could even finish. His hands slipped beneath his sweater to pull him closer by his waist and Kazuki whimpered, Aoi's grip becoming firmer as their lips moved. Kazuki was pretty sure he was going to die happy of breathlessness any second now. Fortunately Aoi withdrew just in time. 

"I'll do anything you want, Kazuki," he whispered. "Anything you need, as slowly as you need it. I want you to be the most comfortable when you're lying with me." 

God, Kazuki wanted to cry. He felt his eyes water already, what the hell. But how did Aoi know exactly what to say? His words held such a sweet promise, sexy even, yet they meant comfort and warmth and most of all, secureness. Kazuki’s fist lightly thumped against Aoi's chest. 

"I don't deserve you," he cry-laughed and Aoi's heart almost stopped. Was he crying? Oh no no no no. 

"Kazuki?" he asked and lifted his head by the chin, his eyes widening as he saw Kazuki's glisten with tears, even though he'd averted them.

"Babe? Baby no, don't cry," Aoi shook his head, cupping Kazuki's cheek in his palm to maintain their eye contact. "You... Don't talk like that, okay? I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. _You_ deserve the world, alright? No arguing. Don't cry baby, please." 

He leaned down, ghosting his lips over Kazuki's forehead which only resulted in Kazuki hugging him around the torso even harder than before. Aoi's heart hurt terribly. They stood in silence like this for another couple of minutes until Kazuki had calmed down. 

The tears hadn't fallen after all, but Aoi still wiped his thumbs over his cheeks. 

"Now. Ice cream?" he smiled encouragingly and Kazuki nodded with a sniff. 

"And a movie?" 

"Sounds amazing."

Aoi smiled and waited for Kazuki to spoon their ice cream into two bowls before he followed his small steps to the couch. Kazuki was far more nervous than he let on. Aoi could tell from how he spoke and moved throughout the movie, how even though he had said it was nervous excitement, he was hesitant and shied away from Aoi's touches a bit more than before. Most of that Aoi blamed himself for. He should have cooled it with the comments and suggestive, roaming hands. Maybe it was better for them to wait a little longer after all, to let this happen spontaneously instead of planning it. Because if there was one thing he wanted even more than getting Kazuki into bed, it was for him to be comfortable and trust him completely. Aoi pressed his face into Kazuki's hair while they watched their movie. When the beginning credits had rolled, they'd been on opposite sides of the little sofa, now Kazuki was laying between his legs, head resting on his chest, and Aoi could feel every time he chuckled at something on the screen. Like this, Kazuki was relaxed. He wasn't thinking about what they'd planned, just enjoying being together, and Aoi was honestly still surprised that he was fine with this. Every new emotion that Kazuki made him feel both confused and thrilled him. That feeling of how something that felt so good could possibly be wrong fell over him again. Surely when they thought the time was right, everyone else would accept how much they meant to each other. How could they not?

A soft little snore tore him from his 'rambling old man' thoughts (as Kazuki liked to call them), and he looked down to find his boyfriend fast asleep. His fist was curled into Aoi's shirt, his sweater sliding off his shoulder, and Aoi couldn't stop himself from running his fingers through his hair.

"My angel… Damn, I’m so whipped," he chuckled to himself before gently moving to pick Kazuki up. He must have worn himself out working so hard to make this evening perfect… But he had more than achieved that goal. 

Aoi moved down the hallway towards the two bedroom doors, not knowing which one to pick until he noticed the small sticky note on the right one. _This one :) <3, _it read. Aoi snickered. This smelled as if Kazuki had expected them to do the whole stumbling-into-the-bedroom-thing and Aoi couldn’t even be mad. Granted, he would’ve loved that a lot but at this very moment, he had a hunch nothing could really surpass seeing Kazuki sleep in his arms like this. Sliding the door open with his toe, Aoi eyed the one futon on the floor and a second one leaned against the walls. So two of them each shared the room?

When Aoi placed him down gently, Kazuki woke, rubbing at his eyes all cutely. 

"Yuu?" he mumbled while trying to sit up. 

"Shh," Aoi blocked that attempt right away. "Go back to sleep. I'll be right here," he continued before laying down next to Kazuki and pulling the comforter over them both. 

"Wait, I… can't go to sleep yet. What about- "

Aoi cut him off with a kiss. "There's a time and a place for everything, Kazi. Tonight just isn't it. Don't worry. Go back to sleep."

Kazuki for once didn't argue. As he snuggled up against him, Aoi honestly felt like he was king of the world. He pulled Kazuki's hand up to lay on his chest and dragged one leg up to rest on his hip. Kazuki seemed to sleep better this way and it wasn't like Aoi was going to complain. Hell, there wasn't a man on the planet as happy as he was right now. 

* * *

After what they'd done back then at Aoi’s apartment, Kazuki would have never expected Aoi to be so sweet during sex. This was like a completely different person altogether. Most of the guys, though the selection was extremely limited, that Kazuki had been with didn't offer much in the way of foreplay. It wasn't something he was used to, so to speak. But Aoi… His hands and lips were everywhere on his body and Kazuki wanted to just drown in this feeling and never let it go. Never in his life had someone cared about how he felt so much and it made his heart swell with love and want. He'd been so nervous but now he couldn't think about anything but Aoi, about how good he made him feel, the satisfying sensation of his weight above him… The right time and place? This had to be it. And it was so close to happening. All Aoi had to do was push his hips forward a bit and-

Kazuki woke with a start, his heart hammering against his ribcage as his eyes flashed open to meet darkness. A dream? A fucking _dream?_ Of course it was. No man would act like Aoi had in his fantasies. But hell if that dream hadn't left him in quite a state. As he came back to his senses, Kazuki was embarrassed to find that he'd been grinding himself against Aoi's thigh like some kind of animal and fuck- He was really hard. This wasn't going to just go away...

Maybe this _was_ the right time? He definitely had to do something about this either way.

After focusing on getting his breathing under control, Kazuki tilted his head up. Slowly, he begun to press kisses against the underside of Aoi's jaw. 

"Yuu… wake up. Please baby, wake up. I- I need you," he whispered, yanking slightly on his boyfriend’s lip ring with his teeth. The sudden, painful tug on his face thrust Aoi straight out of his sleep. He groaned, shifting as much as he could beneath the weight that covered half of his body. 

"What the... Kaz?" 

It took him a moment and lots of blinking until he had adjusted to the darkness and the scarce moonlight coming through the small window. He turned his head and found Kazuki peeking up at him while biting his lip. 

"Wha- Kazuki? What is it? Why did you wake me up?" Aoi asked, clearly still a little out of it. 

Kazuki sniffed and he pressed his face against the side of Aoi's body, mumbling unintelligible things. 

"I don't get a word you're saying, Kazi," Aoi said and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Great, now he was properly awake. In the middle of the night! Kazuki cleared his throat and- Was he blushing? Was Aoi seeing right? Then he licked his lips, seeming to contemplate if he should really say what he wanted to - 

"I want sex." 

\- say. What? Wait. No. Aoi's eyes narrowed and the confusion on his face was hilariously obvious. 

"Excuse me?" he rasped with his sleepy voice and before he even knew, Kazuki was climbing on top of him, ruffling up the entire bed sheets. And as if Aoi wasn't caught off guard enough already, Kazuki leaned down to kiss him, all but forcing him into returning it. Kazuki's hand started roaming eagerly, the other one propped on the floor, and it was only now that Aoi felt the hardness pressing into his lap. 

"Kaz- Ughn, wait- what- " 

"I had a dream," Kazuki cut him off after releasing his hungry kiss with a wet plop and that was all it took for Aoi to understand. His eyes darted back and forth between Kazuki's face and the bulge in his pants, a smirk starting to curl his lips.

"About me, I suppose." 

"Mm. Very vivid."

"I can tell." 

Aoi chuckled knowingly as the color in Kazuki's cheeks changed, visible even in the pale moonlight that hit them through the window to their left. Their blanket rustled as Aoi quickly sat up, guiding Kazuki's legs around him in a swift motion before their lips met once again. Aoi knew what Kazuki was doing and he was happy to notice that for whatever reason Kazuki seemed way more relaxed than he had earlier in the day. The way he returned Aoi's kiss, granted his tongue access, wrapped his arms around his neck... the way he did not budge or shift or wince as Aoi eventually slipped his hands beneath his shirt and pushed it up to pull it over his head... It was all too clear now. Kazuki had been nervous before, but he _wanted_ it now. 

With his hands on Kazuki's waist, Aoi's lips soon began to wander along his jaw and down his neck, but despite the fact that he felt himself giving in already, pushing his hips up as Kazuki moved his down, it wasn't hurried. Both their desire seemed equally on the rise with every passing second but that was no reason to rush things. Aoi took his sweet time, his mouth opened and closed lazily, cherishing every inch of skin on Kazuki's neck with a lick, a kiss, a nip of teeth. It was reward enough for him to hear Kazuki's breath turn bated above him. Aoi did consider his foreplay rather well-done... 

Kazuki could barely breathe with the way Aoi was devouring him. This was better than any dream. Teeth scraped along his collarbone and left him whimpering as his arms circled Aoi’s head. There would definitely be marks but he didn't care, he could hide them somehow. But… this wasn't enough. His blood was burning and he needed _more_. So he let his hands fall between them to blindly grip at the buttons of Aoi's jeans. 

He didn't make it far though before his hands were pulled away, tight grips on his wrists. A small amount of moonlight filtered across Aoi's dark eyes that bore straight into his own. He lifted Kazuki's hands and kissed his palms, then up his inner arms. 

"Slow, baby. I promised we'd go slow, remember?" he whispered against the skin of his shoulder. IF he was being honest, Kazuki was willing to let Aoi kiss him like this all damn day. A sudden pull at his hips brought him off balance and forced his back to arch. His head tilted back and Aoi kissed a wet trail down the center of his chest until his full lips latched onto his nipple. 

Aoi found himself moaning at the taste of Kazuki once again, like he could get drunk off of his skin. Watching the long line of Kazuki's neck expose itself to him, he sucked a little harder and allowed his hands to wander into the back of Kazuki's shorts. Oh, he hadn't even bothered with boxers? Aoi grinned and happily let that heavenly ass fill his palms, kneading the flesh until his fingertips could brush where he really wanted to be. The touch left Kazuki shaking on his lap and it drove him _nuts._  

"Kazuki… my beautiful angel. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to take such good care of you," he crooned, lifting Kazuki off his lap to lay him down on the futon. 

"Yuu- "

"Don't worry. I'm just working my way from the bottom," he replied with a smirk before slipping Kazuki's shorts off and tossing them aside, leaving him bare for him. Dark brown eyes followed him closely as he raised Kazuki's right knee, kissing along the inside of his thigh. _Good Lord those thighs_. Kazuki watched him with a curious smile the further up he kissed. Mid-thigh was when Aoi decided it was time he finally left his own marks. He began slowly though, testing the waters and holding Kazuki’s thigh in place while he kissed across it. Gradually, his open-mouthed kisses turned a little harsher. Kazuki’s heavy breathing was all too audible in the silence of the bedroom and oh, Aoi intended to make it so much worse. 

After kissing his way upwards just a little more, he allowed his teeth to sink into Kazuki's skin until he yelped in... both surprise and pain, Aoi assumed. His tongue dragged across the little marks before he sucked the supple flesh into his mouth. Blood rushed to the surface.

"Y-Yuu- D-Don't..." Kazuki wanted to warn right away upon realizing what he was doing but Aoi didn't relent. Judging from the fingers that soon came brushing through his hair, Kazuki didn't want it to stop quite yet either. Aoi soothed the hickey with another drag of his tongue. 

"Nobody's going to see them here anyway," he mused and pulled back to admire his work. The red patch stood brightly against Kazuki's pale thigh and Aoi literally couldn't _wait_ to see him covered with these. It was just part of his possessive nature, he supposed. 

"Beautiful," he concluded in satisfaction and moved on, leaving a trail of bite marks and hickeys of various sizes up towards Kazuki's groin. 

And Kazuki let him do it all. He found himself slowly but surely drifting off into a completely different state of mind, as if it was clouded or numb and the only thing he still recognized was the wetness of Aoi's kiss and the tingle of where he was being marked. Despite of Aoi's raven crop of hair between his thighs being a sight to behold, Kazuki's eyes had long fallen close. God, he wanted to give himself entirely to this man and he wanted to curse him for dragging this out so long. But that didn't mean he didn't appreciate it either; he did, he was confident that these were all just small steps Aoi took to make him more comfortable and relaxed, to put him in the mood (as if he wasn't rock hard already).

Aoi's next target was Kazuki's navel. Dipping his tongue into it and playing with the little diamond that dangled there, he tugged at it with his teeth and it earned him a whimper in response. He continued his way kissing upwards across Kazuki's belly and to his chest, all while his palm couldn't caress enough of his waist and hip and thigh. When Kazuki opened his eyes, Aoi smiled down at him lovingly. 

"God, you're beautiful," he bestowed a kiss upon pierced lips. "For a second I was afraid you'd fallen asleep on me again." 

Kazuki blushed, but he giggled and bit his lip, squirming comfortably underneath Aoi.

"No, I was just... enjoying the works of that very talented mouth of yours," he whispered, his hands coming up to tug at Aoi's shirt as they kissed deeply once more.

"Take this off," he asked in a murmur and Aoi smirked.

"Impatient much," he chuckled but this time complied to Kazuki's wish. Pushing himself up to his knees, Aoi tugged his shirt over his head and threw it aside. Kazuki devoured him with his eyes and it was stroking his ego in the nicest way. He just loved to feel as wanted as Kazuki made him feel right now. 

Speaking of stroking though... He had to do something about that erection of his. 

A light tap to Kazuki's knee opened his legs further and Aoi could settle between them so perfectly he was convinced Kazuki was _made_ for him. Aoi leaned down for their lips to meet and their tongues to tangle. Pressing into Kazuki's body sensually, the continuous roll of his hips coaxed more and more of those needy little moans to fall into his mouth. 

"Yuuuuu, your jeans are rough," Kazuki whined when they had to break apart to breathe. "Why are you even wearing them?" 

A light chuckle reached his ears.

"I was so focused on getting you to bed and back to sleep that I forgot to change. Let me get rid of them." 

Kazuki watched in the dull light as his boyfriend stood up and peeled his jeans off, but much to his disappointment, Aoi hesitated with his thumbs hooked in the waistband of his boxers. What was going on? Had Kazuki pushed too much after all?

"Yuu, what's wrong? Do- should we stop?" 

"What? No. You're not backing out now, Kazuki," Aoi teased him, coming to kneel between his knees again. "I just… I need to show you something. I've never told or shown anyone before so while it's not a big deal in general, it kind of is for me. I, uh, I kept it out if I knew I was going to be around you, just in case, but then you said those words and I promised myself that I wouldn't hide anything from you after that. So I'm keeping my promise. Give me your hand." 

Kazuki complied, letting Aoi take his hand. Part of him was confused by Aoi's words and the other part of him was reeling from the acknowledgement of how much Aoi took his confession to heart. He hadn't just ignored it and moved on, it had meant something to him and that made all of this worthwhile to Kazuki. He'd hide whatever he needed to, forever, if it meant he could keep loving Aoi. 

Though he had to admit he was even more confused when Aoi led his hand to the front of his tight boxers. Kazuki didn't really need instructions here, running his palm over the hard length he so badly wanted. But before he went there, he had some art to make himself. He pulled the waistband down until he could press his lips along the faint v-line of Aoi's hips. After sucking on the skin until he could see a nice bruise blooming, he stripped Aoi completely. 

His eyes widened as the moonlight caught the glint of a little metal ball against Aoi's skin. No, two of them. What… the…?

"Holy fuck." 

Kazuki had to brace himself on the floor. Dumbfounded, he stared at the piercing that stuck horizontally through the glans of his boyfriend's erection. He'd never seen one of these in real life, much less had the chance to touch one. He knew Aoi liked piercings, he had his ear and lip ones after all, but this was… on a different level. Somehow Kazuki had to catch his breath and although looking back up at Aoi's face was more counterproductive than anything else, he did it anyway. Aoi was watching him, a mix of what looked like embarrassment and surprise on his face. 

"Yuu… can I touch it?" 

That seemed to yank Aoi from whatever headspace he'd been in. 

"Uh, yeah, of course. If you want," he said, almost… shyly? Was Aoi seriously worried he wouldn't like this? Kazuki smirked to himself. He'd just have to show him how wrong he was; starting by getting his mouth on that beautiful thing. Without any hesitation, he was leaning down to run his tongue over the little beads on either side. Aoi tensed immediately under his touch. He all but came unglued watching himself disappear into the hot cavern of Kazuki's mouth. Fucking hell if his mouth already felt this good, he _was_ gonna pass out. Kazuki was a natural, knowing exactly where to put pressure to make him moan. Unlike before when they'd done this, the piercing made it all the more sensitive and before too long, Aoi had to tell Kazuki to stop. 

"I don't wanna stop, Yuu. It feels good," Kazuki complained, his big brown eyes hazy with arousal. Where did he get the nerve to talk like that? 

"And I don't want to come like this, Kazi. I want to be inside you. Please?"

Kazuki chewed on his bottom lip but eventually nodded and Aoi couldn't stop himself from kissing him again, tasting himself on that sharp tongue as he laid him back down. When they pulled apart, Kazuki was breathless from both their kiss and the thought that he was going to feel a pierced cock inside him _very soon._ Never in his life would he even have dreamt of this kind of thing. 

"Is it going to hurt?" he asked, though rather absent-mindedly while Aoi once again bestowed kisses along his jaw and neck. Aoi hummed.

"Initially," he answered truthfully. "But after a moment or two it's going to surpass everything you've ever felt before, I promise you." 

Kazuki's body shook at just hearing those words but he didn't have the possibility to reply anything, what with Aoi's fingertips suddenly came pressing against his lips. Frowning lightly, he opened his mouth and Aoi's fingers slipped inside. 

"Suck," he ordered. "Get them wet." 

Kazuki whimpered and his concentrated frown remained as he tried to wriggle his tongue around his boyfriend's fingers. It was three of them. Aoi intended... to use three...? Oh God. 

Kazuki did his best not to start drooling at just the thought alone but it proved to be rather difficult while his tongue was pretty much slathering his saliva all around those calloused fingertips. 

Aoi took his time, watching Kazuki closely as he tried to deal with what filled with his mouth. He did well though, and Aoi gave him a little kiss as a silent reward after withdrawing his hand.

"We're going to start easy," Aoi said softly, moving his hand down Kazuki's body and applying the lightest pressure to his thigh. "And then take it from there until you're stretched and ready. Okay? Open up." 

Kazuki wanted to scream. He had no damn idea how Aoi was doing it but his voice alone, how he spoke, the things he said... Kazuki couldn't guarantee that he wasn't going to come at just one finger alone. Then again, Aoi was just telling him what to expect. Kazuki had told him that talking about it first helped him be more comfortable and Aoi was taking it to heart. 

All of those complicated thoughts vanished ultimately; replaced by just the feeling of Aoi's middle finger rubbing over his sensitive muscles. Kazuki whimpered but Aoi was right there hovering above him, supporting himself with his free hand beside him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"Breathe out," he whispered and as Kazuki did so, Aoi's finger slipped in smoothly. It was just for the first few seconds that it stung a little, of course, it was just a finger, but once Aoi slowly began to move it... Oh boy did it feel like heaven already. 

Kazuki allowed himself to relax until Aoi pushed a second finger into him. It burned a little more than before, the stretch of his muscles, and prompted him to close his eyes. 

"Yuu… does it feel better for you?" he asked, wiggling his hips a bit to try to get comfortable while those long fingers moved in and out of him at a cautious pace. "With the piercing in, I mean? Does it make sex feel better for you?" 

Aoi’s lips were curled into a smile while they drew a path along his sternum. 

"It makes things more sensitive for me, yes, but it's more for my partner than for me. You see," he started, flattening his tongue over Kazuki's nipple again, "It's a small little thing, but once I'm inside you it’s going to feel cold and smooth and so damn good. Then if I hit just the right place with it the-"

"Oh God Yuu, stop!" Kazuki yelled out from beneath him and Aoi ceased all movement. Had it been too much? Kazuki had taken two fingers last time but maybe it was too much this time? Aoi leaned over to kiss his parted lips, murmuring an apology. 

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I don't want pain to be a part of this," he said, starting to pull his fingers free but Kazuki's hands caught his own. 

"No! Don't you dare stop touching me. I just… hearing you talk about it… I wasn't going to last. But I think I'm ready for more."

Aoi quirked a brow at him. "Are you sure? We haven't gone beyond this. I want you to be absolutely sure, Kazi."

Kazuki stared up at him with so much affection it made his eyes seem to sparkle in the darkened bedroom. His gaze threw Aoi off a bit, but only because of its intensity. He wasn't scared of loving Kazuki. Hell, he was already way past that point. He wasn't afraid to admit it either. It just needed to be the right time because Aoi was certain that if he said those words back and then somehow lost Kazuki… that he wouldn't make it through. So he kept them to himself and decided to _show_ how felt instead. 

"I'm sure about a lot of things, Yuu. I'm sure that my band is going to make it. I'm sure that moving to Osaka back then was the right choice. And I'm sure that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Kazuki smiled, reaching up to frame Aoi’s face with his palms. "So… How about you show me what you can't say."

All air slammed out of Aoi’s chest. Of course he knew. Kazuki always knew. 

For a moment there Kazuki thought Aoi was going to cry. He'd never seen him cry and he wasn't so sure if he was prepared to. But Aoi didn't. He kissed him instead, long and sweet, holding him tight as he pressed the third finger into him. Kazuki's back arched off the sheets, a cry getting stuck in his throat and a stuttered gasp feathering out against Aoi’s lips. 

"Breathe, baby. Just breathe." 

And breathe Kazuki did, sucking in a deep lungful of air until the pain had subsided and he could finally enjoy the sensations Aoi was giving him. His head lolled back with a suppressed moan and Aoi felt himself getting harder just by watching. Kazuki’s muscles were tense around his fingers but the resistance he'd felt decreased with every push he gave into him. After granting Kazuki a few more moments, Aoi slowly began to spread his fingers, scissoring them inside to spread him further. 

"Oh fuck- " Kazuki cursed instantly and his hips jerked up, "Oh God- Ughn!" 

Aoi bit his lip, but he didn't relent. Not yet. He was growing impatient himself but he needed Kazuki ready even more. So he kept it careful, continuing to spread his fingers and twist his wrist until the last bit of resistance in Kazuki's muscles had vanished. Carefully Aoi withdrew, leaving Kazuki gasping with a sudden, unfamiliar feeling of emptiness washing over him. He had never felt this needy with any other man before… Aoi really knew how to push his buttons. 

And things were getting serious now. Aoi cast him a brief glance before he moved back entirely and reached for his jeans, rummaging through the pockets until he found the small package. At the sight of the condom Kazuki's eyes almost fell out of his head. 

"You've had it with you this entire time??" he squeaked and the blush on his cheeks intensified times a hundred. Aoi smirked. 

"Of course, I'm always prepared," he answered before lifting the condom to his lips and ripping the foil open with his teeth. The little piece sailed to the floor but Aoi actually hesitated as he saw Kazuki's eyes glisten curiously. 

"Do you… ?" he began but didn't finish, holding the package out to Kazuki who nodded right away as if he'd just waited for Aoi to ask. He scrambled to his knees and took the condom from Aoi's hand, though he didn't bother with it at first. He was still very much interested in his boyfriend's cock. Aoi chuckled lowly as Kazuki's lips found the tip of it, pampering it with kisses and swirls of his tongue. 

"You just can't resist, can you?" he grinned and brushed his fingers through Kazuki's hair, watching and listening to all the dirty little sounds he was producing. 

"Not with these, no," Kazuki mumbled, dragging the flat of his tongue across the barbells one last time and the sight was so goddamn lascivious Aoi would've come right there and then had Kazuki not pulled back. 

"Guess I'll keep them in then from now on," he mused softly, lightly out of breath, and his glance became fond as he watched how Kazuki removed the condom from its packaging and rolled it onto his length with the utmost concentration. 

"I do hope you have lube around though," he added. Kazuki's bit his lip and looked around. Lube... Lube lube lube... Did Manabu have some maybe? He usually had those necessities around... And if not, Kazuki absolutely trusted him to put it there for him to find. 

"Wait a second," Kazuki said and got up to his feet. He ran across the hallway into the room Manabu shared with Jin and searched through the plastic box beside his bed. The little bottle he ended up finding had a note stuck to it. 

 _You're gonna need this and maybe an ice pack too < _3

"Fuck you," Kazuki chuckled to himself and made his way back.

"What is it?" Aoi asked, head tilting cutely to the side. Kazuki's heart stumbled and he shook his head. 

"Manabu… he's just teasing. There's a, um, a rumor going around the younger bands that you're… big." Man, Kazuki was blushing to hell and back despite his efforts not to.

Aoi smirked, right hand moving down to stroke himself a couple times. "And? Would you confirm?"

Kazuki licked at his lips, watching Aoi’s hand move. "It's… definitely true. But no one else deserves to know that. Because you're mine. Not anyone else's," he said, ripping the note off the bottle and crawling back over to his boyfriend. "Right?"

Aoi smiled, reaching out to brush some of Kazuki's hair behind his ear. 

"What's with this uncertainty all of a sudden? Kazuki, I've been only yours since the moment I laid eyes on you. And I will be only yours until the time comes that you don't want me anymore."

"It's difficult not to be a bit uncertain when the person in question is you," Kazuki pouted. "But Yuu, I'm never going to not want you. We're gonna share your name, remember? But first I want to share me with you."

Aoi’s heart beat all the way up into his throat. Did Kazuki even know how much his words meant? That they made his chest swell with all kinds of emotions? Perhaps he did. 

With a sort of lightness around his heart that he hadn’t expected to be feeling today, Aoi sat back against the wall and made a beckoning motion with his finger. "Come 'ere, angel."

Kazuki obeyed without question and allowed Aoi to lift him over his lap. He wasn't quite sure what Aoi was doing but he trusted him completely so he wasn't worried. Aoi leaned in, burying his face into Kazuki's neck and inhaling his sweet scent. Controlling himself was an arduous task and although he had hoped that talking a bit would help, it didn't. Keeping himself in check simply wasn’t something he was used to. Most of the time whoever he shared his bed with shared a similar lifestyle too, and knew what they were getting themselves into. But Kazuki didn’t and even if he had, Aoi wouldn’t have wanted to go full-on out with him. He knew how much Kazuki wanted this, how much he needed it to be perfect. Roughness and too much dominance had no place here tonight so… in order to keep it at bay, Aoi decided he was going to give Kazuki the one thing he had never given to anyone else. 

"Kazi, baby, I need you to take control for a while," he whispered into his ear. "I… I let myself get too wound up, and I'm not sure I have the patience to do this right. I'll help, but I want you on top."

He felt Kazuki's breath hitch in his throat and his hands tighten on his shoulders. Aoi knew it was a strange request but if he were the one to be in control, there was no way he was going to be gentle. Not with how much he wanted the beautiful boy in his arms.

Kazuki swallowed. "Y-Yeah, I can do that. I can try," he mumbled, sitting up on his knees. "Can you… help me get it in please?"

Aoi nodded, kissing those tempting lips again before he fetched the little bottle of lube. He spread a generous amount of the cool liquid over himself and used one hand to find Kazuki's entrance, the other to guide himself. With just the very tip pushed in, Aoi stopped and looked up at Kazuki. His lips were parted, chest expanding as he breathed. 

"Okay, it's all you. Go as slow as you need. I don’t want to hurt you."

Kazuki smiled sweetly and pressed their lips together, sinking down further bit by bit. A small cry fell into the space between them as he tried to adjust and he felt his thighs shaking. It was so _hot_. So fucking hot. It hurt and at the same time, it was electrifying. And Kazuki could tell Aoi was straining, willing himself not to just shove himself up into him. 

"Yuu… you feel so good, just- just give me a minute," Kazuki wanted into his neck, closing his eyes and clinging to Aoi’s shoulders like a lifeline. Once he was finally seated against his hips, Aoi's hands slipped from his thighs around to his ass, massaging the flesh gently. Kazuki was thankful for the comforting gesture but even more so for the deep, brain-melting kiss that was delivered to his parted lips. His mind couldn't even catch up, couldn't believe this was happening. If it hadn't been for the burn of being stretched (more than three fingers worth thank you!), he probably would have thought it was another fantasy.

A deep groan forced its way out of Aoi's throat and into their kiss. Fuck, this was... better than anything he'd expected. As they withdrew, his head thumped back against the wall and his hands came to rest on Kazuki's waist. Holy shit, he needed to breathe. The desire to just fuck into Kazuki until he was screaming demanded every molecule of air inside his lungs. 

"You okay?" he managed to ask still and even though Kazuki's grip on his shoulders became even firmer, Aoi saw him nodding and fluttering his eyes open. Kazuki looked absolutely ravishing and Aoi hadn't even started yet. Good lord, how was he supposed to survive this? 

"I-I... I can feel them... a little," Kazuki mumbled under his breath. This size inside him had banned a frown on his forehead but he was pretty sure most of it came from the pleasure anyway. 

Aoi grinned slyly. 

"Mm, sit down properly," he mused, spread his legs a little further and slid his hands down to Kazuki's hips. There was still a tiny gap between their bodies but Aoi craved to have Kazuki wholly, this just had to be. It took Kazuki a short moment to let himself go but once his ass connected smoothly with his groin, Aoi hissed a curse through gritted teeth, his eyes falling close. Fucking hell. 

"Holy shit- " 

"Y-Yuu- Nngh..."

Next thing he knew Aoi was chuckling, incredulous at just how good Kazuki felt around him.

"Ah fuck," he cursed, feeling a bit like he was on drugs. His lips connected with Kazuki’s chest, it was heaving. Kazuki’s fingers found their way into his locks immediately, tugging lightly as he began to move his hips ever so slowly. He was still on top, right? Aoi’s lips brushed over his nipple and it was numbing his mind but Kazuki still wanted to try and establish a pace for them. 

Whether it was good or not he couldn't figure out, but... Aoi followed. His hands remained on Kazuki's hips, rubbing over his skin soothingly with his thumbs and joining his rhythm with ease. It was slow and tender, something Aoi had expected, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. He managed to roll his hips up, meeting Kazuki's movements just perfectly and every time he pushed into him and a renewed stutter of breath left Kazuki's mouth, Aoi could feel the tiny pieces of his crumbling self-control finding back together. It was no doubt Kazuki's doing.

"You're so beautiful," Aoi breathed out once he looked up to find a coy smile curling Kazuki's lips. His expression was scrunched up between pleasure and concentration and Aoi felt the urgent need to comfort him even more. Leaning up, he distributed a row of light kisses along Kazuki's jaw. 

"So, so beautiful," he whispered, letting his right hand slip around towards Kazuki’s lower back; supporting, but not leading. Yet. 

"Show me how you like it," Aoi continued to breathe into Kazuki's ear before kissing beneath it, a low grunt escaping him as the barbells of his piercing rubbed against those sensitive inner walls that hugged him so tightly. To be frank, it wasn't easy, giving up so much of the control that he usually held to a hundred percent when in the bedroom. But Aoi was confident that Kazuki understood him and that it would encourage him to move more freely. 

Kazuki nodded and rolled his hips a couple times before placing his hands on Aoi's chest and lifting himself almost all the way. He smiled past the look of confusion on Aoi's face and fell back down, too quickly maybe, a groan coming from both of them. After a few more times, Kazuki pitched forward with a loud cry. He could feel it! Aoi had been right, the piercing was cool and smooth and rubbing at just the right place. Kazuki’s muscles clenched, he couldn’t control it and the sensation left him leaking onto Aoi's abdomen. He was so close already… too close. When his boyfriend ran a finger through the liquid on his stomach and licked it off with a smirk, Kazuki almost lost it. 

"You taste so good, Kazi. So sweet."

Oh screw it. 

"Yuu, I need it. Fuck me, _please_ ," Kazuki begged, arms wrapping around the older guitarist's neck. Aoi all out grinned.

"I thought you'd never ask."

He pulled out of Kazuki, laid him back on the futon and swiftly made himself comfortable between his legs.

"Someday I'm going to do this without the fucking rubber. I want to feel you for real." 

Kazuki whimpered, eyes pleading with him. "I- I… Yes, but now… please just love me."

Aoi's mind seemed to fuzz out for a moment. Could he say it? Just a little? He gulped. 

"I do, baby. I do," he said. 

And Kazuki just let them fall. As Aoi confirmed his feelings, Kazuki just let the tears go. He couldn't possibly stop them. Not when he'd never felt such an intense surge of emotions before and it was only ramped higher by that beautiful piercing sliding along inside him. No, he couldn't even think straight. Once again Aoi was taking his time, hooking one of his legs over his shoulder and giving him short thrusts that did nothing to lessen his arousal; even though he tried to roll his hips down to meet them. It just wasn't enough yet. 

"Yuu, stop teasing!" Kazuki hissed out, raking his manicured nails down Aoi's arms. A quick snap of hips drove Aoi’s cock straight deeper and Kazuki felt like he was going to _rip_ in half. Fuck, if it didn't feel amazing. 

"Don't push me, Kazi. Let me do this right."

Kazuki dared to pout at his words but Aoi only snickered, laying another thrust into him that wiped the expression right off his face. 

"Uuh- ! O-Oh fuck, Yuu!" Kazuki cried out, his voice laced with lust, before he quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, his face morphed into an expression of bliss. Aoi bit his lip at the sight, dropping Kazuki's legs again so he could bend over him properly. 

"Oh no no no, we're not going there," he shook his head with a grin, snatching Kazuki's hand away and lacing their fingers against the floor. "I want to hear you, baby." 

Aoi didn't bother with the smaller thrusts anymore. Kazuki had told him to stop teasing after all so he began to roll forward, gradually, faster and harder until his groin was slapping against Kazuki's buttocks. Kazuki was keening with how deep Aoi was going, the rubbing of the barbells shooting shudder after shudder down his spine. And with his legs as wide open as they were, with his body rocking back and forth against Aoi's thrusts and Aoi's low moans fanning out over his mouth, Kazuki felt more lewd than he had ever before in his life. God, he needed this so bad. 

"T-The walls..." he mumbled nonsensically and Aoi _mhm_ -ed in response, letting his lips travel along his jawline.

"What about them?" he smirked, releasing their laced fingers and sliding his palm down, over Kazuki's arm, along his chest and waist to his hip and his thigh, grabbing it possessively. 

Kazuki whimpered, tossing his head from side to side until Aoi's mouth was attacking his neck and he had no other choice but to grant him access. Teeth scraped across his skin only for his tongue to soothe the marks and with every next moment and every deliciously thick push into his body, Kazuki found it increasingly difficult to form anything near a coherent answer. 

"T-They're... thin... t-too thin..." he mumbled but Aoi's chest only rumbled with another chuckle. The blush on Kazuki's cheeks was so dashing, he needed to see more of it. 

"So?" he countered and his grip on Kazuki's thigh grew firmer, lifting it up just the slightest, "at least your neighbors will know my name by the time we're done." 

For the mere sake of proving his point, Aoi angled his hips, expertly so to deliver his first thrust against Kazuki's prostate. It was time to pick up the pace a little, even if it meant to overwhelm him just a bit.

"Aah- ! Fuck- Y-Yuu!"  
  
Fuck the walls. Fuck his neighbors. Aoi's gentle side was melting away with every thrust he laid into him, growling into his ear, making him cry out over and _over_ and Kazuki's mind was _swimming_ in pleasure. Their neighbors were so going to know just who was fucking him into the futon. 

Through his dizzy haze, Kazuki managed to lean up long enough to smash his lips against Aoi’s, prying them apart with his tongue until he didn’t know where he began and Aoi ended. Kazuki’s nails dug into flexing shoulder blades and Aoi startled out of their kiss, hissing at the pain, but Kazuki wasn’t done yet. He giggled, keeping Aoi close so he could trail his hungry mouth along his sharp jaw. Though as he bit playfully at his pierced ear, Aoi's control shattered. 

Forced to hook his ankles behind Aoi's waist just to keep himself in place, Kazuki began to sob. The wet sound of skin slapping against skin sounded through the room and it _almost_ hurt but like hell he was going to stop him. Aoi was lost completely and utterly, incoherently plunging into him like he was on a hunt.

It was as if Kazuki’s inner walls were trying to pull Aoi deeper and deeper, gripping and releasing at just the right times. And Kazuki was leaking so much already, it wouldn't take much more, would it? Aoi smirked as he glanced up at his face. Kazuki's eyes were tightly shut, his lips open and he was panting. Aoi took advantage and leaned back down to dig his teeth into the flesh around his nipple. Kazuki was moaning out, crying his name, spasming underneath him and Aoi even felt it on his neck when he came undone, hot streams marking Kazuki’s chest in the most delicate way as he arched up into him. As mind-blowing as it was to watch, it _felt_ even better. Kazuki clenched down around him, stalling his movements and Aoi couldn't hold it back any longer. Kazuki's name fell from his lips like the utmost important prayer and his head tipped down, against Kazuki’s shoulder while wave after wave of heat rushed through his body. He couldn't remember the last time an orgasm had left him heaving for air like this, trapped by Kazuki's arms and legs, blindsided like he’d stared straight into the sun.

* * *

When his senses finally came back online, it was to the sound of soft humming and fingers carding through his hair so gently it was almost childlike. Aoi gulped. Fuck everyone else on the planet, he would give it all up just to be with Kazuki for even one more minute. There would never be enough time, would there? He would never be able to shower him with enough love. It was borderline insane how possessive and protective he felt in this very moment, but he loved that part, too. 

Rolling his hips leisurely, he rode out their orgasms, cooling the bonfire on his skin down to a quietly crackling ember. Kazuki continued to caress through his messy hair as if to soothe him, as if he wasn't still breathing just as heavily. Aoi hummed in response to nothing in particular, lifting his head eventually only to crawl down, licking and kissing the mess away that Kazuki had left on himself. The younger guitarist was still way too caught in his post-orgasmic haze to react much but the rather pleased looking smile on his face told Aoi everything he needed to know. 

"Satisfied?" he asked in a raspy voice before kissing Kazuki gently and pulling out of him carefully while he was at it. Kazuki groaned and winced, lightly so, but the smile remained on his lips. 

"Couldn't be more satisfied," he murmured and gave a small giggle that made Aoi's heart flutter. "Manabu might be right though, I might need an ice pack after all." 

Aoi chuckled and finally pushed himself up on his knees. Peeling off the condom, he got up to dispose of it into the bin that stood by the door. They would have to get rid of it entirely prior to Kazuki's bandmates returning but that wasn't important now. 

"I didn't hurt you though, did I?" Aoi asked once he was back on their futon and Kazuki quickly shook his head. 

"It's all good, Yuu," he said and cautiously turned onto his side so Aoi could pull him into his arms. Kazuki looked up at Aoi and almost couldn't believe he'd just slept with this gorgeous of a man. The dull sting in his lower back was reminder enough though. It was a nice pain indeed. 

"It was perfect, really," he smiled happily, placing a soft kiss atop Aoi's steady heartbeat. "Honestly the best sex I've ever had." 

Aoi snorted. "Well, I damn hope so." 

They giggled and shared a few more kisses, tangling their legs with one another. It wasn't long until Kazuki burrowed against Aoi’s chest and fell back asleep. That night was one of the most peaceful ones he had ever had. 


	11. Chapter 11

The morning was … splendid to say the least. Aoi woke up to soft puffs of breath hitting his ear and it took awhile until the blinding sun allowed him to open his eyes properly. Kazuki was lying right beside him, his arm stretched across his chest and his lips slightly parted. Aoi could've easily spent another hour just watching his boyfriend sleep, being nowhere near productive, and it would've been just fine. However, since they had an entire weekend for themselves, he wanted to make it perfect. 

Careful as to not wake Kazuki up, Aoi peeled the arm off his chest and slipped out from beneath their comforter. He had probably tired Kazuki out quite a bit so he wanted to let him sleep for a little longer. Getting up, Aoi put on his boxers and stepped out into the hallway, closing the sliding door softly behind himself. There weren't many other doors so it didn't take him very long to find the bathroom. Admittedly, the shower stall was a little... small, for him, but he managed to do the necessities. (He also made a mental note to move all plans for shower sex to his own apartment.) 

Nonetheless, just thinking back to what they had done the night before, Kazuki's body shaking underneath him, the way he'd moaned his name... Everything made him feel hot all over again. In retrospect, he was really glad he'd gotten over that insecurity of his and decided to put his piercing in. It had at least enabled him to give Kazuki the ultimate experience; though it was still going to be a while until he could go all out on him... 

Anyway. Aoi stepped out of the booth, grabbing the large towel hanging very conveniently right beside the shower. He relinquished blow-drying his hair and instead grabbed another towel that he used to rub over his head and hang around his neck. 

Now... Breakfast. His stomach grumbled right on cue and after drying his body sporadically, he wrapped the bigger towel around his hips and emerged back onto the narrow hallway. Did they even have anything here to make breakfast, Aoi wondered while padding down the hallway barefoot and rubbing at his hair. Or would he have to seriously get dressed and go out? 

Aoi groaned inwardly. Maybe they could orde- 

His train of thought was rudely interrupted. There was a figure stepping out of the kitchen doorway. And it wasn't Kazuki. Aoi stopped dead in his tracks, hand still lifted with the towel to his hair. He was pretty sure his facial expression was priceless. Jin stared back, similarly dumbfounded. Oh shit. 

"Uh…" 

Jin’s mouth hung open and he blinked stupidly, narrowing his eyes as if to make sure he was seeing right. Yeah, Kazuki had absolutely forgotten to mention this to him.

"What are  _ you  _ doing here?" he finally got out and tried his damnedest not to let his eyes wander. Wait no, that question answered itself. His eyes jumped to the door behind Aoi.

"Is Kazuki here too?"  
  
Aoi took a deep breath and nodded slowly, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. "Yeah, he's … still asleep. I was just going to try to make him something for breakfast. What are  _ you  _ doing here? Kazi said you were going home this weekend too?"

"I did. But my family lives here in Tokyo so I thought I'd come have a day to myself. I didn't realize there was gonna be a naked man running around our apartment. Well, other than Kazuki. I guess I should probably just go home."

Aoi shook his head, damp hair sliding along his shoulders. "No, you can stay. I'll take Kazuki to my place once he wakes up. I know how important alone-time is, especially when you live with three other people. No harm done. You won't … tell anyone, right?"

Jin scoffed at that and headed back into the little kitchen. "You keep making Kazuki happy and I'll keep your secret ‘till I die."

Aoi smiled at that, following the drummer. As embarrassing as it was getting caught, he might as well make the best out of the situation. 

"While we're on the topic… do you have any suggestions on how I could  _ best  _ keep him happy?" 

Jin lifted his eyebrows at his bowl of cereal. After his fight with Byou two weeks ago, Kazuki had "officially" come clean to them about his relationship with GazettE’s guitarist. To be fair, it hadn’t been very difficult to put together but it was still nice seeing his friend finally able to talk (and swoon) openly. 

"I mean… Kazuki is pretty go-with-the-flow," he answered eventually and sat down at the small table. Somehow this felt incredibly surreal. One of the most professional guitarists of their scene stood in his kitchen with nothing but a towel around his hips, and Jin had absolutely no problem munching away at his cereal like it was no big deal at all.

"He doesn't get upset by much but he's also the one who tries to make the mood positive so it wears on him, you know? So just remember that he has days when he's too exhausted from making everyone else happy to be happy himself. His low days are very low. There are times when he just curls up in bed for most of the day and doesn't eat or anything. We've learned to just leave him be because the more we try to help the more it wears him out. So just be conscientious of that, and always be honest with him. Honesty is a huge deal to him. Other than that, just be there. He likes closeness. Kazuki's pretty easy to figure out."

Jin raised his head, pointing his spoon at Aoi. "But if you hurt him, we  _ will  _ kill you."

Aoi genuinely laughed at that. These guys loved Kazuki, didn’t they? They supported him without wavering. He was happy to know his boyfriend was in good hands when he wasn't around. 

"I promise to take care of him better than I take care of myself," he replied, putting a hand over his heart.   
  
Jin just rolled his eyes. "Overdramatic much? Listen, I might be a little disappointed at the fact that he didn’t  _ warn  _ me of…," he waved his spoon at Aoi in a circular motion, " _ this,  _ but, uh, when he told us that he’s with you we all agreed that we would support him as long as it didn't make things impossible for the band. So just don't fuck up, yeah?"

"Don't fuck up what?"

Aoi turned his head to the sound of Kazuki's voice and he just about had to  _ literally  _ hold his heart in his chest. Kazuki was rubbing at his eyes all cutely and he looked so sleepy and soft with just the comforter wrapped around him and his hair all mussed. Aoi could faintly make out a few bruises along his collarbone that he hoped would fade quickly. He knew there were others lower on his body though and he did feel rather proud of those. 

"Jin was telling me not to fuck up with you. And about how much I don't deserve you and about all the horrible things they'd do to me if I hurt you," Aoi explained despite Jin's protests. 

Kazuki tilted his head towards his drummer. "You didn't."

"I didn't say half of that! Your smooth talking sugar daddy is putting words in my mouth!" Jin exclaimed and Aoi had to cover his mouth with his hand to keep himself from snorting with laughter. But Kazuki's eyes widened comically.

"Don't call him that!" he hissed. "Be respectful!"

"Whatever you say, leader-san," Jin sang and dug back into his breakfast. 

Aoi just watched them with an amused smirk. Maybe these Screw guys weren't so bad after all. 

"Kazi? We're going to move to my place and give Jin the apartment. That okay with you?"

Kazuki nodded. "Just let me shower firs- "

"You can shower at my place."

"But I'm covered in- "

Kazuki cut off, his glance sliding back to Jin who was barely containing himself bent over his bowl.

"Okay, I'll wait. I have to get dressed. But… um," Kazuki crooked a finger at him and Aoi obliged, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning down. A blush crept up Kazuki’s face as he whispered into his ear. 

"If we're going to your apartment could you carry me down the stairs? We don't have an elevator and… and it's your fault it hurts to walk so much."

Aoi tried to school his expression, he really did try not to look too triumphant, but he succeeded just barely before kissing Kazuki's temple, bending slightly to scoop him up into his arms. 

"I didn't mean now, you idiot!" Kazuki squealed and Jin lost it, doubled over as he laughed while Kazuki flipped him off. 

"Let's get you dressed so we can get going. I wanna undress you again," Aoi said, nuzzling Kazuki's bare shoulder. God, he smelled like sex and every desire Aoi had ever had. Maybe he could coax him into another round?

Jin looked after them until they had disappeared back into the bedroom. He couldn't stop a smile from showing on his face after all, a genuine one. Even a blind man could see how smitten these two were with each other. And as much as Jin had been concerned for their band's future, Kazuki's happiness still came above it all. Even judging from this short interaction, he clearly was the happiest he had seen him in a long time. 

Jin's smile was the last thing Kazuki saw before he hid his blushing face against Aoi's shoulder. Now if that hadn't been a whole success… Maybe if he just pretended it didn't happen, the embarrassment would go away? What had even gotten into Jin to call Aoi his sugar daddy? If that hadn’t been a joke…  

The one thing that wasn't a joke, however, seemed to be Aoi's words. The exact moment he had pushed the door close with his foot, Aoi set Kazuki down and slipped his hands beneath the comforter, making it drop from his shoulders. Leaning down he engaged Kazuki in a tender kiss, pulling him closer by his naked waist. Kazuki moaned softly and Aoi smiled but he had to break away before things could get out of hand. That had to wait just a little bit longer.

"Good morning to you, too," Kazuki mumbled against his lips, visibly unbothered by Aoi's plan to take it slow. Aoi glanced down at the fingertips that roamed the hem of the towel he was wearing. He tsked.

"Kazuki," he mock-scolded. "Would you contain yourself." 

Kazuki snorted in amusement, leaning up for another kiss. 

"Says the adonis in a towel." 

"Oh, you flatter me." 

"How can I not?"

Aoi hummed as kiss after kiss was placed against his mouth.

"You were so good to me last night," Kazuki whispered after one last peck and Aoi felt his chest swell. Right, he'd been meaning to ask, but now Kazuki had basically given him the answer. It was a relief to him, yes, but he couldn't hold back a little tease.

"I can be good to you every night from now on, baby," he smirked and gave a small slap to Kazuki's butt. Kazuki yelped and sent him a death glare but Aoi knew he didn't mean it. If it hadn't been for Jin, he would've probably taken him up on the offer right away. 

After they had gotten dressed and Aoi had placed their bags by the door to put his shoes on, Kazuki used the brief moment to hop into the living room where Jin was sitting on the small couch. He hugged him from behind and held him tightly.

"Thanks Jin," he murmured and felt the drummer's smile against his cheek, "for being so nice to him. It means a lot. I'll be back some time tomorrow, okay?" 

Jin nodded and gave him a fond look as he turned. "It's no big deal, Kazi. You're both happy and I can see that." 

Kazuki's heart wanted to jump out of his chest. It was the truth. He was  _ so  _ happy. Nodding quickly, he was just about to turn back around when he was held back by his wrist.   
  
"Kaz," Jin hissed and  _ oh no _ , he was wiggling his eyebrows, tugging at Kazuki's hand a little to make him lean in. "Details for later but… Is he as good as… ?" 

Kazuki could only roll his eyes; the goofy grin on his face told it all. Just for the dramatic effect of it, he lifted a hand to beside his mouth before replying. 

"The rumours can't even compare," he whispered and  Jin's eyes basically fell out of his head. Kazuki knew he very much wanted details but he wasn’t exactly going to grant him  _ that  _ much information. He winked and then hastily returned to Aoi, who was waiting for him with raised eyebrows. 

"Did he- ?"

"Yup." 

In a futile attempt to hide his blushing cheeks, Kazuki ducked his head. They exclaimed greetings towards the living room, but Aoi obviously wasn’t going to drop it. After opening the front door and lifting Kazuki into his arms, he stepped outside. 

"So what did you say?" he asked right at the top of the staircase. Kazuki groaned. 

"Yuuuuuu..."

"What? I want to know if you ruined my reputation!"

"Of course I didn't, you- !" Kazuki narrowed his eyes playfully, showing a pout. "Why do you even care what they think, it's not like you're going to sleep with any of them. Ever." 

"Oh, someone is very confident this is going to last forever."

Kazuki's mouth opened, but no words came out. His blush got the best of him and Aoi almost felt a little guilty as Kazuki placed his head down against his shoulder.

"You were the one offering me your name," he mumbled and Aoi's chest fell with a soft laugh. He couldn't deny that now, could he? He hadn't said it lightheartedly either. 

"That's true," he said and planted a kiss atop Kazuki's hair. They reached his car and Aoi set him down so they could get inside. He wanted nothing more than to hold and kiss Kazuki again but it was just too much of a risk on the open street. So he went back upstairs to grab their bags, packed them on the back seat and then got in in the front, manoeuvring the Jaguar away from the roadside. 

"Sooo... what are we gonna do at your place? We still have the entire day and a bit of tomorrow, right?" Kazuki asked after a short while and Aoi instinctively reached over until his hand came to rest atop his thigh. 

"Whatever you like, baby." 

"So more sex." 

Aoi almost choked.  _ What? _ He looked over to Kazuki with incredulous eyes. Why was he so  _ bold?  _

"Well, uh... definitely."

Kazuki blushed again but judging from his grin he seemed pleased by both his sudden burst of confidence and Aoi's response. Though, with how possessively his older guitarist-boyfriend kept his hand on his thigh for the entire ride, he considered it quite a miracle that they even made it to the front door of the apartment without jumping at each other.

"I can walk now, Yuu. What if someone sees us?" Kazuki whined as Aoi once again picked him up out of the car in front of his apartment complex. He wasn't going to admit (out loud) that he loved being carried around like this, but right now it was too risky, wasn’t it? Aoi though... wasn't listening to him at all. 

"No one in this building even knows who I am. It's fine. I wouldn't want my prince to get hurt now, would I?" he teased, locking the Jaguar and heading inside for the elevator. Kazuki blushed to the top of his head when a small elderly woman entered with them.

"Yuu-chan, good morning," she said sweetly and to Kazuki's surprise, Aoi grinned and bowed to her. 

"Kitamura-san, good morning. This is my boyfriend, Kazuki. He rolled his ankle getting out of the car so I'm forced to carry him all the way to the apartment," Aoi replied and the lady rolled her eyes. 

"Forced? Such a hardship to carry this pretty thing, hm? I'm happy to see you found someone to put up with you. I don't like seeing you so lonely. I will get started on another cake as soon as I get home and bring it over, hm? For you to celebrate."

Aoi looked far too excited about the mention of this cake. 

"You mean the kind with the real strawberries on top?"

She gave him an exasperated look. "Well, of course. Only the best for my little Yuu-chan. Ah, this is my floor. It's nice to meet you, Kazuki-san. We'll talk more later," she said with a wink before leaving the elevator. Kazuki stared up at Aoi with a smirk. 

"You told her I was your boyfriend."

Aoi just shrugged. "She’s known me since I moved to Tokyo. She used to own the first ramen shop I ever worked in and has just kind of stuck with me. I made sure she got an apartment here so I could keep an eye on her. It makes me feel like I have family here. And no, you are  _ not  _ going to talk to her alone. She likes to badmouth me and tell all my secrets."

"All the more reason for me to pay her a visit. I  _ want  _ to know all your secrets," Kazuki giggled as Aoi sat him back on his feet and opened the door to his apartment. 

"I'll tell them all to you in time. Go hop in the shower and I'll get something made up for breakfast."

Kazuki conceded and took his bag with him to the bathroom. The hot water did wonders for the soreness in his body but it did nothing for the constant replays in his mind. Just the flashbacks of what they'd done last night left him achingly hard but he didn't necessarily want to deal with that problem in Aoi's shower. That would just be weird, right? Lost in his thoughts, Kazuki yelped as arms slid around his waist and lips kissed across his shoulder. ‘Make something up for breakfast’, huh?

"I thought you could use some help?" Aoi murmured into his ear and Kazuki felt his knees go weak. It wasn't the first time they showered together but now things seemed different. 

"Depends on what you think I need help with. I don't know if I can go again, Yuu. I'm pretty sore from last night," he responded honestly. 

"Then I'll just have to take extra care preparing you," Aoi cooed, nuzzling his throat and any protest Kazuki was going to give got lost in the depths of his mind. 

* * *

Aoi made good use of their day alone. Very good use in fact, as well as of nearly every surface in his apartment. The number of times he'd heard Kazuki's cries echoing off the walls was uncountable by the time they settled back on the couch, cuddled under a blanket as their heartbeats stabilized. Aoi had more than surpassed his own limits just because he couldn't get enough; he wasn't sure he ever would. 

"You're… going to have to clean the table before anyone else eats there," Kazuki mumbled sleepily, head lying on his chest. Aoi chuckled at that. 

"There are a lot of surfaces I'm going to have to clean. But I don't mind. I think though that I'm done for the day. You officially wore the old man out."

Now it was Kazuki's turn to laugh. "Don't feel bad, I'm done too. I'm not gonna be able to walk tomorrow."

"How convenient we have nowhere to be tonight." 

Aoi pulled the blanket further over them and dimmed the windows before flicking on a movie they'd decided on during one of their breaks. 

Kazuki giggled to himself, burrowing deeper into Aoi's chest. He felt so incredibly worn out, his body was aching everywhere and in places he hadn't even known were possible to ache, but the deep satisfaction that had settled within him outweighed it all. Aoi's heartbeat, steady against his ear, and the soft fingers that caressed through his hair slowly lulled him into sleep. And his boyfriend's chest was so comfortable that he only woke up two entire hours later, judging from the digital clock beneath the flat-screen TV. The movie had ended and the only thing running was the disc menu. 

Kazuki felt Aoi's arm had slipped lower to around his waist but as he lifted his head to glance up, he found him with his head tilted away and his lips parted, vast asleep. Had Kazuki really powered him out that much? It almost would've made him laugh if the sight hadn't just single-handedly taken his breath away. Aoi always called him an angel but clearly he deserved that title just as much. Kazuki almost couldn't believe how beautiful he was. A few thin strands of hair were falling into his face, void of make-up, his lashes projecting soft shadows upon his cheeks. Kazuki could've well, without a doubt, spent another two hours just watching but it was almost midnight and as comfortable as the couch and Aoi's body were, he still much preferred his spacious bed.

Carefully, Kazuki peeled himself out of Aoi's embrace to lean up and ghost his lips across his cheek. 

"Yuu," he whispered in-between, "Babe, wake up." 

Aoi's sleep must have been a light one. He stirred awake right away, though not without a groan.

"Mm… what?" he mumbled, blinking a few times until his gaze focused on Kazuki on top of him.

"We fell asleep," Kazuki snickered as he nuzzled against Aoi's cheek again.

"Hm, you wanna go to bed?" Aoi responded and was already on the move before Kazuki could even answer. They got up and it was as if Aoi moved on complete autopilot, swooping a naked Kazuki off his feet and up into his arms before they made their way upstairs. 

"I could very well get used to this, you know," Kazuki grinned against his neck and Aoi chuckled and it was a beautiful sound, rumbling through his chest and making Kazuki feel all fuzzy inside. 

"I doubt that's a good idea, baby. I'll have to carry you to your studio and pretty much everywhere else, won’t I? That'd be too obvious, hm? Besides, you'd end up getting tired of me if we did it like this everyday." 

"I'd never get tired of you." 

Kazuki's reply came as fast as a bullet and it surprised even himself. A smile tugged at Aoi's lips but... did it have a bitter touch to it or was he just imagining it? 

"Wait until I'm really an old man. We might have to refrain to sex once every two weeks. Vanilla." 

"Oh God."

"That's what I'm saying." 

They giggled simultaneously, right as Aoi entered the bedroom. The ruffled bed sheets, the clothes strewn all over the floor and the lingering smell of sex in the air were more than inviting but Aoi honestly couldn't bring himself up for another round even if he wanted to. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had as much sex in a month as he'd had just today. It seemed Kazuki silently agreed with him anyway, burrowing against him like a puppy once they were beneath the blanket. How had he gotten so lucky, Aoi wondered for the umpteenth time today. 

"Yuu?" 

He shifted, pulling Kazuki closer against him. "Hm?"

"I... Um, I just wanted to say that I..." 

Kazuki seemed so shy all of a sudden. What was up? 

"I liked what you did earlier, in the kitchen. I mean, I..." 

Aoi couldn't help but smile. Clearly Kazuki felt embarrassed by what he wanted to say, or rather the fact that he was saying it, but Aoi gave him the time that he needed, his fingertips wandering up and down his spine like featherweight. 

"I think generally, I... I like the way y-you grab me," Kazuki finally got it out. "Or hold me. It makes me feel wanted and... and safe. And... And I guess I just wanted to say thank you." 

Kazuki quickly hid his pink cheeks into the side of Aoi's torso. Aoi hadn't said anything the entire time. He'd meant it, that he was big on communication and Kazuki was helping him in ways he didn't even know. 

"Thank you," he responded and bent down to kiss atop Kazuki's hair, "for letting me know. I want to satisfy you at all times, Kazuki and you telling me what you like makes it easier." 

Kazuki hummed. Aoi always found a way to manoeuvre him out of potentially embarrassing situations. He was a huge boost to his confidence anyway and Kazuki had no idea how to ever pay him back. For now though, he thought it was enough to just lean up and kiss Aoi, and even though it was the tamest kiss they'd shared all day, it was by far the one that made Kazuki's heart leap the highest. There was no tongue, no teeth and no hurry, no burning hunger. There was just Aoi and his tender lips and Kazuki wanted nothing more than to get lost in it all. And he did, in the end.

* * *

Upon waking up the next morning, Kazuki felt like he'd run a marathon and failed. His body was hurting  _ all over.  _ There was a dull throb in his knees from where they'd bumped against the marble worktop, his lower arms hurt because he'd supported himself on them against the edge of the table... And he rather didn't even start with his hips, let alone anything below them. On the other hand, and the thought conjured a smirk on his face, it had all been more than worth it. Yawning (and wincing), Kazuki turned over on his back. The bed beside him was empty but there was no note of any sort to be spotted anywhere so Aoi was probably just downstairs. Which was ironic considering Kazuki had no idea how he was supposed to even get out of bed. Maybe this had been Aoi's plan all along... So he could keep him here for longer... 

Kazuki scoffed and reached for his phone from the bedside table, despite the little sting in his lower back that punished him right away for moving so quickly. 

**Ki-kun  
** _ Good morning, sex god. I've seen through you. _

Aoi set down the knife he'd been using to cut up chicken and grabbed his phone when it beeped. Ah, he was awake then? Noon was about time. 

**Yuu♥  
** _ You've seen through me, hm? And what ruse do you think you've seen through exactly? I would accept the sex god title if I didn't feel like I was an ojii-san already thanks to you. But good morning to you too, angel. _

He sat the phone back down to finish his work. After dumping the pieces into a bowl to marinate, he cut up veggies and checked the rice cooker. He imagined Kazuki up in his big bed, wrapped in blankets like a baby while he typed into his phone. He had this habit of poking his tongue out when he was really thinking about something and Aoi found it most adorable. His phone pinged again and he checked it with one hand. 

**Ki-kun  
** _ You wore me out yesterday just so I couldn't leave today. Didn't you, ojii-san? Dirty old pervert. I'm so young and helpless I couldn't possibly defend myself from you.  _

Aoi found himself unable to hold back, laughter bubbling up inside and he had to press his hand over his stomach. What was this boy thinking? Being so bold? Fucking hell, he loved Kazuki too much. 

**Yuu♥  
** _ You better watch your tone, little boy. Helpless my ass. Who was the one shoving me down the hallway and taking advantage of me? Hmm... Whose idea was it to try to swallow my dick in the shower? The young innocent one. You're just a dirty little prince. And you know what I do to princes that can't keep themselves under control?  _

**Ki-kun** **  
** _ Um _

**Ki-kun  
** _ No…? _

**Yuu♥  
** _ I bend them over my lap and spank them until my hand gets sore, then I chain them to the bedpost and fuck them until I come. And then they sleep on the floor for the rest of the night.  _

About a minute and a half later Aoi could  _ hear _ Kazuki's squeal from all the way upstairs. 

"Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! You can't say that!" Kazuki called through the house and Aoi chuckled to himself. 

Leaving the rest of the food to wait, Aoi sprinted up the stairs. Sure enough Kazuki was still cuddled up in bed, cheeks so pink he looked like an anime character. Aoi climbed onto the bed, on top of his boyfriend and smothered his face with kisses, making him giggle and squirm. 

"Yuu! St-Stop! Stop!" Kazuki cried out with laughter. "Stop you dirty old man!"

"Dirty old man? Hm, if I'm so old maybe I shouldn't be dating someone so much younger than me. What do you think about that?"

Kazuki instantly stopped squirming at that like he’d flicked the fun-switch off. Both of his small, lithe hands came up to frame Aoi's face. 

"I'm the  _ only  _ person you should be dating. No matter what age. Because- " Kazuki cut off, worrying his bottom lip as if he was nervous to say what was to come next. "Because you deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them, and so do I. So that means we  _ have  _ to be together, right?"

Aoi’s expression fell. Fuck.

His throat constricted like a vise. Oh no. No no no no no. 

Aoi turned his head, maneuvering off of Kazuki to stand up. He had to get out of the room. He had to get away from the boy with the beautiful heart in his bed. He didn’t even get to see the confusion hitting Kazuki’s face. Ten hurried steps later, the bathroom door slammed shut behind him and he leaned back against the counter. 

When was the last time he'd actually cried? The day they'd signed on to PSC? The day Ruki had returned from the hospital after tearing a vocal chord? He couldn't remember. But all it had taken was a few words. A few  _ heartfelt _ words from Kazuki and now here he was sliding to the floor and bawling like an idiot because it was  _ true _ . Aoi  _ did _ love him, and it was  _ so  _ overwhelming. His chest felt like lava was dripping all over it. Over such a short amount of time Kazuki had become his entire world and-

"Yuu, what- Yuu?!" 

The door had opened without him even noticing. Warm hands pushed his hair from his face and cupped his cheeks. A kiss was laid to his forehead and suddenly he was pulled against a blanket-covered chest. 

"It's okay. Whatever’s happening, whatever I said wrong, I'm sorry," Kazuki cooed above his head and Aoi choked out another sob, arms circling Kazuki's waist.

"You did nothing," he cried. "I just didn't realize that… I didn't realize that you're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before I go to bed. I think about you when I'm writing music and when I'm playing. I think about you when I'm… when I'm eating lunch or driving my car.  _ All the time. _ It scares me how much you mean to me. And I wish I could just say those words back to you because they're true but I just  _ can't _ . I'm sorry, Kazuki." 

Aoi trailed off. His tears made the fabric beneath his cheek damp. What would Kazuki think of him now? Was he going to find him pathetic? 

Kazuki bit the inside of his cheek hard. He had to hold himself together for Aoi's sake. He had a feeling he hadn't released emotion like this in a  _ long  _ time and no doubt was berating himself for it now. 

"Yuu, I understand. I do. You don't have to say it. I can feel it. And someday we'll be together freely and you'll tell me. And… And we'll walk through downtown holding hands and smiling and buy cocoa and go ice skating. We'll show everyone what two people look like when they don't care about anyone or anything other than each other. We just have to be patient. Because you and me? Hey, look at me. We're long term, Yuu. From the moment we met we were on the track of forever. So there is no need for you to worry, alright? Because you have me."

The arms around his waist tightened to the point Kazuki thought his spine would break but he didn't care. They needed this. The pent up lust had been one thing but it couldn't hold a candle to built up emotion like they'd been feeling. Kazuki could tell Aoi had never been in a situation like this. This level of adoration and love for another person was new and it was crushing him. But now with it out like this, the air seemed lighter, even as heavy tears rolled down his boyfriend's cheek. No, this was cleansing. 

When the crying had turned to just little sniffs now and again, Aoi pulled back and wiped at his eyes. 

"Wouldn't you know it. You're even beautiful when you cry," Kazuki murmured without thinking, swiping his thumb over Aoi's cheek. 

"Stop it, Kazi. I can't hold myself together if you say things like that." 

Kazuki just smiled, leaning down to gently kiss him. "Then it's a good thing I don't have to be home too early, huh?"

Aoi couldn't believe he was actually shaking as they kissed. Kazuki’s words banned a small smile to his lips and he sniffed again, wiping at his damp cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and laughed bitterly. "I'm a mess." 

Kazuki's face morphed into an empathic grimace. 

"No, Yuu... No, you're not. It's okay to let these things out once in awhile. You need it especially," he comforted and brushed a strand of hair behind Aoi's ear. "I know your fans don't see this side of you very often. But that doesn't mean you have to hide it from  _ everyone _ . Certainly not me, okay?"  

It was just one more proof that Aoi didn't deserve him. He'd never let himself go like this in front of any of his previous partners before, serious or not, and he felt more embarrassed than anything else. 

Taking a deep breath, Aoi nodded eventually. Kazuki's shoulders fell with relief and he moved back so they could both get up on their feet again. After a brush through his hair, Aoi couldn't help but pull Kazuki into his arms again, burying his face against his hair. There was no hesitation, Kazuki wrapped his arms around him within a second and they stood still for Aoi had no idea how long. He just needed to hold him again. It became clearer and clearer with every day they spent together, that Kazuki was simply... The one he'd been waiting for. There was no other way. 

"Thank you," Aoi whispered ultimately as he withdrew, cupping Kazuki's cheek in his palm. Kazuki shook his head lightly and with a smile. 

"No need to thank for me that," he said, brushing his palms soothingly over Aoi's chest. His heart was beating so wildly, Kazuki almost teared up himself. If someone had told him he'd be in this situation the day they'd joined PSC... It would've been unimaginable. Yet here he was, accepting Aoi's deep kiss of gratitude while dressed in nothing but a silken blanket. 

"I'll finish lunch," Aoi breathed and for the first time seemed like he'd composed himself again. 

"Okay," Kazuki whispered back, pointing behind him. "I'll just take a quick shower." 

"Do you need help?" 

Kazuki would have blushed had it not been obvious from Aoi's glistening eyes and his sincere gaze that he didn't mean it as an innuendo. At all. He just wanted to take care of him and the knowledge hurt Kazuki even more and in an even better way than his sore muscles did. 

"I'll be fine," he shook his head gently and Aoi didn't try to convince him otherwise. After one last peck to his cheek, Aoi left the bathroom but Kazuki could hear that he was still sniffling beneath his tears. Once he was alone though, silence fell upon him. 

Staring at nothing in particular, Kazuki pulled the blanket tighter around him. He couldn't dispel the gnawing feeling in his gut. Was it not his fault after all? That Aoi had broken into tears like this? Maybe he shouldn't have said what he'd said, maybe he was a little too... out there with how he felt. But he didn't want to believe that Aoi would want him to hide it either. He'd even said so.   
  
Kazuki dropped the blanket with a theatrical sigh. One way or the other, they were going to get through this. He was more confident in that than he wanted to admit. They  _ were  _ going to make it work, no matter what the costs.

* * *

"I look like I got the shit beat out of me. Look at this?"

As he pulled up to a red light, Aoi glanced away from the road to find Kazuki with his shorts pulled up, showcasing where Aoi had left little bruises all along his pale skin. Just the sight of it all made Aoi want to pull over and have his way with Kazuki again; especially when he kept running his fingers along the bruises like this. It wasn't meant to be sexual but hell, if it wasn't. 

"It'll be fine, won't it? No one will see them except for you. I made sure they weren't far enough down to see even if you wear those short shorts," Aoi replied. "But if you don't stop touching them, I'm going to be forced to add more." 

Kazuki's eyes widened and he turned his head towards the window. "You're horrible, Yuu. I found a couple on my side and a big bite mark on my shoulder blade, too. You're so possessive."

Aoi smiled to himself as he put the car back in gear. "Only of you, angel. I'll try not to mark you up so badly next time. Hopefully the next time won't be too far off. I'm kind of happy your band knows about us so you don't have to lie to come over now. Maybe we should just plan an every-other-weekend thing?"

Kazuki looked back to him with a smile. Finally being able to at least see Aoi regularly sounded like heaven. "Maybe I could just stay with you every Sunday unless I have work. What about that?"

"I'm willing to try that. I could just come pick you up Saturday night and have you home by… four on Sunday. That way you still have time for your band too."

"I love the fact that you care about me doing that. You're a good guy, Yuu."

Aoi snorted. "You just keep thinking that, baby."

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our dear readers.... the time has come. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE. DUBIOUS CONSENT. Please treat carefully! 
> 
> also: we're sorry

Wednesdays sucked. They were meeting days ninety percent of the time and Aoi was bored out of his mind. Sometime five minutes ago his eyelids had started to get heavy but had snapped back up when there was a manila folder slapped down on the table before him. At the sound of the explanation coming from behind him, Aoi was wide awake in no time. 

"Details for the next tour. It was short notice for these first few dates so unfortunately we’re leaving in just under two weeks. Costumes and stage production have already been taken care of since this is a continuation of the local tour."

Aoi tuned their manager out completely. He opened the folder to the tour flyer lying on top. They were headed to America? Holy shit! He’d never been outside of Japan for concerts so for a moment, he felt ecstatic. Until he saw the dates. 

They were going to be out of the country for almost... two months? Seven weeks if he counted correctly. No. No, no, no, no. Who had told their company it was okay to screw them over with such sudden decisions? They couldn't do this to him now. Not _now_ when he and Kazuki had _just_ made plans to see each other every weekend. Kazuki was going to be beyond disappointed. What if this was too soon? What if Kazuki decided it was too long? What if he broke up with him? Fuuuuuck. Aoi gulped. He couldn't handle these thoughts right now. Or ever for that matter. 

By the end of the meeting, Aoi was in a _very_ sour mood. All he wanted to do was tear his hair out, every single strand of it. This wasn't _fair_!

"Dude. What is your problem? You have been snapping at everyone. Is this about the tour?"

Aoi glared up at Uruha standing before him with his hands on his hips. Aoi was still sort of mad at him for the whole disaster with Byou, albeit he knew that, essentially, it wasn’t even his fault. But that didn’t mean he had to be rational. 

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"This is about Kazuki, isn't it?"

"Don't even say his name," Aoi snarled instantly and shot up from the table to leave the practice room for the little kitchen. 

"Yuu, be realistic. I have to be, too. It's just an infatuation. You'll see, once we're out on tour you'll feel better and realize it was foolish."

Aoi _rounded_ on his friend. _Foolish?_ What the hell was Uruha saying? Hadn’t he been the one Aoi had poured his heart out to? Hadn’t Uruha been the one _encouraging_ him not to give up? Now this… this sounded a lot like Uruha was projecting his own issues onto a relationship that was none of his business and Aoi wasn’t having it. His palm hit straight against the wall beside Uruha's head. 

"It’s not foolish," he spat, "and it sure as hell is not an infatuation. You don't get to choose who I pursue and how much they mean to me. I'm sorry if the idea of being away from him for two months when we just got started angers me. I'm going to need time to process and figure out how I'm going to tell him without him running off. So if you could, just fuck off, Kou." 

Aoi fled the kitchen without having done anything and Uruha gulped. Fuck. This was so typical for him. He just couldn’t socialize properly, could he? Somehow he always ruined things. Everything. 

"You look like you just saw a ghost." 

Uruha’s gaze rose as Kai’s voice traveled past him. Had he heard their conversation? 

Kai opened the fridge to grab a water bottle. "Are you okay?"

Uruha nodded. "Yeah, it’ll be fine. I think everyone's just a bit on edge since the tour announcement."

"Do you need to… come over later?"

Uruha almost caught himself smiling. He admired the fact that Kai knew exactly how he needed to be handled to fight off stress and anxiety; without it getting … awkward between them. The drummer never said a word to anyone either, nor did he push. All he did was give Uruha whatever he needed. 

"Yeah, I'll probably come by. Thank you."

Kai smiled that smile that could light up an entire room and shook his head. "No problem. I- It doesn't just help you, Kou," he said, patting Uruha's shoulder before he left.

* * *

Aoi's mood still hadn't cooled off by the time he’d made it home. If anything, he was even more pissed. He kept on rubbing his fingertips against his palm, roughing his hands through his hair. He urgently needed to let off some steam, which, with his temper being this aggravated, was never a good thing. But as aware of that danger as he was, on his thousandth trip through the kitchen, he finally stopped and allowed his eyes to come rest on his phone. Could he? Could he  _ resist?  _ That was the better question. Every single nerve in his body was prickling with the desire to  _ feel,  _ to  _ mark.  _ The lack of understanding for their management’s decision, the anger, the fear, it had all bottled up inside him throughout the day and now he was choking on it. No, he couldn’t. He had lived with this dark part of him for too long to be able to suppress it in moments like these. Ultimately, Aoi grabbed his phone and opened a new text. 

**Yuu** **♥  
** _ Are you busy? _

It took a bit longer than he would have liked for his boyfriend to respond. 

**Ki-kun  
** _ Not really. Just playing video games. Why? _

Aoi gulped.

**Yuu** **♥  
** _ My apartment. You have 15 minutes. _

Laying on his futon, Kazuki flung his DS to the side as soon as he read over the text. What the fuck? He couldn't make it there in fifteen minutes by bus, foot  _ or  _ train. What the hell was Aoi thinking? 

It took him a second, then it clicked. Aoi  _ wanted  _ him to be late. Didn’t he?  _ I’ll let you know,  _ he’d said.

Kazuki jumped out his bedroom, sliding into the kitchen on socked feet. "Jin! Do you still have that maid outfit you wore a couple years ago for Halloween?" 

The drummer, immersed in stirring his ramen, looked up and lifted a brow at him. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Kazuki sauntered up to him, bumping him with his hip. "I need it for… some extra curricular activities."

"Yeah right." Jin sputtered. "It's in my trunk, on the bottom left."

Kazuki sang a  _ thank you _ and headed for the bedroom. Half an hour later he was dressed up, had his hair curled and a bit of liner applied to his eyes. He'd even pulled on the thigh-high socks that he was sure Aoi was going to  _ love.  _ He borrowed one of Byou's long coats though because he sure as hell wasn't walking outside like this. He was taller than Jin and the fluffy skirt barely covered his ass. Speaking off, one small thing was still missing.

Returning to his room, Kazuki dug through his own drawers until he found a little box that he kept… special items in. What would Aoi think about something like this? Kazuki grabbed a small black toy, small enough to not be uncomfortable on the train, and scurried into the bathroom. He could at least be prepared for Aoi if he was in one of those moods, right? 

It took another thirty minutes for him to get to Aoi's building and another three minutes to get upstairs and ring the doorbell.

But Aoi was even angrier by the time it rang. He wasn't even angry anymore, he was  _ livid _ . And he found himself not even caring about how to break the news to Kazuki anymore. Right now, all he needed was something, or someone, to vent to and the pretty little thing standing in his doorway was just perfect for this purpose. 

"You're late," he barked as he stared down at his lover. What the hell was that huge coat he was wearing? 

Kazuki swallowed. Aoi looked... intimidating. Somehow his eyes were darker, colder and more distant and whatever it was that had made him call him here, it must've been really infuriating.

"I'm sorry," he said just loudly enough and moved forward (surely Aoi wouldn't scold him out here on the hallway) but before he could even make a step, Aoi's hand shot forward against the doorframe. Kazuki recoiled and he knew that surprise was written on his face. 

"You're sorry  _ what? _ " Aoi asked with a hard voice and seeing Kazuki's eyes widen sent the first delicious shot of adrenaline through his body. Yeah, he needed this now. 

"Is this why you're late?" he asked further without giving Kazuki a chance to reply. He didn't want to hear excuses anyway. Instead let his eyes roam all the way from those silly corkscrew locks down to Kazuki’s feet. Aoi scoffed, pushing himself away from the door at least. 

"Just get in and take that off."

Kazuki didn't move. This wasn't good. That little plan of his suddenly didn't seem as genius anymore. If Aoi really just needed an outlet, the costume wasn't going to do a single thing. 

Hesitantly, he entered; catching a sniff of Aoi's perfume mixed with a heavy dose of nicotine. He had smoked at least half a pack. Kazuki could feel his gaze burning holes into his back while he shrugged the coat off his shoulders. And the sound of the door closing and being locked did nothing to calm his racing heart. Fuck, Aoi wasn't joking.

"Did you have a bad day?" 

His lips had moved before he could stop them. Oh no. Was he going to get punished now? He wasn't used to this yet. Yes, he was willing, he'd proven so by stepping inside, by just showing up in the first place even, but... what kind of rules were there? Were there any at all? Kazuki had no idea and now he was anxiously biting his bottom lip, toeing off his shoes as slowly as he could. 

"You could say so, yeah," Aoi replied, quite impressed himself by how calm he managed to be, "and no, I don't want to talk about it. Right now all I want to do is spank you until I'm about 1% less angry." 

Naturally, he couldn't stop his gaze from devouring everything Kazuki was so willingly putting on display. And naturally, he got affected by it all. But that didn't mean he had to act on it yet. This was his place, his game, and Kazuki knew. That was probably also the reason why Kazuki didn't resist once his wrist was snatched and Aoi dragged him down the hallway. 

Thinking about it, Aoi was kind of grateful for Kazuki's ridiculous safe word. With how intensely he could feel his anger and his role consume him already, biting at the edge of his mind, he was going to need something as blunt as that to pull him back. That being said, he hoped he wouldn't actually have to hear it. 

Kazuki followed Aoi with stumbling steps, each of them giving him a delicious rub by the toy he'd inserted. It was so hard not to just moan out loud and beg Aoi to take him. Especially when, just a few thin meters away from the bedroom, Aoi twirled around and grabbed Kazuki's jaw between his fingers, tilting his head up rudely until their eyes met. Kazuki couldn't hold back a whimper at that, although he quickly noticed that Aoi's glance suddenly had a soft touch to it. 

"You don't talk unless I tell you to." 

Unlike his voice. His voice and the meaning he put into his words were still clear as day. That just now? That was rule number 1. As quickly as the caring side of him that Aoi had allowed to flash by had appeared, it vanished again. He just needed to make sure Kazuki was aware that the real Aoi was still there, in case he needed him. 

Now that that had been taken care of though... The real fun could begin.

Aoi shoved Kazuki into his bedroom, pushing him towards the bed and yanking at his arm once he'd sat down on the edge. Kazuki yelped as he was being pulled so hard that he fell forward, Aoi adjusting him just right across his lap. 

"Now," Aoi began with a controlled exhale. The large hand that grabbed at his skirt wasn't all that controlled however, Kazuki thought, and before he even knew it, Aoi was kneading his ass in a grip so tight it almost took his breath away. And if that didn't, Aoi's demanding voice coming from above him did the job.

"Clearly you're taking me for a weak man if you think dressing like a cheap whore would soothe me. Do you, Kazuki?" 

Kazuki was having a hard time thinking coherently but he knew he needed an answer quickly.

"N-No Sir! I-I was just thinking you would like it. I’m sorry." 

That was when the first slap landed on his lace-covered ass. Kazuki shoved his teeth into his lip to keep from crying out. 

"I can't even stand looking at this," Aoi sneered from above him, just before the sound of ripping fabric filled the room and Kazuki realized Aoi’s bare hands had ripped his skirts straight up the back, leaving him bare from the waist down. Fuck. 

"Sir, please! I’ll take it off! Please," he begged. Jin was going to kill him. 

Aoi shoved him off his knees and he landed hard on the floor. "Do it then. Take it off."

Kazuki scrambled to get up. He tore his clothes off, combing the curls out of his hair and wiping as much eyeliner off as he could. Once he was completely naked, Aoi yanked on his arm, once again throwing him off balance and face down onto his lap. A few harsh spanks Kazuki kept quiet through before Aoi stopped. A disappointed sigh fell from his lips. 

"What the hell is this?"

Kazuki flinched at the amount of anger in his voice. Was this still for show?

"Dammit Kazuki! Why couldn't you just fucking come over here quickly like I told you to? Why did you have to waste my time dressing up in this ridiculous outfit? And now I find out you couldn't even trust me to take care of you? You expected me to hurt you, didn't you?" 

Aoi's fingers trailed along his bare skin in an eerie caress until they found the end of the little toy.

"Now you've forced my hand."

Kazuki couldn't keep quiet as Aoi none-too-gently yanked the silicone toy out of him. It fucking  _ hurt  _ and the first thought popping into his mind was the safe word. All he had to do was say it. Open his mouth and say the words, but Kazuki couldn't. Not when he was once again pushed off Aoi's lap, and certainly not when Aoi forced himself hard and heavy into his mouth. He gagged, unable to stop because it was too fast and too much. Kazuki squeezed his eyes shut tightly in the attempt to bare it. Whatever was going on in his boyfriend's head, he'd bare it. If this is what he needed then so be it, he told himself. Because no matter what happened tonight, no matter how bad it got, Kazuki loved him and he knew somewhere in there that Aoi loved him, too. This would be fine. Aoi would either snap out of it and realize this was too much, or it would be over before too long. Either way, they'd deal with it later.

Seeing Kazuki gag and sputter the way he did was giving Aoi more of a thrill than he wanted to admit; seeing him so debauched, with his brows creased in concentration as he tried to keep up with what filled his mouth. Reaching down, Aoi briefly brushed away a tear that threatened to drop to Kazuki's cheek before he shoved his fingers into his hair and gripped it firmly. 

"Suck," he ordered and noticed with a pleased smile that he didn't need to say anything more. Kazuki tried to crawl closer on his knees, adjusting his position as well as his lips and tongue around his boyfriend's cock. A whimper fell from him once his mouth closed around the metal barbells properly. 

Aoi chuckled, gathering more of Kazuki's hair in his hand so he had the full view. It just made Kazuki blush even more and Aoi's blood boil with lust. 

"Hn, you love this, don't you?" he mused lowly while in full control of Kazuki's bobbing movements. Frankly, he  _ wanted _ him to gag at this point. "You love sucking cock. That's why you dressed the way you did, hm?" 

The pink in Kazuki's cheeks deepened and a few tears trickled down across them after all. Aoi didn't bother wiping them away this time. He found himself getting bored of using just this part of Kazuki rather quickly. 

After just another minute, he yanked Kazuki off his cock again and heaved him up on his feet instead. Kazuki was coughing and gasping for air, wiping at his swollen lips and rubbing at his throat as he stumbled for balance. Aoi honestly had never seen him more beautiful than this and he was well aware of how sick that sounded in his own head. 

"Get up there," he snapped next, shoving Kazuki onto the bed, "on your hands and knees." 

He left him to himself for a few moments and directed his attention to his wardrobe instead. Stepping up in front of it, he opened the large doors, pulling out the perfectly hidden black drawer that set on the lowest shelf. 

All he needed was something to restrain Kazuki as best as possible. If he did so much as just try to touch him, it would make him hesitate and with how painfully hard he was, Aoi just wanted to get through with this. 

His fingertips slid across the various contents that were neatly separated in small spaces. Ultimately, he decided for dark-red wrist cuffs and a chain of medium, but adjustable length to attach to it. His favorite. Just briefly did his eyes graze the ankle cuffs and ball gags but he decided against both. He had to figure out how these chains worked with Kazuki first and he hadn't been disobedient enough to be gagged, as sad as it was. Aoi was still fair; or at least he liked to believe so of himself. 

Once he had everything hidden away and closed again, he returned to the bedside and Kazuki's eyes widened upon the sight of what Aoi had brought with him. What? Was he serious? First he ruined his clothes and now he was chaining him up? 

"Don't look at me like this," Aoi said with a hardened expression after he'd wrapped the free end of the chain around the bars of the headboard and secured it, "I just don't want you to touch me. Wrists." 

Demandingly, he held out his hand to Kazuki, lifting one finely plucked eyebrow when Kazuki didn't move instantly upon his order.  
  
Kazuki hesitated for a moment, his eyes glued to the cuffs Aoi had attached to the headboard. He wouldn't even be allowed to touch him? He was about to protest when a sharp pain spread across his cheek and he looked back to realize Aoi had outright  _ slapped  _ him. Kazuki couldn’t even process what had just happened. All he knew was those usually warm eyes showed no love towards him, only an anger that try as he might, was starting to scare him. Without another attempt at speaking, Kazuki sat back a bit on his heels and let himself be cuffed to the bed. The material was soft, but unforgiving in a way that left him no chance at pulling his hands free. Was this a good idea?

"Stop your whimpering. I haven't done anything to warrant all this noise. You're a mess. I can't even stand to look at you right now," Aoi sneered before pulling a length of black material from his back pocket. Kazuki tried his best to stay quiet as the blindfold was tied around his face but tears leaked into the fabric making it hot against his already stinging cheek. 

Perfect. Now it was perfect. Aoi hadn't planned on blindfolding the younger man but now that he couldn't see those eyes, those brown pools so full of affection, Aoi felt he could breathe a little easier. After a moment he grabbed the boy's hips, and pulled him backwards until his arms were stretched out in front of him, straining not to fall and damage his joints. Aoi didn't  _ care _ . 

And that  _ should _ have scared him.

But it didn't. Because Kazuki deserved to hurt. It was his fault anyway. He was the reason Aoi was feeling this horrid now, like his chest was being split in two with a crowbar. 

He could see how concave the younger's body was below his ribs every time Kazuki took a stuttering breath in, and it made him scoff. What the hell did he see in this kid anyway? Was it really worth all the heartache? 

"Why'd you have to come to my studio? Why couldn't you just stay with your friends and leave me be?" Aoi asked, his voice cold, void of emotion even to his own ears, as he slid his belt off and gathered the ends in his hands. "I was doing fine. I was in control. And now because of you, I've lost it again."

The first smack of the leather against bare skin forced a rather agonizing shriek from the boy's lips and Aoi wished he'd gagged him already. By the fifth he tossed the belt away hoping his neighbors hadn't heard Kazuki's inability to behave. The red marks on his ass were raised and definitely looked painful, but was it anything compared to how he felt inside? 

"It's all your fault, Kazuki. I wouldn't be in this predicament without you. I wouldn't be thinking about the things I am. But no, you had to keep pushing didn't you? Had to keep doing little things to get my attention and made me fall for you." 

The words rolled off his tongue with little thought behind them. Aoi climbed onto the bed behind Kazuki, knowing he was all out crying now from the way his body shook. 

"I don't know what I did!" Kazuki yelled out through the tears and Aoi reached forward to grab a fist full of his hair, yanking his head back. 

"I told you not to speak. I don't want to hear you. I don't want to see you. I don't even want it to be  _ you _ here with me," Aoi whispered into the sweat dampened tangles of his hair. 

"It's actually a good thing you came prepared, then again, you've always been ready for me, haven't you?" he asked, a bitter bite to his words as he pressed the head of his cock up to his boyfriend's ass. Fuck preparation. He wasn’t thinking clearly right now, and needed release too badly to care.  
  
Kazuki pulled as hard as he could at the restraints on his wrists but only succeeded in jarring his shoulders. Aoi had lost it. Something had snapped inside his head and Kazuki found himself legitimately afraid. The words Aoi spoke left him in more pain than the belt had and all he wanted to do was leave. Leave and never have to see Aoi again. How could he say those things? This was supposed to be all in play, but Aoi had sounded so serious and it  _ hurt _ so fucking bad. By the time he felt his boyfriend trying to press into him he screamed, unable to stop himself. He called out the safe word until his throat felt raw from the force of it.

His voice hit Aoi like a hammer against his skull, vaulting him back into reality. 

Fuck. He'd overdone it.

"S-Stop it... Please..." Kazuki was crying, his body shook by each sob that forced itself out of his throat. 

He'd overdone it by far. 

Aoi pulled his hands away from Kazuki's hips as quickly as if he'd burned himself, closed his pants and it took him just a fraction of a second to reach out and detach the cuffs from the chain. He freed Kazuki's wrists and caught the younger guitarist in his arms when he threatened to fall over. Good God, what had he done.

Kazuki's voice was still ringing in his head and it made him feel worse with every passing second that he looked at him. 

"Kaz? Kazuki, baby, hey..." 

Carefully, Aoi reached out and untied the blindfold, tossing the fabric aside. Kazuki's eyes were wide with feelings Aoi couldn't decipher, tears leaving them in an unending stream. 

"Hey, it's over, alright? I stopped, we're not gonna continue, you're okay." 

Kazuki almost couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. There was a deep crease between Aoi's eyebrows and the furious pitch black darkness of his irises had melted away into the soft fawn brown he'd fallen in love with. How on earth was this possible? 

Even though he was barely able to move, Kazuki still managed to pull his arms against his body. They were aching terribly from having been strained all this time. Somehow he felt like there needed to be some kind of barrier between him and the older guitarist.

"I-I... I couldn't tell..." he was stuttering, sniffing and sobbing through his words and he could see Aoi's reaction directly on his face. Aoi grimaced painfully. "You... You scared me, I didn't... know if you were..." 

He couldn't continue. Kazuki's chest felt so tight it hurt, as if Aoi's presence alone was suffocating him. 

"Kazuki," Aoi tried again and extended his hand. His touch was feather light, for good reason as he instantly experienced. Kazuki winced when Aoi's fingertips connected with his cheek and Aoi was positive he would've recoiled entirely had it not been for how weak his body was at the moment. 

"I'm sorry," Aoi whispered, the severity of the situation only now starting to crush down on him. Kazuki had expected  _ something _ but surely not this. Not that he would be chained up, not that the man who loved him slapped him in the face. It had all been too much. Aoi had let his anger and frustration get the better of him and now he'd ruined it. 

"I'm so sorry, Kazuki," he repeated. The lack of response from his boyfriend scared the living shit out of him. "I... I lost it and I- "

"You said you don't want me," Kazuki interrupted him but he didn't dare look up at Aoi anymore. His tearful gaze was directed straight forward, as if he couldn't believe the words he'd said himself. Was it the truth? 

Aoi's eyes widened. He had what? Had the words slipped past him without him noticing? 

"I was just- Baby, I was just talking, I... I didn't mean it, none of it. Kazuki, please." 

Aoi gulped, a feeling of helplessness overcoming him that was unfamiliar to him. He'd done this before, he'd made people cry and hurt more times than he could count but none of them had ever mattered to him as much as Kazuki did. Aoi's eyes scanned his body, the red patches on his wrists, the streaks his nails had left along his hips and the thick, pink marks on his buttocks. This was his doing. He... He had to take care of this. 

He returned his attention to Kazuki's face and noticed with a small sigh of relief that at least his breathing and crying had calmed down. It was enough to make Aoi try again and he leaned in slowly, placing his lips cautiously against Kazuki's temple.

"I'm sorry I overdid it," he said softly while pulling whatever he could grab of the silk blanket over Kazuki's lower half, "I'm going to get some ointment, okay? I'll be right back."

Then he turned to get up from the bed. He couldn't shake off the feeling that calling Kazuki here had been a grave mistake to begin with. He just hadn't been ready yet, but now it was on Aoi to do all he could to comfort him. 

But all Kazuki wanted to do was go home. 

He didn't speak as Aoi applied a thin, cooling cream to his skin, even the still red mark on his cheek, and he didn't look at him either. He couldn't. There was no way Aoi hadn't meant the words he'd whispered into Kazuki's ear. People didn't just flip a switch and not know what they were saying. So even though Aoi kept apologising over and over, it did absolutely nothing to calm Kazuki's nerves. It did nothing to keep him from flinching every time one of those large hands reached towards him. And it sure as hell did nothing to keep the rolling nausea from his stomach. 

"I want to go home," he finally spoke when Aoi left the bed again.

"Kazi, I'm not sure that's a good idea right now. Your band mates might thi-"

"They won't. I won't tell them anything, I promise. Just let me go home. Please."

The look of defeat in Aoi's eyes let Kazuki know he was going to get his way. Aoi gave him a pair of sleep pants and long sleeved sweater and thankfully Kazuki had at least brought a pair of tennis shoes with him. 

"I really wish you wouldn't go, Kazuki. Please just stay a little longer. I think we need to talk- "

Kazuki rounded on Aoi then, meeting his gaze for the first time since he'd been unchained. 

"We need to  _ talk _ ? About what, Yuu? About my needing to keep this quiet so you don't get in trouble? Like hell I'm going to go around telling everyone that I'm this stupid." 

He turned back and opened the door. "You think I'm going to flaunt the fact that I fell in love with a monster?"

The door shut quietly. To Aoi it sounded as loud as if it had been slammed hard enough to break off the hinges. 

_ I fell in love with a monster. _

Aoi's chest tightened painfully and he dropped to his knees there in the middle of his apartment. Was he old enough for a heart attack? Probably not. This pain was so much worse. The images of what he'd done to Kazuki were enough to kill him, but Kazuki’s words had cut even deeper. And they'd been the fucking truth! How could he have done this to someone he claimed to love?

Minutes. Hours. Days. Aoi wasn't sure how long he'd sat there. He felt so empty. So completely devoid of any life. Because his entire world had just walked out the door. 

He had to at least know Kazuki had made it home safely though, so he stood up, knees and back cracking from being stationary for so long, and found his phone.

**Yuu  
** _ Kazi please at least let me know you made it home safe. Please. _

He wasn't above begging at this point. Not when it came to the safety of the younger guitarist.

**Service Provider  
** _ The number you are attempting to contact is no longer available to you. _

Kazuki had blocked his number? Hardly coherent, Aoi flung his iPhone across the room.   
  
For the first time in as long as he could remember, Aoi cried himself to sleep, the pillow Kazuki had slept on just a day ago cradled to his chest. This was all his fault. His angel was gone and it was  _ all _ his fault.

* * *

By the time Kazuki stumbled into their apartment, it was well after midnight and all the lights were off. Apparently the others had gone to bed. Trying to control his ragged breath, Kazuki made his way to the bedroom and crawled into Byou's futon, curling himself up against the vocalist. 

"Kaz, wha- "

"No talk. Just hold."

Byou must have gotten the message because arms slipped around his frame and kisses were pressed into his hair. Tomorrow would be a nightmare, but for now Kazuki was too exhausted to do anything other than fall into a fitful sleep.

The next morning Kazuki explained to his band mates that the bruise from the slap delivered to his face and the markings on his wrists were consensual. And though Manabu and Jin jested at his kinky lifestyle, Byou stayed quiet. He was thankful though that the others were willing to help him cover up the marks with makeup for the day. He would have to talk to Byou later. Kazuki knew he wouldn't get away that easy, but right then he just wanted to get the day over with and come home to sleep for a week.

It wasn't that easy though. There was a bit of work to do at the studio and Kazuki dreaded the mere sight of the building. Everything about it was going to remind him of Aoi. But he still had his duties towards his band and he wasn't going to just shove them under the rug. Additionally, Byou seemed to hover by his side all the time, as if scared he was going to break down any second and Kazuki couldn't tell whether he was supposed to be grateful or aggravated by that. 

One good thing was that, when they reached the studio in the afternoon, the Jaguar was nowhere to be seen. Kazuki allowed himself to relax a little as they took the elevator to their floor. Just drowning in their music for today seemed like a very tempting notion.

And it did work. For about the first half of their meeting, until they made their first break and Byou  _ finally _ pulled him aside.

"Kaz, are you sure you're okay?" he asked, his voice riddled with concern as he met Kazuki outside in the hallway. 

"You honestly don't look like it. Did you...?" 

Kazuki bit his lip. Damn him if he didn't want to tell Byou about everything that had gone down but... He couldn't bring himself to it. Exposing Aoi like that and knowing Byou and his temper... It was going to ruin Aoi's career for real. And Kazuki had sort of consented to it anyway.

"We didn't fight," he said eventually with a shake of his head, "I told you. It's something that he brought up and I... found it intriguing." 

At least that was the truth, right? And Kazuki couldn't deny that he still loved Aoi. That hadn't just changed overnight. He just needed a little more time to... think things through. Because of course it had all made him think. Something had happened to Aoi last night, he'd let something out, a side of him that had already always existed. Kazuki didn't know if he could face it ever again. 

Byou didn't seem very convinced, judging from how he eyed the marks on Kazuki's wrists that had darkened by now. 

"I just want you to be safe, you know? If he... does anything- " 

"Byou, you... I told you how I feel about him and that he feels the same. Aoi would never do anything to seriously hurt me."

Or at least that was what Kazuki wanted to think. He just felt so confused on the inside. He didn't know what to think of Aoi anymore, of their entire relationship. Was it... right? For him? 

Byou was still his friend and Kazuki's words seemed enough to soothe his worries. The vocalist nodded and they hugged briefly before returning to their studio. Jin and Manabu hadn't voiced the least bit of concern and Kazuki was kind of grateful for it. It just meant he didn't have to think about it too much if they didn't ask in the first place. 

When, in the evening, they returned back home, Kazuki half expected to see Aoi waiting for him but the space before their building was empty and he couldn't deny that it gave a little sting to his heart. But he refused to let it take over him. Blocking his phone number had most likely been a strong enough message and Kazuki was actually more glad than anything else that Aoi respected it. 

On Saturday however, a day they took off work again (which didn't mean that they didn't talk about songs at home though), the gnawing feeling in his gut intensified. Kazuki had to remind himself several times that he'd blocked Aoi's number and that that was the reason why he didn't get any calls or texts. Aoi didn't show up either. It was complete silence on both their ends and Kazuki had no idea how to interpret it. Should he make the first step? Should he wait even longer until they awkwardly met in an elevator again? It wasn't like he didn't want to talk about it at all, he remembered exactly what he'd said and could only imagine how hard his words must've hit Aoi. Yet the happenings of Wednesday night had given him more insecurities about his relationship to the older guitarist than he wanted to admit. It had all been perfect until that day. Aoi had been perfect. Now though... Kazuki couldn't figure out which side of Aoi was the real one. 

Fortunately, his question was going to answer itself the next day.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE ARE SO SORRY


	13. Chapter 13

Manabu sighed in an overly dramatic way. Scrolling through his phone, he leaned back in his chair until it was almost knocked over (no doubt what he was aiming for). 

Jin lifted his head from his own phone and threw him a confused glance. Kazuki watched their exchange. 

"What is it with you and your sighs today?" Jin asked in amusement. 

"Aaah, I just want to go on tooouuuuur!" Manabu whined and pouted at his friend. "I wonder how long it's going to take until we can go again." 

Kazuki looked over as Jin scoffed in response. 

"Probably until GazettE are back from theirs, I suppose." 

"But that's like what, almost two months? Unfair." 

He... must have heard wrong. Kazuki blinked several times but Manabu still looked as frustrated as he had two seconds ago.

"Wait," he spoke up, though hesitantly, and sat straight. "What tour are you referring to?" 

"The one they announced on Wednesday," Jin answered like it was obvious, though it took him just another moment to realize that Kazuki's expression meant the exact opposite. 

"Wait, he didn't ... tell you?" he asked, now aghast and frowning. "They're leaving, like... by the end of next week!" 

They had to be kidding. Aoi was _leaving_ ? He was going to leave and hadn't said a single word? All sorts of thoughts ran through Kazuki's mind, myriads of excuses and suspicions until it finally clicked. The announcement... had been on Wednesday, right? The _same_ day. _Oh_ no, Kazuki didn't want to believe what his mind was already yelling at him. 

Shoving the guitar off his lap, he grabbed his phone and ran outside. 

* * *

Aoi grabbed for the keys. He was just about zero percent motivated to get to work today. Meeting Kazuki randomly on a hallway or, even worse, meeting him and being ignored was something he dreaded in his deepest core. But the band still came first, right? For both of them.

Huffing a sigh, Aoi reached out to open the door of his apartment, stopping mid-movement when his phone beeped in his jacket. It was probably Ruki telling him to hurry the fuck up. He was already late anyway.

But it wasn't Ruki. And it wasn't Uruha either. Or any of his bandmates for that matter. The name that popped up on the shattered display of his phone was the one name Aoi had been scared to even think the past three days. 

After managing to click past the destroyed home button, Aoi willed his racing heart to calm before he opened the message. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _Where are you?_

Aoi gulped. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was this... an approach on Kazuki's side? How was he supposed to read this? Did he want to talk? Or end it entirely? Aoi didn't even want to think about it. Life was hardly imaginable without Kazuki in it. 

 **Yuu**  
_About to leave for the studio._

He replied only after deleting about four _Why?_ s and six _I miss you_ s. Kazuki almost sounded too determined for his taste. His phone vibrated again not even ten seconds later, and Aoi winced where he was standing rooted about one foot away from his apartment door. 

 **Ki-kun**  
_Stay there._

Damn. Aoi didn't like this at all. He had a bad feeling. Kazuki wasn't coming to talk to him, was he? It was just two words but Kazuki sounded livid. Was this the kind of vibe Aoi had given him earlier in the week? 

Twenty horrid minutes of restlessly wandering up and down, the doorbell shrieked and Aoi honestly couldn't tell what kind of expression he was showing. He was _so_ damn nervous he even had to take more than one deep breath before opening. But he didn't come any further than that. Before he could even finish his _Hey_ , Kazuki's hand came whooshing down against his cheek and threw his head to the side, the sound of the slap so loud it echoed through the hallway behind him. 

It was only shock that spread through Aoi's body, paralyzing him as he stared at the floor. He deserved that, didn't he?

"How fucking dare you," Kazuki barked at him through gritted teeth, but despair had already begun to seep through his voice the second he'd laid eyes on Aoi. He just didn't want to believe that he had used him like that. 

Aoi blinked once, twice, before looking back up. _Damn._  

"Kazuki... at least come inside," he said as calmly as he could manage, and despite his insides being all shredded flesh and organs. "This doesn't need to happen in the hallway. Someone will report it."  

"I don't give a flying _fuck_ if someone hears!" Kazuki yelled back, cradling his stinging hand to his middle. He'd just slapped Aoi. He'd _slapped_ him! What the fuck was he even thinking right now? 

"I'm sorry if it hurts your precious reputation but at least then maybe people will understand how deplorable you really are."

Aoi’s jaw hardened. Okay, he deserved that one too, but they still weren't doing this outside. Instead of reaching for Kazuki's hand the way he wanted to, Aoi stepped back and opened the door wider. 

"Please. I won't come any closer."

Kazuki hesitated but eventually moved into the apartment, arms automatically wrapped around himself. 

"Why did you do this? Why did you string me along like you cared? If you just wanted someone to fuck before you left you should have looked elsewhere. I didn't deserve it. I've never hurt anyone and I sure as fuck wouldn't have done _this_ to someone. I've never felt so stupid in my entire life."

Aoi’s brows creased in utter confusion. What? "Someone to fuck before I leave? Kazuki, what the hell are you talking about?" 

"Don't play stupid Aoi- "

"Stop calling me that!" 

With a heavy sigh, Aoi scrubbed a hand over his face like it was doing anything. His heart was still beating up his throat and aching in his chest. 

"Kazuki, please. Every time you call me things, you're killing me. I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

Kazuki threw his hands up in the air, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall. 

"I know about the tour! Okay? I know you're leaving at the end of the week. I know you needed to ‘break up’ with me but why did you have to _pick_ me in the first place? What did I _do_ to you?"

Aoi’s expression slackened. Oh. Oh _fuck_ . That was what Kazuki had spun together for himself? He’d found out about the tour and then connected the strings and Aoi couldn’t even blame him for not seeing the knots in them. No, Kazuki should never have found out like this in the first place. It should have been him. Aoi should have sat him down at a nice, private dinner and broke the news to him. But no, now he'd found out all on his own and he'd gotten the _completely_ wrong idea. 

"Kazi, no, baby, you've got it wrong. The tour, I… found out about it Wednesday morning."

" _I_ _know._ " 

"I was angry- "

"Because you had such short notice and didn't know how to get rid of me fast enough? Is that why you chose to hurt me? Because you couldn't just tell me that it wasn't real? I told you I _loved_ you and you couldn't say it back, not because it was too soon but because you _don't_ love me. I just figured it out too late."

Aoi's mouth fell open. He didn't even know how to respond to that. None of what Kazuki was saying was true, _of course_ it wasn’t. How could he convince Kazuki that he was the only thing in Aoi’s world that mattered? What could he say that would make Kazuki trust him again? Did he even deserve it? Aoi gulped and willed his voice not to splinter.

"None of that is true, Kazuki. The only reason I was so angry was because I had to leave you and I didn't know _how._ I knew once you found out that you would break up with me because it's just too long and too soon and you deserve better. I never meant to take that anger out on you but I... I lost control," he said honestly. "I just didn't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you." 

Tears gathered in Kazuki's eyes. He _wanted_ to believe Aoi. He wanted nothing more than to trust him but there was barb now rooted inside him so deeply that he couldn’t. The memories flashing before his mind were violently vivid and forced his voice down into a whisper.

"How can I believe you after the things you said?" he asked. "I don't even know who that man that hurt me was, Yuu. How am I supposed to know which person you are? Hm? Are you the man that supposedly loves me or the one that didn't care how badly he was hurting me? How could I ever let you touch me again when right now, all I feel looking at you is fear?"

Kazuki sniffed, wiping at his tears angrily. Aoi wasn’t hiding his emotions either, whether purposely or not, but that wasn’t making it easier for either of them. 

"Maybe I am too much of a child. Maybe I'm naive but I'm smart enough to know I shouldn't feel  _afraid_ of the man I love. I don't want to see you anymore, Aoi. I- I'll remove myself from PSC if I have to. Please, if you cared about me at all, leave me alone." 

And just like that, Aoi's already blurry sight imploded. He couldn't even get his body to move as he watched Kazuki leave him all over again. The door fell close and Aoi felt dumbfounded. Ridiculously so. He'd just been broken up with _again,_ but he couldn't recall the last time he'd felt so broken on the inside as well. 

He stood still for a while, then roughed a hand through his hair, turned on his heels, looking around the hallway as if the walls were magically going to open and offer a solution to the mess he'd produced. 

How was he supposed to go to work now? Kazuki's words were _never_ going to leave his head. Neither would the fact that he only had a week left. The thought of having to leave before clearing this up, before talking to Kazuki at least once again, immediately made Aoi feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't have that happen and he didn't want to believe that Kazuki was just going to stop caring. He wouldn't let him go just like that, would he? 

The sound and feeling of a vibrating phone pulled him out of his depressive thoughts. Aoi stared at the display and contemplated to just hang up for a second. All he longed for was to crawl back into bed and cry for the rest of the day. Kazuki was right after all. He hadn't deserved to be treated the way Aoi had treated him that night. The worst thing was that he had no idea how to make it up to him and Kazuki had made it clear enough that he didn't even want Aoi to try. He didn't want to see him at all anymore. And Aoi had zero idea how to deal with himself. 

Eventually, seeing as his damn phone just didn't want to stop ringing, he had to pick up. 

"I'm on my way," he spoke with an emotionless voice and picked up his keys once more. 

"You're like half an hour late, Yuu. This is the second time and Taka's going nuts. Are you okay?" 

Aoi scoffed to himself. He honestly couldn't care less. 

"No, I'm not but that's none of your business. I'll be there in ten." 

"Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Oh God Kouyou, _leave it,_ would you?" Aoi snapped, interrupting Uruha's speech while stepping out of his apartment and slamming the door close behind him. "Just a few days ago you told me to get over my 'foolish infatuation' so please don't act like you care about it now." 

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up, what the he- " 

Aoi hung up. He didn't feel like fighting. He just wanted to get this day over with. 

* * *

The mood in their studio couldn't have been more... Aoi didn't even know what to call it. Ruki was clearly angry at him for being late again and Aoi silently let his scolding rain upon him. Uruha, on the other hand, was treating him like a raw egg. He talked softly, smiled, even brought him coffee. Aoi found it ridiculous but he was too exhausted to bring it up. Uruha was still the only one who knew about Kazuki and seeing Aoi so affected seemed to make him regret everything he'd said. 

Aoi had expected it honestly, so he wasn't all that surprised when Uruha joined him during a smoke break. Without saying a word, Uruha sat down beside him on their usual spot in the small garden behind PSC's building. He lit a cigarette for himself while Aoi blew out smoke. Aoi didn't know what to say. He knew why Uruha was here. Uruha knew him better than anyone else, knew that if there was one person Aoi was going to open up to, it was him. He wasn't going to force him into it, though. He was just going to sit here, like a silent sign of both apology and encouragement. 

Aoi watched the ashes of his cigarette fall to the ground, glowing away in the grass. 

"I screwed up, Kou," he muttered eventually, sighing heavily. Uruha gazed at the ground and inhaled from his stick deeply before answering. 

"You told him?" he asked and lifted his gaze then to look at Aoi, who shook his head. 

"I didn't get to it. His bandmates told him before I could. And he... was pretty upset." 

"Because you didn't tell him yourself." 

"No, that's... not it." 

Aoi huffed and he tilted his head back, closing his eyes as he propped himself on his hands behind him. The more he thought about it, the more he let the images of what had happened run through his head, the more hate he developed for himself. This was all his fault. 

"Yuu, talk to me. I’m sorry for what I said, by the way." 

Aoi opened his eyes again, meeting Uruha's who looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and comfort in them. Aoi swallowed. It was better to get it out, right?

"I called him over on Wednesday. I was just ... I was angry, you know? Because we were just about to find a schedule for seeing each other that wouldn't clash with our bands and then this damn tour comes around and... I was _too_ angry." 

A frown appeared on Uruha's face. 

"Are you saying you hurt him?" 

"I mean- " 

"Oh God, Yuu."

"No, I mean- !" Aoi let out a breath, brushing his hand through his messy hair. He had to word this carefully because he wasn't exactly keen on feeding Uruha too many details after all. "I might have been a little rough... in bed... but that's not the point! The point is that he, um, he thought that I was only using him as a brief pre-tour fuck." 

"Which is not the case."

"No, of course not! Kou, I can't even tell you how much Kazuki means to me. It scares the hell out of me, I'm..."

"Disgustingly in love." 

Their eyes met and they chuckled. Uruha really knew him too well. That was the only reason why he kept finishing his sentences. Aoi only shrugged in response. 

"I don't know what to do. He blocked my number, he refuses to let me explain, he said he doesn't want to see me anymore, he even slapped me." 

"Feisty." 

Aoi smiled bitterly. God, he missed Kazuki so much already. 

"Indeed. I just... I can't stand the thought of leaving without explaining myself to him. I can't." 

Uruha hummed to himself, remaining silent for the first time since the start of their conversation. Aoi watched him attentively. He'd never been able to guess what his co-guitarist was thinking but he hoped he would at least get some sort of advice. 

Uruha took another deep inhale from his cigarette. He'd never seen Aoi so serious about someone, that much was fact, and he felt bad for the trouble he'd brought him. Then again... He had his own ties to Screw, didn’t he?

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked after about a minute but Aoi only raised his eyebrows. 

"No. Thanks, but I don't want you or any of the guys to get involved in this. Let alone Byou." 

Uruha nodded. He got the innuendo. 

* * *

Despite Aoi's protests, Uruha found himself dialing in Byou's number (aptly named _Blond From Hell_ ) once he was in his car on the way home. He'd walked purposely slow by Screw's studio to see if the spitfire vocalist was still around but apparently they'd all left a little early today. Uruha hoped it hadn't had anything to do with Kazuki. Just what exactly had Aoi done to him? He knew Aoi well enough to know it had to have been consensual, and Aoi had admitted to having stopped as soon as Kazuki had told him to. So what was this huge blow up about? Just Kazuki thinking he hadn't meant anything to Aoi?

"Well hello, Gorgeous. To what do I owe the honor of a phone call today?"

It was so strange, the feeling of calm that seemed to wash over Uruha any time he heard that snarky voice. Even the constant whirlwind that was his mind seemed to give him a break with Byou around, and Uruha found himself smiling despite the conversation he had called to have.

"I'm going to take the compliment and ignore the snark. Can you send me Kazuki's number, please?"

Byou scoffed, but didn't seem angry. "Oh, so you're moving on to flirt with the rest of my band now too?"

Uruha rolled his eyes. "Trust me Byou, my plate is full enough with just you. No, I actually do need to talk to him, but… maybe I should talk to you first. Has Kazuki said anything to you about his break-up with Aoi earlier today?"

He only received silence from the other end; for so long that he began to think Byou had hung up, but then-

"Let me find a quieter place to talk."

Neither of them spoke again until Uruha heard the shutting of a door and assumed Byou had locked himself somewhere for privacy.

"He didn't say a whole lot, Koukou." 

 _That damn nickname again!_  

"Wednesday night he came home with a fairly bad bruise on his face and red marks around his wrists like he'd been cuffed and struggled too much, but he said both things he had asked for. I've tried, but he just doesn't want to talk about it. Today’s Sunday and he’s been spacey and distant all this time. I'm worried about him. About Aoi-san, too."

Uruha smiled a bit at that last thought. Byou really was a sweetheart if one could dig through the layers of sass. In a way he reminded Uruha of Ruki. Except Byou hid behind sugared words and an angelic face. Ruki hid behind a forked tongue and swift kicks to opposing shins. They both had that uncanny puppy-face ability that Uruha hadn't quite figured out how to resist though.

"Let me have his number. I'll see if I can get the whole story, and help fix this," he said, voice softening as he spoke.

"Okay, Kou. I'll send it over. Maybe if we can help them… then we can fix us too."

The vulnerability in Byou's voice pained Uruha. Right, he hadn’t forgotten about what they had talked about the other day. "One step at a time, B. Slow steps remember? That's what we agreed on."

"Yeah, I know. I'll send the number. I have to go now."

Uruha cursed as the call ended. He knew the sound in Byou's voice. He'd made him cry again, but they'd made a deal. If they were going to do things right, they needed to spend time as friends first, and it was only because he'd somehow caught real feelings that Uruha felt such a great need to enforce that deal.

* * *

**Uruha-san  
** _Meet me at that little ramen shop just down the street from your apartment, in 10._

Kazuki frowned as he read over the text message. What did _Uruha_ want from him? It wasn’t like they were on a 'casual hang outs' kind of friendship level. They'd only ever talked about music. But  surely Uruha wouldn't want to meet him somewhere just for that when he could wait until tomorrow. Was this about…? And if so, why was Uruha inserting himself into his relationship _again?_

He went nonetheless. Kazuki gathered his bag and told Byou where he was going before slipping on his shoes and leaving the apartment. Uruha was smiling tightly once he had slid into the booth opposite him and Kazuki could tell this was not about to be a fun conversation. He fidgeted with his phone while the older man ordered.

"I think you know why I'm here, Kazuki. So why don't you make this easier on both of us and just talk. Tell me what happened with you and Aoi."

Unbridled tears sprang up behind his eyes at the mention of his (ex?) boyfriend. He'd been trying so hard not to think about Aoi. 

"We broke up. I mean, I broke up with him."

Uruha's already small eyes narrowed into thin slits. "He told me things got kind of… rough, Wednesday night. You want to tell me what that means?"

Kazuki felt his face heat up with both embarrassment and shame. Aoi had told Uruha about that? 

"It was like he’d flipped a switch. Like he wasn't Yuu anymore. I tried to just go along with it because I trusted him completely, but then he chained me up and blindfolded me and told me he wished it was someone else in his bed. That he didn't even want me there. He... He slapped me, but... his words hurt so much more than anything physical he did to me. He tried to tell me he didn't mean any of it, that he was angry because he'd found out he had to leave me for a couple months and was afraid that I'd leave him. But how would you feel if the man you loved more than anything said those things to you, Uruha-san? Could you just push it under the rug and move on? I was so scared of what he was going to do to me, of how _mad_ he was. I don’t think I can even be near him without flinching every time he moves. That's not right, is it?"

Uruha sat in complete shock. So Aoi hadn't told him the whole story _at all._ He'd failed to mention the way he had actually handled Kazuki and honestly? He was having a bit of a hard time wanting to fix things for his friend right now. Kazuki was visibly shaken even now so what happened between the two of them had to have been more than traumatizing.

"Was it the first time he treated you like that?" he asked in his best attempt to stay rational. He’d come here wanting to make up for his own mistake, but first he had to find out just how much of a mess Aoi had produced here; how far back it was already reaching. But Kazuki nodded his head immediately. 

"Yes yes, it was the first time," he assured, fidgeting in his seat. "It’s not like we’ve done much until now anyway. Um. He's been... dominant before but I don't mind that," he chuckled with a light blush on his cheeks, "at all actually. Wednesday was just... Like he was a completely different person. I don't know if you... know anything...?" 

Uruha's eyes widened for a second before he laughed and waved the question off with his hand. 

"Oh just … just a little bit. But it's really none of my business anyway. I'm just thinking that, if he really let himself go like that to the point that he didn't care about hurting you anymore... He must've been really upset in the first place. I talked to him earlier today actually- " 

Kazuki's head shot up and he leaned in instinctively. 

"You did? Did he say anything?" 

It was only afterwards that he noticed what he'd done. His plan of entirely ignoring Aoi and wanting to keep his distance from him wasn't going to work out if he reacted like this and his heart skipped a beat at just hearing his name. 

Uruha smiled knowingly. 

"Of course I did, he's my best friend, and of course he said something. To be fair, he hid the details from me but you told me what I need to know. Aoi... He doesn't think before he acts, a lot of times. And don't get me wrong, I'm not defending him at all, you have every right to block his number and such but what I'm saying is... From what I could see today, he regrets what he did to you. He knew it was a mistake and he wants nothing more than to explain himself to you, _before_ he leaves." 

Kazuki bit his lip. He was very well aware what Uruha was doing, telling him he was right but also trying to talk some sense into him, and not very subtly at that. Why was that? Why did he care? 

Twisting his phone between his fingers, Kazuki tried to imagine if he could do it. Calling Aoi, hearing his voice, the same voice that had cut into his heart with such brutality. It seemed like an unbearable task.

"I don't know if I... can do that. He really hurt me, you know?" 

"But he has an explanation for it and it's not the one you're thinking of." 

"I don't want to hear it, though. I know what I heard, Uruha. I know what I _felt._ " 

Uruha inhaled and held his breath for a second. Clearly Aoi had fallen for Kazuki’s stubbornness but it was really more of an obstacle at the moment. Yes, Aoi had made a grave mistake but wasn't Kazuki willing to forgive? Or at least talk? 

"You know what you feel, yet you're acting as if you weren't beyond infatuated with him. Just like he is with you. I have _never_ seen him this serious about someone." 

"I'm not- " 

"Do you not love him?" 

Kazuki recoiled. What kind of stupid question was this? What was Uruha aiming for with this? He only got him more confused.

"Of course I do," Kazuki snarled, shaking his head and brushing his hand through his hair while leaning back against the wall. 

"Yet you're not giving him a _single chance_ ," Uruha retorted and he willed his countenance as well as his voice to soften. He hadn't come to just scold Kazuki after all. Heaving a sigh, he leaned forward, placing his forearms on the tabletop and giving Kazuki a firm glance.

"Listen, I'm not saying you have to forgive him immediately. You don't have to call him tonight, or tomorrow. Maybe you can... Maybe you can use the time that we're gone to make up your mind and see if this relationship is something that you really want to work on. And you need to let him know. I don't care how you do it but... Aoi knows that he's screwed up. I care about him, a lot, and if you do too then at least be adult enough to let him know whether he's lost you or not. Because he thinks he has." 

Kazuki stared at his hands, not looking up at Uruha. Be adult enough, huh? 

"So you think I'm too immature for this too, don't you?" he asked and felt his heart start to ache again. He knew Uruha cared about Aoi, but he didn't seem to care all that much about him. 

Uruha frowned a bit. "I didn't say that." He sat back again. "Kazuki, you've dealt with a lot here. And I can tell you're scare- "

"No you don't, Uruha!" Kazuki hissed, leaning back over the little table. "You have _no_ idea what it's like to be in this position. To be completely helpless and no one is there except the one person who is supposed to protect you, and they're the one hurting you."

Kazuki was giving him the most upset of glares but Uruha didn’t even consider backing down. He had had to stare into way more furious eyes before. Besides that, Kazuki’s assumption was pretty wrong to begin with. He didn’t know, but maybe he needed to. Uruha turned his head to the side, looking around the small shop briefly before he lifted up the side of his shirt. Kazuki’s eyes widened reflexively at the sight of what looked like a burn mark along Uruha’s rib cage, about three inches long and an inch wide. 

"What- "

"A curling iron. My first experience with BDSM," he explained calmly. "I thought the guy loved me but he was just straight up sadistic. Aoi’s not. I know that because we’re best friends and you sort of end up talking once you figure stuff out, you know? Anyway. I was eighteen. I know _exactly_ how you feel." 

Uruha finished and let his shirt fall back down. "And I also know that he’s about ready to tear his own skin off and give it as a peace offering just to be able to apologize to you. So please just talk to him."

The scar disappeared from his sight and Kazuki's hand came up to cover his mouth. Frankly, he hadn’t expected that. Uruha didn’t strike him to be... the type for that, whatever that meant. Then again, Aoi hadn’t either and now here he was. 

"What if... I can't let him touch me again?"

A soft smile returned to Uruha's face. "It'll take time but Aoi will give you all the time you need. I know it's hard, but you _can_ trust him." 

And then their food came. Kazuki mulled over Uruha's words as they ate in an almost comfortable silence. Uruha eventually took his leave and Kazuki slouched down in his seat the second he’d left the little shop. He knew he was being eyed by the owner but didn't really care. What the hell was he supposed to do? Just... _call?_ And say what? _Hey, I changed my mind and don’t think you’re a deplorable monster anymore?_

Kazuki sighed. With a heavy heart, he unblocked and dialed Aoi's number and put the phone to his ear. Halfway through the third dial, the line cracked as it was picked up, but there was no response.

"Yuu?" 

His voice choked up before he could say more. A quick inhale of breath followed from the other end. 

"Kazuki. Baby, it's good to hear your voice. Are you okay? Are you home?"

"No, Yuu, I'm not, but I'm fine. Don't worry," Kazuki replied and sniffed. 

"I just... Tell me what happened. Tell me why you were so angry. Why you hurt me. Uruha-san says you deserve the right to explain yourself and as much as I didn't want to listen to him, I know he was right. But that doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Kazuki. I wouldn't be surprised if you never did, but I appreciate the chance. I didn't want to leave without talking to you."

_Fucking don't cry, Kazuki. You're in public._

"Just get on with it, Yuu. I need to get home soon."

Aoi’s breath stuttered.

"Okay, well, I, after I took you home Sunday I was ... so happy that we had decided on a sort of schedule so I knew when I could see you. But then Wednesday morning management told us about the world tour and I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the thought of being away from you for that long and made these stupid assumptions that you wouldn't want to wait that long for me. I was so angry already. I yelled at Uruha while we were still at the studio, too. All I wanted that evening was to see you because you're the only thing that helps me calm down. But my anger got the better of me and I texted you even though I _knew_ I shouldn’t have. I know we agreed not to get into sessions when one of us is upset. It was my own damn rule after all. But I was... I was losing it, with the fear and all, and then you showed up in that outfit and all I could think about was never being with you again normally like we were this past weekend. I don't even remember half of what I said to you. And I know I went way too far and I know I terrified you. Trust me, I will never forgive myself for this, Kazi. I swear if you give me even half a chance I will never touch you roughly again for the rest of my life."

Kazuki reclined his head in an attempt to get himself back under control. He understood Aoi's anger. He would have been angry too had he found out he was going on a two-month tour, but that didn't change what had happened, or how it had happened. Still, the decision that was on him to make, he couldn’t take lightly. He surely couldn’t make it while he sat half-sobbing in a ramen shop. In that regard he was actually grateful for Uruha’s advice. 

"I want to take a break, Yuu. I need some time to sort this all out but by the time you come back, I'll give you my decision. Okay? And if in the meantime you decide you don't want this anymore, then just have Uruha-san tell me and I'll do the same for you. This is all I can give you for now. I'm sorry."

Fuck, it didn't take a genius to figure out Aoi was crying. His voice sounded exactly how Kazuki felt. 

"I understand. I’ll wait for you. I don't want anyone or anything else than you. If you need me for any reason please let Uruha know. And take care of yourself. And Kazuki?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"If you choose not to forgive me, and not love me anymore, I promise I won’t fight your decision. And I won’t ever bother you again. I- I care about you more than anything in my life, Kazi. I hope you still know that."

The call ended before Kazuki could say anything else. He threw a couple coins onto the table and hurried out of the restaurant only to bend over with his hands on his knees just outside the door. He couldn't keep the tears at bay now, and didn't give a fuck who saw. This was going to be the longest two months of his entire life. 

* * *

Aoi sighed heavily as he put his phone back down. He hadn't expected Kazuki to call, not after their brief conversation in his hallway this afternoon. But that didn't mean he wasn't grateful. He was more than grateful actually, knowing all too well that he owed it to Uruha that Kazuki even considered giving him a second chance. Kazuki hadn't sounded like it'd been easy for him and to be fair, it wasn't for either of them.

 **Yuu  
** _Thank you, Kouyou._

He sent his bandmate a brief message and smiled when the reply popped up on his shattered screen. 

 **Kou**  
_No need. I just want both of you to be happy._

How did Aoi deserve a friend like Uruha, honestly? They had been through so much shit together already. Though he didn't want to know what exactly Uruha had told Kazuki. All he knew was that there was a glimmer of hope and he was going to hold on to it like a drowning man. He _was_ going to get Kazuki back, no matter what.

* * *

Uruha couldn't shake off his worries as easily. He hadn't been sure at first, if it was a good idea to talk to Kazuki after all and get involved in things that sure as hell weren't his business but... Judging from Aoi's message, they had come to... some sort of conclusion. Through the course of the next three days, he noticed that Aoi seemed able to pull himself together. He was on time for the meeting on Wednesday, didn't fall half asleep and was attentive until the last minute. Despite how very much unlike him that was, Uruha couldn't help but smile at it. Whatever it was Kazuki had told him, it had to have given him motivation. And hope.

When they left the studio early in the evening, Ruki, Reita and Kai staying behind for more prep-work, he half expected Aoi to run back inside but he showed absolutely no sign of being bothered by the knowledge that Kazuki had been in the same building with him all day. Kazuki had probably told him that he needed some time and space and Aoi accepted it, albeit silently and with a sad tilt to his smile when he thought nobody looked. But Uruha always did. 

In fact, he was so focused on focusing on Aoi that he didn't even take notice of someone else calling his name from behind him. It was only when the voice had gradually increased in volume (and aggravation) that he blinked and turned around to see who it was. 

Blond From Hell was giving him a goofy grin. 

"Hi," he greeted and even waved at Aoi briefly as well. Aoi just nodded in response and, after exchanging a glance with his co-guitarist, got into his car to drive off. 

Uruha grinned as he fished for his keys.

"Hi," he said back, finally wrapping his fingers around his keys in his bag. What did Byou want? And why did he look so dashing again? Ugh. Uruha wondered why on earth he was even getting involved in other people's problems when he had his own to deal with right in front of him. 

"Uh, I was just wondering..." Byou began and crossed his arms before his chest, drumming his fingers nervously on them, "if you'd like to go for a beer?" 

Uruha's gaze shot up from the door of his car but it didn't seem to have much of an effect on the vocalist. Damn, he was losing his weapons, huh? 

"It's just that, um, Jin and I are gonna be gone for press tomorrow and Friday and you’re leaving on Saturday so... Just a goodbye-beer, basically." 

Byou's lips twitched. "Between friends." 

Uruha couldn't believe him. Was Byou making fun of him? Was he making fun of the "plan" he had insisted on, to start slowly, because he _actually_ knew how hard it was for Uruha not to just drag him home?

Examining him closely, Uruha contemplated his options. He could decline and come up with some random excuse which Byou was definitely going to recognize as such - and it would break his heart a little more in the process - or he could take him up on his offer and risk not going home alone in the end. God damn him. Uruha wanted this to work out, eventually, at some point, so he would just have to fucking pull himself together. That, and look away whenever Byou gave him one of _those_ looks. 

"One beer," he complied at last and dropped his keys back into his bag, stepping away from his car. 

Byou nodded quickly. 

"One beer. We can just go to the bar down the street."

"Between friends," Uruha asserted again and couldn't prevent himself from sending a warning glance Byou's way. "I mean it." 

"Absolutely." 

Byou seemed way too sure about this for Uruha's taste. He loved to tease him, however subtly, but Uruha knew most of it was just a facade. He remembered all too well how Byou's smirking face had dropped in an instant the day he had told him point-blank that they _weren't_ going to get involved anytime soon. 

Then again, perhaps he was just worrying too much. As usual. 

"Okay let's go," he sighed defeatedly and Byou was only so much away from jumping with joy. Uruha scoffed.

"You're incredible," he huffed as they left the parking lot together. 

"Why thank you." 

Byou sent him a satisfied smirk but it soon softened again.

"Thanks for talking to Kazuki, by the way. He cried the rest of the day but on Monday he seemed better already. You really talked some sense into him, huh?" 

"If only that worked with a certain bandmate of his." 

"Hey!" 

With a pout on his face, Byou slapped his hand against Uruha's shoulder but the moment that Uruha's lips curled into that signature smirk of his, Byou found himself looking away quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up.

* * *

 "That is _not_ one beer."

Byou grinned as he sat one normal and one overly large mug down before him, scooting into the half-circle booth. He stayed far enough away so that no one would think anything of it but close enough to run his fingers over the back of Uruha's hand if he wanted.

"I think technically the bartender said it was three, but it's only one glass. Let me live my life, mom."

Uruha rolled his eyes, letting out an exasperated huff, but Byou could see he was still tense. Was he really _that_ worried about being seen with him? In an attempt to relieve some of Uruha’s tension, Byou slid further away from him so there was no chance that they could even accidentally touch.

"Byou- "

"So how are preparations for the tour going? Are you excited? Is this your first time going to the US? I went once but I was a baby so it doesn't really count."

Byou gave him a friendly smile but Uruha looked more like he was having some kind of internal battle with himself. Eventually he just shook his head. 

"I've never been out of Japan. So there are parts of the tour that I'm excited for and parts that I'm not," he finally said, fiddling with a spare coaster on the table.

"What parts of it would you not be excited about? I think I'd be ecstatic," Byou mused, wishing Uruha would just look at him. Why was this so fucking awkward?

"Ah, you know. Just all the stuff leading up to the actual day we leave. Making sure to take the right equipment, then packing at home." 

Byou nodded along but was honestly a bit distracted by his own thoughts. The top button of Uruha’s shirt was opened and he couldn’t really stop looking at it, nor could he stop looking at his long fingers twisting the coaster around and aroun _d and around._ Obviously though Byou knew it was inappropriate, especially with the agreement they’d settled on just yesterday. "Friends" for now.

"And I think maybe I understand a little of what Aoi is going through."

Okay now, at that he had to look up. What Aoi was going through? A break-up?

"What ... do you mean?" 

Did he even want to know? Byou could tell Uruha was nervous to say whatever he was about to and that either in a good or a really, really bad sense. Somehow though Byou had a feeling it was going to change things. What exactly he wasn't sure, he just felt it.

"It's just... eh, I'm not good with words."

"It's okay, Kou. Whatever you want to say," Byou tried to reassure.

Uruha swallowed, digging his teeth into this lip in thought. He was about to break his own rules, and he knew, and if that testified anything it was that he’d gotten caught in an entirely hopeless case. 

"I'm not looking forward to being away... from you. For so long." 

Byou legitimately stopped breathing; he was almost sure his eyes had just popped out of their sockets. But Uruha didn’t stop there. 

"I know we're not as close as Aoi and Kazuki are, um, were? But I know when I come into the studio or I'm in the halls and I see that damn smirk you always give me, my day gets a

little better. It's like seeing you reminds me to enjoy things instead of just living for the next day and keeping myself on autopilot. Which sounds crazy because we haven’t known each other for long. But I don't know if I can make it two months without that."

Byou had to look away, training his eyes out towards the bar so Uruha couldn't see how close he was to imploding. _Not good with words my ass!_

"Kou, I... um, I mean, I can just randomly send you pictures now and then? And you can still text me, or even facetime me if you have any time to yourself. I'm not going to just disappear because you're gone."

A smile so bright it managed to light up the entire dingy bar graced Uruha's pretty lips and Byou felt like he'd finally done something right. This tingle he felt in his belly every time he saw Uruha smile was beyond imagination.

"You're good with words," Uruha laughed. "Must be why you're a vocalist and I'm just a guitar player. I wish I could do that sometimes. But I would like it if you didn't disappear. I want to keep in touch and I wouldn't mind a picture now and again. I could send you some too if you wanted."

Uruha's head snapped up, eyes wide as if he’d been caught doing something forbidden. "I mean... nothing inappropriate, just- fuck."

He quickly lifted his own beer to his mouth and while he looked he just wanted to hide his entire face in it, Byou couldn't help but stifle a giggle behind his hand. 

"Now you're so getting sexy lingerie pictures at the most inopportune times. I'm sure you'll need something to occupy those lonely nights after all, right?"

Uruha choked on his beer, not even having taken a single sip, thumbing his fist against his chest as he coughed. 

"Byou, what the hell? Why are you like this?"

Byou grinned triumphantly and batted his lashes. "I thought it would lighten the mood. And I wouldn't mind some dirty pictures from you either, _Koukou_."

"You _are_ something else."

"A good one though," Byou retorted and of course Kouyou nodded as he laughed. Just what was he getting himself into... 

What he'd said there earlier was the closest he'd gotten to a confession, ever, and it felt... weird to say the least. Byou was giving his best to lighten the mood indeed but Uruha knew they both already dreaded the moment they had to say Goodbye. At least they still had a bit of time until then. 

"You can send me postcards instead," Byou continued with a giggle, "if you're opposed to... sexting." 

Uruha shook his head to himself. He couldn't believe it. Byou was making it increasingly hard for him to pull through with his plan. 

"I mean- " he began but then leaned back as a waiter brought the little snacks he'd ordered for them, "Not that I'm opposed to it, sexting just isn't really something _friends_ do now, is it?" 

Byou bit his lip. Uruha wasn't opposed, huh? He would have to keep that little piece of information at the back of his mind...

"I mean we can kinda... see it as a transition stage?" he suggested while looking at Uruha over the rim of his huge mug. 

Uruha lifted an eyebrow at him and as he uttered a heavy sigh, Byou already knew they were going to get serious again. Ugh, could they really not spend just one evening without thinking of their "problem"? 

"Byou- " Uruha began but Byou quickly set his beer down affirmatively. 

"I know," he said and tried to show a confident smile, "I’m sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything like that. I'm just..." 

He took a deep breath. Uruha's eyes were so piercing as he looked at him that Byou barely knew how to word his thoughts out loud. Why was he even here? Yes, Uruha had just confessed he would miss him but that didn't mean they would magically get together. Not now and not after the tour. 

"I'm going to miss you terribly," his mouth blurted out before he could stop it. Uruha grimaced so he'd definitely heard it. There was no sense in acting like it didn't happen. Byou chewed on his lip. He might as well be completely honest, especially because he already felt his chest tightening with approaching tears. _How embarrassing,_ Byou thought with his gaze lowered. His fingers traced the edges of his beer mug as if it was suddenly the most interesting thing on the planet. 

"And I guess I'm trying to hide it by being funny. It's okay though. I got ahead of myself. You're completely right, friends wouldn't do that so we won't. I'd still like to hear from you while you're gone, but I won't be a bother to you," he finished with a smile and downed about half of that giant beer in one go. 

Why had he even said anything about a transitional stage? It was obvious that Uruha wasn't interested in there being one. He’d made it clear enough that he wanted them to take _small_ steps. Byou had just been too stupid to realize it until he'd already made a fool of himself again. Nothing had changed. He was still playing the lovesick puppy following Uruha around without a shred of decency. Why couldn't he get it through his head that he and Uruha weren’t going to happen? 

"I should probably be getting home soon. So... eat up!" Byou tried to give Uruha a smile but it wasn’t really working. 

Uruha felt a pang in his chest while he reached for a couple fries. Byou was back to hiding again, and Uruha knew exactly why. He was assuming he was being turned down again. Which, in a way, he was, but not for the reason Byou thought. No. This was only happening because Uruha was too damn scared to admit how he actually felt; too terrified of what might happen to go into that transitional stage. Because Uruha wasn't good at hiding things, never had been, and he didn't want to be the reason that either of their bands got in trouble. Yet at the same time a part of him didn't give a single shit. He still felt that it was his right to be happy despite what his company believed. 

And so he realized on his way out of the bar, with Byou keeping a very deliberate distance between them, that maybe, just this once, he needed to look out for himself instead of everyone else. He’d seen the way Byou’s countenance fell and darkened and saddened more than once until now and he no longer wanted to be the reason for it. 

So as he walked with Byou back to the studios, he looked around, grabbed his arm in one of the dark store fronts and pulled him in for a kiss. It was short, but _oh_ so fucking sweet. Byou stumbled, then stood still in mere shock. A surprised frown appeared on his forehead instantly and his eyes were wide as saucers when they parted. 

"What- "

Uruha withdrew for their eyes to meet. Determination swelled inside his chest. 

"This is the transitional stage. And you better be prepared to send me some of the hottest photos I've ever seen," he said and felt an instant gratification when he saw how Byou blushed at his words. Byou’s mouth opened, but he looked more like a deer in the headlights than the usual smirking guy who always knew the best retort. 

"Wait, I... I thought... I thought you didn't want more."

Uruha scoffed at that, leaning down to kiss Byou’s cheek. "I know, but you thought wrong. Trust me, I do want more and I’m tired of putting restrictions on myself. I don’t see why Aoi and Kazuki can make it work and we can’t. But you have to understand that we have to move slowly. No more hasty decision-making. We have to do this the right way and not get caught."

Byou gulped. He wasn’t imagining this, was he? No, his cheek was still very much tingling from the softness of Uruha’s lips. A firework of thoughts and hopes and images went off inside his head.

"I understand," he nodded quickly. "I want to do this right, too. Just let me know what I need to do and keep me in check. I promise I’ll do whatever you tell me to."

Uruha smiled at how determined Byou sounded. Maybe this time around things would be okay. 


	14. Chapter 14

**June 15th, São Paulo**

**Ki-kun  
** _I just wanted to wish you good luck on tour. Stay safe._

Aoi reread the text that Kazuki had sent him a week ago and smiled again. His sweet angel. Even if he was still angry, still hurt, he was looking out for him, wasn’t he?

"That Kazuki's text? How many times you going to read that thing, Yuu?"

Aoi looked up at Uruha with a grin. The two of them had decided to explore São Paulo a little, out taking pictures, trying foods and Uruha sampling every alcohol the city had to offer along the way. 

"As many times as I need to. I go to sleep and all I dream about is returning to Tokyo to find he wants nothing to do with me. So I keep rereading it to remind myself that at least he cared before I left."

"Yuu, there is no way Kazuki isn't going to be there for you when you get back. Trust me. I know this isn't fun for you though, so if you need to keep reading it, then do that," Uruha said, twirling the little umbrella around in whatever fruity thing he was holding right now.

"We'll see I guess. What about you though? You’re not any better, you keep checking your phone and grinning like a schoolgirl. What's going on?"

Uruha _actually_ blushed, directing his gaze down to the ground as if the sun was blinding him. The smile on his lips spoke otherwise.

"It's... Byou?" he admitted and downed the rest of his beverage so they could continue on. "We decided before I left that we were going to try too. But we're going to take things slow. Do it right so no one gets in trouble."

Aoi smiled. He’d waited for something like this. "That's good. I'm glad Kou, really. But... if they're just texts, why are you _blushing_ like that?" 

Aoi nudged his best friend with his shoulder and Uruha giggled, turning into another one of these weird little shops that lined the street.

"Well, maybe they aren't all so innocent texts. He's so damn hot, Yuu. And he has _no_ shame. He's going to give me a heart attack."

Aoi burst out laughing before he could stop himself, causing the other patrons to stare at him like he was insane. 

"Feisty. He sounds like the perfect fit to your boring self."

"Wow, Yuu. Fuck you."

"Kouyou! You're in public!"

Aoi and Uruha twirled around, only to see their leader with a disapproving look on his face, Ruki following into the store behind him. Uruha swallowed once he noticed that Kai’s angry eyes seemed directed straight at him. How much had they heard? 

On his own end, Kai was this close to exploding. Inwardly. Uruha was still on with that stupid Screw boy? They were going to "try"? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Kai felt seething jealousy coursing through his veins at just the thought alone. When would Uruha get it? He wasn't made for relationships. None of them had ever worked out. _He_ was the one Uruha kept coming back to over and over again. _He_ was the one Uruha belonged to. Not some wannabe-vocalist leeching off his fame. 

"Heeey, hi Kai!" 

Aoi quickly grabbed at Uruha's arm and yanked him closer so he could wrap his arm around his shoulder with a wide grin. 

"Where are _you_ coming from so suddenly? Did you sneak up on us?" he laughed, pointing with his thumb behind him. "Uru and I were just going to look at a few shirts that we saw walking by. Surely you can spare another two minutes?" 

His tone was more than fake but with that look in Kai's eyes, he really didn't care. It wasn't like Aoi didn't know of that little affair between Uruha and him. He sure as hell did and his suspicions that Kai might feel more than only a sexual interest had just been strengthened. Leaning forward, Aoi shot Ruki a grin as well.

"Don't you wanna check too, midget?" he grinned and his plan worked out perfectly. Ruki huffed out a breath and stalked forward to deliver a very not-mock slap to his chest. 

"You better watch your mouth!" 

"Ooohh, or what?" 

"Or I'm not going to give you any solos for the next five years." 

Aoi recoiled and stared at Uruha with wide eyes. Uruha could just so hold back a laugh. 

"Did you hear that, Uruha? How dare him!" 

"Yes, absolutely," he giggled and did not object when Aoi turned him around towards the hallway that led further into the store. He squeezed Uruha's shoulders briefly before glancing back at Kai and showing him a confident smile. He certainly wasn't going to let him throw a tantrum right then and there. 

"We'll be back in like ten minutes," he assured and then disappeared between the rows of clothes.  

It didn't take long until Uruha stepped up beside him, pretending to shuffle through the coat racks. 

"Thanks," he muttered just loud enough for Aoi to hear and Aoi could tell he was embarrassed. 

"For pulling me... out of the line of fire." 

Aoi licked his lips in an attempt to hide his smirk and stepped back to examine an unbearably ugly jacket. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said matter-of-factly and turned away. 

* * *

**June 21st, New York**

They left the country the next day and even though the flight was exhausting and the show the day after that even more, Aoi didn't dare complain. He didn't want to. It made him the happiest to be on stage again, to see all their fans celebrate with them. It was the tiredness and exhaustion that he felt as he plonked down onto his bed at night absolutely worth it. 

On their off-days they did plenty of sightseeing, too and because Kai didn't seem to hold a grudge against Uruha so much anymore either (or at least didn't show it), Aoi found himself really enjoying the time with his bandmates. And it only got better when, about five days later and just as he was strolling through a street littered with some of New York's best jewelry shops, his phone beeped with another message.

Kazuki hadn't shrugged him off. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _Hey, how is it so far? I hope you've adjusted well to the jetlag by now._

He clearly hadn't and Aoi honestly wanted to jump with joy had he not been in a place full of people. But he didn't miss the time his phone was telling him either. 

 **Yuu  
** _Isn't it like the middle of the night over there? Why are you up?_

Kazuki took his sweet time and if Aoi hadn't known that their current situation didn't allow for it, he could've sworn he was teasing him. It took him at least ten minutes.

 **Ki-kun  
** _Well, I thought that if I can't sleep I might as well make sure you're getting enough of it._

Aoi was beyond thankful that he had talked their manager into letting him roam on his own because no one else needed to witness how completely emotional he was getting. Kazuki was talking to him. Talking to him and _caring_ about him. 

 **Yuu  
** _I'm okay. I've been sleeping okay. Better since I got your text the first week. It's kind of kept me going. That text and the lives. What about you? Why can't you sleep?_

Aoi hit Sent, then moved to break out of the crowd that swarmed down the street, sitting down on a stone bench that surrounded a fountain, water shooting up towards the sky into brilliant colors. 

 **Ki-kun  
** _I... it hasn't been every night. Sometimes I just can't stop thinking long enough to sleep. You don't need to worry about that though. I'm fine. Where are you right now?_

Aoi looked around. Biting his lip, he switched over to his front camera and held it out in front of himself. He smiled and held up his thumb, snapping a photo of him and the fountain before sending it to Kazuki.

 **Yuu  
** _New York. It's beautiful, but I wish you were here to share it with me._

It took long enough for a reply to come through that Aoi had typed and erased and retyped a dozen texts saying he was sorry for being too forward, but in the end it didn't matter.

 **Ki-kun  
** _Yuu... I wish I was there with you too._

Thank fuck he was in New York where no one cared for a man crying on a bench all by himself; because that was exactly what he was doing. Aoi bent over, his elbows on his knees, overwhelmed by the sadness and heat in his chest, and he let the tears fall onto the concrete below him. But it was all okay, because halfway around the world shaky fingers saved his photo to a home screen, blurry through watery eyes. 

* * *

Kazuki pressed his phone to his chest, curled up in a ball on his futon as tears began streaming down his cheeks. It hurt _so_ damn bad; almost as bad as having to walk out of Aoi's apartment that day. It hadn't taken him more than a week to realize how much he missed the older guitarist. Kazuki cursed himself over and over for not going to see him before he’d left and telling him how he felt. He should have told Aoi that he’d forgive him and that he wasn't going to let him go, but in the end he'd holed up in the studio and ignored the fact that the man he loved was boarding an airplane out of the country. And now the deed was done. He couldn't change it, but he would be there when Aoi got home. 

* * *

It had been a month now; a month of watching Uruha chat and text with Byou, watching him laugh and blush and smile at every text the vocalist sent, watching him fall in love. 

And it hurt. Why couldn't Uruha see how badly he was hurting him? How could he not _know_? It just wasn't fair. For a few years now it had been him that Uruha went to for help. And Kai needed him just as badly, but as time went on he’d thought that their arrangement had turned into something else. Kai definitely felt something else. Maybe he had fallen for him after all, but it seemed like Uruha had someone else already. And their sessions had stopped too, which made Kai antsy to begin with. He'd come to rely on those sessions to relieve the stress that built up inside him. Now? Now he'd started some excessive training, like Reita, just to keep himself sane. Something needed to be done.

* * *

**July 19th, Stockholm**

Uruha was beyond confused. He’d been pulled aside as soon as they'd gotten settled in the new hotel, into a little meeting room where Uruha was sure he was about to be fired from the look on their manager's face. 

"Uruha." 

A heavy, somewhat disappointed sigh. "Uruha, what are you thinking? What's going on with you and Byou?"

Uruha's spine snapped straight, a chill running throughout his body. What?

"I- we're just friends." 

It was too predictable of an answer that had come too quickly and he knew. But how? How the hell could they have found out? The only one who had been let in on this was Aoi and Uruha _knew_ he wouldn't say a word. So who else could have said anything?

Their manager sat back in his chair and crossed his arms but did not take his eyes off him. 

"Don't lie to me. I can't help you if you start lying to me now, Kouyou. Let me help you. What's going on? Is this just a fling? Something more?"

Uruha looked away. There was no way out of this. A bitter taste began to spread inside his mouth and his throat tightened. The room began to feel like it was closing in around him. Why? Why couldn't they just work out? 

"It was at first. It just happened. We were both drunk and things got out of hand. But we stopped. And we've just been talking the last month or so, nothing more. We went out for drinks a couple days before I left but that was all that happened. Yes, I like him, but I don't want to harm our bands or anyone else. We're taking it very slow and keeping it under wraps. No one knows."

"Somebody knew, Kou. Somebody knew or we wouldn't be sitting here. What am I supposed to do? You know the company’s dating policy as well as I do and if this gets any higher than me, then we're both gonna have our asses handed to us. What do you want me to do?"

 _Don't cry. Don't cry._  

Uruha grit his teeth as hard as humanly possible and his chest still continued to heat up like the core of a volcano. 

"I don't know," he pressed out and swallowed past the dryness. "I really don't know, Sakai. But I... I don't want to give him up. Tell me to break up with him. Tell me all the things you're supposed to say and I'll lie and tell you I'll follow the rules. And if it gets out then I'll deal with the company myself."

"I can't do that and you know it. This is _not_ the same as Takanori and Akira being together. Byou is your kouhai and after everything Kai told me I can’t- fuck."

Uruha was out of his seat in a second, bumping it away so quickly it knocked over entirely.

"Kai?! _Yutaka_ told you?!" 

His manager couldn't stop him. Uruha dashed out of the room, charged back upstairs and hammered his knuckles into Kai's door. Kai answered and _didn’t even look surprised._ Feeling nausea rising up within himself, Uruha shoved him back inside, locking the door behind him. He’d started to sweat on his way up here, strands of hair sticking to his temples.

"What the ever living fuck, Yuta? Why did you do this?" he hissed but Kai gave no reply. The fact that he wasn’t even attempting to defend himself, let alone deny it, had Uruha’s nasal wings billow with anger. 

"I thought you cared about me? Friends don't do things like this! I finally found someone that makes me legitimately happy and now they're going to tear him away from me all because you couldn't keep your mouth shut! Why?!" he snapped, nailing the wall just beside Kai's head with his fist.

Kai didn't wince. Taking a step back, he’d waited calmly until Uruha was done with his tantrum before he reached up and pushed the blond's fist away from the wall (and his face). 

"I just did what I thought was right," he spoke determinedly, "You have no business fooling around with anyone else- " 

"What?" Uruha interrupted but it wasn't a question out of confusion. He'd heard perfectly. "Anyone else but who? _You?_ Who do you even think you are?" 

"I know that _I'm_ the one you kept coming to for years and years and you don't- " 

Uruha snatched his wrist free from Kai's grip. He couldn't believe what his ears were hearing. 

"You think that just because you got to fuck me a few times you're somehow entitled to me?" he yelled. _"Are you listening to yourself?!"_  

His voice had gotten louder than intended but there was no chance to take it back now. Kai had recoiled in surprise and Uruha knew it was because disgust and disappointment were written all over his face. Never ever had he imagined one of his best friends could be this deceiving. He scoffed, making a step back. He didn't trust himself not to let his anger take over. 

"I never should've started sleeping with you. I told you more than once that I don't feel for you romantically. Not a thing. And you _seriously_ thought sending me to my doom like this was going to change that. _I_ have to fix this now and if I can't convince Sakai, he's going to _have to_ tell higher-ups and they're going to fire me and this band is going to be done. _Done_. And it's going to be your fau- " 

"I just want you to be happy!" Kai burst out suddenly and it cut Uruha's words right off. Of course he'd done it right there. He didn't want to hear the truth, did he?

"With me! What can Byou even give you that I can't?" 

Uruha stared. He didn't want to believe that Kaid had been this delusional all this time. Not after he’d tried to make his position clear _so_ many times.

"Feelings," he huffed out, sensing the disappointment taking over the fury, "He's giving me feelings I've never felt before, Yutaka. And you just forced me to break his heart. You just ruined it for me. All of it." 

"I just wanted- " 

"Stop lying! You were just being sel- " 

"Yoooooooooo." 

Guitarist and drummer promptly fell silent. Uruha turned around, meeting Reita's baffled face. Fuck. It seemed he'd failed to really lock the door in his aggravated state. Kai groaned reflexively, rushing a hand through his hair as he turned his back on the two. Yeah, this wasn't what he'd planned. 

"I can hear you all the way down the damn corridor, what the hell is going on?" Reita asked with lifted eyebrows but Uruha just scoffed. There was no need to pull anybody else into this. If shit was going to go down after all, they would all find out in the end but... Not now. 

"Ask our leader," he snarled at Kai's back, "I'm sure he can explain to you in detail." 

At those words, Kai twirled around to face them again, with his mouth open and clearly ready to defend himself but Uruha silenced him with a mere finger that he shoved straight into his face. 

"And _you_ ," he spat, "better not talk a single word to me for the rest of this tour or I promise you I'm going to fucking rip your head off."

Then Uruha turned and, without so much as blinking at Reita's attempt to hold him back, stormed out of the hotel room. 

Reita wasn't really sure what to do as Uruha shouldered past him. What could have possibly made his best friend so angry that he would yell at Kai that way? No one ever yelled at Kai. Hell, no one ever had a reason to. Sure, sometimes their leader could get a little pushy and maybe every once in a while he had a bit of an evil streak but always for their own good and never chalked up to more than little pranks that they more than paid him back for. Honestly, Reita had never heard anyone raise their voice to Kai before, and it was definitely throwing him off. 

Not to mention the fact that Kai looked like he was about to break down in tears, and that was something he'd seen far too often for his liking. Kai always tried his best to be so fucking positive for everyone that nobody really noticed when he would retreat to a room by himself and just let all those emotions out. But Reita had caught him too many times not to ask questions. He was also fairly sure he was the only one privy to Kai's personal type of stress relief that always involved them having the next day off from practice to let the bruises heal. The brunette really was a masochist but he dealt it out just as well as he received it. He kept so much hidden behind his pretty smile, but despite all that he still had one of the biggest hearts Reita had ever been let into. 

"Yutaka? Hey, you okay? What was that all about?" he asked, taking ahold of Kai's wrists so he'd stop pulling at his own hair. But Kai just shook his head and slipped out of his grip.

"Don't worry about it, Aki. I deserved it. I deserve whatever Kouyou does now, too. Just let it go. Pretend you didn't hear anything. Everything will be fine." 

Reita didn't believe any of that for a second, he wasn’t stupid after all. If Uruha was this angry at Kai, then it _had_ to be some kind of misunderstanding. As sure as he was of that though, it was impossible to make Kai talk if he really didn't want to. So just in case Kai needed somebody, Reita resigned to let him know he would be there. 

"I know," Kai smiled weakly. "Thank you, but Kouyou needs your sympathy far more than I do right now. Please go and make sure he's okay. I fucked up, but I _really_ didn't mean to hurt him. I just...didn't think about the consequences."

After a few more moments, waiting to see if Kai would offer him more to go on, Reita left the room and made a bee-line for Uruha's room. Luckily, the guitarist opened the door himself since Aoi (still) seemed to be preoccupied with the bar downstairs. 

"Yo, that was quite intense, Kou. I've never heard you so angry before. Tell me what's going on?"

Uruha wrapped his skinny arms around himself and turned around, walking farther into the room, and Reita followed, closing the door silently behind him. 

"He just didn't get it I guess, no matter how many times I told him."

"What do you mean? Who didn't get what?"

"Yutaka. I told him the first time he confessed to me that I felt nothing more for him than friendship. I've told him every time he's said those words, but I guess he just didn't hear me." 

Uruha sighed, sitting down on one of the beds and pulling his knees up to his chest. Reita narrowed his eyes. Kai was in love with...? _Oh._

"When did Yuta confess to you? I had no idea he had any feelings towards you."

A bitter smile curved Uruha’s full lips. 

"After our third, maybe fourth, time together? We started... taking our aggressions out on each other a few years ago and at some point he started telling me he loves me. He still did these past times. That he's willing to wait for me. But I stopped the sessions."

Reita felt like his head was spinning from all the information he was trying to process. So they had been involved with each other sexually and it had gotten out of control? Had Uruha been part of Kai’s “stress relief” he’d remembered earlier?

"Because you realized it was hurting him and you couldn't reciprocate?" Reita guessed. 

"No," Uruha shook his head a little and suddenly he looked just like that lanky ass teenager that Reita remembered from high school confessing that he had no interest in girls. Uruha He was scared, and that more than anything, worried him. 

"No, I stopped them because I started seeing someone a couple of weeks ago. I, um, have been keeping it a secret but Yuta found out and he was so... jealous that he went ahead and told Sakai. I really like this guy I've been seeing, Aki. Really, _really_ like him, and now I'm going to have to give him up because Yutaka couldn't get it through his head that we were never going to end up together. It's just not fucking fair."

Reita sat back for a moment, molars grinding as he thought about the best way to confront this situation. Because as far as he could see, Uruha had no right to be angry at Kai either. He’d told him multiple times that the interest wasn’t mutual and had _still_ returned to his bed, hadn’t he?

"Kou... you're my best friend, and I have always stood up for you because I love you, but you're a fucktard." 

Uruha's head snapped up, ready to argue.

"Excuse m- "

"If you found out that long ago that Yutaka had feelings for you then why the fuck did you keep seeing him? You said years, Kouyou. _Years!_ How could you do that to him? You should have broken things off the second you found out how he felt. Take it from someone who thought everything he felt was unreciprocated for years. It hurts. It hurts more than anything you've ever felt. And it'll drive you crazy. I got lucky with Taka and I'm thankful for that. I can't imagine how Yutaka feels. Being rejected over and over only for you to keep using him as an outlet? No, I can’t stand up for you this time, Kou. Whoever this guy you've been seeing is, examine how you feel about him and then imagine if he was doing the same thing you've been doing to Yuta. Maybe you don't deserve to have him." 

Against his expectations, Reita _really_ felt upset at all of this. His heart ached for Yutaka and the longer he looked at Uruha’s expression, taken aback by being reprimanded like this, the worse the feeling became. He couldn't sit there any longer. Never in their years of friendship had he ever been so angry at Uruha. After leaving his friend be by himself, he even ended up slamming the door to his own bedroom, catching Ruki jump in his chair. 

Reita stopped for a moment to examine his boyfriend. Ruki was wearing another of his tour shirts, the thing long enough to fall to his bare knees and his feet were propped up on the table in front of him while his phone balanced on knees that were pressed to his chest. Reita never understood how he sat like this, but couldn't stop the sight from bleeding some of the anger off of his attitude. God, he was so fucking lucky. 

"Akira? What's wrong?" Ruki asked, getting up from the chair and immediately coming over to wrap his arms around Reita's waist. The bassist buried his nose into his thick, mint scented hair and inhaled deeply. 

"I've got some gossip for you, Taka," he chuckled, hands running up Ruki's back.

"Gossip you say?" Ruki's ears perked up at the mere mention of the word but Reita was pretty sure he wasn't exactly going to like what he would hear. And after they'd settled comfortably onto the couch, just as expected, Ruki's face darkened with every word Reita spoke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who saw this coming?! :D Haha, leave your thoughts! We always love to hear them. :)


	15. Chapter 15

Aoi, for his part, was peacefully oblivious to everything going on upstairs. That was, until his phone vibrated with a text message and he had to ease himself out of the conversation about Swedish whisky that he'd been having with the bartender for the last hour or so. His English sure as hell wasn't good enough to give elaborate answers but he did understand the basics of what the guy was trying to say. Setting down his glass of wine, Aoi reached for his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans, and a small frown appeared on his face. 

 **Kou**  
_Are you downstairs?_

What kind of question was that? It was half past nine on their day off in a foreign country, where else would he be if not at the bar? 

 **Yuu**  
_I am indeed. You should come and try their wine, it's... magnificent._

Surely Uruha couldn't say No to the offer of some nice alcoh-

 **Kou**  
_Can you come up? I.. kinda need a hug right now._

It took Aoi one second to down the rest of his drink as if he hadn't just spent almost a hundred bucks on it. He excused himself, on Japanese reflexively but he didn't bother, and got up from his bar stool, hurrying to the elevators. 

This wasn't like Uruha. Uruha didn't... ask for hugs. It didn't sound like him at all and despite it being just a text, it set all bells in Aoi's head on alarm. With an aggravated groan he pushed the door buttons several time, knowing fully well it did nothing, and the time it took for the thing to go back up felt like half an eternity. 

He had already fished his key card out of his jacket before he even reached their room but then opened the door rather... carefully. 

"Kou?" he called out after closing it behind himself with a soft click, toeing off his shoes. He only had to take the few steps down the little hallway until he already saw his bandmate sitting on the edge of the bed. The sight frightened him. Uruha looked a mess. The little makeup he'd applied around his eyes for the day was smudged all over and his hair looked like it'd been tugged at a good amount of times. Aoi almost didn't dare step closer. What the hell had happened? 

"Kou...?" he asked cautiously and Uruha winced as if he'd been shaken out of a trance, his glance wondering upwards. 

Aoi gulped. "Hey, what- " 

He didn't get any further than that. Uruha was jumping from the bed with a heart wrenching sob, all but stumbling into Aoi's chest, who almost lost his balance. What _on earth_ was happening? 

Aoi was petrified for a few dumbfounded seconds before he closed his arms around his crying friend. Uruha was sobbing silently as though he was trying to keep it low, but his shoulders were shaking and giving it all away. 

"Kou..." Aoi sighed softly when it slowly, very slowly, began to dawn on him. "Kouyou, hey... What happened?"

Aoi honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Uruha this distraught, and it worried him to no end that it took him so long to withdraw. Something big must have happened for him to be this shaken and if it was really what he was thinking of... 

"Y-Yuta," Uruha finally began after he'd pulled back and wiped at his eyes with one hand while the other remained gripped into Aoi's shirt. 

Aoi took a deep breath. This was going right into the direction he was dreading the most. 

"What about him?"

"H-He found out," Uruha hiccuped and Aoi felt the most realistic tug at his heart, "a-about- " 

"You and Byou?" 

Uruha sniffed again and he nodded wordlessly. Aoi gritted his teeth and couldn't stop his eyes from scanning his friend up and down in concern for a brief second. He couldn't see any signs of what he was fearing at first but that didn't have to mean anything. If anybody was good at hiding and covering bruises, it was the two of them.

"Did he hurt you?" Aoi asked, straightforward. 

Uruha's bottom lip trembled and Aoi could see that he wanted to ask, _how do you know, since when do you know_ but he didn't in the end because it didn't matter. The fact that Aoi worried so much about him, so obviously, was like a stab to Uruha's chest and it made him feel even worse for not telling him the whole truth. Aoi didn't deserve the burden of even more concern, not just for Uruha but for him and Kazuki as well. He had enough sleepless nights as it was. 

"No," he answered, albeit in a bit of an embarrassed mutter. "No, he... didn't do anything. I think he's far more disappointed and heartbroken." 

"He fell in love with you, didn't he?" 

Another nod.

"I feel terrible, Yuu. I don't want to lose Byou, I can't. He means so much to me already, you don't even- " 

"Yes, I do," Aoi interrupted with a gentle smile, "I get it. What makes you think you're gonna lose him though?" 

Uruha seemed hesitant to answer but Aoi didn't even think of urging him to respond. He made a step aside, guiding his friend back to bed so they could at least sit down. Uruha didn't seem unstable or anything but... He just wanted to be sure. 

Uruha sat down and tugged a leg beneath his thigh, chewing on his bottom lip. Aoi couldn't get rid of the thought that there was something he didn't want to say, or couldn't. 

Aoi pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with the wife beater he slept in. 

"You know you can tell me anything."

Uruha could hear Reita's words in the back of this mind and gave Aoi a bitter smile. 

"I'm sorry, Yuu. So fucking sorry. This is all my fault. Akira was right. I'm such a fuck-up. Yutaka fell in love because I kept leading him on to get what I- what I needed from him. He had every right to be jealous, to be angry, but he... he went to Sakai. And exposed me."

All of the color drained from Aoi's face. Very unceremoniously, he plonked down on the other side of the bed. There it was. The truth was out but Aoi wasn't reacting; hell, he was hardly even breathing.

"Yuu?"

Aoi shook his head. 

"He told Sakai about you and Byou?" 

Pained black eyes turned on him then and Uruha had a feeling he was not going to like what was about to come out of his friend's mouth. 

"I'm sorry, Kou. I really am sorry, but I can't help you here. I already have to do whatever I can to keep Kazuki and I safe. I can't lose him. I’d jump to your defense anytime but if I do now, they may start digging and that can't happen. You're going to have to fight this yourself. I’ll support you in any way I can unless it puts my relationship in jeopardy. You understand that, don't you?"

Uruha did. He understood because he would have said the exact same thing had he been in Aoi's position. He'd have done anything to keep Byou safe too, but it didn't make the hurt any less. With Reita against him the way he obviously was, Aoi had been his last hope. Now he had nothing. He knew Sakai didn't want to see him hurting, that was the only saving grace. Maybe he could still get away with this. What other option did he have?

"Why did you lead Yutaka on, Kou? He's a good guy. You shou- "

"I know! Yuu, trust me, I know. I owe him just as many apologies as I do everyone else, probably more actually, but I can't give you a reason. I knew it was wrong. I've always known it was wrong. I could see what I was doing to him and I just ignored it. I guess my only explanation is that I was scared to let go of what he could give me. I just kept thinking that we were helping each other and that was enough. It didn't need to be more than that and eventually Yutaka would realize that. too. But obviously I'm a fucking idiot."

Aoi let out a saddened laugh. "I'm not going to argue that. Maybe you should talk to him. Not yell, just talk. Sit down with him and Sakai and talk. Tell them both everything. I think that's your only real option, Kouyou."

Leave it to Aoi to figure everything out and leave him with the hardest choice.

* * *

The first thing Kai had thought about doing was jumping out the window. They were seven floors up after all. Surely that was high enough to leave him as confetti on the sidewalk, but he couldn't do that. Not to his band mates, and sure as hell not to their fans. That, and the window didn't actually open. 

His second thought was that he could go to Sakai and tell him it was a lie. That he'd just been jealous and he didn't actually know anything about Uruha's private life. But that wasn’t going to work either since he knew Uruha had already admitted to his relationship with Byou. So now he was stuck pacing back and forth in the hotel room he was sharing with Sakai. And all of this was his fault. Uruha had after all told him they had no relationship, from the beginning he'd always told him he didn't love him back and never would. Still, when Uruha  had kept coming back to him, he’d thought maybe if it went on long enough Uruha would finally be his. 

No such luck. Kai was relatively convinced he'd used up his allotted amount of luck just to get into the GazettE in the first place. Now he had nothing left to fall back on. 

When he heard a knock on the door, part of him wondered if Uruha was coming back to scold him again but as it turned out, when he opened the door, the outcome was much worse. No, Uruha wasn't going to let him have it again. His best friend was. And Reita definitely did not look happy. The only part of it all that surprised him was that Ruki was peeking out from around the bassist. Surely Reita hadn't wanted Ruki to witness his murder?

"I suppose you've talked to Kouyou..." Kai started, opening the door just far enough to talk to them.

Reita nodded. "I did. I just need to ask you one question."

Kai heaved a sigh, motioning for him to continue, and silently thanked whoever had hired their make-up girls that they were skilled enough to cover up a black eye because he was about to get one. Maybe two?

"Do you really love him?"

Wait, what kind of question was that? It was most definitely not the one he had been waiting for. 

"I- Um, I thought I did, yes."

"And now?"

Kai bit down on his lip. He didn't want to answer that. It was only going to make matters worse, wasn’t it? It was only going to put _into effect_ what he should have accepted a long time ago. 

"Yuta. Do you love him now?" came Reita's question again and his tone left no room for arguments. Kai swallowed.

"No. No, it wasn't love. Lust, yes. Maybe infatuation, but I think overall it was loneliness. He made me feel less alone."

Once the words were freed from his lips, his heart felt lighter; yet he winced, waiting for the blow he was sure was coming his way. After all, this confession meant he'd ruined Uruha's life for absolutely no reason, but when he looked back up he found a small, though sad, smile on Reita's face. 

"Why don't you come down to our room for awhile and we talk more? We just don't think you should be alone right now. Well, Taka doesn't think so anyway. I told him you were fine but he- "

Reita cut off, Ruki elbowing him in the ribs with a pointed look before he turned to Kai, wavy blond wisps of hair bouncing around his temples. 

"Come on, Yuta. Come hang out with us for a bit. Please?"

Kai looked back and forth between the couple. He wasn't completely sure what they were trying to do. Weren’t they all angry at him for putting the group through such trouble? Or were they pitying him? No matter what though, Kai didn't want to be alone. He nodded. 

"What are we gonna do though?" he asked after he'd grabbed his keys and stepped out of the room, rather glad he could get away before Sakai returned. 

"Just chill, no?" Ruki all but fluted. "Our flight leaves tomorrow at... what, 7pm? So we can at least sleep in!" 

Reita scoffed. "That's what you think." 

Kai giggled to himself at the thought. It was indeed highly unlikely that they wouldn't get rung out of bed at anything later than 10. They had to go down one floor to reach Ruki and Reita’s room, and Ruki went for the large double bed right away, plonking down on it. Kai was sort of curious as to what the hotel staff thought about the fact that there were two men sleeping in one bed... 

He gladly took the glass of Coca Cola Reita offered him out of the mini bar. 

"Soooo..." 

Ruki sat up in a criss-cross, taking his own glass from his boyfriend. 

"You and Uru... did what?" 

Of course he would ask. Kai just wasn't so sure as to how much Ruki really knew. On the one hand he sure as hell didn't want to spill too much, on the other... He figured it might just be of help to finally talk about what had happened these past years.  

"We had sex," he thus stated quite matter-of-factly before seating himself on the middle of the bed as well, tugging one leg beneath a thigh. 

Reita, who had of course settled next to Ruki, lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah, that's why we always had a day off after every time you took him home." 

Kai almost wanted to roll his eyes at the remark. Reita obviously knew more, and he was pretty sure it was because Uruha had told him, so there was no sense in denying. 

"Well, we had... rough sex," he corrected himself but wasn't really able to gauge either of his friends’ reactions. Ruki was just looking at him thoughtfully all while Reita seemed to dislike the cinema currently playing inside his head. 

Kai gazed down into his glass, willing to endure the awkward silence until one of them said something but what Ruki blurted out next wasn't exactly what he'd hoped for, making his head snap up again. 

"So you're saying you're both into BDSM." 

"What?! No- I mean- " 

"Yutaaaa, it's time to spill, don't you think?" 

Kai groaned, running his palm over his forehead. Ruki was examining him closely over the rim of his drink, clearly determined to not give up anytime soon. Reita still wasn't saying anything. He at least looked less disgusted by now... Maybe it'd just been the initial shock of the notion of his two best friends screwing each other.

"Okay, yeah I might just..." Kai hemmed and hawed, twisting his glass between his fingers, "I mean... They're might be a few things I'm into. That Kou likes as well." 

" _Ha, I fucking knew it!_ "  

Kai little short of winced when Ruki's voice rose in volume so quickly and he gazed in confusion at his triumphant smirk with which he pointed at Kai.

"I _always_ knew that you enjoyed that Inside Beast shoot a little too much." 

And with that laugh the ice was broken. 

* * *

For Aoi, it only got thicker throughout the following days. Thicker and more and more impenetrable. At least timewise they were nearing home again but try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to look forward to it. Uruha telling him that management knew about him and Byou, and particularly how they had reacted to it, was a real dampener to his mood.  

It didn't help anything that their shows this week didn't go as smoothly as he would've liked. The fans didn't notice but Aoi knew very well that the notes Uruha missed weren't due to insufficient lighting. Uruha was still upset and as if all of that hadn't been enough, Sakai had let it be heard that he wanted a private meeting with all of the band members, just a few days before they would return home. 

Consequently, Aoi's heart sank instead of leaped when his phone rang the night of that announcement. 

 _You should be lucky he still wants you_ was what he told himself over and over again, yet it took him an unbearably long minute to pick up the call. Maybe Kazuki's voice was going to soothe him. He hoped so. 

Taking a deep breath, he slid the button across the screen (reminding himself that he really needed a new one) and lifted the phone to his ear. 

"Hey baby." 

The term of endearment passed his lips before he could even stop it. Aoi could hear Kazuki's breath hitch and was about ready to be hung up on again right away when Kazuki's voice reached him, albeit a little shy. God, he missed him. 

"Hi Yuu."

Aoi had never been so relieved in his life to hear someone's voice. But didn’t Kazuki's voice sound a bit off?

"Kazi? Are you okay? You sound like you're out of breath," he asked, hoping he wasn't stepping over any of these boundaries Kazuki had seemed to put in place over the last month or so. This was the first time they actually spoke to one another since the night in his apartment; since Kazuki had told him they were over.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I got caught in a downpour on my way back from the station so I had to run. I'm trying to change clothes but I'm soaked through. I'm gonna put you on speaker. Just a second."

Aoi tensed. As much as the thought of Kazuki peeling soaking wet clothes off his body resonated with him sexually, he remembered what had happened last time Kazuki had been out in a rainstorm, so he was more worried, really. Kazuki would always whine about freezing to death when he got out of the shower so Aoi knew he would be cold right now. All he wanted to do was be there to hold him and warm him up. 

Instead, Aoi left the balcony door open and took a seat on the lounge chair provided outside. They'd been lucky enough to have their own rooms tonight and Aoi had a feeling that by the end of this phone call, he was going to be very thankful for having this privacy.

"Kazuki, you should have called a taxi. Remember how sick you got last time you walked home in the rain like that?" Aoi chided before he could stop himself. 

Kazuki scoffed.

"Last time I think I was less sick from the cold and rain than I was from just being heartbroken. Then again this really isn't any different of a situation, is it?"

Ouch. That was a low blow but Aoi couldn't deny that he'd more than deserved it.

"Kazi... I swear, I'm so- "

"I know, Yuu. You've said it before. The thing is, no matter how many times you say it, the words don't make me feel any better. I've been fighting myself the whole time you've been gone. Part of me wants to hate you, you know? It wants to scream at you and make you hurt, but the other half just _hurts_ because I miss you and I want you to come home, and I don't know what to do about it."

Kazuki heard Aoi's harsh inhale and knew from experience that he was close to tears. He wrapped a big towel around his shivering form and sat down on the floor. He couldn't handle it when Aoi cried. It made his heart go insane and made him want to comfort him, but they needed to have this conversation if there was any hope for them to make it through this.

"Kazuki?" Aoi said his name, his voice thick and barely audible over the sound of his own thoughts. When Kazuki hummed in acknowledgement, he continued. 

"I know I have no right to ask for this but... it's killing me not to know, and you don't have to explain your answer. Just a yes or no is fine. I just need- Kazuki, when we were in California Kou and I went out sightseeing and I saw something I knew you'd love and I just broke down right there. Everything reminds me of you in some way and it makes me feel like I'm falling apart. I need to know one way or the other if- if you're going to be there when I get home. Or should I just give up now and leave you alone? I'm begging you Kazuki, please, have I lost you?"

A sob tore it's way from Kazuki's throat and he had to cover his mouth with the back of his hand in order to stop himself from outright bawling. The truth was, he couldn't stop thinking about Aoi either. Despite what happened between them, Kazuki wasn't willing to give up. The last month or so had been horrible. He hadn't had an appetite or even the will to take care of himself beyond basic routine. It was like he'd been moving on autopilot, like his heart couldn't take it that Aoi was no longer his. But now he was saying these things and telling him they still had a chance and there was nothing Kazuki wanted more.

"Kazi, I swear if you let me back in, I will never touch you in anger again. I will only love you and show you that I'm not the monster you think I am. Please. You can hit me or yell at me all you want as long as when you're done I can hold you and try to make things okay again. I need you, Kazuki. I need you more than anything."

And Kazuki couldn't hold it back anymore. He cradled the phone to his chest, his entire body shaking from how hard he was crying. He was so stupid! He’d done what he’d thought was best for himself, best for their relationship, but in the end it had only brought him more pain. 

Somewhere through the tears, he managed to find his voice; albeit a little warbled. 

"I need you, too, Yuu. I- I love you. And I need you to come home to me. Just come home," he whimpered, unable to move from where he'd leaned against the cabinet.

A sharp laugh came through the phone speaker and Kazuki imagined Aoi was trying to wipe the tears from his face, but at least this time he'd be smiling and that gave Kazuki the ability to smile a bit, too. 

"I will, baby. I’ll come straight home to you. As soon as I can. Kazuki, I lo- Fucking hell, why can't I just say it?" Aoi berated himself. 

Kazuki’s heart convulsed in empathy. He wished Aoi would stop forcing himself, he wished Aoi could escape the pressure of having to say these three words that had somehow been put him on so heavily. Was it his own fault? Had he been too demanding of Aoi in the past? Kazuki sniffed, trying to shush his lover. 

"I know, Yuu. I know you do. It's okay," he said, finally getting up from the floor and heading for his bedroom. After pulling on a pair of dry shorts, he curled up under the blankets on his futon. Every time he lay here, he remembered the passionate night they had spent together here, and if he could have, Kazuki would have gladly turned back time to start over from this very moment.

"Yuu, talk to me," he asked softly. "Tell me about the tour and what's been going on. Tell me when you're coming home. Let’s just talk for awhile, hm?"

Aoi let himself fall back on the lounge chair, feeling a bit like he was drunk. Kazuki was still within his grasp and he sure as fuck wasn't going to let him get away. He didn't care what management decided. He'd do whatever it took. 

The next hour he spent calming down, talking to Kazuki about everything and anything, asking about what was going on at home, and how Screw was doing as a whole. It was almost as though they had never separated. Aoi talked and talked, until Kazuki’s responses were getting fewer and eventually turned into soft little snores coming through the speaker, telling him that Kazuki had finally worn himself out. 

"I'll be home soon, my angel," Aoi whispered before ending the call and heading back into the hotel room. 

* * *

Listening to Reita tell the story had been bad enough.

Listening to it from Kai's own mouth was enough to make Ruki want to push Uruha out the nearest window, given that it was high enough to make a good sized splat out of the lead guitarist. He couldn't even imagine how Kai was feeling, especially since he felt the need to blame himself for it all when clearly it wasn't his fault. Ruki wanted to give Uruha the benefit of the doubt, and hoped like hell he didn't understand how badly he was fucking with Kai's heart, but he guessed he'd never actually know. 

To make matters worse, Ruki could feel warm, wet trails on his own face now, too. He was cursing his own heart for being so damn empathetic. Turning his head to glance at Reita where he was sitting in the desk chair, his boyfriend only nodded as if he already knew what Ruki was asking.

"Yuta, come here. Come on," Ruki whispered, loosely draping his arms around Kai's neck. Kai stiffened for a moment, obviously worried about the intimate gesture, but then Reita got up and joined them, rubbing at his shoulders and laying his head against his friend's back. Long, toned arms slipped around Ruki’s waist and he could feel Kai tremble again as he hauled him impossibly closer. Feeling one of Reita's comforting hands stroke his side, Ruki relaxed even more, pressing small kisses into Kai's soft hair. 

Some time later in the night, Ruki was startled awake by the sound of the air conditioner coming to life, and, finding himself smashed between two bodies, he momentarily panicked. Kai's long hair tickled his nose, making him grunt and shift enough to wake his boyfriend.

"Taka?" Reita's voice was groggy with sleep.

"I'm okay, Aki. Go back to sleep," he answered, and it didn't even take two seconds for Reita's breathing to even back out. It didn't take much longer than that for Ruki himself to drift back off, too. 

As for the morning, he'd expected it to be awkward. Like really awkward. But when Reita opened his eyes and realized where he was, all he could do was smile. At some point during the night Ruki had moved to his other side, complaining that he was dying of heat, and it had left him sandwiched between the two of them. Kai was still fast asleep and after propping himself up on his elbow and watching him for a bit, Reita decided Kai was pretty damn adorable when he was asleep and that bossy mouth of his was shut. Though maybe for now it would be better to keep that thought to himself. He also knew they needed to get up soon, the sun had already come out and was shining in through the balcony door, but he couldn't bring himself to actually move.

"Mmm. Hm? Where... Akira? Good morning?"

Kai's soft voice dragged him out of his drift into nowhere-land and Reita focused back on the drummer to see him smiling sleepily. No, this really wasn't weird at all. 

"Morning. Did you sleep okay?"

"Mm. Better than I have for awhile now."

"And you're feeling better?"

Kai rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, Akira. I'm better. Thank you, both of you, for allowing me to stay with you, and for worrying about me. I should probably go before Taka wakes up. I don't want to make things... awkward."

"Taka is already awake," Ruki's deep voice came from the other side of the bed. The arms and legs wrapped around Reita disappeared and next thing he knew, Ruki was climbing over his side all awkwardly to flop down between them again. Kai laughed but still moved to get out of bed, only to be latched onto by their vocalist and pulled right back down into the pillows. 

"You don't get to ditch us so easily, Yutaaaaa," Ruki sang in a childlike manner and Reita could have sworn Kai actually blushed as Ruki snuggled up against his side. "You can hang out with us anytime, and you're always welcome to join us, okay?"

Kai's eyes widened comically and he looked up to Reita questioningly. 

"He's right. You're always welcome here. Although we may need a room with a bigger bed next time." 

And though he didn't want to disturb (though they told him not to be stupid and that he wasn't), Kai found himself crawling into their bed every night from then on. It had definitely been weird at first to come to sleep in his bandmates' bed, but it provided him with a warmth and comfort that he hadn't felt in a long time. And it wasn't like they hadn't slept in narrow transporters squished together during their very first years so he really didn't have to have any fear of contact really. It wasn't until the day of Sakai's scheduled meeting with them, the day before they went home, that Kai began to realize that he only had one more night with Ruki and Reita before he had to go home to his empty apartment. 

The very last live of the tour, however, had been a full success. Uruha still wasn't giving him a single look, let alone any kind of interaction on stage and it hurt beyond belief, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. At least Reita and Ruki agreed on the fact that it wasn't _all_ his fault and it seemed they even understood his reasoning behind giving Uruha and Byou away like he had; albeit it had been a selfish one indeed.


End file.
